“Paisley, the idea of staying here makes more sense than anything I’ve ever done. I’ve got the money to invest in the ranch now. I’ve got the marketing experience to bring in all the campers and tourists you need. And I’m so at peace. I don’t have to go back to Chicago to know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“Really?” She’d never imagined she’d hear such words. She wanted to reach out and accept all he offered. It sounded so good. But she knew it was too good to be true. Wasn’t it? She balled her hand and pushed it deeper into her jacket, stretching the material tight on her shoulders.
His duffle dropped into a snowdrift. His other hand joined the first one, framing her face. He leaned down slower than before. He’d kiss her longer this time. Long enough for her to have to choose whether to kiss him back or not.
Her lips parted. But he remained a breath away.
“I love the horses. I love the land. I love—”
You. He’d been about to say you. Why had he stopped? If he said the words, she’d have to tell him her secret. She hadn’t told Nick, but she’d tell Josh. She’d tell him she loved him, too. Loved him so much she couldn’t keep him from having a family.
She wanted to tell him. She didn’t want to hide anything anymore. He might not understand. But at least he’d go back to Chicago knowing he was loved. Knowing the difference between a relationship that looked good and one that was good. He wouldn’t settle next time.
And selfishly, telling him she loved him would also mean he’d kiss her again. She couldn’t have children. She couldn’t marry. But she’d always have this memory.
What was taking him so long?
His eyes focused past her. The sounds interrupting their silence filtered into her brain. Tires slurping snow. A door slamming. Footsteps crunching.
Pastor Taylor? Dot and Annabel? Whoever it was had terrible timing. She wished the trespasser would continue on up to the cabin, but as it was her ranch, they were probably there to see her. She’d have to step away from Josh, breaking their connection. She might not get another chance to connect with him again. If she was honest, she knew it was for the best. God was giving her what she needed, not what she wanted.
“Paisley Therese Sheridan.”
Dad? No. He wasn’t what she needed. He’d never been what she needed.
She turned his way and covered her mouth as if watching a car crash.
“I want to talk to you,” he barked.
She’d avoided his phone calls to avoid the scorn, yet here it was in person. Should she run? That would be her only way of preventing him from exploding in front of Josh. Because he wasn’t the type of man to be convinced to have a conversation privately. He wasn’t the type of man to respect anything she said.
Josh’s hand squeezed her shoulder. He stepped forward between her and her father.
Josh had always liked her dad. Was he going to greet the man in friendship or had he seen the fear in her eyes? Was he protecting her?
“Mr. Sheridan.” He extended his arm. “What a nice surprise.”
Dad paused. He sized up the younger man. His face broke into a giant grin. He had a great smile. Which was why people liked him. They didn’t know he took it off along with his hat and coat when walking in the door of his house.
Dad gripped Josh’s hand and clamped his other hand over Josh’s elbow as if to ally them together. “Joshua Lake?” He grinned past Josh at Paisley. “It all makes sense now.”
Paisley’s spine stiffened. It made sense that Dad was happier to see Josh than her, but that wasn’t what he was talking about.
“I am so relieved.” Dad wiped a hand across his brow. “So this is why you broke things off with Nick, huh, Paisley?”
Paisley gripped the snow scraper. If her father was relieved to think she ended her relationship with Nick to be with Josh, then he must have been worried there was another reason.
“I have to say I approve,” her father continued. “Nick may have been a good vet, but he wasn’t a man’s man. As for Josh . . .” Dad motioned toward the man she loved. “Son, I read in the paper that you’re making some huge deal with a computer company. You’ve got to be riding high. Yet, of all the places you could be, you’re here on a ranch. I knew I liked you for a reason.”
Josh rubbed at the scruff on his jaw. He had to be a little confused. Sure, it would be flattering to have Paisley’s dad prefer him over Paisley’s ex, but would he be suspicious as to why Mr. Sheridan drove all the way up to Montana to find out what was going on in the first place?
