by Blair Holden
I shoot Beth a pleading look. “Are you sure you can’t come with us?”
Smirking at me, she chews slowly on her French fry. Another traitor, she looks way too overjoyed at the prospect of what I’m going to do there. That said, if she knew what I’d gone through she would volunteer to be my personal bodyguard.
“I’m pretty sure your boyfriend will take care of you.”
I’m not sure whether strangling Beth or punching her in the face is more appealing. I sneak a look at Cole and he’s busy talking to Alex now so maybe he didn’t hear her. While the girls have been extremely supportive of my new relationship, supportive being Megan hyperventilating for a good hour, they’re constantly asking me to label what Cole and I are to each other. We shouldn’t feel pressured into labeling what we are. I know he likes me, he knows I like him, and that’s enough for now, right?
***
Cole drops me off at home; we have a few hours to kill before going to the party, which I reluctantly and very difficultly agreed to go to. He understands this and is being very sweet about the whole thing. I think the real reason he wants to take me is to get rid of my fear of parties. I’d sworn to never attend one ever again and it makes him angry. He doesn’t want Hank to have that kind of power over me so this is how he’s going to get me to take control over my own life.
“Hey.” He stops me halfway to the kitchen with his arm going around my waist. Thanking my lucky stars that my parents are rarely home and Travis is starting to hang out with his old friends again, I let him pull me toward him. Resting his forehead against mine, Cole kisses the top of my head, making my eyes flutter shut.
“I’m sorry if I cornered you into going to this thing. I just . . . I want you to be able to have fun without looking over your shoulder all the time. It’s killing me that you feel so scared and I can’t do a damn thing about it.”
He sounds so anguished and hurt that I immediately begin feeling guilty. I hadn’t really thought about it like that before. I understand what he means. Ever since the thing with Hank, I’ve felt a little wary and nervous about going out, especially loud places with a big crowd. Cole deserves better than that. He needs to be with someone who doesn’t want to spend the entire weekend holed up in her bedroom. Although as soon as I picture him with a party girl rivaling the likes of Snooki, jealousy rears its ugly head. Suddenly I’m scared for a completely different reason. I can’t lose him because of some silly fear; if he wants me to do this then I’ll do it for him. I’d rather spend a few hours sipping horrible warm beer than letting one of his groupies paw all over him.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I whisper, heart pounding at the closeness. “This phobia, whatever I feel, it’s silly and you’re right I need to get over it. I want to do this with you.”
A smile breaks out on his gorgeous face at my words and he lifts me up in his arms, spinning me around. His enthusiasm is reward enough. I’d do anything to see him so happy and a stupid high school party suddenly doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.
“There you go with the double-meaning statements again, Tessie.” He laughs once he puts me down, making me smack his arm.
***
In my room, I allow myself to have my mini-freakout before Cole comes back to take me to the party. When he was here I pretended to be a cool and mostly fraudulent cucumber and we had fun cuddling on the couch and watching tacky reality television. Now though, I’m pretty sure what I’m experiencing are the symptoms of a panic attack. It’s miraculous that I even managed to get dressed but I’ve apparently come a long way when it comes to not being a complete fashion victim. Casually throwing together some layered tanks and skinny jeans to form a party outfit became the easiest part of my evening. Makeup was even simpler since Cole prefers that I don’t put much on.
Seriously, how am I walking into all these unintentional crude remarks today?
I get myself under control just in time and put the cucumber face back on. Cole always rings the bell before he arrives to take me out. I’d always thought he took way too much satisfaction in knowing that he basically has an all-access pass to my house but when it comes to dates, he’s the perfect gentleman. Taking deep calming breaths I run downstairs, not giving myself any more space to contemplate barricading my door. It’ll all be good, it’ll be worth it. I remind myself that I’m doing this for Cole and that I can’t let him feel guilty anymore.
“Did I give you enough time to talk yourself out of doing this?” This is the first question Cole asks when I throw the door open and literally jump onto him. My need to just go ahead and take the plunge is greater than ever and he senses this but I admire him for being so lighthearted about it.
