I lay on the bed with my eyes still closed, still enjoying the sensations of my body. The ache from deep within, the tenderness of my swollen nipples, the feel of his lips and teeth on my body. I wasn’t repulsed. I wanted more. I liked the way he physically, mentally and emotionally claimed me for his own.
His stake was complete. How could I belong to another, ever? How could I ever want another man to hold me, to touch me after Kael had branded me with his love? I was practically ruined for all other men.
And then I heard him, I heard him say it. I love you.
I knew it. Of course he did. I hadn’t been imagining things. And I loved him back. Which begged the question, why would he want me to think otherwise? Why would he push me away? With the click of the bathroom, I opened my eyes and sat up. Aware that he had ravaged me like a romance novel heroine. Aware that he’d cleaned my body.
I stood and went to the bathroom, opened the door, freeing the steam that had amassed there and stepped inside. He was in the shower with his back to me. His head bowed and resting against the ceramic tiles with water running down his neck and back.
I slid the door open and stepped behind him, snaking my arms around his waist.
“Can I join you?”
He turned around slowly, his expression one of confusion. “What are you doing here?”
I gazed at him, wondering at the redness of his eyes. If he hadn’t already been in the shower, drenched in water I would’ve sworn he’d been crying. “Where else would I be?” I dragged my fingers across his chiseled chest
“You’ve come to say goodbye, then?” He touched my chin and lifted my face up.
I grabbed his wrist, turned it toward me and kissed his palm. “No. I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”
“But after what I did to you…” He glanced at the bedroom door. “You must hate me.”
I lowered my hand to his crotch, found his shaft still long, still thick even at rest and gently curled my fingers around it. “I love the way you love me.”
“You do?” He glanced at my hand before raising his gaze to meet my own. “You don’t hate me?”
I shook my head. “I can’t even describe the way you make me feel. Just…completely dominated. Like I belong to you and only you.”
He reached for my hand and gently removed it. “But I hurt you. I know I did.”
I couldn’t look him in his eyes. “It was a good hurt. I don’t know why, but I liked it.”
He inhaled sharply. “I know you said that before, but tonight was different. I was—”
“Brutal?”
He swallowed hard, flinched at my word. “Yeah, that.” He picked up a soapy sponge, avoided my eyes. “May I?”
I nodded and he kneeled on the titled floor and began to wash me, starting with my feet. I stared down at his bowed head and felt a wave of love and tenderness wash over me.
He slowly made his way up to my legs and knees before gently parting my thighs and rubbing the sponge across my skin. I touched the side of his face and he looked up.
“I love you. Nothing you can say or do will change that.” He nodded and continued bathing me until he was standing before me, sponging my breasts in lazy circles.
A look of resignation crossed his face. “I don’t know how to make this work.”
“Make what work? Things have been great between us. What happened in Atlanta? Something must’ve happened.”
He looked past me at the wall as if he hoped to find answers written there. “I just want to keep you safe.”
“From what? From you?” I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close. “I know all your secrets now. This is what you were keeping from me, isn’t it? “
I felt him stiffen in my embrace but he did not respond.
“I knew it. I’ve always felt as if there was something you were keeping from me, some secret you couldn’t trust me with.” I pulled back and looked into his face, the serious eyes, the unsmiling lips. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
Sighing, he lifted up his arms and hugged me back with the water pouring down on us both.
His lips found my ear. “After tonight, if you’re not going to leave me,” he whispered. “I’m not going to make you.”
And we stayed like that for the longest time, wrapped up in each other’s arms under the steaming water.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The kitchen door swung open and Rain walked out with her father’s BBQ-ing apron covering up her cream sundress shot with gold thread. Her hair was twisted into an impromptu bun at the nape of her neck with tendrils of curls springing around her face.
She was Betty Crocker-hot and I was imagining the sex we could have with her bent over the kitchen table when everybody cleared out. From my spot on a leather recliner in the middle of the living room, I watched her greet her sister with a big grin on her face.
“So nice of you to take a break from your whirlwind schedule to join us.”
Haley tossed her overnight bag on the floor beside the front door. “You know I try to spend as much time as possible with my family. Keeps me grounded.” She glanced at me and I gave her a friendly wave.
“If I get bored, I’ll just bother Kael.”
Rain looked my way and smiled. “Alright. Dinner will be served in about five minutes.”
It had only been twenty-four hours but it felt like something significant had shifted in our relationship. There was a new level of trust, a deeper sense of intimacy between us and I welcomed the change.
Despite the threats from Il Morte and The Group I felt optimistic about my future with Rain. She knew how I could be and she still wanted me, she still loved me. That was important. That was a big deal and it was a huge relief to know that she accepted me, proverbial warts and all.
Everything else, I could handle. I would find Il Morte and I would figure out a way to do my job and keep Rain in my life.
She walked back into the kitchen where I could see Charlotte at the counter dicing cucumbers for the salad. Her boyfriend, Gian-Carlo, would be arriving soon with a vat of tiramisu.