“Sir?” Oh no. Josh was going to explain their situation. “Paisley didn’t break up with her ex for me. I was driving home to Sun Valley at the beginning of the month when I ran into her in town at a coffee shop.”
Paisley’s breath puffed out into a little cloud. She wished she could pull some kind of ninja move where she disappeared before the cloud did. Her stomach knotted with dread because she couldn’t. There was no way to avoid the confrontation that was coming.
Dad stiffened. His eyes darkened. He turned his head her way. “Paisley?” Her name came out slow, as if a warning. She was in trouble. “Doc Matthews is boarding his horse at my ranch, and I had an interesting conversation with him the other day.”
Josh’s head swiveled toward her, his eyebrows drawn together as he tried to read her expression. He would have no idea what Dad was talking about. She wished she could keep it that way. Because if anybody was going to tell Josh about her condition, it should be her.
Dad stepped past Josh.
She took a step backward, though with the way her heart pounded, she might as well have taken off at a run. What was she more afraid of—Dad’s disgust or Josh’s reaction?
“Doc asked how you were doing.” Gone was the charming smile. But she was used to having him looking at her like he wanted to spit. “He said he was worried your engagement might have ended because of his recent warning to you.”
Her throat tightened as if in refusal to let out the words she’d dreaded to speak. It didn’t even want to let her swallow.
“What?” Josh joined their little circle, most likely unsure if he needed to step between them. It was a nice gesture but pointless. Dad’s next words would reach both of their ears whether Josh blocked his path or not.
Dad continued as if Josh had disappeared. “I asked Doc what warning he was referring to then he wouldn’t say anything else. Obviously he was surprised you hadn’t talked to me about something.”
Dad made it sound like she was a bad child. As if she were the one keeping the two of them from having a loving father/daughter relationship. As if Mom hadn’t slept on the couch facing the door whenever Dad was out drinking so that when he returned, she’d be able to protect Paisley from his rage.
Paisley wasn’t afraid of him hurting her physically now, but there were many forms of abuse. And they all hurt.
“What kind of warning might a doctor have given you that would keep you from marrying Nick?” His eyes radiated contempt.
He’d only ever considered her good for one thing. And if that one thing wasn’t possible anymore, then she was worthless to him. She was garbage. She was a waste of time.
Well, she didn’t need to waste any more of his time. She lifted her chin so she didn’t have to look him in the eye. She focused past him. Past Josh. At the ranch Grandpa had willed her. At her chance to make a difference in the world. She was going to create a camp where kids could be free from the demands of dysfunctional families. Where she could love them like the parent she would never get to be.
“Doctor Matthews warned me I shouldn’t get pregnant.”
Paisley’s words drew all Josh’s attention despite the way her father glowered. His body grew heavy for the burden she had to bear. She couldn’t have kids? That would be life-changing. Was that really why her ex had left her? Well then the guy was as bad as her father. No wonder she’d had a hard time opening up to Josh.
“Nick was smart to leave you.” Mr. Sheri
dan spat out the words. “You’re worse than your mother.”
Josh balled his fists. He’d never punched anyone before, but Mr. Sheridan was asking for it.
“I’m worse? How so?” Paisley’s arms flew wide. “Because I’m not willing to risk my life to give birth to an heir the way you forced Mom to?”
Risk her life? Like her mother had? Josh knew Mrs. Sheridan had died in childbirth years ago, but he’d just assumed that made Paisley’s dad a grieving widower. The man had always been a monster. Josh had simply held up a mask in front of his face.
Paisley’s dad scuffed his foot in the snow with all the energy of a raging bull. “You better be willing.” He turned toward Josh. “She could still give you a child. Madeline made it through one pregnancy. Paisley could, too.”
Fury surged. The heat of it singing his thoughts and preventing him from responding. If he opened his mouth, if he unlocked his limbs, he’d unleash the kind of anger he’d never felt before. Being accused of plagiarism in advertising didn’t compare. Being dumped by the fiancée who’d claimed to love him didn’t compare. Even finding out Bree had only claimed to love him to steal his ideas didn’t compare. Because he’d always had his family there for him. He’d always known he was wanted by the people who mattered most.
