Why doesn’t Buck want to see me? Amanda asked herself as she sat in front of Little Fawn’s cradle and rocked her gently to sleep. If he really doesn’t want to be around me, then why didn’t he go back to his home in the Rockies?
Gray Eagle had been checking on Buck regularly and let Amanda know that Buck’s injuries were healing, although it would take at least another week or so until he could walk on his broken leg. Gray Eagle had also given Amanda some surprising news—Two Feathers was Buck’s mother.
How happy they both must feel about that, Amanda thought as she stared down at her daughter. Maybe the reason Buck didn’t want to see her now was because he was catching up on all the time he’d missed with his mother. It still troubled her, not being able to look in on him. She wished Buck would let her see him, even for just a short visit. She had so many questions she wanted to ask.
Hearing someone come into the room, Amanda looked up and saw Nathan watching her. Her face heated at the intensity of his gaze, especially since she had been thinking about Buck. “I didn’t know who had come in. I thought perhaps it was Eliza coming to say it was time for me to teach a Bible lesson to the children.”
“I think she may be planning to teach the class today,” Nathan said. “I saw her in the next room, showing several children some pictures she had drawn depicting the story of Daniel in the lions’ den.”
Amanda pinched the bridge of her nose. “Oh, that’s right. I remember Eliza telling me last night that she would take over the class today so I could spend some time with Little Fawn.” She smiled as she watched her daughter sleeping peacefully.
“I enjoy watching you with the baby,” he commented. “Seeing the look of joy on your face makes me wish for a child of my own.”
Amanda smiled. “Children are a blessing from God.”
He moved closer to where she sat and knelt beside her. “If thou married me, we could have a whole houseful of children.”
Amanda felt a flush of heat start at the base of her neck and run to the top of her head. “I wish thou wouldst not say things like that, Nathan. It’s not proper.”
“It is proper, because I love thee, and I want to make thee my wife.” He grinned widely. “And it’s good to hear you using the word thee again.”
“I revert back to my old way of speaking when I’m flustered,” she admitted.
Nathan placed his hand on her shoulder. “There is no reason for thee to feel flustered. I have spoken with Reverend Spalding, and he is willing to perform the ceremony if thou wilt agree to marry me.”
Amanda wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t want to hurt Nathan’s feelings, but she wasn’t ready to make a commitment. Fortunately Yellow Bird chose that moment to come ask Amanda if she would like to go for a walk.
“Yes, I would.” Amanda smiled at Nathan. “Would you mind keeping an eye on Little Fawn? She should sleep until I get back.”
Nathan’s eyes widened. “Well, I …”
“I won’t be gone long, and if you’re planning to be a father someday, it will be good practice for you.” She winked at Yellow Bird. “Don’t you think all prospective fathers should learn to care for a baby?”
“Pro-spec-tive?” Yellow Bird tipped her head. “What does that word mean?”
“It means ‘future father,’ ” Nathan put in. “I believe Amanda is saying that someday, after she and I get married, I might become a father.”
“That is not quite what I meant,” Amanda was quick to say. “I have made no promises to become your wife.”
As if sensing Amanda’s frustration, Yellow Bird said, “Are you ready to walk?”
Amanda looked at Nathan. “Are you willing to watch Little Fawn for me?”
He nodded.
“Will you marry Nathan?” Yellow Bird asked as she and Amanda walked near the river. While the water in the middle of the river continued to flow, ice had formed along its banks.
Amanda sighed as the frigid breeze coming up from the river stung her cheeks. “I don’t know. Nathan is attractive, charming, and seems to enjoy helping out at the mission, but I’m not sure I love him anymore.”
“You love him once, though, right?”
Amanda nodded. “At least I thought I did. After he broke our engagement, I was hurt and wasn’t sure I could ever love another man.”
“And now?” Yellow Bird asked.
“Now I’m not sure about anything.” Amanda stopped walking and folded her arms, rubbing them briskly. “I keep thinking that maybe God brought Nathan here so we could be together and share in His work, but …”
“You are in love with Buck?”
