by Debra Druzy
They strolled by Violet’s Valise, a lingerie shop in a purple Victorian-style building. Nick slowed the pace to browse the window dressing.
“Those mannequins are a helluva lot better looking than ones we use for CPR training, dontcha think?” Two wore sheer red and white nighties with feathery trim. The third had painted-on silver pants and a shimmery camisole.
She grabbed his elbow. “Let’s keep going.”
“No. Let’s wait for them to open in ten hours.” He wrapped her in his arms. “We’ll start a line.”
Suddenly playing coy, she shooed his hands away. “Quit it.”
He didn’t let her get away so easy. “Why ya being so shy? I’m only teasing. I don’t like this stuff anyway.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right.”
“No, really. I prefer cotton and fleece over satin and—what is that?” He pressed his face to the glass. “Silk or something? Who likes that stuff? Give me some sturdy rayon or a polyester-blend—now that’s a fabric I can get into.”
“You’re crazy.” She laughed.
“Crazy about you.” He kissed her forehead. “But I’m serious. I especially like my underwear fireproof.”
“Well, then, there’s nothing in Violet’s for you.”
“What about you?” There was plenty that would look good on her. Better yet, scattered on the floor.
“There’s nothing for me either.”
“That’s not true.” He rocked her in a slow dance on the sidewalk. “I wanna take you shopping there sometime. You don’t have to get anything too—”
“Slutty?”
“I was gonna say revealing.”
“But you mean slutty.”
“There’s nothing wrong with slutty.”
“Oh, really? If you like it so much, then maybe you should go after a girl like Britney. She seems interested in you, in case you didn’t notice.”
“Yeah, I have noticed. But she’s a little too aggressive for my taste. There’s nothing wrong with wearing something a little slutty, as long as you’re wearing it for me and no one else.”
“I don’t think so.” She pulled him away from the window.
Nick’s stomach growled as they approached the aromatic air emanating from diner. “Hungry yet?”
Lily flashed incredulous eyes, then glared through the glass where Britney stood behind the register. “Uh, no, thanks. I’d rather starve.” She quickened the pace.
“Are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” She snatched her hand away.
“Aww, come on, Lily.” He stopped in the crosswalk, caught her shoulders, and spun her to face him. “You can tell me what’s up with you two—why she has it in for you.”
“She doesn’t like me ’cause I dated her brother. Years ago. In high school. I don’t like talking about it—same as you don’t like talking about your ex-wife.” She grinned smartly, zapping him where it hurt, and he took the bullet, not wanting to upset her by pushing the issue beyond the comfort zone.
At the sight of oncoming headlights, Nick nudged her across the street.
She stopped in front of Mr. Lucky’s door as some patrons stumbled out, bringing the warmth with them. “Want to go in?”
“Wouldn’t you rather keep walking?”
“Just one drink.”
With a low, reluctant groan, he pulled the door handle for her. “Sure. Just one.”
It was dark and jam-packed with post-Thanksgiving partiers. The hot, rancid air was a repulsive alternative to being wind blasted, but she wanted to come here. He couldn’t refuse.
She seemed to know where she was going, quickly cutting between cliques, maneuvering through the throng. He kept their fingers laced, not letting her slip away.
He hadn’t been inside a tavern in years, but the layered odors were the same. Stagnant cigarettes and stale beer mingled with the garden variety of heavy perfume and potent cologne. However, this place had the hint of something more pleasant, like burning trees.
Claiming a vacant table for two next to a wood burning stove built into a brick wall, she let him pick sides. He slid into the booth with his back to the wall facing the mob. She sat across the lacquered tabletop, staring at him, making him self-conscious.
“Well?” Her green eyes glowed.
“You come here often?” It wasn’t supposed to sound like a line, but it did.
She shook her head. “I haven’t been here in a while. But this is still the best seat in the house.”
“What’ll ya have?” he asked before the waitress appeared.
