by Blair Holden
Cole knows this. He used to steal the ones I’d bring to school all the time. It hurt so much. Now he just stands there as I oh so gracefully devour red worms. I feel like I need to act a little ladylike in front of him but right now I’m channeling my inner lumberjack.
Once I’m done devouring the candy, he grabs my hand once more. He takes us to a corner that isn’t as cramped as the rest of the space and the moment I hear the first words leading to “Starships,” I jump in happiness. I feel exhilarated and giddy as the people around me start dancing to the one song I’ve rocked out to in the privacy of my room way too much.
Cole laughs as I begin my routine, one that I have perfected for this very song, and starts dancing with me. I don’t protest when he places his hands on my waist and begins moving at the same pace as me. I’ve always known that he’s a good dancer, a quality that sadly Jay doesn’t share. I try not thinking about him as I place my hands on his shoulders as we both allow the catchy beat to guide our steps, singing along to the song in the most hilarious way possible.
It’s surreal really, an out-of-body experience as I watch our bodies moving in sync and realize that Cole and I are having a good time, no, scratch that, a great time together. We can’t seem to stop laughing as we bring out the crazy, embarrassing moves. He lets go of me only to twirl me around and then press my back into his chest as he wraps his arms around my waist, swaying us to the sound of the music. I feel like I’m all on cloud nine as I dance my heart out with Cole by my side.
The song ends and it takes a few seconds for the next one to start but that is enough for two things to happen almost simultaneously. The first being that I realize that I’m pressed way too tightly against Cole, and our chests are heaving up and down almost at the same rate. My back’s facing him so I can’t see his face but with the way he’s holding me I realize that maybe he’s enjoying this a bit too much.
The second thing, which is by far the more important one, is that in the same instant as I’m practically glued to his brother, I lock gazes with Jay. He’s got Nicole in his arms and she’s facing away from me. I’m eternally grateful to whomever is looking out for me up there for the fact that she can’t see the murderous, almost hurt, look on her boyfriend’s face as he glares at Cole and me.
I let go of Cole immediately, letting my arms fall to the side and struggling out of his grasp. He realizes this and releases me. I can feel his presence behind me and I’m sure he sees what I see, which is a very angry Jason Stone.
I don’t understand why he’s looking at me like this or what I could’ve done to make him so mad. He’s been distant ever since Cole started sitting by me in our economics class and I can’t help but think that he doesn’t like the fact that I’m spending time with his brother.
Nicole probably realizes the change in her boyfriend’s mood and lifts her head from his chest. She turns around to see the source of his displeasure and when her eyes land on me I pretty much want to be buried six feet under already.
I see her grinding her teeth and unleashing the full wrath of her terrorizing gaze on me. There’s so much hatred in her eyes that I can feel it seep through my skin and make me feel nauseous. This is not going to end well and I know it. Her eyes practically turn into slits as Cole places a hand on my shoulder and while he’s probably doing this to comfort me, it’s the last thing I need in this situation. I do not need to show Nicole that the guy she crushed on for years is by my side.
“We should go,” I say shakily, still not removing my eyes from where Jay and Nicole stand, both now looking at us like they wished we’d vanish with a poof.
“It’s their problem, not ours; we don’t need to go.”
“Cole, you don’t understand. When Nicole gets angry she . . .”
“Don’t worry about her. I told you I’ll fix it, please trust me.”
I’m about to ask him what he means by fixing it but I freeze in my spot as a sly gleam glitters purposefully in Nicole’s eyes. This is when she’s going to do something that will make me regret ever coming here. She turns in Jay’s arms and grabs both sides of his face, and before either he can react or I can pull her off him by her hair, she attacks his lips with hers and kisses him so roughly that it looks almost painful. Although Jay might not be in so much pain, seeing as how he wraps his arms around her and begins kissing her back with equally matched urgency. My heart feels like a freight train’s running over it again and again and again. Tears, which I always try so hard to keep at bay, sting my eyes and a vicious wave of nausea passes over me, making me want to throw up on the spot.
