Nik nodded abruptly. “Do you wish to see her before that happens?”
“No!” Angelique shuddered. “I have no idea who that woman is that I saw and heard today. Nor do I wish to know.”
Nik bowed acceptance of her decision. “If you could wait a day or two until matters are settled here, then I will accompany you to Kent.”
Again her gaze avoided meeting him. “I would rather you did not.”
“Angelique—”
“Let us continue to accept this as being the end of our marriage,” she pleaded emotionally. “I will not… I cannot continue to be your wife.”
“Why the hell not?” he demanded harshly.
She closed her eyes briefly before opening them again, the steadiness of her gaze now meeting his. “I will never take a lover. Never embarrass you in any way. I merely wish to live a quiet life, away from Society.”
“Away from me!”
If Nik loved her, even a little bit, Angelique knew she would never wish to be apart from him ever again. But to continue to live with him as his wife, in that same loveless way as before, was intolerable. Except it would be worse, because each night, he would leave her alone in their home, with Angelique never knowing if that night would be the one where he took a mistress. She could not bear it.
“Yes,” she confirmed quietly.
Nik recoiled as if she had struck him a physical blow. “I searched your mother’s room earlier and found the purgative she has been giving you, after which I visited an apothecary. Primarily to ensure that it would do no lasting harm, but also to see if we can still have a child together. He assured me it has not and we can.”
Tears blurred Angelique’s vision. In the early days of their marriage, she would have so loved to have Nik’s child. But it was now too late. For a child. Or for them.
She gave a shake of her head. “I am sorry, but I can no longer bear the thought of bringing a child into this marriage.”
Each word out of Angelique delicious and kissable lips flayed Nik’s flesh rawer than any whip could ever have done.
He had returned home in the hope they could heal the breach in their marriage. In the hope Angelique might like to have their child.
She wanted neither of those things.
Not with him.
“There must be something I can do or say to change your mind.” He ran his fingers through his hair as he began to pace the bedchamber. “Will you not even give me the chance to make amends? To prove to you that I… How much I…”
“Yes?” she prompted as he fell silent.
Was that a glimmer of hope he could see in Angelique’s eyes?
The same hope he had felt earlier but which her hurtful words just now had dashed to pieces on the rocks of their broken marriage.
Nik knew this was not the time for his legendary patience or prevarication. To practice either now would be to lose Angelique forever.
“What are you doing?” Angelique looked bewildered as Nik began to divest himself of his jacket and waistcoat before discarding them on the floor along with his neckcloth. “Nik?” That bewilderment deepened as he pulled his shirt over his head before sitting on the bed to remove his boots.
“Tonight, I shall send Gulliver to the stables for a whip,” he bit out as he rose to his feet to unfasten the fold on his pantaloons.
“Liberty.”
He glanced at her uncertainly. “What?”
“You may take off as many clothes as you wish, but I shall never submit to being whipped.”
Nik crossed the room to take a firm grasp of the tops of her arms. “I have never… I would never… I told you last night the whip was for you to use on me, not the other way about. I would never raise a hand to you in anger or anything else, let alone mar your beautiful skin with the stripes of a whip.”
“You have spanked me on numerous occasions,” she challenged.
“And each and every time, your pussy grew wetter the redder your ass became.”
Angelique gasped. “How dare you throw my responses back at me in that ungentlemanly manner?”
“I dare because it is the truth. Goddamn it, Angelique, I have never—would never treat you as anything less than the wife I respect above all other woman.”
“Even after my mother’s confessions?”
“I was so damned proud of you today.” His gaze warmed. “For the way you did not so much as flinch in the face of that bitch’s vitriol. The ladylike manner in which you conducted yourself throughout.”
“Your pride in me is not what I want,” Angelique choked emotionally.
He gave a low groan. “Is it really not obvious how I feel about you? From my submission to you last night? The way in which I have steadfastly refused to accept you were guilty of treason these past six months? Even these last few days, I have continued to fight against it, despite all the evidence building against you.” His expression hardened. “As I have time and time again refused to accept the end of our marriage.”
“I… How do you feel about me?”
“I love you with every fiber of my fucking being!” His voice rose to almost a shout.
“You rarely swear…” She softly breathed the words.
“Your stubbornness in refusing to listen to me is enough to make a saint swear, and we both know I am far from being that. But I cannot and will not give you up, Angel,” he stated fiercely. “To do so would be to rip the heart from my own body.” His mouth came down forcefully on hers.
Chapter 17
Angelique was initially too stunned to do anything more than stand acquiescent in Nik’s arms as his words slowly pierced the fog of her unhappiness before settling and then blooming inside her. Until it felt her heart had grown to such large proportions, it seemed as if it might burst from her chest. Not, as Nik said, to be ripped out by the grief of losing him, but because she was so filled with overwhelming love for her husband. As he now admitted to loving her.
She gave a choked cry, her arms moving up over his shoulders, her fingers becoming entangled in his hair as she kissed him back with all the love she had held inside her for so long. Not dead or irrevocably damaged, as she had thought it was, but as strong if not stronger than it had ever been.
