Misti thought long and hard. She had thought about it but had been unwilling to take that step. She couldn’t pull that trigger; even Misti knew there was no moral equivalency.
“Didn’t think I’d ever hear this question from you, of all people. But no. I have not and was not even considering it.”
“That’s a lie. I know how you think. And I think you have a unique ability to inflict pain in all the most vulnerable places. You would, and you would do so to me without hesitation. The think you’ll inflict equivalent pain. Consider what I did and then consider what you’re thinking about doing. The two are not equivalent in any way. If you have already, tell me now and we will save each other a lot of time and trouble.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“No more than you are threatening me. But yes, I am, I did what I did. I have said it was a one-off. Won’t happen again. But, whether you believe it or not, I didn’t betray you. Not even close. You should be thanking me.”
“And yet, I’m not.”
“I’ve been completely honest with you. I expect the same in return. So…”
“I have not. I thought about it, and for the reason you just gave. But I didn’t. That’s the truth.”
“It had better be true. I love you, but that much. If you have already, tell me know and we leave civilly. Legal BS to follow.”
“I did not sport fuck a guy. Period.”
“I’ll be back with First Class tickets to London if that’s what you want. But you’ll have to come up and pack your own shit. I’m not going to do that for you. Either will Alana or Noki. I won’t humiliate them with your temper tantrum, and you won’t either. And this will be the last conversation of this nature we will ever have. If you run away again, then keep running. I’ll never chase you down again, but if you are already tired of being my partner, then just say so. Move on and be happy somewhere else and with someone else. I have too much on my plate to be distracted in this way ever again.”
“Leave while you still can walk, Adam. And by the way, fuck you and your threats. If you ever talk to me like that again, you won’t need to threaten me. I’ll break both your arms and call the ambulance. Don’t ever think I need you that much. If you don’t like it, tough shit.”
“You think you can, Misti, but you can’t. You have no idea what I have become, and you are no longer the tough one who can threaten me. Test me like that again and you’ll be alone, rich and unable to walk.
Adam left. There was no warmth in either of their voices. Adam was unsure whether this rift would ever fully heal, or at all, and whether their relationship could ever be whole again.
But he was now moving on mentally to the whole new menu that would occupy the remainder of his life. His work with Noki, and Alana had borne much fruit and their progress was genuine.
Then there was the Gens Collective.
Misti as an issue was now receding to the background. He wouldn’t be distracted further by her conduct or threats. And he suddenly realized he was angry too. Angrier than he thought himself capable with his wife.
Her anger with the rest of his family would not go over well. It didn’t with him either. Adam saw only darkness.
Chapter 53
Several weeks after Adam’s trip down south to visit Misti to convince her to come home, Misti decided it was time to have a chat with her mentor. His ringtone played a Beach Boys tune as he absently reached for his cell from his desk chair to see who was bothering him during work hours. He was months behind in his administrative paperwork, which was normally months behind that, even in the best of times.
“Yes?”
“Good morning old man. How are your evil plans for world domination coming along today?”
“Misti. Misti dear, I’m so very happy you called. I’ve missed you. Missed you terribly. When are you coming home? This place isn’t the same without you. Everyone’s in a funk, pissed off, angry or just plain sad. We need you home again. Things just aren’t right.”
“Does that include Maria? I bet she misses me awfully. I mean just awfully.”
“Almost everyone, then. That’s a Hall of Fame batting average. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“Of course, it does, old man. And I miss everyone too, but the one I really don’t miss is an important cog in the Barrows Bay machinery. Makes me uncomfortable just seeing her. I don’t see how this rift can ever be healed.”
“Can’t you just ignore her? Since when does she matter to you anyway?”
“Since I married her son and moved to Barrows Bay. Let’s not pretend this isn’t hurtful. She was cruel and unkind to me. I won’t soon forget that.”
Edward was a little surprised by those last comments. It wasn’t that Misti was so tough, so hardened to the world that she stopped feeling hurt and pain; it’s just that she rarely admitted it to anyone, including herself. Edward instantly decided he needed to have a talk with Maria, an item he had on his list but, was dilatory in getting around to. This item would’ve to be addressed immediately.
“You’re right of course. She’s not been herself for quite some time; not since the wedding. I thought she had come to terms with you in our lives; especially since you moved up here. Everything and everyone have improved since then. I’m not trying to blow smoke up your ass, but you have catalyzed a change, a change for the better for all of us. Does it matter at all that I miss you? Alana cries a lot. Noki’s been a great spy in the Adam-minus-Misti household.”
“You trying to make me cry or something?”
“Will it get you home if I do?”
“Maybe. I miss … everything. I miss you and Adam and Alana. I miss watching Noki blow up like a balloon. I miss our evening walks. I miss my home.”
“Come home then. Don’t let one foolish old woman make you feel this way. You have every reason to come home, and only one small reason to stay in Seattle. You do know that even Agustin has been asking about you. He and Alana have become best friends. She works on him to work on Maria.”