“Hmm?” She sighed thoughtfully and sat back, stripping off her hat and coat, adjusting her baggie sweatshirt. “A scotch.” She wrinkled her button nose. “And a cherry soda on the side.”
“Scotch, huh? Wow.” He expected her to order champagne since she bought it by the caseload. “I’ll have a seltzer.”
“That’s it—really? If I knew you weren’t drinking I woulda just ordered the soda.”
“It’s okay. You can order whatever you like.”
The waitress returned in a jiffy, and Nick paid on the spot, not bothering to open a tab.
“I don’t like it.” Lily took a taste of the amber liquid in the short glass and winced. “I’m only drinking it to get warm.”
“That’ll do the trick.”
“Want a sip?” She pushed it toward him.
“No, thanks.”
“You’ll put your tongue in my mouth, but you won’t drink from my glass. Go on, take a sip.”
He slid it back. “No. It’s not that at all. I’m…cutting back,” he said, treading carefully into the dark depths of his unflattering past.
Cutting him a suspicious look, she sipped her scotch in small medicinal increments, scrunching her face with every taste. “God, this stuff is gross. I dunno how people drink it for fun.”
“I know. I used to be a big drinker.” He cringed as he let the bones of one of his ugly skeletons out of the closet, waiting for her to bolt straight for the front door.
But, surprisingly, she stayed.
“So, you don’t drink any more—at all?” She sounded concerned.
Nick shook his head. “It was getting too hard to handle. I knew if I didn’t get hold of it, I’d be dead or a lifetime lush.” He sighed, liberated now that he released the big guilt-laden secret.
“Sorry, we can leave…”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m okay. Trust me. I’m over it. I know my limitations. I can be around drinkers and not wanna drink.” He exaggerated his willpower.
“You sure?”
“I wouldn’t have come in otherwise.”
She slammed what was left in the glass and said, “Well. I’m finished, so we can go.”
“Warm yet?”
“Yes. Hot, actually.”
“Takes the edge off, doesn’t it?”
“Sure does.” The sharpness in her glassy eyes seemed to melt away, her invisible protective armor fading fast.
“Enough to wanna talk?”
“If you don’t mind me having one more, I just might tell you anything you want to hear.”
Nick flagged the waitress. “Make it a double.”
“So, how do you want it?” She looked at him lopsided. “Quick and dirty? Or slow and painful?”
“Huh?” His head nearly exploded. “You changed gears without me—are you talking about?”
“Sex?” She giggled. “Nooo. I mean my story.”
He checked his wristwatch in jest. “Hmm, I have plenty of time. The only place I need to be is in line at Violet’s in nine hours.”
“You’re sure you really want to hear it?” Her softening gaze washed over him.
Nick felt the warmth in her eyes, but longed to know the heated history inside her head. Playing it cool, he swirled the straw in his tall glass while his knee riveted a mile a minute under the table.
“Yes. Of course.” He couldn’t avoid sounding eager.
“I
don’t even know where to begin.” She blew out cheeks full of air, then chased a nip from the scotch with a sip from the straw floating in the soda.
“My mother, she was, um…an alcoholic.” Lily stumbled over the words as if speaking an alien language. Her eyes fell from his to her fingers laced around the scotch.
“She was sorta the infamous town drunk—well, not sorta. She was the town drunk. But she wasn’t always like that. She only started drinking outta control after my dad died in a fire, saving someone’s life. I was only four, so I don’t remember much, except…it changed everything.”
“I’m so sorry.” It didn’t begin to cover it, but it was the best he could do after being sideswiped by her words. Now he understood why she didn’t date firefighters. Why she refused to date him.
She gave a small, gracious nod. “Yeah, well, my mom—she never got over it. So, as you might imagine, my home life was pretty…erratic. And then there was Mark, Britney’s brother. We’d known each other since elementary school.”
Her voice grew small and her eyelashes moistened with hard memories.
