“Thank you for being you. And for giving me today—even if it’s just today.”
My stomach rumbles again, even louder than the last time, breaking the moment and reminding us both why we came back here. Without a word, Jake grabs my hand, leading me to the kitchen. Always the kitchen with us. He picks me up like I’m a bag of feathers and sets me on the counter with a squeal. I watch him raid the fridge and pantry, pulling out what looks like to be dozens of ingredients. He looks so comfortable in here, and calm. At peace. I could watch him all day. He moves around the kitchen almost elegantly. Like it’s a natural extension of himself.
“What are you making me today, chef?”
“It’s a surprise.”
He looks up from cutting broccoli and stares at me deeply, contemplatively. He looks like he’s about to say something but changes his mind at the last minute, shaking his head as he returns to his task.
“What? What were you going to say just now?”
“It’s nothing.”
“No, it was something. Tell me.”
He sighs, placing his knife onto the cutting board and walks the two steps it takes to get to me. He parts my legs to accommodate his body and settles between them. When his eyes reach mine, they’re glimmering with an adoration that makes my heart pound in my chest.
“I was just going to say that I think you look perfect right now. You look like you belong. In this kitchen. With me. Making you lunch. I could do this every day. I wish I could do this every day.” He draws his index finger downward, from my cheekbone to my jaw.
I close my eyes, relishing his touch and the tiny prickles that follow the trail. I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say. I can’t lie to him and say I wish for that, too. Nor can I say that I don’t wish for that, because honestly, I do. I want Jake, I really do want him and all that comes with him—but I have Cole. I need Cole. And yes, damn it, I want him, too. How can I want two men, who are both equally wonderful, in completely different ways? Is that it—I want them because they’re different? Because they make me feel different? I don’t know. I have no fucking clue. All I do know is that I need to figure this out. Sooner, rather than later, because I have this dreaded feeling that the other shoe’s about to drop. And it’s not going to be pretty. It’s going to be bad, like dropping a Manolo in a pile of pig shit bad.
I try to shake the nagging fear that keeps knocking on my heart by focusing all of my energy on the man in front of me. Thankfully it works more than it probably should, because seeing and feeling his body next to me as he prepares our food, his arms flexing as he chops vegetables and chicken, is an aphrodisiac.
I mean, damn.
I don’t think anyone has ever made cracking and whisking eggs look so good. I know my eyes are blazing, because every time he looks at me he grins knowingly. I had to cross my legs when he began cooking what I figured out will be a frittata. His damn back is to me, and all I can see are his back muscles stretching out his t-shirt and his ass in those slim jeans that are exposing a sliver of his goddamn Ellen underwear. Seriously? A man who loves the goddess that is Ellen Degeneres is a dream. He looks over his shoulder, catching me in all of my voyeuristic glory, and I try to hold my ground, but a small blush covers my cheeks.
“Like what you see?”
“Maybe. It depends. Is my food ready yet?”
“Matter of fact, it is,” he says, turning off the stove and bringing the cast iron pan over to the counter next to me. The smell emanating from the dish is absolutely mouth-watering.
“Mmm, yes, I definitely like what I see.”
A huge grin spreads across my face after his eyes zoom onto my lips, which were just between my teeth before a good licking by my tongue. I hop off the counter and search for two plates and wine glasses, then open the fridge and pull out a bottle of Riesling like I own the place. All the while, Jake is still looking at me with a mixture of desire and amusement.
“Stick your tongue back in your mouth and let’s eat.” I say, hip-checking him as I walk around the counter to the table. He follows me, placing the pan down before sitting himself. He watches me fill our glasses practically to the brim, which probably isn’t the smartest idea, considering the way he’s looking at me. Like he no longer wants frittata for lunch, and would prefer a heaping plate of Evangeline instead.
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“You started it. And I can’t help it. You’re too fucking sexy.”
“Jake, shut up and serve me.”
“Baby, I’ll serve you any way you want.”
I ball up a napkin and throw it at his face. “I meant the food, perv. I’m starving.”
