by Annie Dyer
She nodded, clearly in a good mood and I crossed us over the road to the mini-supermarket, aware that the couple of minutes that we’d lost through breakfast was going to be added to.
We were now on the topic of spiders and how they weren’t insects when I located the aisle with the sanitary products. I picked up a box I knew would do until I could get my preferred brand – it was something I was fussy about – when a familiar voice sounded from the bottom of the aisle.
Seph.
He was stood with the woman from the café that most of Callaghan Green was fed by, his arm around her shoulders and they were both laughing. I hadn’t realised they were seeing each other; we still hadn’t gotten around to sharing anything personal.
The thumping in my chest was probably audible to anyone standing close by and I felt lightheaded. I was standing open mouthed holding a box of sanitary products with my daughter who no one at work knew about, while the highly attractive man who was technically my boss stood about ten feet away. And to make things just a tad worse, my period might just have gotten a little heavier.
Later, when I had a big glass of wine in my hand, I would find this funny. Right now, I wanted to squeeze into the gap on the bottom shelf where we were standing and hide.
“Mummy, there’s the dog food. I wonder which Bramble would like best.”
It was the perfect opportunity to kneel down and practice reading some words with Rose, keeping our backs towards Seph. Bramble was the name she’d given the imaginary dog that she’d promised would one day become a reality. I’d gone along with it, keeping to the exact same rules I’d given her the other night.
“What does this say? Can you read it?” I pointed to the slogan on the pack of dog food.
My clever girl started to sound out the first word, segmenting and blending the phonemes until she knew she’d said it correctly and recognised the word. The rest of the sentence was a doddle and by the time we’d read a couple of other bits, I’d spied Seph leaving the store.
“Let’s pay up and get you to Elspeth’s. She’ll be wondering where you are.”
Rose nodded, clearly not listening. “Do you think Bramble would need a dog friend?”
Holy fuck.
What time could I pour that wine?
“Morning!”
Seph sounded almost too cheerful, but then if he’d spent the night getting laid by the gorgeous café owner, he was going to be happy.
I would be.
I missed sex. Missed the feel of man’s hands, the way he would touch and stroke and pinch and soothe. Missed dirty words and the feel of lips on skin.
It wasn’t that I’d sworn off sex; I hadn’t. Giving birth was traumatic, but things had kind of gotten back to normal, or rather, everything physical had.
Dating hadn’t happened. There was work and there was Rose. My mother and Olivia would babysit but I couldn’t bring a man back, and I didn’t want to go back to his in case he was a serial killer and I left my daughter motherless. Every man I considered dating seriously meant I needed to explain to him I had a daughter, and given I was a young mum for someone in my profession, most men I considered dating weren’t interested in getting serious with someone with a child.
“Morning.” I tried to be chipper, but the morning hadn’t been amazing, really. “Did you hear back from David Hartford?”
He looked puzzled, tilting his head to one side. “I could’ve sworn I saw you in the shop on Fulton Road this morning. With a little girl.”
My heart started to race. “Wasn’t me.”
As soon as I said the words I turned away, looking out of the window to the street that we overlooked from our first-floor office. The lie had almost choked me, and I didn’t know why I hadn’t used the opportunity to tell him the truth.
I did know.
I was afraid.
She was trying to trap him.
I heard she did it on purpose.
She’s not that good at her job so she needed to try and get herself a rich husband. Didn’t work.
Home wrecker. She said she didn’t know he was married. I don’t believe that.
Sleeping her way to the top.
They were all comments I’d heard when I was locked in a bathroom stall, five months pregnant and staring at blood in my knickers. Someone at work had let it out that I was pregnant and who the father was – the information having come from the father himself, probably because he’d already moved on.
The blood turned out to be nothing to worry about; the comments I forced myself to rise above and eventually they went away. Someone else became the focus of office gossip. I carried on working, proudly displaying the baby bump I loved more than anything, but also needing to show I was more than just the colleague that got knocked up.
“David Hartford? Did you say you’d heard from him?” I didn’t turn to face Seph. I was a crap liar and I felt like I was betraying Rose by denying her existence.
I didn’t hear Seph walk up behind me, so when I felt a hand on my shoulder I jumped, a sharp yell bursting from my lungs and then I heard a chuckle.
“Sorry. I forget I sneak up on people without meaning to.”
His hand stayed on my shoulder, warm and heavy.
“Are you okay?”
I blinked. Probably not. I was hormonal; starting a new job was stressful; I wished I could pick my daughter up from nursery each day like she saw other parents doing and I had stomach cramps. Tears were pricking at my eyes and I would not cry in front of anyone I worked with.
The hand tightened a little more on my shoulder. “Why don’t we go for a coffee and I’ll go through the bag of utter shite David passed on last night.”
He was standing directly behind me and I could just about see his reflection in the glass of the window. Heat from his body hit my back and it was all I could do to not lean back into him, craving being held for just a minute.
Instead I turned around, my eyes under control for a minute at least, his hand falling away from my shoulder. “Coffee sounds great.”
He smiled, but it wasn’t his usual smile. It was curious, unsure even.
Now my guilt was for more than just my daughter.
