Doc was on her knees at the edge of the recliner, wild eyes locked on me. Sweat beaded across her forehead. She panted as her eyes anxiously searched my face. She looked like a tiny, scared girl sitting there with rounded, frightened eyes.
“It’s ok,” I whispered, dragging my hand the length of her face. “He’s ok. He’s at the hospital.” The clock read 5:30 and it was only an hour later than the last time she woke me.
She nodded and swallowed then frantically grabbed the bottle sitting on the end table chugging the warm beer.
“Thirsty?” I asked with a wink and slight cautious smile.
Another nod.
“Want something more?”
This time she shook her head. The beautiful talkative girl who always had something to run her mouth about was silent.
“Hold me?” she spoke so softly but I heard.
I lifted my left arm giving her access to my body. I’d slept in this recliner a thousand times and never with a girl.
As she lay back down, one of her legs rested between mine, and her cheek rested more on my shoulder—in the crook of my neck. I was well aware if I turned my head that her face would be right there. The reason I knew that—is because I could smell a mixture of Axe shampoo and the beer on her breath as she stared at me. So what did I do? You guessed it…I turned my fucking head.
Her eyes flickered up and I’ll be damned if they weren’t filled with need. Those damn gray suckers screamed at me. There was nothing more in my life that I wanted than to feel needed. I hadn’t felt this for over two years. It felt good to feel…necessary and wanted. And though I knew this would break us, I did it. And I didn’t give two shits if she had a cold. She could have had strep throat…or the flu…my mouth was going in even as my head screamed don’t.
Slowly, I bent my neck and lowered my mouth to meet hers. Going at a pace that would allow her to stop it, I swept my nose against hers first. But when I saw her tongue peek out moistening her lips, I followed suit then and brushed my lips over hers. Just a simple brush over…neither of us even puckered.
“Kieran…” she whimpered and angled her neck to get closer. “You know we can’t do this.”
As her words resonated somewhere in my head, I took my hand that was behind my neck and I raked my fingers through her hair applying enough pressure to keep her mouth in place as I lowered mine over hers. She tasted sweet even after warm beer and I wanted more. But what she had said that night at her office about kissing was like a mantra in my mind. So, I did it exactly like that. About five or six slow, methodical pecks and then…then I melded my mouth with hers. The warmest, sweetest mouth I’d ever tasted. Our tongues barely touching but yet fully meeting each other. The softest whimper vibrated up her throat and my eyes shot open. God damn, she was sexy as fuck.
Slowly, I brought the kiss to an end and closed my eyes. Unsure if I could look at her, I kept them closed. I wanted to enjoy this moment. This moment of feeling…of feeling! I was feeling something. I’d been dull…numb…for a long time.
“Kieran…” she squeaked.
My eyes popped open but I remained quiet.
I didn’t want to hear her say anything. I didn’t want to chance her saying don’t do it again. I kissed her forehead and pulled her close. She needed sleep and so did I.
Chapter 18—Megan
“What the fuck Scott? You never don’t show for our workout?” someone shouted.
Both Kieran and I slowly opened our eyes…confused.
“Who was that?” I asked lazily.
“Who was what?”
“Scott!” the voiced blasted through the house again and Kieran’s eyes went wide.
“Oh shit! Sorry…” the guy nearly as hot as Kieran said from the archway of the kitchen. I think his name was Todd.
Kieran shot up with me in his arms, resting my feet on the floor and running his fingers through his hair. Blood inched its way up my face. I’m sure the guy thought the worst but seriously, we were adults.
“What time is it?” Kieran asked rubbing his eyes.
“Noon,” Todd said with a shit-eatin’ grin.
“I need to go,” I added to the conversation and Kieran looked at me then his buddy.
“I do too,” the guy said with a chuckle.
“I’ll take you home,” Kieran said. I’d forgotten I didn’t have my car.
“Ok,” I whispered softly fingering through my un-styled, very tangled and unconditioned hair. I had a feeling Kieran was embarrassed too. “I’m Megan,” I added, irritated that Kieran didn’t even introduce us.
“Sorry. Todd this is Doc. Doc. Todd.” Kieran grabbed his shirt and slid it over his head as I caught a glimpse of his damn unforgettable abs.
Todd lifted his chin watching me. He knew who I was since I’d darted past him at the bar.
“I’ll meet you at the gym,” Kieran said to Todd as he placed his hand at my lower back and guided me to the door we came in. He was as sexy now with sleepy eyes and bed head as he was any time.
I brushed my fingers over my lips remembering the kiss we shared. You know that one kiss that you will never forget. The one that will never be beat. The one that you will compare all other kisses to…that was our kiss last night. The most perfect kiss I’d ever had. His tongue so gentle but in full pursuit of mine. The way he drifted off to sleep not trying anything more. Kieran Scott was a good guy. Exceptional. Extraordinary. From the way he hurried to the hospital…shouting my name—to the way he spoke with the police officers, to the way his fingers massaged my scalp. He knew I needed to be held. A storm of jealousy raged through me, as I walked with him and thought of all the countless women who had made this walk of shame alongside of him.
“Let’s take the Porsche,” he said snatching a set of keys out of the basket by the door.