They don’t come up for air and I’m pretty sure they’ve started grinding against each other but all I can do is watch, watch as my heart is ripped out of my chest and stomped on by Nicole’s size-eleven feet.
“Tessa . . .” I almost forgot that Cole’s been standing there the entire time and I can’t face him, I can’t let him see me like this weak, pathetic girl who pines over his stepbrother. If I do then he might start treating me like he used to treat Fatty Tessie, the weak and vulnerable, unconfident blubbering idiot of a girl he left behind.
I push past him and past all the people dancing, laughing, and having fun in the vast room. I don’t see Megan or Beth as I run and I am grateful. The last thing I need to do is wreck their night. Once I’m in the clear I head down a long, winding hallway trying to find some peace and quiet. As if having my wish fulfilled, a guy stumbles out of a room that could only be the bathroom. I pinch my nose and enter hesitantly; when I don’t see any puke or anything too disturbing I allow myself to breathe and close the door behind me. Once all alone I slump against the cool wall of the tub and draw my knees up to my chest.
How could I believe that I could make it through this night unscathed? Nicole always gets what she wants, and when you get in her way she burns you. It’s as simple as that. Seeing her kiss Jay was so painful that the intensity of the hurt I felt in that very moment takes me by surprise. The two have been going steady for three years now; I’d accepted it and lived with it, so why did tonight make such a difference?
Because you want to be the one to kiss him like that, the voice in the back of my mind says. I rest my head on my knees waiting for the overwhelming need to be sick to pass. If all goes well, I’m never going to another party ever again—it’s just not worth it. Yet when I remember dancing with Cole I ache for the chance to be able to do it all over again, to be free and not imprisoned by Nicole. Is that too much to ask?
I’m pondering this very question when the door bursts open and I hit my head against the tub due to the fact that I jump in fright. My heartbeat goes into overdrive as I take in the intruder, and now my skin crawls once again, but for the worst of reasons.
There’s a guy wearing a white muscle T-shirt that emphasizes his burly muscles and wide shoulders; he’s tall, like six two, and bulky in a way only gym rats are. His hair is a dirty blond mess and when I notice his glazed-over eyes, my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. He’s drunk. I’m alone with him in a bathroom and he’s drunk, oh God.
I press myself further into a corner as he closes the door behind him and sneers at me. I don’t know why I feel so immobile and helpless. I know that I should probably make a run for it, scream, do anything to get out of here, but I feel paralyzed and that’s not the greatest thing to happen in a situation like this.
“Hey, blondie,” he slurs and approaches me. The bathroom is small and its grandeur compared to the rest of the house is quite lacking. It takes him all but a minute to come and tower over me. I shake, still pressed tightly in my corner.
“Aww, have you been crying?” he coos and uses his rough, slimy hands to touch my face; he kneels down so that our faces are level and catches a tear on his thumb, which he puts into his mouth and licks in a sickening way. I push his arm away and he laughs at my feeble attempt.
“Don’t touch me!” I squeak and it sounds weak and pathetic to my own ears. He makes nothing of my protests as he grabs me by the ar
m and pulls me flush against his hard chest. He pulls us both up so that we’re standing. I feel dirty and sick; to me he reeks of beer and I cover my mouth with my hand to stop myself from puking on him.
“I saw you dancing with Stone.” His voice makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up; his hand travels up from my hips slowly to my neck as he feels me up. Suddenly I feel violated beyond measure and having all this skin on display has me begging for comfy sweatshirts.
“You looked sexy. Why don’t you show me the moves you’ve got?” I squeeze my eyes shut as he places his lips at the hollow beneath my throat and licks it.
I push and writhe in his grasp but he grabs my wrists and slams me against the bathroom wall. My head starts pounding immediately from the force and I know that there’s going be a bump forming already.