Family wasn’t about heirs. Family wasn’t about having your name carried on. Family was about loving unconditionally and accepting others for who they were. In fact, his own mother wanted a daughter, yet she still treated each of her five sons as if they were her favorite child. How was it possible for Paisley’s father to be willing to let her die so he could have a grandson? And even worse, he seemed to think Josh might agree with him.
“Josh is going back to Chicago,” Paisley said into the silence.
But no. He wasn’t. He was going to marry her. She may not have a mother anymore, and she certainly didn’t have a father, but she was going to be a daughter-in-law. She was going to finally have the relationships she should have been born with. He reached for her hand to unite them against the enemy. Her cold fingers trembled in his grasp. Though it wasn’t only her hands, was it? Her whole body trembled. She feared her father.
“I’m staying,” Josh said. “But you need to leave, sir.” Before Josh lost all pretense of respect.
Sheridan stepped away and raised his hands. A sneer twisted his lips. How had Josh ever thought he had a contagious smile? “You’re kidding me, right? She owes me. Paisley owes me. After all those years of medical expenses. Do you know how much insulin costs? It’s not cheap, son. Being self-employed, I had to pay for the insurance myself. And now this?”
And now what? Paisley didn’t owe him anything. He was talking like a horse-breeder, not a parent.
“You think she owes you a grandchild?” Speaking the words out loud made Josh even angrier. “You think you deserve to be a grandfather when you haven’t even been a father?”
Mr. Sheridan stilled. His head tilted to face Josh. His gaze, razor sharp. “Is that what she told you?” he hissed.
Josh let go of Paisley’s hand to step in front of her. He crossed his arms. “She didn’t have to.”
The man slammed the side of his fist against Big Red. “Well, I’m not her father anymore. I’m disowning her.” He raised his voice. “Do you hear me, Paisley Therese? That’s a stupid name, anyway. Therese. I never liked the Norwegian in your blood. But now it’s all you can claim, because I’m disowning you.”
Josh stepped one foot forward with the intention of shutting the man up. The ice scraper dropped to the snow beside his feet and two hands bunched in the back of his jacket to hold him in place. Was Paisley protecting herself or protecting him? It didn’t matter. If she felt safer with him standing there, he’d stay put.
“You know what?” Sheridan pulled his keys from his pocket and walked backwards as he spoke, though Josh couldn’t be sure whether the man was talking to himself or them. “I can still have a son. It’s not too late for me. I’ll remarry. I don’t know why I haven’t done this before. Probably because I didn’t want another woman to take care of.” His eyes connected with Josh, and he spoke louder. “But no woman could be as much of a letdown as Paisley.”
The tension on Josh’s jacket slackened, but any thoughts of chasing away Sheridan vanished as the small body behind him leaned against him for support. Going after the raving lunatic would mean leaving Paisley alone. Her father would be gone soon. While Josh was there for good.
He turned to wrap his arms around her. She continued to shake. He rubbed his gloved palms up and down her arms, though he should really get her back inside in front of the fire. Eventually thoughts of her father would fade.
A truck door slammed behind him and an engine revved. About time.
He kissed her damp forehead then closed his eyes and held her to him. He wouldn’t ever let her go through this again.
His heart lurched as the 4x4 rumbled away. How had Paisley put up with that man? How had Josh ever admired him? All the while Sheridan had charmed strangers and impressed them with his beautiful ranch and knowledge of horses, he’d treated his wife and child worse than the animals. It was as if the man would have rather spent money on a vet than pay doctor bills for his own daughter.
Josh’s eyes flew open with a thought. Insurance. For insulin. She must have been diabetic. Is that why she couldn’t have children? Is that why she’d been sick the other day?
His stomach knotted.
