“Cole. How the hell was it your fault? You didn’t do anything!” I turn completely in my swing, totally thrown off by what he’s saying. I have no idea where it’s coming from. Why he’s saying this now, of all times.
“Exactly. I didn’t do anything. I knew, Evie. I knew something was wrong. When I didn’t see you in the stands, I knew, deep down something wasn’t right. You never missed a game, not even an away game. You always found a way there, even if it meant coercing coach to let you ride on the bus with us. You never missed a game, Evie! Never! I knew. I knew, and yet, I stayed. To play a fucking game. A fucking high school baseball game. When I finally got your messages, that was the moment. The moment I was done with baseball. So when I got hurt the next week, I took it as a sign. It was my chance to redeem myself. To be selfless. I denied the surgery.”
“What do you mean you denied the surgery? I thought that was never an option?” I question, cutting him off, completely dumbfounded by what he’s saying.
He cringes with guilt. “That’s what I told you,” he whispers. “That’s what I made everyone tell you because I didn’t want you to feel guilty, or talk me out of it. My arm could’ve been fixed. I could’ve played in college, but I didn’t want to anymore. I didn’t love it anymore. I loved you. I wanted to be there for you. I needed to be there for you. At all times, at all costs. I couldn’t let what happened to you happen ever again. I never wanted to see that broken face again.” He closes his eyes as if in pain or disappointment. Regret maybe. “So I gave it up. I gave it up so I could protect you and keep you close to me, but I guess it just wasn’t close enough, because now I’ve lost you anyway.”
“Cole.” I barely get it out before the budding tears begin to glide down my face.
“Don’t, Evie. Don’t deny it. Don’t validate it, either. You don’t need to say the words. I don’t think I can handle them, anyway. But the words don’t matter, because I can feel it. I felt it on the way over here. I felt it when I left you standing in our driveway. My whole body fucking screamed at me to turn around, stay, and figure this shit out, but again, I didn’t. I didn’t listen. It was like that fucking day all over again. I’m just a coward.” His voice is rising in anger with each word that leaves his mouth. “I’ve felt it every single fucking day since that asshole moved in. You’ve been slowly slipping away from me, and I’ve done nothing to stop it. I’m such a fucking idiot.” He gets up from the swing and starts walking down the path towards the basketball court.
I get up and follow him.
“Cole! Stop!”
His feet come to a halt. But it’s the look on his face that stops me dead in my tracks. It’s the same look I’m sure I was wearing that night. He’s breaking. I’m breaking him.
“I should’ve fought for you. I should’ve stayed and fought for us. But I left like a pussy, because—I don’t even know why. Because I was scared. Because it was too hard. Because I couldn’t watch you leave me! But that’s bullshit, because when you love someone, you fight like hell to keep them. And I just handed you right to him, like you mean nothing to me. I wasn’t there for you. I left you. And now it’s too late.”
A steady flow of tears are now tumbling down my face. I try to form a sentence. To get any kind of word out. To ease his pain in some way, but I can’t. The words never come. He steps closer to me and attempts to erase the tears, but it proves to be a lost cause. So he pulls me into him instead. I grip him like this is the last time I will ever be in his arms, because I know in my heart that it is.
“I see it, Evie. You look at him like you have never looked at me. I used to be able to feel your presence, like you were tethered to me. But I don’t anymore. I don’t feel you. Even as I’m holding you right now, I don’t feel you. Whatever that was isn’t here anymore. It’s gone. It’s over. It’s his now.” His voice breaks, and I barely hear him whisper, “You’re his now.”
I feel his lips kiss my forehead so briefly I’m not even sure it happened before he releases me out of his arms and begins to walk in the other direction to his car. He gets about five steps in before I find my voice.
