She rubbed her temple and squinted at him through the fog. Normally she chose to corral her feelings with logic, but now she couldn’t think past her emotions. Why wasn’t the food helping?
“So I have no right to get jealous.”
He didn’t. But at the moment, his confession made her feel valuable—like that pair of turquoise cowboy boots she couldn’t afford.
She could give him the right to be jealous if she wanted to. She reached across the table planning to lace her fingers with his.
He held up his hands to release any claim he might have had. She couldn’t reach him if she tried.
“Sam’s a great guy. And even if you aren’t attracted to him now, then—”
“No.” He was trying to set her up with Sam? He had no idea she ached to slide her hands up the sides of his face into his messy hair and pull him close enough to crush his mouth with hers and recreate that magic moment that had haunted her for so long.
A tendon in his throat twitched as he lowered his hands to his lap. “Well if not Sam, then somebody. You have to date somebody, Paisley. Because . . .” His eyes dropped to her mouth.
She curled her fingers into her palms to keep from clutching her throbbing heart and giving away her every emotion. This was why she’d kept up her guard. Where was it now? Why was she suddenly okay with images of melting against Josh despite the consequences? Blood pounded in her ears at the idea of being together.
Blood. Her blood sugar. It wasn’t low. It was high. That’s why she was tired. Why she’d had to go to the bathroom so bad. And why her resolve had weakened to that of a needy barn cat.
Oh no. The carbs she’d eaten would make her blood sugar rise even higher.
Worse than ending up in Josh’s arms would be ending up in a hospital. She had to get back to the ranch to inject insulin.
She pushed palms against the scarred wooden table and rose to her feet. “We need to go.”
Later she could finish her talk with Josh. Later when she wasn’t tempted to have the conversation by whispering her responses into his ear and nuzzling his neck.
“All right.” He stood, shoved his hands in his pockets, and looked away.
No. It wasn’t all right. Without realizing it, she’d rejected him again. Later on she’d probably rationalize this to be a good thing. He was not supposed to have slipped so easily past her defenses. She was not supposed to be wishing to faint so she could wake up in his arms. It was not supposed to hurt so bad to know she’d quite thoroughly quenched the fire that burned between them.
Her legs carried her across the room. Away from the pain. Toward medication. That’s what you did for pain, right? You medicated it. She reached through the fog for the man with the keys. “Sam.” Every second counted when dealing with diabetes as well as matters of the heart. “I need to get home. Please.”
Chapter Fifteen
Sam knelt on the roof of the barn and held the top edge of the ladder steady, high above Josh’s head. “Come on.” He shouted down. “What are you waiting for? Christmas?”
Josh gritted his teeth. “Don’t give up firefighting, Sam. You’d make a lousy comedian.”
“And you’d make a lousy firefighter.”
Josh had never been a big fan of heights, but what was the worst that could happen? If he slipped, he’d only fall into mounds of soft snow. After falling from a horse, getting tackled by Sam, and then crashing on the pond with Paisley, this was nothing.
He gripped the icy rungs and climbed up after his brother to help hang Paisley’s star. After that he’d have to help Sam muck stalls and unload the hay being delivered. Paisley hadn’t been feeling well the night before, and when she still looked dazed at breakfast, he’d insisted she head back to bed. After he and Sam left, she’d hire ranch hands to help her out with the horses, but who was going to be there to take care of her?
The ladder jostled. Josh leaned into it to wait for it to steady before climbing higher. His stomach somersaulted as he looked down at the ground far below. Hopefully Paisley would applaud the end results of his effort. Because then this would all be worth it.
He reached the edge of the roof.
Sam sprawled flat on his stomach, huge grin on his face. Of course, the kid had always loved the thrill of danger. One of the Olympic trainers in Sun Valley had seen him on the halfpipe in high school and tried to talk Sam into training with him, but the youngest Lake decided to join the military instead. The choice had shocked his whole family almost as much as Josh was shocked that Sam hadn’t mentioned boarding in Big Sky.