“Oh no mister, I am doing this. We are going to go to the dang party and we’re going to enjoy ourselves. I don’t care if I end up breathing into a paper bag but we are going to go out like a normal couple and we will have fun. Are you listening to me, Stone? We are going to have fun.” I exhale loudly at the end of my rant and find Cole looking at me with only amusement in his eyes. Good, he doesn’t think I’m a loon. Well, the night’s still young and I am after all Tessa O’Connell.
“Couple?” He smirks and I roll my eyes.
“Is that the only word you caught on to?”
“It’s the only one which mattered to me. I don’t care about the stupid party anymore. The fact that you’re putting yourself out there is enough, shortcake. Honestly, I was expecting I’d have to break down some doors and drag you out but you’re here. I’m so proud of you, baby.”
The term of endearment I’d always considered unoriginal and uninspired suddenly starts meaning so much more. It is now my favorite word that Cole’s ever said.
He chuckles at my wonderstruck expression and loops an arm around my waist.
“If you don’t want to go, just say the word. I’ll take you out, we’ll get some Chinese, watch a movie, take a stroll in the park, go for a swim, whatever you want.”
My feelings for him grow infinitely stronger while listening to him be so considerate. He cares so much about me and the least I can do is try to fit into his world. I don’t want there to be this divide between the person he is to the rest of the world and the perfect boy he is with me. If I do this, start hanging out with his friends and their girlfriends, then maybe he’ll be able to have the best of both worlds.
“No, I want to go. Let’s do this.”
***
Ryan Foster’s place is more of a bachelor pad than anything else. He lives on his own since his parents travel all over the world as part of the TV show they host and produce. That’s the story I’m told by Megan as I step into the minimalist-style condo. It’s all granite counters and steel finishes with black accents. This party is a lot more toned down than the one I previously attended, way less crowded, and I find it easier to relax.
Though it could have something to do with the fact that Cole hasn’t left my side once since we’ve arrived. He introduced me to all the guys on his team and I did not miss the stink eye their cheerleader girlfriends gave me. Everyone’s been acting a little hostile but Megan says it’s only because they’re scared. All the girls acted on Nicole’s commands and now that she’s no longer in the picture they’re like lost puppies. To top it off, I’m dating Cole and that to them is the high school equivalent of having mob connections.
Is it bad that I feel a little gleeful? This is so amazing, the way some of the girls literally cowered makes me feel like I’m the Godfather. It is very, very cool if I do say so myself.
“Do you want something to drink?”
I eye the red Solo cups everyone is holding and shake my head. My last drinking experience did not go so well so I’ll try to refrain from making a total idiot out of myself in front of these people.
“Nah, I think I’ll avoid the alcohol tonight.”
Cole pouts jokingly, “Aww man, and here I was looking forward to Drunk Tessie.”
“Yes, I hear she’s very amusing,” I say dryly and hi
s eyes gleam with mischief.
“I think I might be partial to her since she thinks I’m so unbelievably sexy.”
Groaning, I hide my face with my hands. He will never, ever let me live that one down. Why did Jay have to go ahead and open his big mouth? I’ll have my words hanging over my head for the rest of my life!
“Hey, come on, I’m kidding. I won’t bring it up again, promise,” he says but there is no way I’m going to believe him. No matter how hard he tries to hide it, what I said that night really matters to him. What matters even more is that I said those words to Jay, and for Cole that signifies the end of a crush that should’ve ended way earlier.
***
“Hey, guys.”
My back stiffens as Cole’s arms tighten around me. We were just swaying on the dance floor along with lots of other couples and I was more than happy in my own little Cole bubble. I didn’t need to hear that voice again, especially after what had happened at Cole’s house.
“You’re drunk,” Cole notes and I’m too scared to turn around and face the person standing behind me. If anything I shrink further into Cole’s chest to seek protection.