“No. Yes. I mean, I don’t know.” Amanda frowned. “For a while I thought I might love Buck, but I know it would never work because he’s not a Christian. Besides, I’m not sure how he feels about me. I mean, he won’t even let me see him.”
Yellow Bird reached up to stroke the yellow feather attached to one of her braids. “You have been praying for Buck?”
“Yes, of course.”
“If it be Great Spirit’s will, everything work out like it should.” Yellow Bird started walking again. “Gray Eagle and I will get married soon. You will come to the wedding ceremony?”
Amanda clasped Yellow Bird’s arm. “Oh yes. I would not miss it for anything.”
“I need some fresh air,” Buck said to his mother. “It’s stuffy in here, and I feel like I can’t breathe.” He had to admit living in the tepee was better than being cooped up in his cabin, but there was nothing better than being outside, breathing in the fresh cold air.
Two Feathers smiled. “Would you like me to go with you?”
“No, I can manage.” Buck reached for the walking stick Rev. Spalding had given him when he’d dropped by last week. He couldn’t go very far with it and had to walk carefully, barely touching the heel of his foot on the ground, but at least he was no longer confined to the tepee.
During Rev. Spalding’s visit, Buck had overheard him talking with Two Feathers about her recent conversion to Christianity and how he hoped she would share the Good News with others in their tribe. She’d assured him that she was, and then when she told him how the Great Spirit had brought her son back, Rev. Spalding said Two Feathers should begin referring to Jesus’ Father as God, and not the Great Spirit. Then the preacher man looked at Buck and said, “What about you, son? Do you know the Lord personally?”
Buck, feeling more than a little irritated by the man’s bold question, had merely grunted and said, “I know of God, if that’s what ya mean.” To avoid further questions, he’d rolled over on his mat and pretended to be asleep. It was hard not to listen to the verses of scripture Rev. Spalding quoted to Two Feathers about going into all the world and preaching the Good News. Apparently, the man had taken that to heart, because he and his wife, Eliza, had traveled a long ways to come here and tell the Nez Percé Indians about God.
At times Buck wondered if the words written in the Bible were true. Silas Lothard could sure quote a lot of scripture, but he didn’t live by what he’d read. He had somehow twisted and turned the words to fit his own sinister way of life and had used them against Buck at every opportunity. Buck was glad his mother hadn’t tried to force her religious views on him, although she did talk about how God had answered her prayers and how grateful she was. One of these days, if he felt like talking about it, he might question Two Feathers about her conversion. Right now, though, he just wanted to get outside.
“I won’t be gone long, Mother,” Buck called over his shoulder before leaving the lodge.
It was difficult to maneuver with the walking stick, and Buck would be glad when he didn’t need it anymore. Fortunately, only a light dusting of snow covered the ground, so that made it a little easier to get around.
With each step, Buck breathed in deeply and felt the cobwebs in his head clearing. It felt good to feel the sunshine on his face, and its warmth seeped in, as if touching his soul. He enjoyed smelling the clean waters from the Clearwater Rive
r not far from camp. As he limped along, Buck could hear the water gushing and picture in his mind how powerful it must look.
Buck had only gone a short distance, when he spotted Gray Eagle heading his way. He appreciated the new friendship he’d made with the Indian. He hadn’t had a good man friend since he’d lost Jim Breck.
“It is good to see you out walking,” Gray Eagle said, joining Buck.
“I wouldn’t really call it walking.” Buck grunted. “It feels more like hobblin’.”
“How long do you think it will be before you can walk on your own?” Gray Eagle questioned.
“Two Feathers says my leg is healin’ well, so maybe another week or so.”
Gray Eagle smiled. “That is good. You will be able to attend Yellow Bird’s and my marriage ceremony in two weeks. The weather has improved, and we have decided not to wait until spring.”
“You want me to be there?”