Lone Peak was known as one of the best places in the world for extreme snowboarding. Was this evidence Sam preferred to be around Paisley? Josh would have to find a way to ask casually.
Sam swung the frame of the star over the tip of the roof. He’d hold it in place while Josh hammered the nails that would keep it there.
Josh retrieved the hammer from where he’d hooked it to his pocket. “You planning on snowboarding at all while you’re here?”
Sam grunted and shifted to align the star. “Of course. You?”
Josh grunted in return. “I’m broke, remember?” He pulled a nail from his jacket and leaned to the side of the ladder to place the end under the point of the star.
“Oh yeah.” Sam’s teeth flashed in his trademark grin. “I never imagined I’d have more money than you.”
Josh swung the hammer. The clink of metal on metal rang out through their silent surroundings. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”
“I will.” Sam chuckled. “Hey, how about we go skiing tomorrow. Dot mentioned something about a free ski day on Friday.”
That didn’t sound like the resort Josh knew. “Dot also thought she was going to become a tattoo artist when I met her.”
“She still could.” Sam’s voice rose as he defended his biggest fan.
Josh smiled at the relationship his brother had with the older woman. But it was Sam’s relationship with Paisley he wanted to talk about. “Why don’t you take Paisley skiing? I’ll stay here and feed the horses and flood the ice.”
Sam snorted. “Right.”
Josh lined up a second nail. “What do you mean ‘right’? I know more about horses than you do.”
Sam moved his hand out of the way so as not to get smacked by the next blow of the hammer. “I mean you don’t want me to go skiing with Paisley. You didn’t even like me taking her out on the snowmobile alone to get a tree.”
Josh frowned at the nail. Had he been that transparent? Here he thought he was going to be able to casually question Sam about Paisley, and he had Sam questioning him. He might as well be honest.
“I like her.” Yeah he did. Especially the way she’d been looking at him the night before. There’d been something different in her eyes. Something vulnerable. “But I’m going back to Chicago soon. And she’s not the kind of girl who starts a relationship she knows will end.” He slammed the hammer against the head of the nail once more, forcing it to sink into the wood.
“Huh.”
Josh grabbed another nail. But how was he going to reach the other end of the star? “Here, you take this, Sam. I’ll hold the star in place while you anchor it in on the other side of the roof.”
“’Kay.” Sam grabbed the hammer and nail before belly crawling over the peak of the barn. He brushed snow out of his way and looked back at Josh. “You know you don’t have to leave, right?”
Josh stiffened. He wasn’t the same free spirit as Sam. He had a career. He had a mortgage. And besides, even if he would rather live in the middle of nowhere and give people horsey rides for a living, Paisley hadn’t even wanted him there. “You’re one to talk. Out of the two of us, you have more freedom to pick up and move. Yet moving here would be too much of a commitment for you, wouldn’t it?”
Sam squinted in confusion. “You want me to move here? And what? Marry Paisley?”
The knot in Josh’s stomach hardened. He hadn’t meant to go that far. Though who wouldn’t want to marry
her? “Why not? You said you love her.”
Sam held out a free hand. “Not like that.”
“Maybe not yet.” Josh’s back muscles throbbed from the way he’d twisted around the ladder to push the star firmly into the red planks. And his heart throbbed at the resistance Sam was putting up at the idea of romancing Paisley. He nodded toward the nail Sam was supposed to be hammering so they could hurry up and finish the job and move on. Was Sam really going to make him spell it out? “You guys have been awful close lately. Whispering. Laughing. Pranking me.”
Sam set up the nail before pounding. “Dude,” he admonished.
Oh, like Josh was imagining things. They’d been standing within inches of each other on the deck when he’d interrupted them the other day. He had to know . . . “Have you kissed her?”
“No. Have you?” Sam shot back.
“No.” Josh grabbed hold of the ladder with both hands to climb down. He wasn’t going to admit she’d rejected him.
