Outside, the sun shone bright, mid-eighties with a slight breeze. Autumn wildflowers lined the familiar path to the river. But her heart was too troubled to really appreciate it. Birds lent their voices, but peace refused to come.
By the time she made it to the river, she was ready to turn back and go home. Instead, she sat on her favorite rock near the shallow crossing and tried to let the trickle of the water wash away her worries.
“Please let them be all right Lord. Bring Madison and Mason home to me.” Tears came but no more words would. He was listening. She could feel God’s presence and He knew all that weighed so heavily on her. Time stood still as she soaked in His comfort, but her peace would be unattainable until the twins’ return.
“There you are,” Ross said from behind her.
She jumped up then whirled to face him. “Why did you stay gone so long?”
“The kids were having a good time and Nanny and Papaw loved having them. We kind of lost track of time.”
“I thought you weren’t coming back.” Her voice broke.
“I can’t believe after all this time, after all of my assurances and meeting my parents, you still don’t trust me.” Ross’s shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes.
“You should have called me.”
“Maybe.” A tic developed in his jaw. “But I shouldn’t have to. I said we’d be back and I meant it.”
“People say things they don’t mean all the time.”
“I don’t.” He jerked his Stetson off, ran his fingers through his hair, then clamped it back in place. “You know what? I’m done. I’m done trying to win your trust, much less your heart. I’ll go clear out my apartment and stay with my folks in Bandera tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll come say bye to the twins and that’s the last you’ll see of me. And in the future, when we come to visit them, I’ll do my best to avoid you.” He stalked away toward the house.
Stacia leaned on her knees and the let the tears flow. The only thing wrong with him leaving was that her heart had betrayed her, despite her best efforts. And if by some chance she could trust him, it still could never work out between them. He wanted kids and she could never give him that.
The only good part of the equation was that he hadn’t said anything about taking the kids with them to Houston. She needed to focus on that. Mason and Madison weren’t going anywhere.
She mopped her face, tried to pull herself together and followed the path home.
Chapter Thirteen
A few minutes later, as she neared the house, Ross’s mom waved from the porch.
“Stacia.” Karen met her. “Are you all right?”
“Allergies.”
“Oh, I was hoping you’d go for a walk with me so I won’t get lost, even though you just went on one. But maybe you need to get inside away from all the irritants.”
“I’m fine. Let’s go.”
Karen linked arms with her. “I want to thank you for making this transition so easy for everyone. For allowing us to spend the day with Mason and Madison. My folks were thrilled to meet them.”
“You’re welcome.” Though it had ripped her heart in two.
“Madison is so grown-up, it’s amazing. And Mason is so full of—life.”
“Is that what it is?” Stacia chuckled. “He’s so much like my sister. A great kid, but don’t leave him to his own devices cause when he gets bored, look out.”
“Ron was the same way.” Sadness cloaked Karen’s tone. “And Ross was so easy. Like a little grown-up. Just like Madison, and I suspect you were the same. They’re complete treasures.”
“They are.” Guilt pierced her heart. The Lyleses had missed so many years of Mason’s and Madison’s lives. “You should have been in their lives from the beginning. I’m sorry I never tried to find out if they had other family members. Ron said he didn’t have any family and I wanted to believe him.”
“I understand, dear.” Karen gave her a soothing pat on the arm. “You love them and you were afraid we’d try to take them away from you. You still are.”
“A little.”
“You can relax. Madison and Mason are clearly happy, loved and well-cared for here with you. You and Maverick love them to the marrow of your souls. If they didn’t have a good home life or if they didn’t have y’all, it would be a different story. But as it is...” Karen sighed. “I’ve raised my children and apparently with a fifty-fifty rate of success. I’m completely content being a grandparent now and leaving the raising to you.”
“Thank you.” It was all Stacia could squeak out.
“Ron hasn’t been home to see us in years because we always hounded him about seeking treatment for alcoholism. He probably felt he was telling the truth about not having family.” She gazed off into the treetops. “He only came home this time because he needed a caretaker after his wreck. And after the trip here, he left again. I just hope he stays in the treatment center.”
“I’m sorry. All of that had to be rough on you.”
“I pray for him and hold on to Proverbs 22:6, ‘Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ I go to sleep at night repeating it silently. It gives me peace, helps me remember that Sam and I have done all we can. It’s up to God now. We were hoping the wreck would be a wake-up call.”
“It still can be. He did go to a treatment center.” It was strange talking about Ron this way since she’d feared him for so long.
“I pray so. But I know exactly how it feels to lose a child. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I certainly wouldn’t cause it by suing you for custody. Just keep taking care of them, put up with our visits and everything will be fine.”
“I can do that.” Except that she dreaded occasionally bumping into Ross for years to come.
“I hope you won’t lose Ross.”
“What?”
“He’s in love with you, Stacia.”
“You’re mistaken.”
