by Blair Holden
And now she could possibly lose her mother. I had to be strong for her. Cole’s right, I couldn’t lose it when she needs me the most.
“Thank you, I needed to hear that,” I tell him and he gives me a small smile, reaching for my hand again.
“We’re going to get through this. Together, Tessie, I’ll be right with you.”
And somehow that made all the difference in the world.
***
The strong smell of antiseptic hits us as we walk down the familiar hallways of Farrow Hills Hospital. With Cole’s hand in mine, I square my shoulders and head toward the ICU. The drive was excruciating. We’d been in constant contact with Megan and Alex and so far things were going from bad to worse. Marie had sustained critical internal injuries, significant brain damage, and heavy blood loss. She’d slipped into a coma two hours ago and the doctors didn’t know how much longer her body would be able to fight.
A small crowd has gathered around the white doors leading to the ICU and I see the familiar red hair immediately. Alex is holding Megan, who’s watching the doors intently. My gaze wanders to some of Marie’s friends that I’ve seen occasionally at Beth’s house. They seem different . . . sober.
Then I see her, curled into a ball in a corner, with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Her alabaster skin is bordering on dangerously translucent and her eyes are bloodshot. Her entire frame is shaking but not with tears. She looks paralyzed by shock.
Her head is resting on a man’s chest. I wonder how I missed that. Now that I concentrate, she’s curled into him like he could be the one to save her. The man lifts his cheek from on top of her hair and shock runs through me when I see a face I know as well as my own.
Travis.
His arms are wrapped protectively around her and he keeps kissing her forehead. Momentarily I’m stunned, the image of the two of them together not seeming to piece itself together.
Cole’s standing stock-still next to me but I can feel his eyes watching me, awaiting my reaction. Honestly, right now I couldn’t be happier for them. It sinks in now, all of a sudden, that she’s the girl who made my brother work to win her heart. As horrible a time as this is, at least something good’s come out from it. Travis and Beth are perfect for each other.
I wipe a tear and give Cole a reassuring smile; he exhales. I walk the short distance between my brother and my best friend and sit down next to her. Travis’s eyes widen when he sees me but I give him a watery smile and mouth, “It’s okay.” His pale face gains some color and he gives me a small smile of his own. He mouths, “Love you” to me.
I take ahold of one of Beth’s hands. Like I knew, she’s bloodied her palms by digging her fingernails into them. She lifts her head slightly to see who’s there and when she sees me, she breaks down all over again. I hug her close as sobs wrack her body and cry with her until she has no tears left. Megan joins us as all of us sit and wait.
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Not All Boys Are Giant Douche Sickles
“Hey.”
I look up from my phone to find a familiar head of blond hair heading in my direction. Quickly chasing away the nervousness that always now seems to surround me whenever I see him, I put a small smile on my face. He’s my boyfriend’s stepbrother, if nothing else.
“Hi Jay, what are you still doing here?”
He takes a seat next to me on the school steps. I’m waiting for Cole to come out since his class is taking a test. I’m a bit wary about where this could go. Whenever I try to have a conversation with Jay, things just tend to get a little dramatic. It’s been a while though since anything’s happened and he’s kept his distance. I just hope he understands the kind of situation I’m in these days and respects that.
“Practice ran late. I saw Cole’s car and thought you guys would be around too.”
“Yeah, Mr. Vaughn just gave them the two-hour test.” I shudder, thinking of the algebraic torture device I’d taken in my junior year. My poor Cole will need a whole lot of R & R to recuperate from the trauma he’s going through right now.
“Ah, the algebra one, right? God, I can still remember how I felt after that, like my brain just got hot-wired.”
I laugh, remembering that we’d taken the class together. It’s nice to have a civil conversation with him, one which doesn’t end in a fight.
“So how’s Beth? I-I came to the funeral to pay my respects but she didn’t seem like . . .”
I gulp and concentrate on the screen of my phone, twiddling my thumbs unnecessarily. It’s still too soon to talk about it, too painful. Marie’s been gone for just two weeks and in that period I’ve seen Beth break down a million times. It’s heartbreaking to see my strong, determined best friend crumble like this. She’s not just grieving; she’s also blaming herself for her mom’s death. All she does is think about the what-ifs. What if she’d been home? What if she’d gotten Marie the help she needed? What if she’d hidden the booze in a better place? There’s no consoling her. No amount of time spent making her understand is able to pull her from the dark place she’s in. I’ve never felt quite so helpless in my life.
“She’s . . . she’s going to be fine. She will be, I mean with time.”
He nods in understanding. Beth lost a parent, the only parent she had. You can’t possibly guess what amount of time will make the pain go away.
“Well, I’m sure she will be. She’s got you and you’re the best kind of friend there is. I was an idiot but I’m sure people are smarter.”
There it is, that poorly timed sentence that makes everything awkward. Why does he do this? Just when I think that I’ve put the Jay history exactly where it belongs—in the past—he pops up again like a jack-in-the-box. We’ve been doing so well lately, ignoring each other, and that’s been perfect for me, and here he goes rocking my perfectly balanced boat.
“Jay . . .”