Sam rolled his way and handed him the hammer. “What about in high school?”
High school? Sam had known Paisley better in high school than Josh had. Josh hooked the hammer and checked to make sure Sam had the ladder anchored securely before he rattled it in descent. “No.”
“You dated a lot of girls.”
Josh gripped the lower rung and bent a knee to lower down to the next step. “You know why.”
Snow rained down as Sam swung his legs over the edge of the roof. Wait. Sam was supposed to be holding the ladder in place, not joining him on it.
Josh scaled down quicker. “Stay up there for a sec, Sam.”
Sam responded by climbing onto the top rung. He’d never been a good listener. “You’re not getting out of the conversation that easily, Josh,” he yelled over his shoulder.
Josh would have held out a hand in a confused shrug if he hadn’t been hanging onto a wobbly ladder for dear life. “I thought our talk was over.” A few more feet and he’d be able to jump to safety.
The ladder shook. Sam’s body dropped past him to the ground. Oh no. He’d slipped. Josh would borrow Paisley’s truck to rush him to the—
Sam landed in a squat then stood to grin up at him.
“Show off.” Josh criticized but smiled to himself as he turned to face the ladder again and descend the normal way.
“So.” Sam waited at the bottom. “What if Paisley is the girl from prom?”
Josh stepped into the snow as the idea swirled through his brain like a blizzard. Paisley would have been the right height. And had the right hair color. He’d never seen her in a dress, so it was hard to imagine. If she was the girl in the mask that he’d kissed, then it would make sense that none of the upperclassmen he’d taken out knew anything about the mystery girl. But if he’d kissed Paisley, why hadn’t she said something when he saw her again at her dad’s ranch?
He looked toward the lodge curiously. His pulse throbbed in his neck at the thought. His face warmed. Had he already kissed Paisley without even realizing it?
The image of her as a teen flashed through his memory. Long, messy, golden brown hair. A challenge in her amber eyes. Turned up freckled nose . . .
“She didn’t have freckles.” Josh’s hope deflated. He clicked his tongue and looked back at Sam. “The girl in the mask didn’t have freckles. I would have totally recognized those.”
Sam frowned and scratched his head. “Are you sure because I think girls can cover those up with makeup?”
Was he sure? If there was any chance Paisley had been the girl from prom, he’d march right into the cabin and . . . and what? If she’d once shared a kiss with him but then was able to completely avoid him at the ranch, it must not have meant the same thing to her as it had to him. And that would have been a crushing blow. He’d be too embarrassed to even face her again. Besides . . . “It couldn’t have been her. The dance was only for upperclassmen.”
Sam’s eyes narrowed in thought. “She could have gone with an upperclassman.”
Josh sighed and watched as the little white puff of breath floated away. “If any of the guys I knew brought her as a date, then she wouldn’t have been kissing me.”
No, her date would have been there to catch her when she’d fainted. And goodness, the girl had fainted because she had high blood sugar from being diabetic. Paisley wasn’t diabetic. And even if she was, she wouldn’t have been scared of having Josh call her dad. Mr. Sheridan was one of the coolest men he knew.
Sam motioned with his arm as if trying to come up with another argument from thin air. “Maybe . . .”
“Maybe not.” The mystery girl had to have been with the Boise Ski Club that had stayed at Sun Valley Lodge and crashed the event. Otherwise Josh would have found her by now. As for all Sam’s arguing, it was a little suspicious that his brother was trying so hard to force the issue. Could it be that Josh’s little brother really did have feelings for Paisley but was afraid to settle down? That sounded like Sam. “Ask her out, Sam.”
Sam held up his palms. “Whoa.”
Josh shook his head. “Stop trying to come up with excuses for why you can’t be more than friends with Paisley.”
Sam’s mouth fell open. “I don’t—she’s not . . .”
Right. “She practically ran to you in the coffee shop last night, Sam. She obviously has feelings for you. And you couldn’t do any better than Paisley.”