“Your friend won’t mind?”
“It’ll be good for it to run,” he said. “How’s your neck?”
I fingered the bandage. “It’s ok. Sore, I guess.”
Suddenly it felt awkward talking to him and I hated that. He seemed uncomfortable. Out of sorts. My professional mask was so far from being in place. I was simply a girl…in front of a boy and I hated it.
The car beeped and he followed me around to the passenger side, opening my door.
“You ok?” I asked and he shut the door almost in my face. I made a mental note to never ever cross the line and have sex with this guy. This walk of shame wasn’t fun. I think I’d prefer a taxi.
He got in and the car purred to life. “Yeah. I’m ok. You?”
I nodded and squinted when we pulled out into the sunlight.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Your friend Ruthie. Can you crash with her for a while?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Megan, you can’t stay at your apartment.”
I knew he was serious because he never called me Megan. I knew last night when he offered it was only for last night…but God it felt so safe with him.
“Oh don’t’ be silly Mr. Scott. It’s where I live. I can’t stay with Ruthie because her boyfriend’s family. I’ll be fine. Really.”
I chanced looking at his profile and my breath hitched in my throat. The dark stubble on his face was sexy as hell and I’d never noticed the length of his eyelashes. His tongue peeked out for a moment as I watched him check his rearview mirror. I wondered if he could still taste me on his lips.
I had tried to be playful with the Mr. Scott comment and he met me with silence. So I didn’t say much else on the way home.
Usiah was on the porch and I waved. A Harley stood out in this neighborhood and a Porsche well…let’s just say everyone took notice of us parking.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said as I stepped out of the car.
The soft purr of the engine silenced altogether and I watched as he got out.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“We’re going to get a few things and it looks like you’re going to have to
stay with me for a bit.”
“That is crazy,” I said my eyebrows shooting high on my forehead. “I just can’t.”
He grabbed my arm and pointed toward the apartment. “No, Doc. That’s crazy.”
Yellow police tape lined the walkway and the outskirts of Andrew’s apartment. Tears instantly flooded my eyes when I saw the pools of dried blood inside the yellow lines. Two of my windows had tape next to bullet holes. A shiver rippled up my back, shaking me to the core. Two police officers came out of Andrew’s apartment. I wondered how he was.
Kieran stood there while I took it all in, not remembering much really, except the sound of rapid, deafening gunfire. Regret consumed me as I heard Judge Joe’s words over and over again in my head about this place. As much as I wanted to believe that I could survive a place like this given what I’d endured thus far, I think I was wrong. Not just wrong…dumb.
“You ok?” he asked softly, his hand resting in the curve of my lower back.
“Yes.”
“Doc, you can stay with me. If it’s too long, you’d have to pay rent. I’d need you to do your part. But I have the room. What’s your rent here?”
I awkwardly stared at him. He really was serious.
“Two-twenty-five. But I could maybe do more. It would only be until I could find something else,” I conceded.
“No worries. Maybe I won’t have to drive to your office for my therapeutic needs.” He winked and another shiver of a different kind inched its way down my spine.
“Mr. Scott, we can discuss that in my office tomorrow.” I grinned.
He pushed me forward. “Go start packing. Call me if you need something. Text and I’ll send you my address so you can find me.”
“I have some things to do. But I’ll text you as soon as I can,” I said.
“I’ll have Todd on standby to help move.”
After popping my knuckles, I stared up at him. “Kieran.” I released a breath trying to find the right way to say it. “I can’t… I can’t.” Shit! It had to be said. “I can’t afford to pay you right now.”
“Doc. Don’t…” That was all he said before I walked ahead.
I’d only been in the apartment about two months so there was a lot I hadn’t unpacked and the truth of the matter was that I didn’t own much. But what I did have was mine. After a quick shower, taking down the few things I’d hung and after throwing things into piles…I realized I needed boxes. So…off I went.
While I was out, I had a hard time getting Kieran off my mind and I had an idea. A thank you for last night and the offer today—I wanted to take him peppermint ice cream. I couldn’t believe he’d never had it. He’d surely be home from the gym now. So I stopped at my favorite place and got some. It wasn’t much but still a thank you of sorts. The anticipation inside of me…of seeing him again…of reciprocating even in the smallest form…was alarmingly past normal.
One thing about being in foster care, I paid attention whenever the department of children and families worker would take me to a new place. Why…so I knew exactly how to get home if I needed to. I had an internal navigator and I knew directions better than most. I knew exactly how to get to Kieran’s.
The sun was hot. As I maneuvered the streets into his neighborhood, I found myself getting more anxious. Would he be home? Would he mind seeing me unannounced? Would he smile when he saw me? But I couldn’t take too much time or the to-go cup of ice cream would contain peppermint milk.
Once there, I didn’t feel comfortable enough walking in, so I rang the bell. Then I shifted my weight from foot to foot until Kieran answered and his eyes grew wide when he saw me there.
“That was quick,” he laughed.
Smile—check!
“I’m not invading your place just yet,” I laughed too. “But here is sort of a thank you. You know, a thanks for helping. Peppermint ice cream!” I finally shouted excitedly.