“Me, too.” He agrees huskily, his darkening eyes setting my body ablaze. I squirm in my seat, trying to alleviate the sharp pangs I’m feeling in my pussy.
“Jake.”
“I’m going to have a taste, Evangeline. Maybe not today or even tomorrow, but I will soon. I have to.” He says ominously before removing his eyes from mine and slicing our lunch.
The sincerity and weight of his words gives me chills, but I’m not quite sure it’s in a good way. My sopping wet pussy sure thinks so, but my heart—my heart is on the fence. I don’t know what that means exactly, and I’m really not in the mood to dwell on it at the moment. So I do what any self-respecting woman who is pretty much cheating on her partner of forever would do.
I down my wine and pour another glass.
Lunch is amazing. I mean like, so-good-I-could-eat-the-whole-damn-thing-plus-lick-the-plate-and-pan good. The final result is a frittata with shredded chicken, gouda, broccoli, tomatoes, and red onion, along with a baguette to share. Yum. This man can cook. He’s seriously wasting his talent as a stay-at-home uncle.
“You think you’ll go back to work anytime soon?” I ask between bites of this deliciousness.
“I don’t know. I needed the break after Sarah died. She was the only family who mattered that I had left. My parents died. And then my grandparents died after Sarah and I moved out. It was just her and I against the world. And then—my heart just wasn’t in it anymore.” His eyes fill with tears that I know will never fall. Not now at least. My heart breaks for him, knowing all too well how it feels to be alone. But I guess I was never truly alone. I had Cole. I always had Cole. A single tear slips out accidentally. I try to wipe before Jake notices, but I’m too late. He grabs my hand across the table, holding it securely in his.
“Hey, don’t cry. I’m okay now. I’ve got Ben, and he’s like the son I never thought I wanted. And then there’s you.” A small smile graces his lips. “Before we moved here, Ben and I were just coexisting, dragging through the endless days until we met you. You and those crazy, amazing kids of yours. You breathed life back into our world. I’ll never forget that. No matter what.”
That would be when the floodgates open.
Tears begin to cascade down my face. Jesus, I’m like a fucking waterfall today. Shit. I don’t even want to know what I look like.
I hear Jake’s chair scrape against the linoleum as I bury my face into my hands, and an instant later I’m being pulled off the chair and cradled into a warm, woodsy smelling chest.
“Shit baby, I didn’t mean to make you cry again. I just wanted you to know how lucky I am that you came into my life. I wasn’t expecting you. You came out of nowhere, and I didn’t even realize I needed you until that day you came barging into my house, babbling about how awesome your cake was. Which it was, in fact, the best cake I’ve ever eaten.”
“I told you. Badass,” I say through tears.
He lets out a laugh into my hair. I raise my head from his chest and look up through bleary eyes, my cheeks stained with my now receding tears and I see this wonderful man who lost so much in his life, yet is still risking his heart for a sliver of mine. “Why couldn’t I have met you ten years ago?”
“It just wasn’t our time, I guess.”
Or maybe it’s just not meant to be.
“Hey, d
on’t say that.”
Shit, did I say that out loud? From the crease in his forehead and the hard stare he’s giving me, I’m going to go with yes.
“This is happening, whether you chose to believe it or not. You’re in my arms, for fuck’s sake. And maybe you’re not mine completely, but you will be. I feel it. This is supposed to happen. And it will. Don’t stop what has just begun.”
“Jake.”
“Don’t. Don’t say anything.” He says before lowering his mouth to mine in a sweet yet sensual kiss, his full lips moving deliberately over mine, teasing them open, and displaying what I would be missing if I put an end to this. He’s making his case with his skilled tongue moving against mine in perfect rhythm. He sucks on my bottom lip, and a small moan escapes my mouth, previous conversation long since forgotten. Damn, this man can kiss so well, my aching pussy is wondering what else he can do with that mouth. I grudgingly push that thought down and attempt to alleviate my want by wiggling my body a little.
Jake instantly stops kissing me.
“You’re going to have to stop moving like that baby, or I’m going to end up pushing you down onto this table and sink deep into that sweet cunt of yours,” he whispers against my lips.