Nik loved her.
He loved her.
Nik’s heart stuttered and then stopped as he felt Angelique’s arms move about him, her fingers entwining in the hair at his nape and her lips parting beneath his in invitation.
But invitation to what?
To love her?
He did, completely.
To let her go?
Nik could never do that, would fight to the last breath in his body to keep Angelique beside him, preferably as his wife, but otherwise in any capacity she would agree to remain with him.
For so many years, he had dedicated himself to the welfare of his friends the Sinners, the Crown, and to England, that not even his marriage to Angelique had affected those priorities.
But he’d had the chance these past months to observe his friends as they each in turn fell in love and married. To realize that his own marriage to Angelique, although physically satisfying, was not the same loving and giving relationship his closest friends now enjoyed with their own wives. To know that he ached to have that same closeness with Angelique, to have her for his best friend as well as his wife and lover.
And still he had refused to acknowledge that the distance between them was of his own making.
Because he had feelings for Angelique he had never admitted to himself, let alone spoken out loud.
It had taken the threat of losing Angelique forever for him to realize and admit he had fallen in love with her that night three years ago at the Kennedy ball. Completely and irrevocably in love with her.
Over these past few days of having Angelique pull away from him, Nik had come to realize he could lose everything else—the friendship of the Sinners and his favor with the Prince Regent, even his title and fortune—and that as long as he had Angelique as his wife, he
would still be the richest man in the world.
Because he adored her as much as he loved her.
Admired and respected her above all others.
He broke the kiss as he felt the wetness of her tears on his own cheeks. “Does knowing of my love for you make you sad?”
“I am crying with happiness, not sadness,” she assured him huskily, her hands coming up between them to cradle each side of his face as she looked up at him with glowing green eyes. “I have loved you for so long and so deeply, I am overwhelmed to think that you might feel the same way about me.”
Nik’s previously cold heart really did feel as if it were going to explode out of his chest. “Do not think it, Angel, know it. Let there be no more doubt of my deep love for you. A love I have felt for you since before our marriage and which has only deepened in the years since. I have been a fool not to acknowledge or tell you of that love before now, but please believe I have loved you, I do love you, and that I will love you still in fifty years hence,” he pledged.
Fresh tears cascaded down her cheeks. “I have wanted your love for so long that I cannot believe this is really happening.”
“Believe it.” He swung her up into his arms and carried her over to place her on the bed before lying down next to her. “I have been exactly as your… What I was accused of being earlier today,” he amended. His mother-in-law’s name had no place here with them now. “I have been arrogant. Cold. Haughty. Superior. Most of all, complacent where you are concerned, accepting your loyalty as my wife, your passion as my lover, and giving very little in return. I promise you I will never behave in that way or take you for granted ever again,” he spoke fervently.
“Arrogant, cold, haughty, or superior?” she teased.
His mouth quirked. “Complacent,” he murmured affectionately before sobering. “Be assured I intend to spend the next fifty years showering you with my love so that you never have reason to ever again doubt how much I love you.”
“Oh my darling,” Angelique gasped. “I love you so much, I feel as if one heart cannot contain it all!”
“Do not fear, love, you have two hearts now, for you possess mine as well as your own.”
She looked at him with tear-wet eyes. “I do believe you are becoming sentimental.”
Nik chuckled wryly. “I have no doubt that in future, people in Society will comment on how the lovesick Duke of Stonewell cannot keep his eyes or hands off his beautiful wife.”
She looked deeply into his eyes. “Make love to me now, Nik,” she invited huskily. “And allow me to make love to you.”
He winced. “You may take, my darling. It is not for me to ever allow again.”
Her eyes widened. “Does that mean our…play together is over?”
He eyed her curiously. “Would you not prefer that?”
“No.” She gave a firm shake of her head. “I…enjoy those times together.” A blush heated her cheeks. “And do not forget, I have yet to use those black silk scarves to tie you to the bed so that I can torture you with pleasure.”
Nik gave a low groan. “You must pack them in your trunk, and tomorrow night, you shall do with me as you will. But for tonight…” Nik claimed her lips in a long and lingering kiss. “Tonight, I intend to kiss and caress every delicious inch of you while I make love to you for hours.”
And it was making love, Angelique realized as the pleasurable minutes and then hours passed, each kiss and caress an homage to the love Nik confessed to feeling for her and which she felt for him in return.
His lips were adoring. On her breasts. Her abdomen. Her pussy. The soft curve of her bottom. The silky length of her legs.
His hands stroked and worshipped her, taking her to the edge of completion time and time again.
His cock… Oh God, his cock, as it slowly entered her weeping and welcoming channel, felt so gloriously hard and claiming that she instantly climaxed. And again and again until Nik joined her in taking his own pleasure.
He looked down at her with glittering blue eyes. “I love you, Angelique.”
“I love you, Nik.”
It was a vow.
A promise for their future together.