As soon as Rain left, Haley made a beeline for me, perching herself on the arm of my chair.
She lowered her voice and leaned toward me. “I overheard your conversation with…that crazy woman.”
“What crazy woman?” Puzzled, I considered her for a moment and then I realized she could only be talking about Zelie. “When? How?”
“It Atlanta, after we met at the restaurant.” She favored me with a smug look. “I was hiding in coat check, waiting to see if any mysterious women appeared when I left. And what do you know, I was right.”
I stared at her, not sure if I should laugh or cry. One of my worst nightmares was happening, I’d been found out. By my girlfriend’s baby sister of all things. I thought of what she must’ve overheard. Certainly she couldn’t have processed it properly.
And then I laughed. Because it was ridiculous. Haley hiding behind coats watching Zelie and her crazy girl routine. “Wow. Just wow.”
Haley glanced furtively toward the closed kitchen door and back at me. “So, you want to explain what I overheard?” She stared at me expectantly as if I could offer a succinct explanation to her before dinner.
I exhaled loudly and shook my head. “I don’t know if I can.”
Her eyes almost bulged out of her head and her mouth dropped open. “I heard rice for guns, which is something they’ve talked about on CNN, and the group, Taiwan and Operation Serpentine… What does it all mean? And the word kill, I heard it mentioned like five times. What the hell is going on?”
She was so excited, I couldn’t help but smile. “Fancy yourself Nancy Drew, huh?”
She folded her pretty features into a scowl. “That girl tried to attack you! What kind of mess are you in?”
“Nothing I can’t handle, Haley.” She was a little
too excited about her discovery. I calmed my features, hoping she’d unconsciously mirror me. “Nothing for you to worry your model mug about.”
But she stood, her jaw set and with one eyebrow arched.
Oh shit. I didn’t like the way she was looking and with her hands on her hips like that.
“Fine,” she began. “That’s how you want to play it? I’m telling Rain everything I heard.”
She opened her mouth wide, like she was about to yell for her sister, and I grabbed her hand and yanked her toward me. I glanced at the kitchen door. “Sit,” I commanded in my sternest voice and gestured to the arm of my chair. Thankfully she followed my direction.
I gave her a hard look meant to relay the seriousness of our conversation, and then lowered my voice to almost a whisper. “I’ll tell you. I’ll explain things to you and then you better keep your pretty little mouth shut. Got it?”
Surprised at my tone, her eyes widened, her nose scrunched up and she opened and closed her mouth several times before settling down. She favored me with a suspicious squint. “I’m all ears.”
I took a moment and decided on the minimal amount of information to tell her. “The CIA recruited me when I was still in the Army.”
“You were in the military? “She gazed at me anew. “Rain never mentioned it.”
“I was a Green Beret.” I shrugged. “I didn’t tell her.”
“But the CIA? So, you’re like…a spy?”
I rolled my eyes, couldn’t help it. “Sure. Something like that. And that girl you saw—I work with her. It’s business. All business.”
She opened her mouth to ask another question, but I shut her down with another hard look.
She clamped her mouth shut and stared at me.
The sound of Charlotte laughing interrupted us, fortunately for me. We looked to the kitchen.
“Charlotte seems to be in a better mood these days.”
“Yeah,” Haley said. “Rain told me she hooked up with some Italian guy.”
“Rain mentioned that he and Charlotte have been spending a lot of time together. Sounds serious.”
Another peal of laughter filled the air. We both paused and again turned our attention to the kitchen. “At least Charlotte’s happy and it sounds like she and Rain have resolved their differences.” She turned to me, her blue eyes determined. “Are you going to tell Rain what you really do? I think she’d be relieved to know you’re not cheating on her.”
Hell no. Absolutely not. “I’d rather have her think I was cheating than know the truth.”
Haley gasped and then she gaped at me, probably wondering what could be worse than cheating on the one you loved.
“I think you should come clean. Today after we eat. Just pull her to the side and tell her what you told me.”
I shook my head. We’d just overcome one huge obstacle in our relationship. I was not about to tempt fate by telling her that as a matter of course, I killed bad guys. “I want to work on us right now without any complications. I don’t want to spook her. Obviously, she can’t know what I do for a living.”
She gazed at me, a question on her face. I could read her like a book. So, what exactly do you do for a living?
But I wasn’t answering. “She wouldn’t look at me the same.” I forced myself to laugh. “Hell, I don’t see myself the same.”
There was another awkward silence between us as Haley stared at me apparently fascinated by what I’d told her, and then I literally saw a light bulb appear over her head.
“Did your job have anything to do with why Rain didn’t hear from you for so long?”
“It had everything to do with it. Sometimes my line of work puts the people closest to me in danger.” I turned to look at the kitchen door Rain had gone through. “The case I was working on at the time involved some hard-core criminals in Bosnia. I didn’t want anyone hurting her to get to me, so I laid low until it was safe. I wrote her a letter, several in fact, explaining as much as I could at that time. It should have made everything better.”