If he’d known she was diabetic, he might have given more credence to Sam’s suggestion that she was the girl he’d kissed at prom. But she couldn’t have been. Because he’d told her that story the night before, and she hadn’t said a word.
His heart thumped in his chest. Or was that her heartbeat he felt?
He had to know for sure. Not about the heartbeat, but about the girl. The one he’d been looking for all these years. If she was Paisley . . .
He lifted his hands to her shoulders and pulled away to look her in the eyes. Her gaze darted down, sideways, down again, finally at him. There was no relief her father was gone. There was no brokenness from the way he’d treated her. Sure, she couldn’t have been as shocked by her father’s behavior as Josh had been, but that wouldn’t give her a reason to veil her expression. The only reason for the wariness in her eyes was if she was afraid he’d found out something she hadn’t wanted him to know.
Those eyes. Those amber eyes. He pictured them behind a lacy, feather-embellished, royal blue mask. “It was you.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
She licked her dry lips rather than respond. Where was her lip gloss?
He’d put the pieces together like she knew he would, but the confusion in his eyes told her he still didn’t understand. Would he be hurt? Angry? Relieved to know she couldn’t have children before he made the mistake of telling her he loved her?
Because he didn’t really love her. And even if he did, loving her wouldn’t be enough.
He waited quietly for her to admit it, though his countenance spoke volumes. He wasn’t going to drop the subject. She had to confess.
“Yes,” she whispered.
His hands rose to frame her face again. Though he wasn’t leaning forward to kiss her this time. He was studying her to figure out how reality fit with memories.
She almost asked if he was disappointed. Almost. But she couldn’t bear to hear it from his mouth. Not after the way her father berated her.
Sure, he’d stood up for her when dear old Dad was doing the criticizing, but if he stayed, he’d someday feel the same way. Mom always told the story of the day she’d met Dad. He’d swept her off her feet. He romanced her like no other.
Paisley knew Mom only told that story to remind herself how she had once loved the man. He’d made her feel so cherished that she’d ignored the advice of family and friends. She’d refused to listen to Grandpa Johan’s warnings. More than anything, Mom had wanted to feel cherished again. So she kept getting pregnant. Kept miscarrying. Kept making herself
sicker and sicker. Until she’d gone into diabetic ketoacidosis and never recovered.
Josh’s gaze warmed her. Her cheeks almost burned from it. Or maybe that was from the shame of him knowing.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.
Because it would pop the bubble of hope he’d felt at having a mystery woman to believe in. Because she didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes when she didn’t live up to his hopes. And because it wouldn’t change anything.
She rocked back on her heels to keep from leaning into him. “In . . . in high school, I thought you knew. I thought you kissed all the girls the way you kissed me. And when you came back to work on the ranch after prom and acted like nothing had happened between us, I figured you ignored them afterward the same way.”
His lips parted. The sheen of pain over his eyes turned to awareness. “That’s why you were always so snotty.” One side of his lips turned up.
She felt his smile. It made her want to smile. It made her want to laugh. In this crazy moment after having her father disown her and having the man she loved realize she’d been hiding her feelings for a decade—when she should have been running away toward the cabin or at least rebuilding the wall around her heart—he made her want to laugh. “I was not snotty.”
Now both sides of his mouth curved deliciously. “Not to anybody else, but you were to me.”
She didn’t want to like him so much. Not then. Not now. But not now for a whole different reason. Not now because he was a good man, and he did care about her. And she could never be with him. “I figured you could handle it.”
He shook his head, scrutinizing her but probably seeing all their past connections and misconnections. “I never would have gone to Boise State or Chicago. I would have stayed and taken over my parent’s Christmas tree farm to be close to you.”
Now he was being ridiculous. Playing a game she couldn’t join. She pulled his hands down from her face and stepped back. “You hated Santa. And you hated taking care of trees. Sam told me you couldn’t even keep a cactus alive.”
Finding Love In Big Sky, Montana (Resort to Love--Finding Love line Book 2) Page 22