“My treat.” The offer didn’t make me feel any better.
The café was busy as usual, a range of people who looked like they worked in nearby offices and some of London’s more eclectic residents. There was a bearded man with a guitar in one corner, gently strumming something that sounded melodic, while two tourists kept sneaking looks at him as he provided their free entertainment.
We sat at the table in the window, one of the waitstaff appearing almost immediately with menus. She recognised Seph straight away, beaming at him. “Your usual?”
I knew from what Payton had said that this was where Seph came when he needed a change of scenery from the office, or to meet clients without trekking halfway across London. Seeing him with Amelie, the owner, had made me understand part of the reason why.
“No, I’ll just have a coffee, thanks. Black with hot milk on the side. Georgia?” He looked at me for my request.
“Latte, thank you.” I’d caught sight of the cakes on the way in and my hormonally spoilt sweet tooth was needing one. “A slice of lemon drizzle as well, please.”
I heard Seph chuckle.
“Don’t judge,” I muttered the words as the waitress left.
He shook his head. “I wouldn’t dare. I have three sisters. I learned how to keep my mouth shut if I wanted to live.”
“They taught you well.”
“Quite painfully sometimes. I met with David last night after he phoned late in the afternoon.”
I’d been with a client for three hours yesterday, until just before seven, when I’d raced back home to be there to give Rose a bath.
“Are you taking on the case?”
He nodded. “Not without reservation, and I was really clear about that.” He sighed slowly. “The brothers have been in business together since they were teenagers. They’
ve had a massive argument and don’t want to be partners anymore, but neither will either of them sell to the other.”
“What was the argument about?”
Seph shrugged. “I think it had something to do with Ron’s wife, but I don’t know anymore.” He looked at me, confusion etched on a face that was far too handsome. “I can’t imagine ever falling out with any of my family like that. Don’t get me wrong, they can be infuriating and make me want to bang my head against a brick wall very hard sometimes, but I can’t imagine them ever doing anything that would hurt me enough to not want to know them.” He looked almost pained at the thought.
“My sister’s like that. We get on each other’s nerves, but we’d never fall out. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” Olivia had really gotten on my nerves last night by leaving the bathroom in a mess that looked like a teenaged girl had exploded in there. She was meant to be on a date straight after work tonight so all the preparation for it had taken place yesterday. Rose was staying a little later for tea with Addy at Elspeth's, more for Addy’s sake as her parents had some late-night event and Addy was actually staying over there.
Rose had begged for me to let her stay too, but I wasn’t ready for that yet. Besides, I had no other plans or even the prospect of one.
“What’s your sister called?”
I realised I’d shared barely any personal information at all.
“Olivia. She’s a couple of years older than me and works in the City.”
He gave a nod. “Is it just you and her?”
“Just the two of us, unless I have a half brother or sister somewhere, which wouldn’t surprise me. Our dad was a bit of a one when he was younger.”
“Are your parents still around?”
Our drinks and my cake were delivered by a different staff member with no more than a smile.
“My mum has just moved to Spain to live with her girlfriend, and my dad’s in California with his latest wife.” I grinned. I got along well with my dad, or I had since I understood that he was a serial monogamist. He loved me and Liv, and Rose, dearly, but he tired of relationships quickly, nearly always having the next woman to move onto.
“Girlfriend?”
I laughed. “That’s the bit you picked up on?”
His broad shoulders shrugged again, and his hand moved, nearly knocking over his coffee. I’d already seen him destroy several papers with knocking over drinks this week.
“After my parents split – which was amicable, by the way - my mum was quite open about dating men and women. It was never anything serious enough for her to move in with someone, until she met Danica whose main home’s just outside Barcelona.” I smiled, thinking of where my mother was now. We’d visited Danica last year for a holiday, and it was a great place with a pool and terrace with a view.
“Main home?” Seph squinted at me.
“She has a place in Norfolk too. She works as a software developer and can be based anywhere. My mum’s an editor for a publisher, so she isn’t tied to one place either. They’re both doing okay.” More than okay, which was one less thing to worry about. “Both your parents have retired now, haven’t they?”
“Pretty much. My dad pretends he’s still a consultant, although he tends to badger us for reasons to come into the office, and I think that’s to get away from Mum. She does a few days a month to help Claire out while she’s on mat leave, and she usually keeps a couple of files on the side. I don’t think she’ll ever properly stop.” He shook his head. “I think she does it to piss my dad off half the time.”
“How did she work and have all of you at home?” I struggled with just having Rose, but to have seven was beyond my imagination.
Seph laughed. “She wasn’t conventional. She was part-time while me, Payton and Ava were at primary school, doing two or three days a week. As soon as Ava was in high school, she went back full time but not on the crazy hours that my dad did. She made him reduce the amount of time that he was in the office for then too, and by that time, Max was at university and Jackson and Claire were about to start. We grew up in this mad chaos, where if we were all alive, fed and relatively clean, it was considered a success.”
I totally understood that. Goals.
“How did your parents feel about Ava and Callum not becoming solicitors?”