“Yeah, but I do have one giant reason. She’s been a bee-atch to me, and even Adam admits she’s been horrible to Noki and Alana. Am I wrong?”
“Sadly, no. But it’s getting better. Besides it just proves you are not now nor have you ever been the problem. Everyone knows that except her. I don’t think what I’m going to say will ease your mind; in fact, it may make things a little worse.”
“What?”
“Maria and Adam are warring too. I mean besides Maria and Pops. I’ve never seen it so bad. I have never seen them pissed off at each other than maybe for more than an hour, tops. Adam loves his Mom and Adam has always been number one for Maria.”
“Well, there’s Rod.”
“Rod was the good son. He needed his Mom, but Adam required her attention full time. Rod was calm, happy. Adam was … well Adam was Adam.”
“I see. I guess.”
“Adam was to Maria what Misti was to Edward. No difference.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning you both needed more. We were happy to give you more. You weren’t lab rats; you were our kids, and we loved you. We hate being upset with each other. It hurts.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I never thought of it like that.”
“You cumin’ home then?”
“Eventually. Soon I guess.”
Misti wanted to maintain her façade of tough girl who needs nothing and no one. But that Misti was gone the moment she stepped into her new home in Barrows Bay the previous year. She was finding it increasingly difficult to maintain her anger and even she thought she might be able to just ignore Maria. She wanted to be back in her real home; not some four thousand square foot monster that could never kiss her, hold her or reassure her every day that she was loved and needed. Her defenses and resolve were crumbling as quickly as this conversation was progressing.
Misti paused, trying to hold back the tears that she knew were just below the surface. If Edward sa
id one more emotional thing to her, her dam would burst. She summoned the last of her resolve.
“I need to discuss one more thing before I come home. With you.”
“Anything.” Edward felt his happiness begin to mount. Misti was on the verge of giving in, giving in to her own happiness for once in her life. Her obstinacy was lessened, he thought; maybe she would finally stop punishing herself, and those she loved the most. Maria, he resolved, would have to be dealt with immediately, firmly and directly.
“I need your word that you will let me go out in the field. With Adam too, if he wants. I love doing what I’m doing with you and everyone. I feel important in this work. But I feel like a thoroughbred who’s being kept in the barn; you are ignoring my full potential. Do you understand what I mean?”
“I do. And you’re right. I trained you all your life to be in the field, and I know how frustrated you’ve been watching assignments go out and not a single one of them for you. I get it.”
“If you know, then why haven’t you said anything? Done anything? I don’t understand.”
“Yes, you do. It’s just that you want what you want, and so do I.”
“What then? Spell it out. Please. I’m really trying to understand.”
“Two things. First, the rational. It’s not the best use of your time by a long shot. Even less so for Adam. You have amazing and unique talents. The call last year with Paulo proved that. Amazing insight into what mattered and what was peripheral. I don’t think that can ever be replaced.”
“And the other?”
“C’mon Misti, you going to make me say it. Out loud.”
Misti began to cry.
“Yes. I want to hear it. I need to hear you to say it.”
“I love you. I want to protect you. You’re my kid, as much as Adam. Maybe more. I couldn’t bear losing you. Either could Adam. You mean everything to us and if I can keep you safe…”
“None of us are safe…”
“Safer then. That’s what I want to do. It’s selfish, I know. But it’s how I feel. I don’t want you to be in any danger that is just as easily handled by someone else. Someone else who matters, but just not in the same way.”
“Rod and Cindy?”
“They have trained for this life all their lives. They have been in situations. They have my full confidence.”
“I don’t?”
“Skills and ruthless mindset? Of course. Field experience? Somewhat but not like Rod and Cindy. Please say you understand. That you understand how a father feels.”
“Stop it, old man. I’m going to have a good cry. And it’ll all be your fault. I hate being weak.”
“You of all people are not weak. And let me take all the blame. For everything. But please come home. I can’t stand you being mad at me and I miss you. I miss our walks. It makes me feel so happy when we’re all together.”
“Bastard! How can I stay mad when you’re this way? Even I’m not that good. But you will let me out of the barn, right?”
“Of course. You’ve earned it, many times over. I can’t promise I won’t worry. And you’ll have to work with Rod and Cindy first. You must agree to that.”
“Sure. It would be like old times with our Cindy. And Rodrigo, I can’t wait to see what he’s like under stress.”
“Cindy follows him you know. Just letting you understand the command structure.”
“I would never have guessed that. Really?”
“Yes, but not on paper. Cindy scores higher in everything than Rod. But she loves him, trusts him, and admires his leadership, and command skills over his physical abilities. On paper, she’s in charge. In the field, they decide. I wouldn’t fuck with their dynamic.”
“Jeez, I promise. I’ll be on their team. No issue there.”
“Then, you cumin’ home soon?”
“Today. Right away.”
“Maybe not. If you really want field work…”
“I do.”
“Then, take a detour, and go down to Portland, and have a visit with Bitsie Tolan. She has your first assignment.”
“You old fuck! You had this planned all along, didn’t you?”