Paisley was doing better. She wasn’t as tired anymore, and the fog had lifted from her mind. Which was good if she was going to try to stay away from Josh.
She peeked out the window to where the brothers and Pastor Taylor unloaded the hay from the pastor’s trailer underneath the large star they’d hung for her on the barn. It was perfect. It fit with her logo and her goal for camp. Josh was great at branding. And that’s all it was. Even if her heart skipped a beat at the sweetness of his offer to hang the star.
The problem with keeping distance between her and Josh was that it gave her the opportunity to watch him covertly. His body may not be used to the manual labor anymore, but his knowledge and experience enabled him to make unloading the stack wagon look easy.
She had to stop looking. She closed her eyes, and the memory of Josh gazing at her lips the night before warmed her to the core.
Okay. Back to work. Physical work would be a good distraction. And if nothing else, the chill in the air would at least cool her down. She grabbed her coat, gloves, and the cowboy hat Grandpa Johan bought her last Christmas.
“Hey, Paze,” Sam greeted as she crunched through the snow.
“Hey.” She jumped up on the trailer to help Pastor Taylor hand down the sweet, earthy-scented bales.
Josh paused and studied her up and down. He was distracting her from her distraction. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”
“Are you?” she shot back. She’d be better off if he headed inside to work on her website some more.
“Oh yeah. I got this.” Josh retrieved her bale to stack inside the barn. He brushed his hands together when coming back for more. “In fact, I can cover the ranch tomorrow if you want to go skiing with Sam.”
Skiing with Sam? She handed Josh another bale then looked over his head to see if his brother had heard.
Sam shrugged as if to say skiing hadn’t been his idea.
Paisley pressed her lips together. Josh must have been serious the night before when suggesting she date someone so he wouldn’t be tempted to kiss her. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Then Sam would be more than a chaperone. He’d be “the other man.” Josh would never make a move on her if that were the case. And Sam wouldn’t, either. He was safe.
She grabbed another bale and pivoted to pass it to Sam. His eyes told her he didn’t like being put in the middle. She’d explain later. “It’s been a long time since I’ve gone skiing.”
Pastor Taylor paused to wipe the sweat from his brow and look between the two of them. “You were in the military, right Sam?”
“Yep.” Sam carried his bale towar
d the barn.
“Then you should definitely go skiing tomorrow. It’s free for vets.”
Sam paused. “That must be what Dot was talking about.”
Josh took the bale from him.
“Yeah, I’m going.” Pastor Taylor shoved the few remaining bales to the edge of the trailer. “I served in the Army for a few years right out of high school.”
Sam strolled back to the trailer as if they’d already finished the job. “What position?”
Pastor Taylor’s wide smile split his face. “Barber.”
“No kidding.” Sam pulled off the Seahawks beanie and ran a hand through his thick dark hair. “I might need a trim here soon. This is the longest my hair has been in years.”
Josh rejoined the group, hands on hips, eyes on Paisley.
She longed to toss him another bale to get him to turn around and take away the prickly awareness that warned her whenever he was near, but Pastor Taylor and Sam blocked the hay with their manly talk of hairdos.
“So, you gonna go?” Josh asked her.
The weather report had predicted clear blue skies for Friday, which would make for glorious skiing, but even if she didn’t want to ski, she’d still go to avoid being alone on the ranch with Josh. “If you think you can handle . . .” Darn. The ranch. She had another meeting at the bank. Hopefully to sign loan papers. She rubbed a hand over her face.
“What?” Josh’s gaze burned into hers.
“I can’t go.”
Wariness shaded his expression. Did he not trust himself to be alone with her? Well then she definitely shouldn’t trust him. “Why not?” he asked.
The other men looked her way at the question. Apparently they’d run out of topics of conversation after the “buzz cut.”
She motioned for Pastor Taylor to move so the two of them could hand the brothers the last bales of hay. “I have an appointment at the bank.”
Paisley handed over the last bale with the reluctance of putting down a shield. How was she going to protect herself from Josh, now?
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