“No. A mother knows these things. He doesn’t have ulterior motives, you know. He only wants to be an uncle to the twins with frequent visits. The look I’ve seen in his eye, is all about you.”
Flustered, Stacia’s skin heated. Could Karen be right? Even if she was, there was still her inability to have children to contend with. No, she and Ross could never work. No matter how badly she wanted it.
“I’m sorry to get so personal, dear. I just wanted to share a little insight. But on another note, last night Sam and I toyed with the idea of moving to San Antonio.”
“Really? That’s only an hour away.”
“We’ve discussed moving the store for years. San Antonio is only forty-five minutes from Sam’s folks in Hondo and we’re so very tired of hurricanes. With the twins in Medina, the scales have tilted in favor of the move.”
“That would be wonderful.” Since they’d finished their deep discussion and she was eager to see the kids, Stacia looped their walk back toward the house.
“Are you certain? We don’t want to crowd you.”
“The kids would love having you so close and visiting back and forth would be so much easier.”
“Aunt Stacia.” Madison jogged out to meet them.
But Mason passed her up and made it first. “We had so much fun with Nanny and Papaw.”
“I’m so glad.” Stacia really was glad and it almost made her teary to think about all of the new family members who could love the twins now. Or maybe relief, since it was finally beginning to sink in that she could keep her niece and nephew.
“That’s what my folks have always been called by the grands. Sam decided on Paw since they already call Maverick Grandpa. And I’m Nana.”
“We went from having one grandpa to four new grandparents in two days.” Madison skipped beside them.
“I bet not many kids do that.” Stacia’s enthusiasm was finally unforced.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“No. But I want to. It’s the least we can do since we showed up and rocked your world out of the blue.” Karen hurried toward the house.
“Nanny has the coolest store,” Mason piped up. “Kind of like ours, but different.”
“I’ve been there. It is cool.”
“You know Nanny?” Madison frowned.
“I do. I’ve shopped in her store. But I didn’t know she was y’alls nanny until recently.”
“Uncle Ross talked about you a lot.” Mason rolled his eyes.
Stacia’s breath stilled. “He did?”
“I think he’s sweet on you.” Madison giggled. “He said he missed you because he’s used to spending the day with you in the store.”
Her heart fluttered at that. “I think he was probably just being nice.”
“I don’t think so.” Madison shook her head. “Wouldn’t it be cool if you and Uncle Ross got married?”
“Yuck.” Mason gagged. “Mushy stuff.”
“Don’t worry.” She tousled his hair as they climbed the porch steps. “There won’t be any mushy stuff between me and your uncle.”
“I’m gonna go help Nana with supper.” Madison darted inside.
“I’ll go see what the menfolk are doing.” Mason sounded so grown-up as he followed.
Stacia’s knees were suddenly weak and she sank to the porch swing. Had she misjudged Ross? He knew she couldn’t have kids, yet he’d claimed to have feelings for her. But he’d told Madison he hoped to marry and have kids someday.
Even if the feelings he’d professed for her were real, she could never take the chance of getting pregnant. She knew what it was like to lose a mother. And a sister. She could never risk leaving behind motherless children.
Could his feelings really be as genuine as hers? Why would he be willing to give up the possibility of biological children for a future with her?
She hurried inside, bolted up the stairs for her room.
But Daddy met her in the hallway. He held an envelope toward her. “You need to read this.”
Foreboding crept a chill down her spine. “What is it?”
“A letter. From Aunt Eleanor. I should have given it to you back when I first got it.”
“When was that?” Her voice quivered.
“After Callista died. She sent me one too. Took me about a year to read it. I read yours as well, to help me decide if you needed to. They’re both quite enlightening, but I knew it would stir bad memories and I was afraid it might bring back the nightmares you used to have. So I held on to it.”
“Until now?” She swallowed hard.
“I think it might help you. To move on.”
Aunt Eleanor’s actions had colored her life, her perception of other people. Her perception of Ross. Her perception of God. Daddy was right. She was stuck.
Her hand shook as she took it from him.
“Want me to stick around while you read it?”
“No.” She darted for her room, shut the door. On wobbly legs, she leaned against it, sank to the floor. The envelope sliced into her trembling finger as she fished the letter out and unfolded it.
Dear Stacia,
You’re an adult now and I hope you’ll accept my heartfelt apology.
If only I hadn’t made such a mess of things. Instead of having a relationship with my nieces, I ended up hiding behind a tree at Callista’s funeral. I loved her.
And you.
Please keep reading as I try to explain. Right after your mom died and they found the hereditary heart condition, I was mourning my sister and worried about my own health since all of the women in our family died young, but no one ever figured out why. Until your mom.
So I went to see my doctor and learned I have the defect. He told me not to have children. I was distraught, so of course I shared the news with my fiancé.
Since he wanted kids, it was a deal breaker for him.