“And once again, you look too comfortable with something that didn’t belong to you in the first place.”
If Cole tightens his grip around me any more, my lungs are more than likely to get crushed. I try squirming out of his ironclad hold but there’s no use.
“Go away, Jay, you don’t want to do this right now.”
“What, you scared I’ll show you up in front of your girlfriend? Scared that she’ll see you for the no-good loser you are?”
This is not happening. Please, please don’t be happening. Is there such a thing as a party god? If yes then please, Mr. Party God, rescue us before one of the Stone brothers ends up in jail for attempted murder and the other in the hospital.
People are starting to stare now, it’s like they feel a sick sense of satisfaction watching these two guys, who’re basically brothers, treat each other like this. I know that Jay’s only acting like this because of the alcohol. Yes, these two aren’t so close but they always have each other’s backs. Why isn’t someone stopping them? Don’t they see where this could potentially go?
I realize that Cole’s temper is hanging by a very fine thread. One more word out of Jay’s mouth and Cole will go for him. Taking advantage of his distraction, I break free of Cole’s arms and face Jay. He looks absolutely horrible and for a handsome guy like him that’s quite a feat. His eyes are bloodshot; his face sports a two-day stubble, his hair looks scruffy and in need of a cut. Overall he just reeks of alcohol and cigarettes.
He’s like the poster child of a bad breakup, but the poor guy has had to face a lot more than just losing Nicole. I feel sorry for him and I feel immense guilt seeing who he’s become. I remember the guy who came to me a day or two before Cole came back to town. I remember him volunteering to be there for me and what did I do? I let myself become so obsessed with Cole that I basically forgot all about him. I don’t regret a single second I’ve spent with Cole but maybe I shouldn’t have cut Jay so drastically from my life. Even though he’s said some things he had no right to say, I’ve still known him for most of my life and at one point I was convinced I was in love with him. While I now know that what I felt for him was nowhere near love, I did have a crush on him and he deserved better.
“Jay, please, you’re drunk. Go home and sleep it off,” I plead but his eyes are too glassed over for me to make out any sense of comprehension. He’s glaring at Cole, looking like he’d kill him with his bare hands if he could.
“See what you did? All her life, Tessa thought I was her freaking knight in shining armor. I was the one she loved, not you! But you couldn’t stand that, could you? You took my mom, my girlfriend, and now her too!” he roared, shoving Cole hard.
Immediately I block Jay’s path as he moves to hit Cole. The blow meant for him lands on me instead and it’s like all the wind is knocked out of my body. I clutch my side painfully, trying my best to not curl into a fetal position on the ground. All around us I hear gasps but the one that stands out the most is the curse that comes out of Cole’s mouth.
“Tessie, are you okay?”
“I’m so sorry, Tessa, I didn’t mean to—” Jay’s words are cut short as Cole literally plows into him and knocks him down onto the floor. His fist lands on Jay’s face and I hear a distinct cracking sound.
“Alex!” I scream, looking around for someone who might be able to stop this. Everything seems to be happening in slow motion. It’s like everyone’s playing a game of statue and all I can do is stand there and watch Cole beat the life out of his brother, who seems too drunk to fight back. Finally someone begins to pull Cole off and I’m being hugged from the side. Megan is hysterical as she asks me again and again if I’m okay and apologizes for not getting to me in time. I think I tell her that it’s not her fault but everything feels like I’m in a bit of a daze. I see Alex pulling Cole off of Jay and restraining him. Some other guys finally grow a pair and rush to help Jay, who looks more than a little battered. His nose is broken, his lip is split, and there’s a nasty gash on his cheek. Cole’s chest rises and falls rapidly as his eyes meet mine. I see the sorrow in them, the begging and pleading. I think he’s expecting me to blow my top but as bad as it makes me feel, I can’t bring myself to feel angry. I don’t know what it is that he sees in my eyes but the torment on his face goes away, leaving only remorse behind. That’s the thing about Cole; he’s an incredibly passionate person. This passion of his makes him do crazy things and once the spell breaks he realizes that the outcome of his actions isn’t that great.