“Cole!” I shout through the ever-constant current of tears. He stops, but doesn’t turn around. I’m not sure what I’m going to tell him. There are so many words I need to say, but again, I can’t find a way to say them. My feet begin to move on autopilot, stopping right in front of him. I wipe away the tears that are now falling down his cheeks and I stare into his blue eyes that I know will haunt me for a long time to come. “I don’t know if this is a shitty thing to say, but thank you. Thank you for loving me so much. For giving me everything I needed. I’m just sorry I wasn’t worthy of it. I will never be sorrier than I am in this moment. You’re my best friend, Cole. You will always be my best friend. You’re the father of our children. I love you. I have loved you my entire life. I just—”
“You love him more,” he finishes for me. His voice cracks again at the end.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I never thought this even could happen.”
“I know.” He sighs haggardly before cupping my face, and kisses me on the lips this time. It’s not passionate, or even loving. It’s an ending. A goodbye. “I’ll bring the kids back tomorrow morning and pick up some of my stuff.” He whispers an inch from my lips. My eyes are glued shut, not yet ready to accept what is happening. “Goodbye, Evie.”
Again, he releases me and begins to walk away. But this time, I don’t stop him. I let him go. Because he’s right. I’m not his anymore. I’m not entirely sure I ever truly was Cole’s. Maybe I was always meant for Jake. It just took me twenty-seven years and a whole lot of baggage and heartbreak to find him. But I knew, when I woke up in Jake’s arms this morning, I knew in my bones that’s where I belong. And that’s where I need to go. That’s my new safe place. My solace. My home.
Jake is my home now.
Chapter Nineteen
Evangeline
My palms are sweaty, and I’ve been continuously wiping them on my skirt the entire drive back from Eugene. I’ve been sitting in my driveway for at least twenty minutes now, staring at Jake’s house. I was so eager to get back here, to tell him I’m his. But now that I’m here, I’m suddenly petrified and nervous as hell. This is huge. I’m about to tell him that I gave up my entire life for him, for us. That’s a lot to take in. I take a deep breath, in through the nose, out the mouth, wipe my hands once more on my skirt, place them on the door handle, and woman the hell up.
Once I open the door, that urgency I felt earlier returns, and I practically sprint to his door. I lift my hand to knock, but it opens before I get the chance.
“Took you long enough. I’ve been waiting thirty minutes for you to get out of your car. I put Ben to bed early because I was going fucking insane in here! I almost came outside at least a dozen times, but I knew you just needed a moment. Didn’t think it would be thirty fucking moments. But—” I start to laugh at his rambling. I don’t think I’ve heard him ramble on like this before. He sounds like me when I’m nervous. “You’re laughing at me, aren’t you?” he asks, in part disbelief, part embarrassment.
“I’m sorry,” I say between giggles. “Only a little bit.” He shakes his head in frustration, but I swear I spot a smile trying to creep out of that mouth. “Anyway, can I come in?” I ask, still standing on his porch.
“Oh shit, yeah. Come in. Please.” He pulls me in through the doorway and right into his arms.
“Hey, you.” I whisper into his shoulder.
“I missed you.” He admits to my curls that are wild under his chin.
“I missed you, too.” I say honestly as his arms wrap tighter around me.
We stay silent for a few minutes, enjoying the time before everything changes. Or we’re just stalling. But that needs to stop. It's time we officially start what we’ve been dancing around since the day he moved in next door. No more delaying. No more guilt. No more indecision.
No looking back.
“So, I talked to
Cole. He and the kids are coming back tomorrow.”
Jake instantly lets me go and pulls away from me, taking a few steps backward. I shake my head, trying to stop him from going where I know he’s going. “Jake, I—”
“Don’t. Please don’t. I get it, okay? I saw it coming. Or at least I knew it was an option, you know?” He sighs dejectedly while shaking his head back and forth.
“Jake, you don’t understand.”
“Yes, I do. As much as it fucking hurts to admit, I do. It’s always been you two. You guys have a history and a past that no one can touch, no matter how hard they try. Fuck”
The pain in his eyes is twisting me in ways I can’t begin to describe. I walk closer to him, grabbing his hands into mine. His head is hung low. He won’t even look at me.
