by Miriam Toews
“Max?” said Lorna.
“Knute’s old boyfriend,” said Hosea. “Summer Feelin’s dad.”
“Oh yeah,” said Lorna. “You told me about Knute and Summer Feelin’. What a great name, Summer Feelin’.”
Hosea smiled.
“It’s okay,” he said.
“It’s a great name,” said Lorna again.
“Okay,” said Hosea. “She’s a sweet kid, too.”
“Yeah?” said Lorna. “It’s nice for her to have her dad back, I guess.”
Hosea nodded. “They get along,” he said. “He takes care of her while Knute works in the office.”
Lorna nodded and sipped her tea. “Hmmm,” said Lorna, looking at her watch. “It’s June sixth today, D-Day.”
“Is that right?” said Hosea. Oh my God, he thought.
Lorna shrugged.
“Yeah,” he said, “I guess it is.”
He stared at Lorna while she fiddled with her watch. He was trying to work up the nerve to tell her his plan. Isthmus rhymes with Christmas, he told himself. Her eyes, two oceans of blue, and a skinny isthmus of a nose running in-between. Her mouth, the Bermuda Triangle, no, that’s wrong. Dehumanize your audience. Hosea could hear the voice of Mr. Flett, his old speech arts teacher. Pretend your audience is a brick fence, a body of water, an ancient land mass. And then say what you have to say. A field of wheat won’t think you’re ridiculous. A small continent won’t get up and leave. Tell her right now, Hosea told himself, tell her. You love her, you need her, you deserve her, tell her right now or kill yourself.
“Lorna!” he said loudly, scaring himself and making her jump.
“What?” said Lorna. “Are you nuts? I’m not deaf.”
“We should do that talking now, the talking we talked about before,” said Hosea, “on the phone.”
“Okay,” said Lorna, taking a big breath. “You’re right.” She smiled. “It’s very weird.”
Hosea was confused. What was weird? What did she think was weird? He hadn’t told her yet. He hadn’t said anything about the plan.
“What is weird?” he said.
“Weird,” she said slowly, smiling, “weird is that …” She stopped and moved her chair closer to Hosea, leaned across the corner of the table, cupped his face in her hands, put her lips against his forehead, and whispered “… is that I’m pregnant.”
Mr. Flett had never mentioned the possibility of a land mass getting pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. Lorna’s lips were still fastened to his forehead. He could stick out his tongue and lick her neck if he wanted to. He put his arms around her and said, “That’s amazing, Lorna. That’s amazing.”
She sat back down in her chair, folded her arms, and said, “I know it is.” She looked at Hosea. “Please smile,” she said, “oh, please smile.”
“I am,” said Hosea, frowning, “I am.”
Lorna laughed. “Are you happy?” she asked. He was happy, he was thrilled. It had never occurred to him that he could make a woman pregnant, especially not a beautiful woman he really loved and wanted to live with for the rest of his life. He was happy, all right.
“Yes, Lorna, I’m happy,” he said, smiling. Trying to smile. “I’m happy.” And then he added, “Are you?”
Lorna nodded. “I think so,” she said. “I’m pretty sure I am.”
“Amazing,” he said.
“The doctor told me it’s the size of my thumbnail,” said Lorna.
“Really, wow,” said Hosea. “Let me see your thumb.” She held it up and he looked at it closely. He pulled her thumb to his lips and kissed it.
“But the thing is,” she said, holding out her thumb, “the thing is, Hosea, it’s got to be different.”
“How do you mean?” Hosea stopped kissing her thumb and held her hand in his lap.
“I’m just not gonna fool around anymore, Hosea. I’m too old for that and so are you. I’m not gonna date you like a teenager or have some kind of long-distance love affair with you when I’m pregnant with your kid. Forget it.”
“Okay,” said Hosea, “I know. I know what you mean, and things will change. You’re going to move in with me and we’ll be happy, we’ll be a family, we’ll all live together right here in Algren. We have a school, there’s a park, okay? Okay, Lorna?” Hosea smiled and opened his eyes wide.