Fuck me.
I climb off him quickly, only to jump right back on, so now I’m straddling him. This is most definitely a bad idea, but I don’t think I can go back now. Not with the way his eyes are lighting a fire in my belly, dark, so damn hot, and only for me. And forgive me, but this just feels too damn good to stop.
I recapture his mouth harshly and quiver in his arms as I feel his hands travel slowly up my thighs, resting on the edges of my panties. He doesn’t move any further, but begins to grip them tightly as I intuitively begin to rock my hips against the now bulging seam of his jeans. I want to tell him to move his hands, to dip his fingers underneath my panties and plunge them inside my wetness. But I don’t. I can’t. And he knows it.
So, this will have to do. I continue to grind against his erection as our mouths devour each other’s. We’re both moaning, and I know for a fact that I will have bruises on my thighs after this. Jake is clinging to them like they’re his only lifeline. The sound of our heavy breathing between the slurping and sucking of our mouths is so erotic and enticing, it’s making my head swim.
“Jake. Fuck. This feels—”
“So good.” He finishes for me as my movements become faster, frenzied. I gasp loudly as he finally moves his hands, barely brushing my soaked center before resting on my hips from inside my dress. His tongue moves down my neck to the curve of my cleavage. He sucks on the flesh that is now practically falling out of my bodice. My nipples are pleading to feel his mouth on them, but I don’t concede. Instead, I just throw my head back and grip his hair, tugging hard, which prompts a loud groan from Jake before he attacks my mouth again. I’m beginning to feel that familiar curl deep in my belly as we continue to move against each other, the friction becoming too much to ignore.
Holy shit, I’m going to come by dry humping Jake!
From the sounds he’s making, I don’t think I’m the only one.
“Fuck, Evangeline! I think I’m going to—shit, this feels too damn good!” he says, taking my earlobe into his mouth. His hot breath in my ear sends tingles down my body, my pussy tightening as he licks that spot behind my ear before whispering, “Come, baby. I want to hear you moan my name as you come just from my kiss.”
And with those words, I do just that. I come apart in his arms, writhing against his tented, dark washed jeans and moaning out his name. I rest my head on his chest as my toes uncurl and my body goes limp.
“I have never seen anything hotter than what I just witnessed, Pixie,” he whispers into hair.
“Oh. My. God. I just came from dry humping you, Jake.” I say, wincing in mortification before covering my face with my hands.
He grabs my head and pries my hands off so he can see me. I warily open my closed eyes and see that his are glazed over, as if we just had a good fuck.
“I know, and I loved every fucking second. Seriously, every time I have to jerk off, I’ll be remembering this exact moment.” I make a face like I’m not quite sure I believe him, shaking my head to emphasize my disbelief. “I mean it, Evangeline. Hearing those sweet moans and my name on those delicious lips, feeling your body grinding against me, it was too much. I couldn’t control myself. I’ve wanted you for way too long.”
“What are you talking about? You didn’t lose control.”
“Look down, babe.” He says with a shy smile, shaking his head in what looks to be shame.
So I look down. And lo and behold, there is a huge wet spot on his jeans. He didn’t—? I look up at him as he’s nodding his head. Oh shit. He came in his pants like a sixteen-year old boy!
Sidesplitting, uncontrollable laughter surges out of me. I’m laughing so hard I am almost positive a snort came out, which sends Jake over the edge. We’re both howling and our chests are rumbling in hysterics.
“What’s wrong with us? We’re like a pair of horny teenagers,” I manage to get out, our laughter finally dying down.
“Horny is right. You don’t know how hard it’s been seeing you every day and not being able to do a damn thing.” He says, still trying to catch his breath.
I give him the most seductive look I can manufacture, which is most likely pretty pathetic, and throw in a sly smile for good measure before dropping a line in my best porn star voice. “I felt how hard it was just a few minutes ago, and from the feel of it, it’s been an excruciatingly big problem, hasn’t it?” I giggle at his dopey grin.