He grinned and took the cup. “Thank you.”
“I just thought…” I started.
“Kieran?”
The girl’s voice made my heart flatline. And I don’t know why. He had the right to be with whomever he wanted. This could be his last hoorah before I move in with him and am there 24/7.
Kieran glanced over his shoulder at her and I tilted my head to the side so I could see her. Of course, stunningly beautiful. Brown round eyes. Brown shoulder-length hair.
“Doc,” he said so serious, I knew I had to stop him.
“Mr. Scott,” I said back with mock sarcasm and a mile-wide smile to hide that I was falling apart inside. “I have to go. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted you to have that.” I nervously waved my arms in the air. “So…anyway. I’ll shout at you later. Hopefully you like it.”
When I turned around, the only car there was sitting across the street with a Washington plate. That had to have been hers. It took every thought, to go into every step, and every breath to get to my car. Once I drove around the corner in a completely stunned daze, I realized I needed a back-up plan…I decided to call Ruthie but my hands shook so badly I couldn’t dial. Relaxing my head against the headrest, I tried to gather my thoughts—why had I put so much into one kiss…
Chapter 19—Kieran
“Was that her?” Kat asked, laying her hand tenderly on my shoulder.
I barely nodded and closed the door. “Yep.”
“She’s beautiful, K. What is that?” she asked, pointing to the cup of ice cream.
“Peppermint ice cream.” A soft laugh echoed up my throat.
My sister smiled. “She brought you ice cream?”
I nodded again. “Yeah.”
“Well, how cute is that? Why peppermint?”
In the kitchen, I opened the freezer and sat it inside. “Because I’d never had it and it’s her favorite.”
“You’re not going to try it?”
“Not right now.”
“Why?” she asked, sitting on a barstool. My sister’s brown curls and attractive face were breathtaking. I could only imagine Doc’s thoughts at this moment. Shit.
“I don’t know, Kat. I don’t want it right now.”
She clicked her long, fake fingernails on the granite. “Could it be because you want to try it with her?”
Well, that could be exactly it. But it aggravated the shit out of me. This couldn’t happen. I could NOT fall for this girl. My sister stared at me.
“Your mood changed…for the worse since she stopped by. Why?”
I shrugged. “She didn’t know who you were.”
“Did she think I was one of your nasty skanks?” Kat asked, disgusted that this could be a possibility.
“I’m sure that would be hard for you to believe, given your highlighted hair, fake fingernails and fake-ass tits.”
“Hey! I paid good money for these,” she joked, palming them like a basketball, then went back to staring at me.
“What?” I nearly shouted, not wanting to go back to the subject of Doc.
“Why wouldn’t you have set her straight about who I was?”
My thoughts were a tangled mess. “Maybe because this is best for her.”
“Kieran. What is wrong with getting a little psyched about a girl?”
I gazed out the back window. “Kat, you and I led a pretty exclusive life. We traveled, attended private schools, we were always given the best of the best of everything. This girl, she didn’t come from money.”
Kat slapped her hand down on the granite. “Perfect. You could make her dreams come true, Kier.”
“How? I’d only hurt her. She’s been hurt enough.”
“What makes you think you’d hurt her?”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I laced my fingers behind my head, trying to alleviate the pressure on my diaphragm to breathe.
“Kieran, Stop! You are a great guy. You have so much to offer. When we lost Mom and Dad…I know it was harder on you because of what transpired. I’m sorry that happened to you. I rarely hear from you. So wh
en I got your text that you needed to talk an hour ago, I drove my ass straight here. What is there not to like about you, sweetheart?”
“She hates rich people. Some have wronged her in the past and her feelings are somewhat justified, but I don’t want her to know where I’ve come from.”
Kat chewed on the side of her mouth, like she always did when she was thinking. “You can’t keep that from her. She’s your therapist, for shit’s sake. You live here. You have a Porsche and a Harley. How does she not know already?”
“I’m pretty good at talking around things.”
“Really?” Kat smiled. “You don’t say. Does she know what happened after Mom and Dad…?”
“No!” My mood was getting shittier by the second.
“Kieran!”
“It hasn’t come up,” I yelled.
“Tell me what it is about this girl. I mean, clearly she’s beautiful. But there have been a lot of beautiful girls in your life.”
I took a deep breath of air. “I don’t know, Kat. Obviously I thought she was hot. But I like talking to her. She lets me be me and I like that she makes me want to be a better me.”
Kat tilted her head, waiting for me to continue.
“I don’t know. Individually…we are both pretty fucked up. Together we are like the atomic bomb of fucked-upness…so fucked up that it seems to work.”
“So why not give it a try?”
“Because she needs this job. She needs the money.”
“Kieran. You could pay triple what she makes for the rest of her life.”
“No, Kat. You don’t get it. That’s not how she operates. I told her she had to pay rent just to get her to agree to move in here. I knew she wouldn’t do it otherwise.”
Kat made a clicking sound with her mouth.
“What?” I asked.
“You better never take a dime from her! And, I have two questions. I want 100 percent honesty,” she said with her index finger pointing at me like I was 3.
“OK. And get that finger out of my face.”
She kept it where it was.
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