“Please don’t hurt me.” I squeeze my eyes shut knowing full well that I’ll have to resort to begging since he’s left me completely bound. One of his hands holds my wrists in an iron grasp, his body is pressing into mine nearly cutting of my circulation, and his other hand rests on my neck below my head so that I can’t look away.
“It’s not going to hurt, babe, in fact you’re going to be screaming in pleasure.” His eyes darken with lust as his hand moves to sensually roam my back.
I feel sick, I feel so so sick and disgusted and the only screams that would be coming out of my mouth would be cries of help.
“No . . . please . . . don’t.” He simply laughs at my pathetic responses and his free hand moves to the bottom of my shirt in order to lift it up while his lips are glued to my collarbone. I want to cry, I want to scream and yell and hit him till there’s not a single breath left in his body, but I don’t know how. In my mind I conjure up all these scenarios of ripping his head off but the truth is that he’s heavier, stronger, and drunk.
“That’ll be enough, Hank.”
My eyes fly open as I hear that voice and I don’t know whether to be relieved or scared to death. The piece of shit called Hank doesn’t seem like he’s in the mood to let me go, especially if the large bulge in his pants is anything to judge by. I whimper as he continues to lick my neck like the dog that he is and shoot a pleading look at the only other person present in the room with us.
“Please tell him to stop,” I beg, and Nicole gives me a bone-chilling smile.
“I don’t know; I’m enjoying seeing you like this, so willing to fall at my feet.”
“Nicole, please.” His lips are everywhere and so are his hands; my shoulders are heaving in silent sobs.
“For what you did today, showing up when I’ve told you so many times to not show me your fat ass more than I already have to see, don’t you deserve to be punished, Tessie?”
I can’t believe that I ever used to be friends with someone like her, someone so vile, so hell-bent on getting their way that they resort to the most vicious of things. I taste bile at the back of my throat as Hank’s assault continues, his chapped lips now sucking on my earlobe.
I swallow my pride. “I’m sorry. I promise I won’t do it ever again, please just ask him to stop.”
She watches me writhe for about two more minutes, clearly enjoying my pain, before she grabs Hank by the top of his hair and drags him away from me.
“Good boy, now leave before anyone sees you. Remember, not a word about this to anyone,” she instructs and my mouth falls open when she kisses him square on the mouth, tongue and all, until he’s ready to faint. He looks dazed and wide-eyed as he finally leaves the bathroom scratching the back of his head, making me let out the breath I’d been holding for so long.
I need to go, I need to go and shower for the rest of my life to get his germs off of me. I feel so filthy and used that I just want to burst into tears.
He could’ve gone further, he could’ve done worse, I remind myself to stop the sobs. I try to push past Nicole in order to leave but she wraps her fingers around my upper arm and yanks me back.
“This was nothing, Tessa. If you ever go against me again, I’ll make sure your punishment’s even worse,” she seethes, shoving me away once she’s made her threat. I stand there letting her words sink in as she exits, slamming the door behind her.
***
I stand in front of the sink trying to identify the stranger in the mirror. My makeup is now running down my face, the mascara creating tear tracks as it flows down. My lipstick is smeared, the blush now considerably unnoticeable above my red splotchy cheeks. My hair is tangled and sticking out in all directions with a bump pulsing painfully on my head. My shirt’s ridden up and slightly torn at the ends, all in all I look like the kind of girl who went for a quickie in the bathroom stall. Splashing my face a couple of times with cold water I use a towel to wipe away the garish makeup but the thought of Hank’s hands all over me has me feeling dirtier than ever.
I rush outside, trying not to run into someone I might know. I don’t want to run into someone or explain why I look like Courtney Love on a bad day. The party’s still going in full swing and it’s the perfect setup to escape without being noticed.
Until . . .
“Tessa? Are you okay?” Jay grabs my arm and I flinch, still a little afraid of being touched. He’s standing right in front of me looking worried. I can’t find it in myself to look him in the eye, seeing as how his girlfriend just had me assaulted.
“I’m . . . fine, just let me go,” I say softly and pull my arm away from him. He backs up just a bit but still doesn’t make room to let me go.