“But it didn’t?”
“She never got the letters. Someone convinced her to tear up the first one. Then they purposely intercepted the rest of them.” I sighed. “I had no idea until recently that she thought I’d just left her hanging. It’s difficult for me to believe that after what your sister and I shared in Jamaica, that she’d just forget about me and move on.”
A burning sensation sliced through my chest and I gritted my teeth. “All this time. She must’ve thought I was such a bastard.”
Her face softened and she placed a hand on my arm. “I think everything will be fine going forward.”
The kitchen door swung open and Charlotte appeared with a mean look on her face.
“Well, you two certainly look cozy.”
Haley snatched her hand back and stood, her face flushing a warm pink.
And that was my cue to leave. I stood and made a great show of sniffing the air. The pungent fragrance of roasted tomatoes and sautéed garlic filled the air, so it really wasn’t much of an act.
“Something smells good. Dinner ready?”
“Yeah,” Charlotte replied with a frown. “That’s what I came in here to tell you guys.”
I tried not to scowl back her, but it was difficult. She was a pretty girl but she always seemed angry or suspicious. When she entered the room, an entire dark cloud of negative vibrations followed her.
Maybe talking about the Italian guy would change her mood. “So, when do we get to meet this great guy you’ve been seeing?”
And her face did light up momentarily. But then the smile was gone. “That’s the second thing I came out here to tell you. He just called. There was a grease fire at the restaurant, nothing serious but he needed to get down there. Maybe another time.”
Nodding, I moved toward the door. “I’m going to see if Rain needs any help.”
When I looked over my shoulder, the suspicious look on Charlotte’s face had returned and she looked like she was about to read poor Haley the riot act for the crime of touching my arm.
* * * * *
Tonight had been perfect. Kael stayed to help clean up and Charlotte left to spend the night with Gian-Carlo who never did show up. Kael wanted to spend the night but with my baby sister crashing in our guest room, I had to nix that idea.
There was no way I could get romantic with Kael, not the way he liked, with my sister in the next room. I rolled over onto my back and squinted into the dark, found my digital clock. Three o’clock. Ugh, why had I awoken so early?
I closed my eyes
Grunting at no one in particular, I rolled over onto my stomach, sticking my head under the pillow. Loud noises woke me up and I still wanted several more hours of sleep.
But sleep would prove to be elusive because even though my ears were covered, it was not enough to completely muffle the sounds of drawers being opened and closed. That is what I was hearing. The sound of stuff being moved around, of footfalls outside my door. I pushed the pillow off my head, kicked the purple comforter from my legs and sat up.
I looked at my watch. It was two o’clock in the morning. Who was up at this hour anyway?
When I heard someone running down the stairs, my first thought was that it was a burglar. I jumped up and ran to my door, and saw Charlotte pause at the foot of the stairs, frantically looking around.
Rubbing my eyes I called down to her. “Hey, can you keep it down? I have an early morning meeting with the café’s interior decorator. What’s going on?”
She gave me a wild-eyed look and then ascended the stairs. “It’s nothing. I’m looking for— I’ve misplaced my journal.”
I switched on the upstairs hall light and was shocked to see Charlotte crying. Once she was on the landing with me, I wrapped my arms around her and discovered that she was trembling.
“C
harlotte, it’s not that big of a deal. We’ll find it.” I moved toward the stairs, but she grabbed me by the arm. “No, I don’t want you to look, it’s fine. I’ll find it myself.”
But her face was pale, her eyes wet with tears and she looked as if she might vomit. She was obviously not fine. I was also beginning to wonder why she didn’t want me to help her.
She eyed the door to my room nervously. I turned to look at the door too and it occurred to me that our diaries looked the exactly the same. I slowly turned back to her. “Are you thinking I picked up your journal by accident?”
Her lips twitched into a reluctant smile and she inched toward my door. “Possibly. Maybe I should just go—”
I stepped in front of her, blocking her way further down the hall. “I’ll check.”
She scurried after me, pulling at my shirt. “I was going to write in my diary tonight before bed when I realized that I had yours.” We reached my door and she gave me a pleading look. “And you must have mine.”
The way she was behaving was raising all sorts of red flags. “You’ve obviously written something in your diary that you don’t want me to see.”
She glanced into my room and then back at me. “Just my private thoughts. You know, stuff nobody else would care about.” She took a long ragged breath. “Would it be weird if I asked you to just hand me the diary without looking inside?”
Now I was afraid of what I might find. I shouldered her out of the way, entered my room and slammed the door behind me. I stared at the doorknob for a moment and then locked the door.
“Rain!” I was alarmed by the way she loudly and insistently beat her hand against my door. “Don’t open it. If you value our friendship, please!”
I found the journal on my nightstand. They did look the exact same, except the edges of my pages were worn while hers were still crisp and new looking. I picked up the book and inspected it before opening it. Yeah, it was definitely not my journal.
Tell Me No Lies: The Black Orchid, Book 1 Page 29