“Take him back to your place, Tessa. I’ll patch Jay up and make something up for Mr. and Mrs. S.”
“I can handle it,” Cole protests but Alex shoots him a look which apparently speaks volumes. They’re having a silent conversation and whatever it is that Alex is trying to tell him works because the next thing I know Cole’s lacing his fingers with mine and tugging me forward. I shoot Megan a small smile and we have a silent conversation of our own. She wants me to text her after everything’s over and I promise that I will.
Heeding Alex’s advice, I drive Cole’s car back to my house. The lights are on in the kitchen and my parents’ cars are in the driveway. Great, I hit my head against the steering wheel in frustration. Things are just not going my way today.
“Are you hurt?” Cole’s voice breaks the silence and it’s then that I remember my aching ribs.
“Yeah, it’s nothing a painkiller won’t fix.” But the way his face flinches tells me that he doesn’t believe me.
“I’m so sorry, Tessie, about everything.” His voice is filled with remorse. I don’t doubt his sincerity. I know he’s sorry but it’s not him I’m angry at, it’s me. Tonight was supposed to be fun, we were supposed to go to a party and hang out but no, the drama has to follow me everywhere.
“I just . . . I don’t know what to say, Cole. You shouldn’t have hit him but he made the first move. He was drunk and he’s your brother . . . you two shouldn’t be fighting over me. It’s not worth it.”
Cole sucks in a breath and I know I’ve upset him. I peer at him through my lashes and his jaw is flexed, his posture stiff.
“Don’t ever say that again. You’re worth it, you’re worth everything to me.”
I blink back tears and try to ignore my constricting throat. The tension between us is palpable, like Cole can sense that I’m self-destructing all around him. I need to get out of this car.
“Tessie . . .”
“You’re hurt, let’s get you inside,” I say quickly, jumping out of his car and he follows suit after briefly glancing at the split skin around his knuckles. The words my fault keep ringing in my head and it makes me feel nauseous. Afraid of running into either my mom or dad, I put a neutral expression on my face, or at least I hope it’s neutral and not my oh-god-I’m-Yoko-Ono face.
Thankfully, the moment I step into the house I
know I’ll be left alone today. The neighbors can probably hear my parents’ shouting match and when that happens, they usually let me be. The sense of relief is so great that I’m not even embarrassed that Cole’s hearing my parents at their worst. Quietly we climb the stairs to my room and neither is willing to break the silence.
I make him sit on my bed and grab the first aid kit from the bathroom. Gulping down some painkillers for my side, I head back for Cole.
One look at his knuckles and my lips begin to wobble. He’d be so much better off without me. If I had any sort of a conscience I’d let him go but right now I’m too invested to even think about it.
“Give me your hand.” I sit beside him and begin working. When I apply the antiseptic he lets out some expletives but then those are the only words spoken between us. I bandage both his hands and before I can stop myself, I give in to the urge and gently kiss over the taped knuckles.
“Tessie,” Cole groans, his hand cupping my cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Cole.” I choke out the tears coming full force now.
“Hey, hey, Tessie, look at me. Shh, baby, it’s okay. I’m okay, please look at me.”
I’m overreacting, I know I am. It was just a brawl but I can’t stop crying, knowing I’ve somehow caused this. He’s hurt because of me, he’s fighting with his brother because of me and all I can do about it is cry.
“C’mere.” He pulls me into his arms, tucking my head under his chin. I allow myself to cry some more and get rid of all the anxiety and tension that’s been building up inside of me after the confrontation with Nicole. Once there are no more tears left, I let myself drown in Cole’s scent. Breathing him in, I let timid, shy Tessa fly right out the window and press my lips to his neck. I smile against his skin when I feel his breath hitch and his heart pound.
Cole pulls back slightly and stares into my eyes as if seeking permission. I all but throw myself at him by linking my arms around his neck. Moving closer, I allow myself to be bold for once.