“You’re fucking amazing. ” He chuckles before capturing my mouth once more, quick and affectionately. Once he releases me, I lay my head back onto his chest, over his heart, hearing it gradually slow down to a regular drum. The beat is soothing, lulling. With his hand rubbing slow, rhythmic circles on my back, my eyes grow heavy, and I’m involuntarily pulled into sleep.
***
I wake up in an unfamiliar room, in an oh-so-soft but foreign bed, and with strong, unyielding arms wrapped around me. I turn around and look up to find Jake staring at me with certain emotions written all over his face that I’m not ready to see, let alone hear out loud.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep. How long have I been out? ”
“Only an hour. And don’t apologize—I’ve been dying to get you into my bed. And now that you are here, I never want you to leave.” He admits, pushing me onto my back as he gets on his hands and knees over me, caging me in.
My breathing accelerates and my heart begins to thump out of my chest. I’m in his bed. Jake’s bed. And he’s on top of me, looking like he wants nothing more than to pull my dress up, peel my panties off, and ram his hardening cock into my now thrumming channel. And he could. All it would take would be a nod. One simple nod from me, and we could both get what we want. What we yearn for. I can see it in his eyes. He’s waiting, patiently, but still waiting. Hoping.
That nod never comes.
He lies back down next to me, propping up onto his elbow. I turn and do the same, and we begin what seems to be our thing—staring at each other like we’re committing every detail of our faces to memory, afraid we won’t have another chance to be this close.
“What have you been doing for the last hour?”
He cringes a bit, which of course makes me curious. And slightly worried.
“What is it? Did you peak under my dress or something?” I poke him in the chest.
“No, although that would’ve been a great idea. Damn it.” I punch him in the shoulder. “Damn woman, seriously, you can throw a damn good punch.” He pouts, rubbing his shoulder.
I shrug, and explain that I took many self-defense and kickboxing classes after my dad died, never wanting to be a victim again.
“Fuck Pixie, I wish like hell I had been there for you.” He says forlornly. I place a small kiss on his forehead.
“I know. But it’s okay. I’m okay no
w. But I would be even better if you told what the hell you were doing while I was asleep.”
“Shit. Okay, I may have been watching you sleep.”
At the stunned and possibly weirded-out look on my face, he comes to his own defense. “I swear it wasn’t as creepy as it sounds. You just looked so damn beautiful, and I don’t know—ethereal. Like a goddess in my arms. I just couldn’t look away, couldn’t take my eyes off you. And to be honest, I wanted to remember this, just in case this is the first and last time I have you like this, in my arms, in my bed, feeling your breath even out as you drift away, hear the little noises you make and watch your eyelids flutter as you dream. I didn’t want to miss one second of that.”
Wow.
I wrap my hand around his neck and pull him down to me. Every scattered emotion we’re both feeling right now is being displayed with every movement of our lips. Confusion. Elation. Guilt. Desire. Fear.
Love.
Love. It’s flowing out of him like a stream, so natural and pure. I can feel it in his touch, in the way his lips move against mine, treasuring each second. I see it in his eyes as he looks at me as if I’m some mythological creature. His pixie. And I hear it in his heart as it pounds fiercely underneath my hand. Just as I feel it growing, flourishing and strengthening inside me, inside every fiber of my body, I also want to run and hide, delay what I know is happening. He’s slowly taking pieces of my heart, and I’m afraid it won’t be long until he has at least half of what is Cole’s. I’m pretty sure he’s got it already. What happens if my heart is split in two?
I’ll have to choose.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Jake asks, pulling his lips away from mine, pushing himself onto his hands to search my eyes.
“My head.” I say honestly.
He sighs. “Here. Remember? You’re here now.”
“I know. I know. I’m here,” I say halfheartedly, wishing I could shake these thoughts just for the moment. I’m not ready to leave. Not ready to go back home. Back to Cole.
I feel like the walls are beginning to close in. I scoot out from under Jake and sit up on the edge of the bed. He sighs again, and I can picture him raking his hands through his hair like he seems to do when he’s frustrated or disappointed. And I am guessing he is feeling both of those right now.
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