“No, hear me out, Tessa. I’m so sorry, about everything.” He looks up at me with those blue eyes that do nothing for me, they’re entirely the wrong color, the wrong blue.
Speaking of blue eyes, brother, if Jay doesn’t put more of a space between us and doesn’t stop leaning toward me like he is, we could have a problem on our hands. I scoot away but he just closes the distance again and continues talking.
“I ruined everything and it can’t be fixed, I get that. We can’t happen right now and I accept that but can we be friends? Like we used to? I’d really like your friendship back, Tessa.”
“Look, I—”
“I know Cole’s not going to be happy with this but you don’t have to listen to everything he says. We can go back to being what we were before he got back.”
That’s it, my bullshit tolerance meter has reached its limit for today. He’s about to get an earful and only because he asked for it.
“We weren’t friends, Jay, not the right way, at least. You knew how I felt about you, and you still dated Nicole. If you cared about me in any way you wouldn’t have done something as low as that. You stood by and watched her bully me day in and day out. But I was that stupid, huh? I always made excuses for you, always thought that you didn’t know what your girlfriend was up to, but not even you could be that blind. Fact is you were too embarrassed to be seen with me when I was fat and unpopular, so why should I let you do that now? You haven’t given me a single reason to trust you.”
It feels good to get all of it out and I hope I’ve gotten the point across. The nerve of him to come up to me and imply that Cole somehow controls me was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I could easily have ignored the rest of his pathetic tirade but he does not get to give his opinion about my relationship.
“And as for Cole, he and I are none of your business. I’d appreciate it if you would keep your deluded opinions to yourself.”
I stand up with a huff, yanking my backpack from the ground in an attempt to run away from him but he’s got ahold of my wrist faster than you could possibly imagine. He looks remorseful and apologetic.
>
“That came out all wrong, I’m sorry. I keep making a mess of this.” He exhales and inches closer to me.
“I just . . . I wish things were different. I wish I hadn’t pushed you away and that we could have our shot but I now see that it’s not going to happen. It makes me so mad that I threw away what we could’ve had for someone like Nicole. Please just give me some time? I could be your friend, Tessa, and I swear I’ll do a better job this time.”
I just stare at him at a total loss for words. I never thought I’d see the day Jay Stone begged me for friendship and declared his feelings all in one go. Of course I dreamt of it, like that naïve weakling I was, but that’s all in the past. Now I harbor no such wishes or dreams. It’s kind of ironic.
“I’m . . . I can’t think about this now. There’s too much going on and right now I just need to be there for Beth. I can’t do this, not right now. I’m sorry.”
He lets go of my hand and steps back, shoving both his hands into his pockets.
“I understand, I’ll wait. It’s what I deserve, right?”
“You don’t have to—”
“But I will.” He gives me a small smile and walks away. I slump down to the ground feeling a bit dizzy. That interaction was definitely not what I’d anticipated for my day when I got up in the morning. It’s a bittersweet moment; I’m happy that I’m strong enough to stand up for myself but it also seems like the end of an era. The melancholy doesn’t last for long since as soon as Jay gets out of sight I’m surrounded by a smell that’s so mouthwateringly delicious that it can only belong to one person.
“I think we have something to talk about.” I squeeze my eyes shut at the sound of his voice, confirming what I already know. He must have seen and heard at least some part of my conversation with Jay. I’m being silly by fearing his reaction. It’s not like I nose-dived into Jay’s waiting arms and then mauled him with my mouth. We had a purely platonic mature conversation that ended in a way I least expected.
“Open your eyes, Tessa.”
Tessa? Uh-oh, the dreaded full name. Curse you to the depths of burning hell, Jason Stone! “I can’t.” My voice is squeaky; I’m in complete panic mode right now.
“I’m not going to ask you again, open your eyes.”
I shake my head. I’ll do anything at all to avoid this conversation. If it means never seeing anything again then that’s all right.
“Fine; you asked for it.”
In a heartbeat I’m upright and in the next I’m flung over his shoulder and my world turns topsy-turvy. What makes it worse is that my eyes are still sealed shut and the dizziness plus the sensation of blood rushing to my head becomes stronger. If I don’t open them now I’ll puke all over Cole and give him enough ammunition to torment me till I’m old and gray.
“Fine! They’re open, my eyes are open. Put me down.” I half scream, half beg, and he purposely skips down the steps so that the movement jostles me even more. I can feel my lunch making a reappearance and all I can think about is how I’ll never be able to eat a tuna sandwich ever again.
“Nope, I asked nicely and you didn’t listen so now we’re going to do this.”
He hops off one step and then the other and again on the next one. My head’s spinning. I’m not one for motion sickness but this is just horrible. I know he’s annoyed about the whole Jay situation, he’s made it pretty obvious in the past that he doesn’t like it when Jay’s around me but he has to know that I was practically ambushed today.
“If you don’t put me down right now I’ll puke all over your backside!” It’s not a threat really; it’s kind of a prediction which has a great chance of becoming true. If he values his designer-jean-clad derriere then he’ll put me down.
“Fine,” he grumbles as I’m put down on the beloved ground and it takes a while for my head to stop spinning. Once I’m sure I’m not going to face-plant into the ground I punch Cole in the stomach.