For the first time, Stacia felt empathy for her aunt. Mourning over her sister, and then the man she planned to spend the rest of her life with dumped her. What a jerk. Even though Stacia hadn’t been in love with Adrian, and he hadn’t known about her medical condition, him rejecting the twins had hurt. She kept reading.
I knew your father needed help with you girls and I wanted to get away from my situation, so I came to live with y’all. It was all innocent to begin with. But as time passed, I got it in my head that things would be easier on your dad if I took you girls off his hands. And that if I had two girls to raise, Thad would come back to me and marry me.
It all made so much more sense now. Still twisted, but the story helped her understand her aunt’s state of mind back then.
I’m not a bad person. I’m really not. But I’ve been punished more than any prison term could have done. I could have adopted children, gotten on with my life. Instead I wasted my heart on a man who was unworthy of me—I never married and spent most of my life alone. If only I’d realized Thad was a clod sooner, I could have had a relationship with my nieces and my great-niece and -nephew.
Of course I saw them at the funeral. I assume they’re Callista’s and was hoping I might come see y’all one day. Just promise me, you’ll pray about forgiving me. About restoring our relationship. I really do love you, Stacia. And I’m truly sorry. Your loving,
Aunt Eleanor
Stacia pressed the letter against her heart. It brought back all the memories she’d tried to bury. The terror of never seeing her father again. Of Calli sobbing on her shoulder, while Stacia’s eyes stung with trying to be strong for her little sister. The nightmares that had plagued her since. For years it had been her and Calli torn away from their home or lost and unable to find their way back. Once the twins had been born, the nightmares had featured them instead.
“Dear Lord,” she whispered. “I’m tired of being scared. Tired of being suspicious of everyone. Tired of not trusting anyone. Tired of not fully trusting You. I’m sorry for trying to keep everyone safe without You. For being so stubborn. I don’t want to be in control anymore.”
Peace threaded through her. Complete peace she hadn’t had since her mom’s death.
A knock on her door vibrated against her back.
She swiped her face, folded the letter, put it back in the envelope and stood. “Come in.”
Daddy stuck his head in. “You okay?”
“Not really.” She shook her head, sank to the edge of her bed.
“You read it?” He stepped in, closed the door behind him, plopped on the bed beside her and gave her a hug. “Oh sweetheart.”
“It actually helped.”
“I hoped it would.”
“Ross told me he has feelings for me and I accused him of pretending, so he could get custody of the twins.”
“Just like Aunt Eleanor.” Daddy sighed. “You have to apologize. Have you told him about your aunt?”
“Not really.”
“Tell him, sweetheart. He’ll understand.”
“It’s too late. And even if it wasn’t, I can’t have kids.”
“Does Ross know that?”
“Yes.”
“And he still has feelings for you, so he must be okay with that.”
“Maybe. But even if he is, is it fair for me to sentence him to a life of never having a biological child?”
“If we’d known about your mom’s health, I wouldn’t have considered it a sentence. I loved her. You have to talk to him.”
Daddy was right, she needed to at least apologize. Maybe nothing could ever happen between her and Ross, but she still owed him an apology.
* * *
Ross had bar
ely slept last night. The rental cabin was nice with a comfortable bed. But his mind had been stuck on Stacia. His heart hurt and he couldn’t wait to get back to Houston, to get on with his life without her. Since he’d had the argument with Stacia and his parents knew he was hurting, they’d agreed not to stay for church.
He pulled into the familiar drive for the last time with a heavy heart. Maverick waved from the porch swing as Ross got out of his truck. His parents turned in behind him.
As Texan hospitality would have it, Maverick had insisted on cooking them breakfast before they headed out. Ross had considered staying at the cabin, but he wanted to see the twins before he left. And he didn’t want to insult Maverick’s gesture.
One more tense meal of trying to ignore Stacia and he’d be free.
“Can we talk, privately?” Maverick met him with a handshake.
“Sure.”
“Sam, Karen, so glad you could make it.” Maverick greeted his folks. “I’m afraid we’re a bit behind here. Our mutual grandkids aren’t even up yet and Stacia’s in the workshop, finishing up a baby gift for her friend.”
“You don’t have to bother with breakfast,” Mom said. “We can visit with the twins a bit and then eat on the road.”
“Nonsense. We’ll get it together. Y’all can go on in and wake the kiddos if you want.”
“We’ll definitely take you up on that.” Dad rubbed his palms together the way he did when things went his way.
“I’ll get breakfast going in a jiffy.” Maverick waited until Mom and Dad went inside, then turned to Ross. “Have a seat.”
Ross settled on the porch swing and Maverick plopped down on the opposite end.
“I can’t let you leave without explaining a few things.”
“Okay.”
“After Emilia, my wife, died, Callista had a really rough time with it. Stacia was always the strong, stoic one. Not so much for my youngest. So Eleanor, Emilia’s younger sister, came to stay with us for a while. I was in over my head with two girls and grieving my wife, so I welcomed her help. But after a while, things got weird.”
A Texas Bond Page 18