“We dated on and off throughout high school, but…his family never approved of their only son dating the local drunk’s daughter. That didn’t stop him from seeing me. He never told his family about us. But my mom had known all about him. The two of them got along great, actually. She didn’t mind him staying over all the time. She joked about how nice it was to have a man around the house again. He mowed the lawn, took out the trash and stuff, and she bought him beer. Things seemed good for a while. Then, one night she was walking home from the bar. A car hit her.” Lily shrugged with a downhearted sigh.
“Tsk.” At the sight of her wounded eyes, Nick’s insides flinched although he kept his body stoic. Shaking his head in disbelief, he had no idea the girl lived through such tragedy. The night in the ER, when he asked about her next of kin, Maresca didn’t mention any of these painful details.
She drew a shaky breath before continuing. “She was crushed between the bumper and a tree. Mark’s family was pissed because he came with me to her funeral rather than go to our graduation ceremony. I inherited the house. And the bills. Mark sorta just moved all his stuff in little by little. I wasn’t in the frame of mind for a serious commitment, but I didn’t want to live alone. Just because we were sleeping together, it didn’t mean I wanted to marry him. We’d known each other for so long, it seemed like my only option. I dreaded the idea of meeting anyone new. Unloading all this information on someone else—like I’m doing right now. I figured it would drive any decent guy away. Mark already knew everything about me…about my life. We never talked about being in-love. It wasn’t romantic, just convenient. I said yes because I didn’t know how to tell him no after sticking by me all that time.” She stopped to breathe then swiped her nose with the heel of her hand.
Nick wished he never made her recap this horror story. At least she trusted him enough to talk about it. If she gave him the chance, he’d fix things for her—or he’d die trying.
“Aww, Lil…” He took her hand. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“I know.” She studied his palm, tracing the lines. “There is nothing to say. That’s why I’m not a big drinker. I know how bad this stuff is for you. I’m only drinking now because…well, you have me so nervous.”
“I don’t want you to be nervous around me.”
“That came out wrong. I feel comfortable…I’m just nervous that someone will…” She dropped off with a sigh and flashed damp eyes to the ceiling like she was saying a silent prayer.
“See us together?”
“I don’t care what people think. I just worry about Bob and Sophia finding out I played sick to get outta their Thanksgiving invitation. I hate hurting their feelings. They’re like family. But…it’s not the same as real family.”
“You’ve known them a long time, huh?” He sounded like a therapist, and felt like one, too. But he didn’t mind. As long as it was helping her, he’d be whatever she needed.
She nodded. “My mom worked at the barbershop for years before I was born, before she even met my dad. Then I started when I was old enough to push a broom. I was already on a career path, so I never planned on college. I worked toward my beauty license, taking occupational classes in high school. Mark didn’t do much, but drink beer, play video games, and take up time and space. He didn’t want any part of his family’s diner because his sisters gave him grief about being with me. Eventually, I gave him an ultimatum—get a job or get out. He wound up working at the pizzeria and volunteering in the fire department. He planned on taking the New York City Firefighter’s exam despite my feelings…”
“At least he made an effort.”
“I know. That was why I couldn’t kick him out. I was hoping he’d go quietly, you know?” She strained to hold back the tears. “So, I accepted his engagement ring, even though I knew I shouldn’t. And things were okay for a few weeks after that. Then, one day, as he picked me up from work, he got called to a fire on the other side of town. I offered to walk home. But it was the middle of winter. He wanted to take me to the firehouse so I could drive his car. He was going too fast and swerved to avoid hitting a kid running across the road. We slipped on a patch of ice and hit a pole. The next thing I know, I’m in the hospital with a broken arm, cracked ribs, and a concussion. Mark was DOA. Brain hemorrhage. I was a mess after that. Felt guilty as hell for everything. Britney said her brother would be alive if he weren’t with me. I guess I sound like a real jinx, huh?”
Nick sat there stunned, thinking he could use a drink himself. He took the almost-empty scotch from her fingers. One more sip and she might start blubbering, as she rightly should, but not here, not now. Not in front of Britney who just sauntered in as the bartender announced, “Last call.”