“Today, Hosea,” said Lorna. “As of today I’m living here. If you can’t make that commitment, knowing we’re having a baby, and everything else—you know we’re not kids, you know we’re not getting any younger—then I don’t know. Then I just don’t know. Basically, I think, it would just be over. I’m not gonna raise a kid with you if you can’t make one commitment. Then I might not even have it.”
Hosea let go of Lorna’s hand and reached for the front of his shirt.
“Don’t,” said Lorna. “Don’t do that. Just deal with this, okay? I don’t mean for this to be an ultimatum, Hosea, I hate ultimatums, but it’s just at that point where we have to, where you have to, make a decision. Maybe I’m just an idiot, but I thought that when you said you had stuff to talk to me about, on the phone before, that you were gonna pop the big question, ask me to marry you or whatever, at least move in with you. That’s what I thought you were going to say. So what? Were you? What did you want to talk about?”
“I just need you to trust me,” said Hosea.
“You need me to trust you?” said Lorna.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“No,” said Lorna. “You need to trust me, you need to trust yourself. I do trust you. Why the hell do you think I’m here right now? Why the hell do you think I keep coming back to you time after time? Why are you so afraid of living with me? Because it might not work out? Because I’ll become more real to you? Because you’ll not have a reason to feel sorry for yourself, all alone? Why? I don’t understand, Hosea. Is there somebody else? Are you seeing somebody else?”
“God, no,” said Hosea. “I have a plan, and it’s very important to me, and if you just wait for three weeks, it’ll be over, and my life, my whole life, will be yours, and the baby’s. Please understand, Lorna, please don’t leave me …”
“Tell me what your plan is,” said Lorna. “Tell me what it is, and we’ll see.” She moved behind Hosea and stroked his hair and rubbed his back. “Tell me,” she said. “C’mon, Hosea.”
Hosea turned around to face her and he put his hands on her waist. “I want to see my father,” he said. “I want to see what he looks like. I want to talk to him. I want to see if I’m like him at all. I want him to see my town.”
“Hosea,” said Lorna, “who is your father?”
Hosea cleared his throat. “John Baert, I think. My mother told me that, anyway.”
“You don’t mean the Prime Minister, do you?” Lorna smiled.
Hosea nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s the one.”
Max and Knute said good-bye on the street with a high-five in slow motion, their hands clasped together for a couple of seconds reaching for the sky and everything else unattainable, and then they smiled at each other and went their separate ways.
When Knute got home, Dory was still up. She had her SoHo T-shirt on and Tom’s sweats and she was steaming the wallpaper in the dining room with a kettle and tearing at it with a plastic scraper.
“Mom,” Knute whispered. “What are you doing? It’s the middle of the night.”
“Yes, Knutie,” she said, “I made that observation myself. What does it look like I’m doing?” She hadn’t taken her eyes off the wallpaper.
“You’re gonna take out the whole wall, not just the paper, if you keep banging at it like that,” said Knute.
“Thank-you for that,” Dory said. “It might be a good idea.”
“Well,” Knute yawned, “this is kind of strange. Why don’t you go to bed and finish it in the morning? Or I could help you after work tomorrow.”
“Where were you?” asked Dory, her eyes still fixed on the wall. Knute paused and thought, To hell with it, she alre
ady knows.
“With Max,” she said. She moved the kettle closer to the wall.
“I see,” said Dory. Her lower lip started to tremble.
“Oh, Mom,” said Knute. “It’s not that big a deal.” Dory nodded and blinked a few times. “It’s really not.”
“I don’t …” Dory began.
“I know,” said Knute. “Don’t worry.” Dory looked at her and smiled, sadly, and wiped the sweat off her nose with the bottom of her T-shirt.
“Do you remember Candace Wheeler?” she asked.
“Candace Wheeler,” said Knute. “Candace Wheeler. No, I don’t. Why?” Knute already knew it would be something terrible, maybe a pitchfork through her cheek or flesh-eating disease.
“She had to have a C-section in the city,” said Dory.
“That’s too bad,” said Knute, thinking it could have been a lot worse. She wanted to go to bed. She wanted to dream of Max and their nowhere relationship before the sun rose and ruined everything.