“Jake—”
“You don’t need to apologize, Evangeline. Like I said, I get—”
“Would you just shut up for a minute and listen!”
He looks up at me, confusion written all over his chiseled face.
“Yes, Cole is my best friend. He’s the father of my children. He’s been there for me and with me through every bad and good thing that has happened in my life. I love him. I will always love him. I love him with every part of me, I can’t deny that.”
Jake hangs his head down again.
“But—” His eyes meet mine at that single, three-letter word. They glisten with wariness and hope. I smile as tears begin to rain down my face once again today. “But I’m not in love with him. I think, on some level, I always knew. I just needed someone to show me what it meant, how it really felt to be.”
“What are you saying?” he asks, his face now full of possibility.
“It was you. It is you. I want you. I choose you. I am so fucking in love with you Jake, I—”
He cuts me off by smashing his lips to mine, completely throwing me off guard. I can feel all of this man’s love seep out of his mouth and onto mine. It is all consuming and simply breathtaking. But he pulls away too quickly, breathing erratically just as I am.
“Wait a minute, I’m confused. You said earlier that Cole is coming home tomorrow?”
“He is. We need to figure out a plan to tell the kids, and discuss how this will all work out. Plus, he needs more clothes. He’ll probably go back to his parents soon after that, and we’ll just go from there.”
Jake’s growing smile is infectious. Reality finally setting in.
“So it’s really over? I can’t fucking believe it. You choose me? You’re mine?”
“Believe it. I’ve been yours since the day I barged in here with a cake. It just took me a minute to figure it out.”
Jake grabs my face in his hands again and just smiles at me with so much warmth and pure happiness, it makes me fall even harder for him.
“I love you so fucking much, pixie.” He declares before kissing me again. This time his tongue comes out to play, stroking mine softly at first. But once a moan escapes my mouth, he doesn’t hold back. Before I know it, my back is against the door, a move that I’ve realized has become a thing with us—our thing. Only unlike the times before, we won’t be stopping ourselves until we have thoroughly explored each other. Jake’s mouth leaves mine as he deposits a trail of kisses down my neck and across the little cleavage I have. One hand grips my ass as the other grabs hold of my wild mane, pulling ever so slightly, just enough to send a jolt directly to my nether regions.
“We can’t do this here.” He heaves before placing his lips behind my ear. “I want to see every curve of you underneath me. I need to discover you. Every fucking inch.” He picks me up and I wrap my legs around him as he begins to walk up the stairs, never taking his mouth off mine.
We reach his room safely, having been carried in his arms like this multiple times already. I believe we’ve become pros at this form of transportation. As we make our way to the foot of his bed, he slowly releases me, my body sliding down his just as it did last night. He runs his hand down my neck, over my braless chest and down my torso, stopping at the end of my tank top. His green eyes ask the question I know his mouth has been dying to release for weeks. And with an eager nod, he pulls the shirt over my head, exposing my breasts to him for the second time—although, from the look on his face, it’s as if it’s the first time he has ever seen a pair of tits. His eyes come back to mine as he clips his index fingers inside the waistband of my skirt, shoving it down my legs, along with my generously soaked panties. His eyes devour the body that stands naked before him.
I take a step closer, coming toe to toe with him, lean in and whisper, “Now it’s my turn.” I grab the end of his t-shirt and while standing on my tippy toes and manage to pull it over his head. I exhale as I take in each cut muscle and indentation. Yes, I’ve seen his upper half before, but hot damn, it never gets old. I run my finger down the center of his chest, eliciting goose bumps wherever I touch his smooth skin.
I let my hands wander down the light trail of hair that begins from the bottom of his belly button and disappears into his tented cargo shorts. I hear a sharp intake of breath as my fingertips graze the skin just above his belt. The anticipation is palpable. I look directly into his intoxicating eyes as I begin to undo his belt. Our breathing, both heavy and in sync, fills the silent room, along with the sound of his zipper slowly going down. I let his shorts fall to the floor soundlessly next to my skirt.
