Jesus, what the hell was wrong with him, was he so desperate that he let a little girl, an old lady, and friend suck him into this fantasy that was anything but his to take part in? They were Sam’s family, not his, and two little words quickly put him back in his place, on the outside.
He had let his need to take care of people, help the wounded, overcome common sense, a mistake he wouldn’t make again. She didn’t want him. She woke up, happy to see everyone, but him. He shouldn’t have been there all these weeks, he shouldn’t have been there. What a fool.
“There ya are! You didn’t make it easy ta find’ya! What are you doin’ out here, besides givin’ those skeeters a real handsome meal?”
“Hey, Lou. Just thinking. Needed some fresh air, thought I would give you all some time together.”
“You ain’t gonna jump are ya? Might give an old woman a heart attack if you do, not much of a swimmer!”
“Nah, not jumping, funny though. I’m pretty sure you can handle a few inches of water.”
“Oh, I don’t know, a big handsome fella like you might need savin’, by the look on your face alone.”
“I’m good. Just…just not sure what to make of all that back there.”
“Ah ha, I thought you might’ve read that wrong, you are a man after all.”
“I read that pretty loud and clear. What does being a man have to do with it?”
“Oh really? Mind explainin’ what it is you think you heard so loud and clear?”
“Look, Lou, I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. We had a good time, I’ve enjoyed getting to know your family, but she wasn’t happy to see me and I’ll respect that. I might have gotten a little too invested, too fast, here.”
“No, you have been right where ya belong. You are just quick on the trigger. If she was completely there, had her wits about her, she would appreciate you being there, honey.”
“But...”
“And a fine butt indeed, but it’s not lady like to talk about that with ya. You are acting like you lost your darn monkey, boy!”
“Lost my what?”
“Exactly. We don’t know what she was thinking, how she’s thinking, can she think? There might have been a lot more going on in there than she could say. Be patient, the monkey always comes back, son.”
Lou left him with that to think about. He was clearly vulnerable and had to consider what she said, find balance in what just happened. There was a good chance that Sam just couldn’t say what she really wanted as much as she could have said exactly what she meant. There was no telling yet and Dawson needed to decide if he could ride the storm and find out, or abandon ship before it wrecked.
What struck him more, however, was not so much that there was something about a monkey that he needed to decipher; perhaps it not making sense was the point, but that feeling that rushed over him when Lou called him son.
CHAPTER 10
“Dawson?” Her raspy voice, nearly a whisper, woke him from his sleep like a 4-alarm bell. It was well after midnight, Granny and Ellie had left hours ago and Everly had been called out on the chopper. Regardless of his feelings the day before, he couldn’t leave her. Not sure he was really seeing Sam awake and talking or dreaming, he hesitated, afraid to be disappointed, before responding.
“You’re awake. How do you feel? Here, I’ll call the nurse.”
“Nurse? What’s going on? What time is it?”
Although awake and looking around and at him, it was clear that she wasn’t entirely aware of her surroundings. With tired eyes rested on him, she gave a subtle grin, waiting for his response. They had not prepared for this, even after her brief awakening the day before. How in the hell would he answer that question? Was he even the best person to answer? His instincts to protect and take care of those he cared about kicked in. He just wanted to protect her, but how could he from this. What he was about to tell her was going to turn her world upside down?
“Well, I don’t know how to answer that. Shit, uh, what do you remember?”
She began to grin, and coughed when what he thought was a giggle tried to erupt. She lifted her arms to her face, obviously embarrassed by what came to mind, he had a clue as to what those thoughts might have been, given her reaction. Her light, dreamlike, mood quickly turned to panic when her arms didn’t reach her face without the pull of IV lines and wires. Staring at her arm, where a cast once was and now a splint, tears began to well as she searched her entire body, absolutely petrified.
“What…what the hell? What is this? Dawson?”
Sam quickly jerked up, cringing with obvious pain as she studied her surroundings, hunting for answers. He moved to the edge of her bed, holding both of her hands so she wouldn’t hurt herself, and pulling her close to comfort her. His heart shattered at the sound of her fear stricken sobs; he held her close and spoke softly, trying to comfort her.
“Shh, it’s okay, baby. You’re okay. I promise I’ve got you, I’ve got you, honey.”
“What…what happened, why am I here? Oh my God, where is she, where’s…”
He held her tighter knowing who she was looking for and feeling every ounce of her fear as she stiffened, trying to pry her way from his arms to search for her daughter. He owned her fear, absorbed it, as thoughts of her hurting herself again flashed through his mind. Reaching near panic, he held her tight, rushing to find the words to bring her back to him, to this moment, so he could help her.
Overwhelmed with his own emotions, realizing that she was so much more to him than he had realized before this moment, he dug deep, searching for the strength he needed for both of them. All he wanted to do was help her, take her pain away, her fears and confusion; he would take it all for her without hesitation.
“Ellie is fine, honey. She’s at home with Lou. Everyone is okay. I want you to calm down, baby, please I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Now that you’re back, I don’t want to lose you again.”