“That was mean.” I glare at him and he rolls his eyes.
“You try walking in and seeing your girlfriend and brother all over each other. I’m going easy on you, woman.”
“What!?” I shriek and punch him again. “All over each other? Are you out of your mind? We were not all over each other.”
“I saw what I saw. I thought I told you to stay away from him.” He’s flailing his arms about, his face reddens and his hair’s becoming more and more disheveled by the second. I don’t know whether to slap him or kiss the life out of him. Then Jay’s words come back to my mind and creep over every crevice like a poisonous vine. He assumed that Cole controls me, my actions, and my thoughts. While it may not be true, I do tend to mostly do what he says because he’s right—almost always. But that doesn’t mean he gets to dictate who I do or do not talk to. Granted, every conversation with Jay turns out to be a complete disaster, but this is unacceptable.
“Oh you told me? You told me? I’m sorry I disobeyed you, master. How ever will I earn your forgiveness?”
My emotions are all over the place so I don’t try to rein in the smart-ass comments; if he wants to pick a fight for no good reason then he shouldn’t expect me to be the rational one.
“Okay now you’re just being difficult. Damn it.” He kicks a rock, which goes flying away with so much force that I’m just now able to gauge that Cole’s mad. He’s hurt and he’s angry. But I didn’t do anything wrong and don’t deserve to be treated like this. After all he’s the one who’s taught me that others will only respect me if I respect myself.
“I’m tired and you need to cool down. Just take me home.”
He thinks about my request for a while before nodding and walking off toward his car, leaving me to follow behind in silence. He still opens the door for me and waits till I’ve secured my seatbelt but that’s that. The rest of the car ride is filled with a tension that we’ve hardly encountered during the length of our relationship. It’s strained and full of barely repressed fury. I’m so mad at him. How could he assume that I’d even think about Jay like that? It’s like he’s slapping my old self back into my face, reminding me of how pathetic I used to be.
When he stops outside my house, I grab my stuff and get the heck out. Slamming the door behind me I run to the house, resisting the natural urge to look over my shoulder. He doesn’t give me the opportunity though, peeling away before I’m in the door.
The door slamming continues and like a little child having a tantrum, I throw my backpack on the floor and kick our futon several times. Curses leave my mouth as I continue to fume and it’s only when I’ve expelled some of my anger that I notice the fact that I’ve got an audience.
“You done?” Travis asks through a mouthful of Lucky Charms. I scrunch my nose in disgust at my brother, who’s simply smirking at me. He’s just had a full-on view of my freak-out, which means he’ll be asking questions. Brilliant, on top of everything now I’m going to have to stop my brother from killing my boyfriend.
“Not quite.” I kick the futon one more time before collapsing down on it.
“Relationship troubles?”
I wave it off. I’m back at my house, which means all my attention is now on one thing alone and that’s Beth.
“How is she?”
Travis finishes off his snack and after rinsing the bowl places it in the dishwasher. He then comes over to me and sits down next to me. Sighing, his places his arms on his knees and holds his head between his hands.
“The same. I got her to eat a bit but that’s it. She hasn’t really eaten in days and she’s starting to lose a lot of weight. Nothing I say seems to get through to her.”
“What do we do? She can’t go on like this. You know her doctor recommended therapy but she refuses to go. I’m just . . . I don’t know how to help her.”
We sit in silence, both pondering how best to help the person we both care about. Beth’s been staying with us ever since she came home from the hospital ten days ago. When we got the news from the doctor that Marie’s body had given up and saw ho
w a big part Beth just . . . died along with her mom we knew we couldn’t let her go back to her house. Surprisingly, my dad stepped in and actually acted like a responsible adult for once. He sympathized with Beth and ordered us to bring her home. I know that even now he’s been devoting a lot of his time getting in touch with Marie’s lawyers and figuring out how to take care of all the legal issues following her death. He planned the funeral so that Beth had a minimal role in all of it—which she preferred. He left for some business only yesterday, after making sure we were all in a good place.
I’m still having a hard time understanding what Travis and Beth’s relationship is. I haven’t pressed for details, given the situation, but my curiosity is getting the better of me. They knew each other before, that much is obvious, but I wasn’t the one who introduced them. When Beth and I became friends, Travis was in a bad place and when he got better, Beth rarely had time to come over and hang out. Of course she’d seen my brother in photos around the house but they were from the time we were kids and Travis looks a lot different now.
But when I see them together, it’s obvious that there’s a connection there. Sometimes it looks like he’s the only person holding her together and I’ve never seen Beth like that around a boy. She doesn’t date much, always claiming that she’s so busy being a mother to her own mom that adding a boy to the mix doesn’t make sense.
But I know from experience that my brother’s different. He’s a nurturer, he likes taking care of the people he loves. Yes he’s been through a rough patch in his life but that doesn’t mean that he’s always been like that. When he’s sober, Travis is one of the most caring and loving people out there.
“Do you want me to push the therapy thing? I could try,” he asks but I shake my head. She needs some time, it’s too soon and that’s why she’s not ready. Yeah she should probably get some professional help but not until she’s ready to ask for it.