We both know what’s coming next. My heart is pounding so loudly in my chest, it’s all I can hear. On an exhale, my fingers clasp under the waistband of his boxer briefs and with one swift motion, I pull them down his thick thighs, springing his impressive package free. I’m pretty sure I gulp, and quite possibly choke on my own damn saliva at the size of what he’s been hiding in his shorts.
Holy shit. That’s supposed to fit inside me?
“It might be snug, but we’ll make it work,” he says with a chuckle.
“Shit, did I say that out loud?” I ask, wincing in embarrassment, no doubt turning a shade of pink I have never turned before.
“I’m glad you’re impressed.”
“How could I not be? Have you seen yourself?”
He laughs again, dulling down the nervous energy that is flowing between us. “Fuck, I love you,” he whispers, running a hand down my cheekbone and looking at me like I’m this mythological being he can’t believe is standing in front of his face.
His pixie.
“I love you, too.” I just barely get it out before his mouth is back on mine. He claims my lips while whispering everything he loves about me. My heart swells at the words, while my body craves for his as I feel his hard cock pressed against my bare stomach. “I need—” I try to speak, but words are failing me as his mouth moves down my neck.
“What do you need, pixie?”
“I need you. I need you inside me. I need you to fuck me, Jake.”
“God damn it, Evangeline. I’m trying to be romantic here. You can’t say shit like that, or else I will fuck you.”
“Then fuck me.” I say, wanting it more than ever. My legs are quivering and begging to be opened.
“Not yet. I need to take my time. I’ve wanted this for too damn long, baby. I need to make you feel how much I love you. How much I have loved you, since the moment you barged into my house and stole my damn heart right from my chest. I’m going to make love to you, and once I have made you come several times and I have thoroughly enjoyed and coveted every inch of you, then, my little pixie, then I will fuck you in every which way and for however long you want, until our bodies scream in protest and we can barely keep our eyes open, much less your legs.”
“Okay.” I squeak out, feeling his words caress my entire body. I’m desperately praying that he makes good on his promise.
Jake picks me back up into his arms, walks over to the side of the bed, and gently lays me down. I watch him as he stays standing by the bed, surveying my body, committing it to memory. His intense gaze raises goose bumps all over my skin, and the anticipation
is becoming unbearable.
“Jake, please.” I beg, and not at all ashamed of it. I need to feel him. Now. He doesn’t answer me, but his penetrating and focused gaze turns into a sly smile, and I know, finally, it’s time.
He walks gingerly back to the foot of the bed, never taking his eyes off of mine. Once he reaches his destination, he grabs my feet, yanking me down to the middle of the bed. He drops one foot, holding the other in his hands. He begins to kiss the sole, and then works his way up my leg. But before he reaches my thighs, he switches to the other and repeats. Only this time, when he makes his way back up, he spreads my legs open and climbs onto the bed. When his wet mouth hits my inner thigh, my whole body quivers. He darts his tongue out and starts to lick and suck his way up my thighs, stopping once he reaches the spot that is pleading for his attention.
I groan my displeasure, but he just laughs into my skin and continues his torture on my body. His greedy mouth moves around my pussy and up to my pelvis, then back around to my inner thighs, causing my toes to curl in both pleasure and irritation. I’m about to scream at him, when I feel his warm breath hovering over my landing strip. I look down and meet his eyes. They’re overcome with hunger and passion.
“Let’s see just how sweet you taste.” He says before embedding his face between my lips. As his tongue moves up and down, twisting and swirling around my clit, probing my entrance, his arms stretch out and begin fondling my erect nipples. I have never felt so many sensations at once. I arch my back and begin to buck my hips, moaning in pure euphoria as I feel an orgasm on the rise. Once he brings one hand down and slips a finger between my slick folds, pumping in and out, I come completely undone on his tongue, shaking violently against the bed, screaming out his name. “I’ve been dying to hear you scream my name like that,” he says before climbing on top of me and attacking my mouth with full force.
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