“I had something planned for someone, but it wasn’t necessarily you. But now that you mention it, yes. I knew you wouldn’t stop coming after me until I gave you something. This will be it.”
“I truly do love you, old man. I truly do.”
“You’re my girl. Just bring Adam home safe and sound once you’re out in the field. Don’t do anything stupid.”
“Too late. I married into the St. James family.”
“Yeah but we forgive you for that.”
***
Edward asked Misti to fly down to Portland, storing her car permanently at the big home in the Queen Anne District. He understood that Misti would not soon, possibly never, reconcile with Maria, at least not enough soon enough to restore order to their shaky Universe. Maria’s accusations, all false, and her attitude toward the new girls had soured the atmosphere. Even the intervention of the otherwise solid and calming Agustin had done nothing to soften her tone. Edmund had thought he had achieved rapprochement, but it was only a small start, and transitory as it turned out. Maria had reverted to her old attitudes within days.
Right after his call with Misti, Edward called and asked to see Maria.
“Since when do you need an invitation? And, since when have you ever asked? I assume this is about our troubles here.”
“You know it is. But this time I want to talk about it and I won’t do it on the phone.”
“I’ll come over then.”
“No, you won’t. I’ll come to you. And I want Agustin in on the chat. This concerns us all.”
“He’s in his Lab with Alana. Can’t keep those two apart.”
“Maybe you could learn something from that.”
“Yeah, like what?”
“Like how to live in the real world we inhabit, not the idealized one you prefer. The one that doesn’t exist.”
“Maybe not for you. But it does for me.”
***
Once Bitsie briefed Misti, Misti would fly home by float plane directly to the small, seldom used dock in Barrows Bay. Everyone would be there to welcome her; even a somewhat less angry Maria.
The talk hadn’t gone as well as Edward had hoped. Agustin came up from the bowels of his Lab and Alana excused herself. Agustin wasn’t happy with excluding her; he had come to really enjoy her company, loved her mind and was as protective as any father could possibly be. He enjoyed spending hours on end with her, often in complete silence, and could be seen out of his home and Lab walking the grounds of the Institute together with Alana and Edmund.
Some at the Institute had never seen Agustin in person. After twenty-five years in residence, he became an “instant overnight success”. Long-time researchers often waited to spy the three walking the grounds and so they could come out to join them. Impromptu picnics sprang up, and Agustin was asked about everything from kids to nuclear physics.
Agustin had never craved attention in his life; that didn’t mean, however, that he didn’t enjoy it. Alana would look on her new friend with approving eyes, and Agustin could see the pride and joy she felt watching him with others. She would hold hands with Agustin and her father on their walks alone; it reminded her of a childhood she never had. But she had it now and between the recent events with Adam in San Diego and the life she knew here, she was happier than she had ever been. Happier than she knew was even possible.
Alana also, for her part, worried about Agustin and told him the walks would be good exercise as well as good company. Would he continue to come out of his burrow for her? His reply had been that he would, of course he would. But only for her.
Agustin would never admit it, but he had come to enjoy this new social interaction, something only Alana truly seemed to understand. It would never be discussed, neither among the two nor with anyone else. This was their
secret, their little compact.
Conspicuously absent was Maria, who was never excluded; she just had no desire to walk and talk with them.
***
Edward began, “The only one you will wind up hurting is yourself. The family is changing, like the times, and you should change with it.”
Agustin, who would normally just sit and listen, added, “He is right querida. Barrows Bay has become a far more beautiful place with our bigger family. We are all happier with things as they have turned out; only you seem unhappy.”
“I suppose you think you know how I’m feeling. Well, you don’t. And I don’t care about all this supposed family nonsense; it is wrong. It is all wrong and immoral. You can’t deny that.”
Agustin and Edward looked at each other, then at Maria.
Edward finally spoke up. “You’re destroying your relationship with Adam. You do understand that.”
“Not for a second. That will never happen. He’s my son. He’ll always love me; he’s my boy. None of this will ever change that.”
“You’re right, he does love you, and that won’t ever change. But he’s deeply hurt and confused. Telling him he was lying and blaming Misti for the living arrangements, well that is both completely untrue and really foolish. You know, for a woman who claims to understand her son, there’s a lot you seem to have missed. Or is it that you just refused to see it? Wake up, Maria. Adam will leave this place and you along with it if you keep this up. This isn’t about you or his girls. It’s about his journey. Whether you believe in his mysticism or not, he does. So, do Alana and Noki. Oddly, it’s only Misti who seems to be on your side.”
“And you two old geezers? Where do you stand? You believe in all this claptrap?”
Agustin said, “I believe in my son. I believe he would never lie to me. If he says this is true, then we give him the benefit of the doubt. Like he says, time will prove him right or delusional. Can’t be coincidence. Cannot be both. In the meantime, what does your rude behavior accomplish except to diminish you?”
“I agree with Agustin. Neither of us probably believes in this mumbo jumbo but, oddly enough, we thought you would. I’m completely shocked that you don’t believe Adam. You, of all people should be embracing his experience.”
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