Gray Eagle nodded. “All family and friends are invited.”
“I guess Amanda will be there, as well?”
“Yes, and her friend, Nathan, too.”
Buck winced. He’d heard about the yellow-haired man who had traveled all the way from New York to find Amanda. He wondered if they would be getting married, too. If they did, he couldn’t do anything about it. He wasn’t going to pretend to be a Christian in hopes of getting Amanda to choose him.
“Will you come to the wedding?” Gray Eagle asked.
Buck nodded. “I’ll be there—hopefully without my walking stick.”
CHAPTER 55
On the afternoon of Yellow Bird and Gray Eagle’s wedding, Small Rabbit entered the lodge, carrying Yellow Bird’s wedding dress. Even though Yellow Bird knew her mother had given up hope of ever seeing her again, she’d kept the dress they had made before Yellow Bird’s capture by the Blackfeet.
Tears filled Yellow Bird’s eyes as she gazed at the lovely tunic. She had come to accept the fact that she would never see the dress again, let alone wear it, and now here she was, preparing to put on the very same tunic she’d been planning to wear so many moons ago. In just a short time she would finally become the wife of her one true love.
“Oh Mother, thank you for holding on to this dress,” Yellow Bird said, hugging Small Rabbit tightly.
“Doing so gave me hope, Daughter. It gave me something to cling to,” her mother whispered.
The white, long-skirted, doe-skin tunic had been well made. Intricate decorations of brightly colored beads and porcupine quills, along with the long white fringe, completed the bridal dress. On her legs Yellow Bird would wear beaded doe-skin leggings, and her feet would be graced with smooth white moccasins.
Yellow Bird wore her hair in a single thick braid that hung halfway down her back. It was held at the bottom with a strip of rawhide, and her yellow feather had been tied into it.
“You must hurry and dress,” Small Rabbit said, wiping tears from her eyes. “The other women are waiting to escort you to the ceremonial lodge, and they will soon grow impatient.”
Yellow Bird laughed nervously as she slipped into her wedding clothes. “No more impatient than I am, Mother. I have waited such a long time for this special day. I can hardly believe I am actually going to marry Gray Eagle and that he has so graciously accepted my son.”
Small Rabbit nodded. “I am happy that your guardian spirit watched over you and brought you safely back to us. The past and all its sorrows are behind you now. Soon your life will be as it once was.”
Yellow Bird shook her head. “No, Mother, my life will never again be the same. I have learned much since I was taken from my family, and I hope I have become a better person because of it.”
“Sometimes the trials we face help mold us until we become soft and pliable, just like cured rabbit skin.” Small Rabbit gave Yellow Bird a hug. “I am proud to call you my daughter, for you have proven that you are strong, courageous, and wise. You will make a fine medicine woman, I think.”
“I may not be able to fulfill that role, Mother,” Yellow Bird responded, stepping into her moccasins.
“Why not? You have knowledge of healing herbs.”
“I know, but Amanda wants me to help her work with the missionaries, teaching our people about the Bible. Besides, we have Two Feathers now, and she is a fine medicine woman.”
“Do not speak to me about the Book of Heaven,” Small Rabbit said sharply. “The missionaries use words from the book to get us to change our ways.”
Yellow Bird clasped her mother’s hand. “The Book of Heaven, as some call it, has many good things to say about God, who I believe is the same as the Great Spirit we have worshiped for so many years. I believe it was God who kept me alive after I was taken from my people. He got me through times when I didn’t think I would survive, and it was Him who brought me home again. It was the cruel Blackfeet who stole me from my family, not God.”
Small Rabbit shrugged her slender shoulders. “We will speak of this another time. Right now we must go, for Little Joe has already been taken to your aunt Shy Deer’s tent so she can care for him. You, my daughter, have a wedding to attend.” She kissed Yellow Bird’s cheek. Then hand in hand, they left the tepee.
“Will you be going to Gray Eagle and Yellow Bird’s wedding with me?” Buck asked his mother.