He was as unprepared for his declaration, as she clearly was. He knew it was true, however, now that she was awake and talking, seemingly fine, given the circumstances, he was scared she would go away again. Wide-eyed, uncertainty and fear washing across her face, he worried those emotions were about his words, more than her current state.
“You met Ellie.” Not a question, but a statement. “Dawson, what happened to me? Please…”
As timing would have it, the nurse decided to walk in at that moment, her surprise was obvious when she saw Sam sitting up, awake.
“Well, hello, Sam! How are you feeling dear?”
“I…I don’t know, good? Tired? Confused? A little nauseous? How am I supposed to feel, what happened, why do I have a splint on my arm, and all…this?” Sam waved her arms about, defining this as the bandages, splints, and paraphernalia that surrounded her. The nurse wrestled with the machines and wires that began to beep, noting bits of information on Sam’s chart, before resting a gentle hand on Dawson’s shoulder.
“You didn’t tell her yet?”
“No, she had just woken up when I hit the call button. She’s upset, frightened, when she saw all this around her, I was trying to calm her down before…”
“Okay, well let me check a few things sweetie, and then I’ll go call the doc. You want to wait for the doc or do you want…“
“Dawson. I want him to tell me, please? No more waiting, this doesn’t feel real, this doesn’t feel right.”
“It will be a bit before the doctor makes it in; we’re close to morning rounds anyway. Your vitals look great, considering. Take your time, a lot has happened, it’s a lot to take in. I’m going to call this in, I’m right out that door if you need me.”
The nurse exited the room with a sympathetic look and nod to Dawson. The air thickened as emotions brewed, anxieties stirred, and a heaviness settled; both of them just looking at each other at a loss for words. He couldn’t help but reach for her, to hold her, to comfort her as he felt her pain. He raised her hospital bed to a more upright position, fluffed her pil
low, and gently leaned her back, always the care taker. She pulled his already held hands toward her, until he sat right beside her, and wouldn’t let go of him.
“Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?”
“Just answers, Dawson. I feel like I was hit by a train and I’m exhausted. What happened, why am I here?”
“Tell me what you remember last. Do you remember our date?”
“Yes, very well, in fact it might have crept into my dream a little bit.”
Instant mortification crossed her face as she realized what she just revealed, obviously struggling with whole the ‘think before one speaks’ rule. Dawson gave her a surprised look that he quickly replaced with what looked like satisfaction and a proud grin. He pulled her closer until she was leaning in to him, helping her through the embarrassment that now laced her emotions.
“I can’t believe I just said that out loud. What the hell?”
“It’s probably the meds. If it makes you feel any better, I think about it a lot too. Look, I really don’t know where to start, a lot has happened since that night.”
“Since that night? Since last night? Dawson?
“Sam, you were in an accident. It was bad, real bad.”
He hesitated as images of that horrific night flashed through his mind, a chill coming over him as he pictured the wreckage and seeing her body pinned, near lifeless, inside. Her body mangled, bloody, and limp as they extracted her from the twisted metal and laid her on his gurney. The sense of helplessness from that night returned as he remembered going through the motions to save her and get her to help. His heart ached at the memories, they carried more weight now for some reason as he pictured not just Sam, but Ellie, Lou, and Everly. He cared for all of them, especially Sam, and the thought of her not making it that night stung to his core.
“Dawson?”
“Sorry. Um, it was a bad wreck. You were on your way here, on the back road, and somehow hit a big Ponderosa off the road a ways. Do you remember any of that? How you ended up off the road? Did a deer or something jump out in front of you?”
“A tree? I hit a tree. I don’t…I don’t remember. I remember being with you. You brought me home. I don’t remember going to work or seeing Ellie…nothing.”
“You took a bad hit to the head, that was the worst of it. I suppose that’s why you don’t remember. Your arm was broken, this one fractured. Your legs were pinned under the steering wheel, this one broke, so did the ankle. You have fractured ribs on this side, one broke on this side. Your seatbelt saved you, but not without messing up those ribs.” He paused, considering how he was to deliver the final blow, deciding there wasn’t any easy way, he went straight to the point. “You are lucky to be alive, Sam, damn lucky. You were in a coma.”
She just stared at him, expressionless, emotionless, and lost for words. All of those injuries and lucky to be alive, all she could think of was Ellie in that moment. Her poor baby, she must have been terrified, they all must have, a coma? Her body hurt and there was evidence of her injuries, but to that extent she should be in more pain, unless…
“You said I was in a coma? How long?”
“For a while, your body needed time to…“
“How long, Dawson? How long? I feel like shit, but this isn’t a broken arm, and my ribs don’t feel broken, although they hurt like hell. How long?”
Her voice had reduced to a whisper as her tears returned and she realized that her scars were fresh, but lacked stitches, and her broken limbs were no longer in casts. As a nurse, she was well aware of how long injuries of that magnitude need to heal. Nausea set in and the room began to spin when she realized how much time she must have lost with her daughter, how much of her life she would never get back.
“Sam, you have been asleep for seven weeks, almost eight.”
“I’ve been just laying here for two months? Why can’t I remember? It feels like I was just with you last night, not two months ago!”
“You were just with me last night, and nearly every night since the accident. When I wasn’t working, I was here. With you, with your family, waiting for you.”