“The baby was totally, you know, totally … stressed out,” Dory continued.
Knute smiled. “Stressed out?”
“Well, whatever,” Dory said. “Under stress, I guess is what it was, or duress. Apparently Candace’s pelvis wouldn’t open up far enough for the baby to go through, but they only discovered this after eighteen hours of hard labour. So Candace was just about dead from the pain, and then suddenly they decide to do the C-section. They thought they had given her enough anesthetic, but because they were in such a hurry to save the baby, they made a mistake with the levels and she wasn’t entirely, you know, frozen, you know, the area, and so she could feel the knife cutting her open. She was only slightly numb. She was far too weak to object, though, and, oh, Knute, it was awful. A large flap of skin, the stomach skin, was pushed aside, sort of draped up over her breasts and then it took two doctors to pry her rib cage open far enough to get the baby out. And she’s feeling all of th—”
“Mom,” Knute said. “Please stop.” Dory began to cry, and moved her finger through the condensation on the kettle and shook her head. “It’s okay,” said Knute. She sat down on the floor next to Dory and put her arms around her. Dory put her head on Knute’s shoulder and wept.
“Oh, Knutie,” she sobbed, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make him live. I don’t know how to make him talk.”
“It’s okay, Mom.” Knute stroked Dory’s hair the way Dory used to stroke hers when she was sad or sick.
“He doesn’t talk to me, Knute. He just lies there.”
“I know.” Knute nodded her head. She didn’t know what to say.
“I don’t want him to die, sweetheart,” said Dory. She had stopped sobbing but tears were still streaming down her cheeks.
“I know,” Knute said again. She kissed her mother’s forehead.
“But sometimes I do,” said Dory.
“Yeah.” Knute nodded quickly.
“Then I would know, you know?” Dory continued. “Then I would know what to do. I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know if I should force him out of his bed or if I should sit by his side or talk to him and just be patient and let him get up when he’s ready or if I should tell him I’ll leave if he doesn’t try, at least, but that’s so cruel and I don’t want to leave him. How could I? I just don’t know. And it’s not his fault. But he could at least sit down for meals or go on a little drive with me or just talk to me. Uncle Jack called earlier this evening and I couldn’t stop crying on the phone. You know how much Jack’s always loved Tom. He said he’d try to talk to him, but I don’t know …”
Knute didn’t know, either. “Maybe …”
“He can’t think straight, Knute, and it’s getting worse. The neurologist thinks that he’s had a series of small strokes, not big enough for anybody to really notice, except he knows it and he can’t do things, you know, like he used to. He can’t read anymore. When he said he was reading his journals in the garage while I worked, he wasn’t, you know, he just pretended to. His handwriting is illegible. His short-term memory is gone. Sometimes he forgets where he is, he gets dizzy. He can’t drive. And, Knute, he’s not affectionate like he used to be, he’s not funny, with the jokes and laughing, he’s just not the same guy …”
Knute closed her eyes and leaned her head against the damp wall.
“I’m sorry,” Dory said. “I don’t want to upset you. I just needed to talk to someone. I don’t know what to do. I want you to be happy, and now with Max back, I don’t know what’s going to happen, will he leave you again? Pregnant? Will he break Summer Feelin’s heart, too, this time? How many times is this going to happen?”
“Mom,” said Knute, “I’m not going to get pregnant. Don’t worry. Max and I aren’t even in a relationship. I can’t help it if he leaves again, but Summer Feelin’ is better off knowing him, having seen him, and having had fun with him. She’ll miss him but she’ll be fine. If he leaves again, I’m sure he’ll be back to see her. He won’t be able to stay away for long. He’s crazy about her. His mom lives here, I’m here for the time being, and this is his town. Don’t worry about me and Summer Feelin’ on top of everything else. Let’s just go to sleep and in the morning I want to hear about Dad and you and we’ll talk about it, and figure out what we can do, how we can live with it. It’s gonna be okay.”
Dory began to cry again.
“I love you, Mom,” said Knute. “I love you very much.”
Dory whispered, “I know you do, Knutie,” and stared at her ravaged wall.
