by Marie Landry
“Daisy, you should come with us,” he said. “We all have something to celebrate now that Emma’s decided to stay with us.”
I loved the way he said ‘us’ as if we were a unit and we all belonged with, and to, each other.
Daisy smiled at the offer, but shook her head. “I don’t want to intrude on your night. You two go have a good time, and the three of us will hang out soon.” She stood there for a minute looking at us, her eyes moving between our faces, taking in our closeness and the way Nicholas toyed idly with the loose locks of hair that fell from my up-do. She grinned broadly as she let out a happy little sigh. “I won’t wait up,” she said with a wink, and disappeared back inside the house.
She was back almost as soon as she left, reaching to take the bouquet of flowers from me. “I’ll put these in water and put them on your night table. Have fun, you two.” She kissed my forehead, planted a noisy kiss on Nicholas’s cheek, and this time when she went inside we heard her flip the lock on the front door.
“I love her,” I said with a laugh, shaking my head. “She’s such a character.”
“She’s something special, that’s for sure,” Nicholas agreed. “Just like you.”
Special. Me. I’d never have believed it before, but coming from his lips I felt like it was true. “And just like you,” I said, rising up on my toes to brush my lips over his.
Nicholas bowed his head wordlessly, a smile creeping across his face. “I was thinking we could go for a drive,” he said as he led me down the steps to his truck. “See where we end up and take things from there.”
We drove around Riverview for a while and ended up following the river all the way into the next town, where we came across a drive-in movie theatre. I had never been to a drive-in, which didn’t surprise Nicholas since I hadn’t seen a new movie in years until he came along.
The evening was warm and the sky was cloudless, showcasing the stars and the nearly-full moon that shone down like a spotlight over the sea of cars. We rolled down the windows of Nicholas’s truck so we could hear the movie over the huge speakers set up around the lot, and sat huddled together in the middle, eating popcorn and sipping pop from a double-straw cup.
Three and a half hours later, the double feature came to an end, and Nicholas suggested we go back to Riverview to visit Vince and Maggie at the diner. We popped in on them occasionally, but they had been working so much to save for their trip to New York that we hardly saw them outside the diner.
Nicholas took a different route back to town, through a neighbourhood where the trees were all decorated with white lights, like Daisy’s house. They twinkled and winked at us as we drove by, and I could hear Daisy’s voice in my mind telling me years ago that there were faeries in the trees and that’s where the lights came from. As a little girl who hung on Daisy’s every word, I had almost believed her. Now, as an adult, I realized there was a part of me that still wanted to believe her.
When we arrived at the diner just after midnight, it was completely empty of customers. Vince and Maggie were sitting on the stools at the counter, talking. When the bells over the door chimed, they turned simultaneously, making me grin at how in sync they were.
Maggie jumped off her stool when she saw us and ran over, throwing her arms around me. “I’m so excited that you’re staying!” She squeezed me tightly and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “We’ll have to spend more time together now that Nicholas is going back to work. I’d love to spend a day with you and Daisy. Nicholas is always saying how much fun you guys have.”
I glanced at Nicholas, who was watching me with a small smile. “We’d love that,” I told Maggie. “Let me know when’s best for you since you work all the time, and I…well, don’t.”
Maggie giggled. “You’ve worked hard for years, you deserve this time off. And hey, if you’re ever desperate for some cash, Vince and I can put in a good word for you here and you could take a couple shifts.”
“I appreciate that,” I told her. “And I might have to take you up on it if my savings are gone and I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do with my life.”
Nicholas moved toward me and slung his arm around my shoulders. “You’ll figure it all out,” he said quietly, brushing a kiss over my temple, his lips lingering in my hair. I wanted to shift so I was in his arms, pressing my face to his chest and inhaling the sweet, mysterious scent that always surrounded him.
Remembering where we were, I resisted the urge and instead looked around the deserted diner. Nicholas and I had been there countless times when only a handful of people were scattered around the stools and booths, especially later at night, but we had never been there when it was completely empty. The only sound was the fading end of an old love song on the jukebox.