Seph stirred the milk into his coffee. “Mum was happy, kind of. Ava didn’t tell anyone, but she applied to university in New York. We found out a couple of days before she left. We all knew that Cal wanted to work with animals, but Dad just ignored it, thinking he’d change his mind. I don’t think he spoke to him for about six months after, but Cal and Dad were always a bit weird with each other.”
There was more to it than that, I could tell with how Seph seemed to gloss over the bit weird part, but it wasn’t my place to pry.
“Are they okay now, though?”
Seph’s smile was big. “Better than ever. Cal lives a few minutes away on this big farm he bought. Him and his wife run a vet practice that basically looks after any sort of animal. They both help on projects abroad too. Where does your sister live?”
“With me. She’s been offered a job in New York, she’s just not sure if she’s going to take it yet or move, so she’s staying with me until then and helping…” I stopped before I gave anything away.
“Helping with what?”
Seph didn’t miss a trick.
“Me get settled in. So, what else did David Hartford tell you?” It was not a smooth change of subject, but it worked.
Just before five, Max pushed open the door to our office and blocked the entrance. Seph had just finished a phone call to David Hartford and I was at the point of seeing stars from the amount of cross referencing I’d being doing as I went through a pack sent from an opponent’s solicitor before we were in court next week.
“It’s Friday. It’s happy hour at Whisky Ginger and I need a drink. Victoria’s meeting us there too with Vanessa.” Max’s hair looked like he’d spent much of the afternoon pushing his hand through it.
Seph sat back and put his hands behind his head. “Is that an order to come with you?”
“Since when have you taken any orders from me?” Max looked questioningly at him. “Georgia, would you like to join us all for a drink? Payton’s coming too, and various other people.”
“By various other people he means people whose names he can’t be arsed to remember.” Seph stood up, lost his suit jacket and grabbed his leather one that was hung over the back of his chair. “I’m done anyway. Alcohol sounds good. Come on, Georgie, I’ll buy you a drink.”
I faltered. I’d had drinks with colleagues at my old firm when Rose had been with my mum, a quick glass of prosecco or even a French Martini, before going home and then making my own cocktails with a good book and a take-out. But tonight I had until about eight before I needed to pick my daughter up.
There was no excuse. I could get to know my colleagues better, and I knew that Payton had endured a tough week with her pregnancy, and I could at least be a sympathetic ear.
“Sounds good.”
“Excellent.” Seph picked my coat off the hanger and passed it to me. “Whatever you’re doing can now wait till Monday, even if you say it can’t. Drinks.”
Max frowned.
“What? Is your grumpy self uninviting us now?” Seph frowned at his brother.
“You called her Georgie.” Max frowned at me. “Did you check first? Did he?”
“Ignore him, Georgie. He’s always weird. Let’s go. I’ll get you two cocktails to make up for Max being a tool.”
I laughed and shrugged at Max who looked pretty much exhausted. I knew he’d been in early every morning and I’d seen him leave with a bag full of work most nights. Payton had told me he was trying to close a few files quickly so he could take extended paternity leave when his wife had the baby, which made sense.
We walked over to Whisky Ginger, spring just about starting to defrost the frigid February air. Friday evenings aro
und Borough were busy; office workers fell away from their desks into the bars, tourists migrated to the city for a weekend break and everyone who needed to escape from their everyday lives into an evening of fun and freedom. There was a bohemian atmosphere, where everyone and anyone were welcome.
The bar was busy, but not overly so. I figured it would be later, when more people had headed to the area or finished an early dinner.
For a moment, I forgot about the rest of me as we walked up to the bar, Payton already guarding a table with her fiancé, Owen. I was out socialising with no responsibilities for the next couple of hours and I could almost relax.
I pulled my phone from my bag and set an alarm for seven fifteen, giving me time to finish a drink and get to Elspeth’s before eight to collect what would be a very sleepy Rose by then.
“What would you like?” Seph smiled at me. At some point between the office and here he’d lost his tie and undone the top couple of buttons on his shirt. Amelie from the café was a lucky woman.
I glanced at the cocktail list, knowing exactly what I’d have if they made them, and they did. “A French martini, please.”
He ordered, getting himself a Tom Collins, which made Max pass some comment about wussy drinks. Seph didn’t respond, just giving his brother a wink and a smirk, and Max stropped off to where his wife now was.
“Have you met Victoria yet?” Seph lifted a hand to wave at the woman standing next to Max, her belly slightly rounded with what I guessed to be her third or fourth month of pregnancy.
Was everybody pregnant around here?
“No. I’ve heard a lot about her. Apparently she keeps Max in line.” I smiled at Seph. I’d seen how he and Max interacted over the course of the week and they were closer than brothers. It was cute.
“The only person who can. She had him wrapped round the tip of her little finger from the moment they met. Fuck knows what he’s going to be like once she’s had the baby.” Seph passed me my cocktail. “Enjoy.”
My phone vibrated before I could even take a sip. I rushed to fish it out, guilt hovering over me like a black cloud.
When I saw it wasn’t Elspeth, the pounding in my head simmered to a dull thud. Olivia’s name flashed up, along with a photo of her and Rose. I answered quickly, hoping Seph hadn’t seen the photo.