Later, after Dory was asleep, Knute went to the garage and looked at Tom’s veterinarian journals. She skimmed over an article on ringworm and one on pregnant-mare urine, and then went inside the house and had a quick peek at Summer Feelin’. Her mouth was open, and her arms and legs were spread apart like a starfish. Knute moved her right arm and leg to make some room and then curled up beside her. “The sun’s coming up,” she whispered. She didn’t think S.F. had ever seen a sunrise, except for when she was a baby, and had woken up hungry and crying. She whispered it again.
“Okay,” said S.F. in her sleep, “that’s okay.” And she stretched out her right arm and leg again, on top of Knute.
“So, let me get this straight,” said Lorna. “You think Baert is your dad, but you’re not sure. Euphemia told you on her deathbed, and you believe she was lucid enough to know what she was talking about. That was three years ago. Since then you haven’t called him or even tried to get—”
Hosea interrupted. “Well, Lorna,” he said, “I can’t just call up the Prime Minister and say, Hey, I’m your son, you know, about fifty some years ago you rode through this small prairie town on a horse and—”
“Okay, okay,” said Lorna. “Fine, I understand. So then you get a letter from the Prime Minister saying he’s going to visit Canada’s smallest town on July first as a way of showing the country he’s interested in, well, small towns, I guess.”
“Right,” said Hosea.
“Hmmm,” said Lorna. “Interesting publicity stunt.”
“It’s not a publicity stunt,” said Hosea. “It’s a way of reaching out to rural Canadians, to show them that he cares.”
“Yeah,” said Lorna, “about their votes.”
“Well even so,” said Hosea, “it’s my chance.”
“Okay,” said Lorna. “It’s your chance. So, you want to make sure Algren is Canada’s smallest town on July first so you get a chance to see your dad, and show him what you’ve accomplished in your life.”
“Well,” Hosea smiled. “I guess—”
Lorna interrupted again. “Well, that’s basically it, isn’t it?” She smiled. “God, you’re an idiot, Hose.”
“Am I?” he said. “But do you love me?”
“Yeah,” she said, “because I’m an idiot, too, and now we’ll have a kid who’s an idiot, because how could it not be, with two idiot parents like us?”
Hosea smiled and for a second worried that she might be right.
“Okay,” she sighed. “Max and three babies. Four too many. Right?”
Hosea nodded. “Right,” he said. “Fifteen hundred is the number I need.”
“I know,” said Lorna. “You told me that. Okay, anybody else pregnant?” she asked.
“Just you,” he said.
“I mean anybody else in Algren due to give birth before July first?”
“Not that I know of,” said Hosea.
“Okay,” said Lorna again. She tapped her finger against her forehead.
“Look,” said Hosea, “the sun’s coming up.”
“Hmmm,” said Lorna. “You sound surprised. Now, Leander Hamm’s dead, so that’s one. Three left to get rid of.”
“Don’t say that,” said Hosea.
“Okay, not get rid of,” she said. “Three to, well, whatever.”
“Okay, get rid of,” said Hosea, smiling and rubbing Lorna’s stomach.
“Stop that, I’m trying to help you here. Cherniski’s in the hospital, because of Whatsisname the dog—”
“Bill Quinn,” said Hosea.
“But,” said Lorna, “who knows where that’ll go? If she makes it, she might go and live with her daughter in the city, which would be good. If she dies … well … I don’t want her to die. I’m just saying if she does, that would work out.”
Hosea frowned. “Well …” he said, “that’s not exactly how I—”
“I know, I know,” said Lorna. “Let’s just say Cherniski’s up in the air. Okay, then there’s the doctor. He says he might leave. But only after another doctor’s been hired and trained and et cetera et cetera and there’s no way that can happen before July first, so don’t even think of him as an option. You know, I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
“I’m sorry,” said Hosea. “It’s like I can’t stop, I can’t stop until—”
“Okay,” said Lorna, yawning and holding up her hand. “Stop. Then, um, who’s this Johnny guy?”
“Johnny Dranger,” said Hosea.
“Right,” said Lorna. “The guy who could be in or out?”