Waiting for her, he was here waiting for her. Her heart swelled with his words, but the sadness that came with knowledge of what happened to her won the battle and she wept. He laid next to her, pulled her close, and let her cry on his chest. He would be strong for both of them.
CHAPTER 11
The next morning rushed by in a blur as everyone arrived to see Sam. The doctor had been by, happy with her progress, promising to release her by the weekend should everything go as planned, and her progress continue. Her biggest challenge, she had to learn to get around with crutches, two bum arms, and some shady ribs. She was determined, she may not remember being in that bed for two months, but she could feel it and was eager to leave it behind.
The best part of her morning was Ellie, which was her world. Even though it was out of her hands, she felt guilty for leaving her for so many weeks. She even looked taller, she had missed so much, and she hoped that she could make up for the lost time, somehow. The joy and energy Ellie Lou radiated somehow made all of the sadness dissipate the minute she came skipping into the room, giggling, with a handful of bright balloons as if nothing had happened.
Granny and Everly caught her up on what had she had missed, which wasn’t terribly much, come to find out. The highlight of their stories seemed to begin and end with Dawson though, and it wasn’t lost on her how much Ellie spoke of him. It seemed they were as much under his spell as she was. As if he didn’t own enough of her heart already, seeing her daughter wrap her arms around his legs as he was leaving that morning, melted it just a little more, and the walls she had built were falling down.
“Wow, it sounds like you guys had a good time while I was sleeping!”
“Oh mama, we did! Mr. Dawson likes riding with me at Miss Rene’s, and he helped’d me pick those flowers to make your room purty, and he takes me for lemon taster’d ice cream and even eats fairy sprinkles and everything!”
“Wow, fairy sprinkles and everything? I’m glad he’s your friend too, Ellie.”
“Oh he is, mama! He’s a Tayler too, so we stick together!” Ellie paused for a minute and looked quickly around the room before leaning in to whisper, “He’s a fairy too, ya know. He saved you in his ambli-ance.”
Sam hadn’t thought about who was at the crash scene, she had been too distracted by the story of her injuries and lack of memory, that it didn’t dawn on her until that very moment that Dawson’s emotional demeanor the night before was deeper than a guy with a crush. He comforted her, consoled her, in such a genuine and caring way that she assumed was out of sympathy. Recalling the description of the scene he gave, she could only imagine what that must’ve been like for him, and understood why he said the things he had. He wasn’t just hurting for her, he was hurting for himself. Well aware that she would have to evaluate the previous night’s emotions at some point and decide what they meant, this realization offered some clarity, but also added an entirely new layer that needed defining.
“Sam, most of the gang was on scene that night.”
“Everyone? Oh, Ev.”
“They had to cut you out, hon, you were pinned, and the frame buckled. Tayler and O’Reilly brought you in.”
“Oh my God.”
“Dawson has been here every day and night since, unless he was working. Chief put him on leave for a few weeks too, too many hours covering everyone,” Evie paused letting Sam take in what she was saying, understanding this could be overwhelming and that she had a lot to consider where Dawson was concerned. “He hasn’t taken any extra shifts since. He’s been here, with us, taking care of everyone…waiting for you.”
“Evie, how awful, I didn’t mean to put everyone through this.“
“Now you stop right there, little miss.” Granny interrupted, “’Tis not your fault at all, honey. Accidents, they just happen, you know?”
“Yes, but…“
“We ain’t
talkin’ bout nobody’s butt today, honey. It’s not lady like. It is what it is,” Granny said, determined to get through to Sam and getting her to focus on that which she can control, rather than dwell on what she can’t, from this point on.
Everly echoed what Granny was trying to get through to Sam, “She’s right Sam, everything will work out. We are all just happy to have you back.”
“You’re right. I just feel bad, leaving Ellie. Not being honest with Dawson about her. I should have just told him; I was going to, until, well, a tree got in the way of that I guess,” Sam joked, trying to take her mind off of what she recognized as guilt. She realized she couldn’t change what happened, but she couldn’t help but feel bad about how Dawson found out about her daughter. It should have come from her, but they had become fast friends, and for that, she was thankful.
“Everything has purpose, honey. Every storm is followed by a rainbow, and a mighty fine rainbow he is,” Granny said with her famous knowing wink. Sam loved Granny Lou and her simple wisdom; it was always perfectly timed, and made whatever she was dealing with, better.
Looking at Ellie’s excitement as Dawson walked in at that moment, did a number on those walls that protected Sam’s heart. They were falling fast, just as she was, and for the first time it felt right, he felt right. He grabbed Ellie quickly, with an ornery snarl as he tossed her up in the air a bit and landed her on his hip like they had been doing this for years. Ellie had been watching the door each time she heard footsteps, clearly waiting for her favorite fairy.
It seemed Ellie Lou’s affections were reciprocated, evident by the proud and satisfied grin she put on his face with the big kiss she landed on his cheek that ended in a bear hug. They were pals for sure, how could she have not seen that coming. It appeared he might have missed Ellie just as much as she missed him. How quickly those two bonded was not a surprise, they each really were that easy to fall for.
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