“Hey, come on. I’m ready to get outta here.” He stood, helped put on her coat, and led her through the crowd.
Before they could make it out the door, Britney stepped in Nick’s path. “Hey, Captain Knight in shining armor. How about a drink?” she slurred with her breath reeking of wine. “Oh. My. Gawd. Who let you in here?” She sneered at Lily. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”
Lily dodged Britney to reach the door.
“You better watch out.” Britney caught Nick by the elbow. “That girl’s an accident waiting to happen.”
Lily held the door open, letting in the chill. “Come on, Nick, please.”
The patrons complained in unison, “Shut the goddamn door.”
Every second Lily was alone outside, the further she could go, the harder she’d be to find.
Nick tugged free from Britney’s tight fingers, pushed through the door, and caught up with Lily across the street in front of the post office.
“I wish…” she panted, pacing, “I wish I could just get far from this place. Far from her!”
“Relax, will ya. Who cares what she says?”
“I can’t relax.” She tripped in the wrong direction.
“We’re parked this way.” Nick grabbed Lily’s hand, guiding her to the truck, then opened the passenger side and helped her climb in. But before he could shut the door, she started weeping into her hands. “Easy. Take it easy. It’s okay.”
He offered his hand to squeeze, but she swiveled in the seat, grabbed his neck and wrapped her legs around him while she cried against his leather collar.
The wind beating on his back did nothing to cool the hot blood surging to his groin. He hoped she couldn’t feel his swelling arousal.
“Shh…everything’s okay.” It damn well wasn’t okay. But he’d fix this. He just needed to know what was going on.
The sobbing soon tapered off to sniffling. “I’m okay.”
No doubt, the alcohol had something to do with her breakdown. It probably played a part in her suckling his neck. Her hot breath moistened his skin as her lips moved across his ear, nibbling the lobe before rubbing her tear-soaked cheek to his. “I’m okay. But I know how you can m
ake me feel better.”
As guilty as he felt about enjoying her booze-induced affection, he didn’t stop her. He felt like Superman with her in his arms, as if he could save her from anything.
“Kiss me, Nick. Kiss me hard.”
He should have pried her off, but her words were a command he couldn’t refuse.
Enveloped by her limbs, he grabbed her bottom; she was light enough to carry. He pulled the tailgate down one-handed and set her on the edge. Then darted back inside to dig through the gear for the fire blanket, itchy but good enough for a makeshift cocoon.
He unzipped his jacket so she could nuzzle against his sweater rather than the stiff, cold leather. Her palm skimmed over his nipples, down his abs, until she cupped his groin with feather-light fingers.
Yes. His eyes rolled back, and he stifled a moan. But her earlier words echoed in his mind. Not ready. Not here. Not now. She deserved better. He didn’t want her regretting anything, ever, so he grabbed her hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed her knuckles.
“Dontcha wanna finish your story? Maybe if you talk about what happened, you can put it behind you, and it won’t hurt so much. Maybe I can help you.”
“No! I can’t. I know if I do, you’ll hate me.”
“Trust me, I could never hate you.” He wanted to tell her he loved her but it was too early to use such definitive terms. “Whatever happened can’t be that bad.”
“I can’t. I just can’t.” Glossy eyes screamed her desire for him to know everything, but her lips refused to budge.
He figured she just needed a little push in the right direction.
“Lily, whatever it is, I think you’ll feel better once you put it out in the open. Otherwise, it’ll never stop hurting. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me. Look how easily Britney pushed you over the edge. Why give her the power to hurt you? I’m giving you the power to let it go. I’m not gonna judge you if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No!” She shrank against the wall of the truck bed.
“Listen, you need to tell me, otherwise…” He sighed heavyhearted. “Otherwise, I don’t think this will work out between us. Whatever it is that bothers you so much, it won’t go away, and it’ll always be a big question mark in my mind. I’m not gonna be able to stop thinking about it until I know what hurts you so much.”