She shook her head. “One of the women in my tribe is in the early stages of labor, and I’ll need to be close by when she is ready to deliver.”
“Oh, I see. Maybe I won’t go, either.”
“You said Gray Eagle invited you, right?”
Buck nodded.
“Then I am sure he will expect you to be there.”
“I suppose.”
Two Feathers left the pot of herbs she’d been mixing and took a seat on the mat beside Buck. “Is there something troubling you, my son?”
He nodded. Truth was, a lot of things were troubling him these days.
“What is it?”
Buck pulled his fingers down the side of his face, not sure where to begin. “I’ve been wonderin’ about something,” he said. “After all the horrible things you went through when you belonged to Silas Lothard, how could you accept Christianity yourself?” He scrunched up his face. “Don’t ya hate that man for what he did, and aren’t ya mad at God for allowin’ it to happen?”
Two Feathers sat quietly. Then she rose from the mat and moved across the lodge to the place where she kept her medicinal supplies. When she returned, she held a black book. Buck recognized it as the Bible, because Amanda had one, too.
Two Feathers took a seat beside Buck and, placing her hand on the Bible, she said, “While I have not yet learned to read all the words in this book, I know in my heart that what it says here is true.”
“How can you be so sure?” he asked.
“Because when the Spaldings told me that God sent His Son, Jesus, to earth to die for everyone’s sins, I believed it.”
Buck sat, staring at the black book. “So what are you saying—that Jesus died for men like Silas?”
Two Feathers nodded. “His blood was shed for all. We just have to believe in His name and ask Him to forgive our sins.”
“I’ll bet Silas never did that. If he had, he wouldn’t have continued to abuse us, and he wouldn’t have separated a mother from her son,” Buck said bitterly.
Two Feathers placed her hand on Buck’s shoulder. “I do not know what was in Silas’s heart, or why he did what he did, but I know that you must forgive him, just as I have done. Forgiveness is the only way to feel peace and be free from the pain. Reverend Spalding says the Bible teaches that we must forgive others, or God will not forgive us.”
“I don’t know if I can,” Buck said, averting his gaze from the Bible.
“Yes, you can,” she said with assurance. “You can and you must, but not until you pray and ask God to forgive your sins and invite Him to live in your heart. Only then will you feel peace and be able to forgive Silas, or anyone else, who has hurt you.”
Buck’s
insides twisted as he fought conflicting thoughts. His mother was right, but he’d held on to his hate for so long, he wasn’t sure he could give it up. Would he really feel a sense of peace if he asked God to forgive his sins? Could he find it in his heart to forgive Silas, who might have died in his sins?
Bringing a shaky hand to his forehead, Buck said, “I have done many things I should not have done, and I do need to ask God for forgiveness. However, I’m not sure I can forgive Silas for what he did to us.”
Two Feathers placed the Bible in Buck’s lap. “Close your eyes and pray. God will give you the strength and desire to forgive.”
Buck did as she suggested, and when he opened his eyes again, a sense of peace flooded his soul such as he had never felt before. If he had known asking for forgiveness would bring him such relief, he would have done it sooner.
Fresh pine needles were spread over the floor of the ceremonial lodge in readiness for the wedding. A great deal of food had been prepared for the feast, waiting to be eaten by the bride, groom, and their honored guests.
It seemed as though most of the village was in attendance, though not all could fit inside the tepee, despite the fact that it was larger than most other lodges. Some stood outside and cheered as Yellow Bird entered the place where she would be wed. She smiled shyly, for she suddenly felt like a young girl again. This was not only to be a wedding feast, but a celebration of her return home, as well.
Everyone inside the lodge formed a circle; then the women took seats on the ground within their half of the circle, while the men sat on the other side. Yellow Bird kept her eyes looking down, as was the custom for a woman in her tribe who was about to become married. She knew Gray Eagle sat in the circle of men directly across from her. It was difficult not to look up and seek out his handsome face.
Woman of Courage Page 29