“Dead tonight?” Nicholas asked Vince and Maggie.
“Rush hour was busy as always, but it got slow after that. We only stayed open because there’s a late feature at the theatre and we figure people will be in after that. There hasn’t been anyone in for about half an hour, I guess,” Vince said, glancing up at the clock behind the counter.
Nicholas grinned at me with a mischievous look sparkling in his eyes. That look always had me feeling a mixture of anticipation and something akin to wariness. When I raised my eyebrows at him in question, he walked over to the jukebox, dropped in some change, and selected a song. A moment later, soft music filled the diner and Nicholas stood in the middle of the floor with his hand held out to me.
I looked at Vince and Maggie who simply shrugged their shoulders and grinned. I made my way across the floor and into Nicholas’s arms, getting my wish from a moment before. I leaned my head against his chest, my eyes slipping closed as we swayed to the music. I was enjoying the singer’s low-pitched, intimate-sounding voice and the feel of being pressed against Nicholas when the song came to an abrupt end, and a swing dance beat came on.
My head jerked up and I saw Vince walking toward us from the direction of the jukebox, a wide grin spreading over his face. “Come on now, Nicky, let me show Emma how to really dance,” he called over the music.
He gave Nicholas a wink before nudging him aside and taking my hands. I had never done swing dancing before, and had never even seen it outside of old movies. I was about to tell him so when he squeezed my hands, and as if reading my mind, said, “Just follow my lead.”
Sucking in a nervous breath, I tried to remember that I was among friends and even if I made a fool of myself, they would still love me. I didn’t have long to worry, because within seconds I was giggling dizzily as we spun around the floor in a blur of twirls and dips. I laughed harder when out of the corner of my eye I saw Nicholas and Maggie shrug their shoulders at each other and join us on the dance floor.
In the middle of the song Vince spun me so quickly that when I stopped, it took me a minute to realize my dancing partner had changed and I was back in Nicholas’s arms. Our laughter slowed us down and we finished out the song with a few more turns and spins, watching Vince and Maggie end with a flourish of quick movements. With a blaring of trumpets the song came to an end, and there was a burst of applause from the direction of the front door.
A small group of twenty-somethings stood there grinning and clapping at our impromptu performance. My cheeks flamed as I imagined how I had looked trying to keep up with Vince, then clumsily spinning with Nicholas in my last few dizzy turns. I turned in time to see Vince take Maggie’s hand and bow deeply as if on stage. A moment later, Nicholas grabbed my hand and we did the same.
The group moved into the diner, talking over each other as they told us how good we were and how much fun they’d had watching us. My cheeks continued to burn, but for a different reason. I enjoyed the praise, and I realized it wasn’t only Daisy and Nicholas who saw me in a completely different way than I saw myself.
I used to worry about being judged or made fun of, because it felt like nothing I ever did was good enough. I had been living like that for so long I didn’t know any other way to
live. But, as I discovered when I first arrived in Riverview, nobody knew the old me, so I could change my expectations and be a different person now. I had started out like one of Daisy’s blank canvases, and was slowly blossoming into someone I could be happy with.
As our group of admirers seated themselves at one of the booths, Nicholas and I said our goodbyes to Vince and Maggie. We headed back to Daisy’s, where we collapsed on the swing inside the gazebo.
“So, tell me what made you decide to stay in Riverview,” Nicholas said, putting an arm around me and sliding me closer so that I was tucked into his side with his chin resting on the top of my head.
He’d asked me this question earlier, but sensing my hesitation to talk about it, had told me I could explain later. We had been having so much fun I didn’t want to spoil it with thoughts of my mother’s negativity, or hear her sugary-sweet-turned-venomous voice in my head.