“No, you’re not, what happened?”
“Look, I just, I just really need to go home.” My voice is cracking up and I’m seconds away from crying in front of everyone from school.
“No, Tessa, it—”
“Tessie?”
I hear the second voice and something inside of me snaps. It’s Cole, he’s standing a few feet away from Jay and me but it’s obvious he knows something’s wrong. He strides toward us pushing and shoving past people; our gazes are locked onto each other and I forget that Jay’s here with me too.
He runs a hand through his hair in relief as he nears me, putting both hands on my shoulders. “Where did you go? I looked for you everywhere. I . . . lost track of you and no one knew where you went. Are you okay?” His voice which had been filled with panic earlier, grows softer with each word. It may have something to do with how devastated I look that he takes pity on me but I feel nothing but anger toward him right now. I need someone to blame for tonight and he’s the lucky winner.
I stare at him as he looks at me expecting me to answer his damn question, expecting me to apologize for making His Highness worry about me as I was being attacked in a bathroom. I feel fury and anger and rage all directed toward him. He did this; he brought me here even when I told him it would be a horrible idea. He didn’t listen to me because he thinks he’s so darn smart. All of a sudden the dam bursts.
I hit him. I hit him repeatedly, pounding on his chest as his eyes widen in shock.
“You! You did this! You brought me, I told you again and again that I shouldn’t come, you should’ve listened to me, and you shouldn’t have made me come here! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you so much!” I’m sobbing hysterically and the hitting loses its zeal. I clutch the fabric of his shirt in one hand and he pulls me close to him.
“Shh, Tessie, it’s okay, I’m here,” He sounds lost, like has no idea what’s going on but he’s still doing his best to comfort me. I bury my head into his chest and wrap my arms tightly around his waist.
“Why didn’t you listen to me?” I choke out and he rubs my back, rests his chin on top of my head, and whispers, “I’m sorry, Tessie, I’m so sorry.”
I hold on to him even tighter because it feels like if I let him go I might lose my safety blanket and Hank might come back. I don’t want Hank to come back. I cry and I cry as Cole continues rubbing his hand up and down my back.
“What happened to her?” I hear a voice ask and it reminds me that Jay’s still here. There�
��s nothing more I want to do in this moment than tell him about what Nicole did. I want to hurt her and cut her as deep as she cut me. But now I’ve been well acquainted with the consequences of going against her and so I know that I need to keep my mouth shut.
“Call it a wild guess but I’m pretty sure your girlfriend has something to do with it,” Cole spits angrily and since I’m so close to him I can feel his muscles tense up.
“Don’t start with that, Cole, she isn’t even—”
“Shut up, Jason, just shut up.”
With me still clinging on to him for life he begins leading us away from all the noise. We might be leaving the house but I don’t know since I don’t lift my head from where it’s resting on his chest. It’s when the cool, fresh air hits me that I know for sure that we’re outside. Cole lets go of me and I feel like hitting him again for doing so but quickly shut up when he takes off his leather jacket and wraps it around me. The material provides instant warmth but also swallows me up due to its massive size; it also smells like him and I once again feel secure.
Cole cups my cheek and makes me look up from where I’m inhaling the scent of his jacket.
“Are you okay, Tessie?” His thumb wipes away a tear that’s still lingering on my cheek; the action reminds me of Hank but it doesn’t repulse me like his did. It makes me feel warm on the inside.
He isn’t asking me to tell him what happened, he’s only asking me if I’m okay and I couldn’t be more grateful to him for understanding how I feel right now. Just thinking about what almost happened has the tears threatening to spill over again.
I nod just a little bit and he sighs, wrapping his arm around me and hugging me tightly. I’m aware that we’re in the parking area and no one’s around; just the two of us and it feels good. I hug him back not knowing why out of all the people that can comfort me right now it’s Cole who’s actually making me feel better.
Not my best friends and certainly not Jay; it’s Cole, and I just don’t know why.