Christmas morning, six weeks later, Stonewell Park
“I have no idea why you are smiling when an overindulgence of pudding at dinner last night made you so restless during the night,” Nik teased Angelique as she woke up smiling, his naked body stretched comfortably in the bed beside her. He looked almost boyish as he leaned on his elbow, looking at her.
There had been a lot of smiling and laughing, as well as many hours spent just talking and getting to know each other intimately, since they came to Stonewell Park six weeks ago. More recently, they had gone for several walks in the snow that had fallen the previous week, just in time for Christmas.
Before they left London, Nik had done as he said he would and resigned from the War Office. The two of them had stayed in London only long enough to know that Lady Jacqueline had been duly punished for her crimes before they said their goodbyes for now to the other Sinners and their wives. They had spent the time alone together in Kent ever since.
They had been the best six weeks of Angelique’s life.
So far.
She had every reason to believe there would be even more happiness in their future.
“It was not the pudding,” she assured him.
“No?”
“I do believe it was your son or daughter expressing a dislike for the pheasant that preceded the pudding. I know the richness of the meat made me feel decidedly ill—”
“My son or daughter?” Nik felt his face pale as he sat up abruptly, the covers falling down to his waist and revealing the bareness of his chest. “Angel?” He lightly grasped her arms to look deeply into her eyes, able to see the happiness glowing in those depths, but also something else, a contentment unlike any he had ever seen in Angelique before. “You are with child.” One of his hands moved to reverently cup her still-flat abdomen.
Angelique beamed. “I am.”
“Oh my God… Are you well? Have you seen a doctor?” His gaze roamed over her anxiously. “How far along are you? Should we have made love last night?” He frowned. “Will it not harm the child for my cock to…to… Is it safe for it to be poking about in there?”
Angelique burst out laughing. “Your cock does not poke about anywhere, and yes, it is perfectly safe. In fact, when the time comes, Dr. Easton has advised that we might want to make love vigorously in order to start the birthing pains. Apparently, a man’s release can be—”
“Dr. Easton?” Nik scowled. “The new young doctor all in the district are talking about because of his modern ideas?”
She nodded. “I visited him yesterday when you were meeting with the estate manager. I thought I would save telling you the good news until today, as an extra Christmas present. I do have a beautiful new saddle for you too—”
“Hang the saddle… No, I did not mean I am not pleased at your thoughtful generosity,” he apologized hastily at her disappointed expression. “It is only… This is truly magnificent news, Angel. You are magnificent.” He looked at her adoringly. “But I want you to see a specialist, not some local quack.” He threw back the bedcovers. “We must return to London—”
“Nik.”
“—my wife must be attended by the best—”
“Nik.”
“—I shall ask Foster to have the carriage brought round immediately—”
“Nik!” Angelique giggled at the startled expression on her husband’s handsome face as she raised her voice to be heard. “It is Christmas Day,” she reminded him teasingly. “I am in all probability only almost seven weeks along, and I feel absolutely splendid—unless I eat pheasant, apparently.” She gave a rueful grimace. “Dr. Easton thinks perhaps it might be for the best if I do not go galloping about the countryside on Jet, but otherwise, he advises I continue with all my usual activities.”
Nik’s brows rose. “All of them?”
“All of them.” One of her hands moved down to caress along the aroused length of his cock. “It has been at least six hours since you last made love to me, and Dr. Easton did mention that my…libido might be higher than usual during my pregnancy.”
His eyes glittered. “I do not at all like the idea of another man discussing intimate sexual matters with you.”
“He is a doctor,” she reminded him.
Nik’s frown darkened. “He could be the Prince Regent’s personal physician and I would still dislike him talking to you about your…your sexual appetite.”
“He also mentioned that during the later months, I would probably be more comfortable being on my hands and knees when we are in bed together, while you enter me from behind, either in my pussy or bottom.” She knew the latter had become a favorite position for both of them.
There had been opportunity to explore and experiment with many sexual pleasures during these past weeks together in Kent. Angelique had several times used the black silk scarves to restrain Nik, as he had used the red ones on her. Nothing was forbidden to them in their quest to give each other pleasure.
Nik’s face darkened. “I shall definitely be having words with young Dr. Easton.”
Angelique deliberately curled her fingers about his cock and slowly began to pump in the way she knew Nik enjoyed best. “But not right now?”
“No, not right now,” he groaned as he took her into his arms. “God, how I love you, Angel.”
She kissed along his jawline. “I love you too. So very much.”
His eyes glowed with that love for her. “I am so very proud to have you for my wife. Not just because we are to have a child, but because of the beautiful and gracious woman that you are and always have been.”
Angelique loved to hear, and would never take for granted, her husband’s professions of love and admiration for her.
“You promise… You must promise me nothing will happen to you during the pregnancy and birth.” Nik’s arms tightened about her. “That you will not leave me. I would not want to go on without you.”
“I will never leave you, Nik,” Angelique promised warmly. “Not for any reason.”
Wicked Sinner (Regency Sinners 7) Page 13