I told Nicholas the details I had avoided earlier, both on the phone that afternoon and then later when he’d asked. We had spent a lot of time over the past weeks talking about my mother and our strange, dysfunctional relationship. Knowing how upset I often got when talking about my mother, Nicholas would always make reassuring little noises as I spoke, stroking my hair or holding my hand. He was like an anchor, preventing me from straying too far into negative thoughts, and keeping me steady so I wouldn’t dwell on how much I wished things could have been different between my mother and me.
When I fell silent, I felt drained and exhausted, the way I always did after rehashing my issues with my mother. The silence only lasted a second before Nicholas changed the subject to things he wanted us to do that autumn and winter now that I had decided to stay in Riverview. He could always sense the slightest change in my moods, and would roll with it; he seemed to know when I wanted to be comforted and when I wanted to just forget about all the hard stuff and be distracted.
Nicholas told me that, in the autumn, he could picture us taking long walks in the fallen leaves and golden sunlight, going apple and pumpkin picking at Farmer Milligan’s, and doing the corn maze and wagon rides offered every year, which most of the town showed up for. He said he imagined us playing in the snow that winter, acting like little kids with Daisy, Vince, and Maggie while building snowmen and having snowball fights before going inside for hot chocolate. It was like he wove a story just for me, and I could picture it all, every glorious moment of it, especially when he said he envisioned us spending long winter nights in front of the fireplace, just the two of us. The promise of it had me nearly giddy with anticipation.
When Nicholas yawned and stretched, I caught a glimpse of his watch glowing in the dark and saw that it was nearly three o’clock. I grabbed his wrist to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, and couldn’t believe what time it was. I hoped Daisy hadn’t been kidding when she said she wouldn’t wait up for us.
“You’d better go or you’ll never be up in time for work tomorrow,” I said.
“I guess you’re right,” he said, rising slowly from the swing, joints popping from sitting so long. “Let me tuck you into bed before I go.”
I blushed at the intimate suggestion. Suddenly unsure of the steadiness of my voice, I simply took his hand and led him inside where it was dark except for the nightlight by the stairs. We crept up the steps, pausing at the top to see that all of Daisy’s rooms were dark, then made our way to my bedroom.
A million thoughts rushed into my head as I took a nightgown from my closet. I wanted more than anything to ask him to spend the night, but couldn’t seem to find the courage. I had been imagining for weeks what it would be like to have him in bed beside me, kissing me while I lay in his arms, stroking my hair until I fell asleep, then awaking the next morning with him still next to me.
Nicholas turned his back as I took off my clothes and slipped on my nightgown. When he turned back around, I had already crawled into bed and pulled the sheet over myself. My fantasies didn’t do anything to bolster my confidence or suppress my modesty.
He sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand, tracing slow patterns over my palm with his finger. The gentle touch of his slightly rough fingers sent a tingling feeling of warmth from my hand and up my arm, before spreading through the rest of my body. When he met my eyes, I knew he had just as many thoughts running through his head as I did.
“Lie back,” he said, releasing my hand. When I was settled on the pillow, he brushed my hair out of my face, his eyes trailing to where my curls fanned out over the pillow. As his eyes returned to mine, I noticed they had darkened—they were no longer the impossible blue of sunny skies, but a shade more like midnight before a storm. He leaned down and pressed his warm, soft lips tenderly to mine. The kiss was too brief, and when he pulled away, his expression was conflicted. Pulling the sheet up higher, he tucked it around me, kissed me on the forehead, and said goodnight.
As he left my room, pausing for a moment in the doorway to blow me a kiss, I wanted to yell after him, “I love you!” but, like the lack of courage to ask him to stay the night, my courage failed me again at that moment.
CHAPTER 8
The next morning when I wandered lazily and heavy-eyed into the kitchen, Daisy was at the stove making breakfast. I plopped myself down on a chair and leaned my arms on the table, my head drooping. Not even the smell of Daisy’s famous loaded scrambled eggs, or the sound of sausages sizzling in the pan did anything to wake me up.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Daisy said, chuckling quietly and leaning against the counter to watch me. “Sleep well?”
I groaned and opened my eyes wide, hoping this would make them stay open.
Daisy burst out laughing. She was accustomed to seeing me bright and cheery in the mornings, not like the half-asleep zombie I was now. “You were up late. I saw Nicholas leave just after three.”
This woke me up. I straightened in my chair and could feel my face flushing as I said, “We were just sitting out in the gazebo talking and lost track of time.”
Daisy’s lips quirked. “I know. I’m not your mother, Emma, you know I’m not judging you. As much as I wish you were still my little girl, you’re nineteen years old, and what you and Nicholas do is none of my business.”
I breathed out a long sigh and could feel some of the heat leaving my cheeks. “Well, thank you,” I said slowly. “And for the record, I know you’re nothing like my mother. But Nicholas and I, we haven’t…you know…yet.”
I could have sworn that Daisy’s cheeks turned pink as she went back to the frying pans on the stove. She was silent for a moment and then said, “You and I talk about everything, but I didn’t know if I’d be over-stepping my bounds by asking you how serious your relationship is with Nicholas. I can tell that you’re crazy about each other and that you’re really close, but I didn’t know how close.”
“I know it’s an awkward subject to bring up,” I said, fiddling with the cloth napkins on the table. “Nicholas and I haven’t even talked about it much. He knows I’m still a virgin and I think he wants me to feel a hundred percent comfortable before we go any further. Sometimes I wonder if Nicholas wants me to make the first move when it comes to sex, or give him some sort of signal to let him know I’m ready so that he doesn’t think he’s pushing me.”
Daisy was silent for another moment, as if taking this in and processing it before speaking again. I sat silently too, watching her fix two steaming plates of food. “That sounds like Nicholas. Not wanting to rush you or push you,” she said finally as she set a plate in front of me, along with a glass of orange juice. “He’s the type of guy who wouldn’t want you to have sex with him just for the sake of doing it. When I watch you two, it’s obvious that you’re in love. I think it’s important to express those feelings before you go any further, and to think of sex as an expression of love between you.”
I nodded my head slowly, taking a bite of my eggs so I had time to think before responding. Daisy had just given voice to the thoughts I’d been having the past several weeks.
“I do love him,” I said. “And I want our first time to be special, but there’s so many things I don’t know about sex, and the whole thing scares me. Lately though…it’s all I can think about.” I said this last part in a rush before I lost my courage.
Daisy chuckled under her breath. “I can sympathize. I was actually a couple years older than you are now when I lost my virginity. There were at least a dozen guys who thought they should be ‘the one’, but I knew it wouldn’t feel right with any of them. By the time it did feel right and I was actually in love, it was all I could think about. But I was scared, too. Terrified, really. He knew that, though, and we took our time so it was really special. Even though the relationship didn’t last, I don’t regret it because I know in my heart that he was the right one.”
I nodded wordlessly. Daisy and I rarely talked about her past love life. If she was older than I was when she lost her virginity, it meant she was already living in Riverview because she’d been in her early twenties when she left home. For as long as I could remember, she had never been in a serious relationship. Part of me always wondered if it was her choice—if her independence and her art meant more to her—or if she had just never found anyone to love. Or, if maybe she had and he’d gotten away.
“I’ll just say this, and then we’ll change the subject,” Daisy said, reaching across the table and taking my hand. “Like I said, it’s obvious that Nicholas loves you. It’s also obvious that he has an immense amount of respect for you. He might be afraid that he’ll scare you by telling you how he feels, because he knows your history and he knows that he’s your first. Just be patient. When you know for sure that it’s right, it’ll happen. And after having expressed your love for each other verbally, expressing it physically will make it all the more special.”
She gave my hand a squeeze before releasing it and going back to her breakfast. I looked at her for a minute, trying to think of some way to express my gratitude to her for so many things, but when the words didn’t come, I picked up my fork and finished eating.