He couldn't catch his breath.
Gramma set the swing into a gentle motion. "Hasn't been the same around here since you left."
He had to unclench his jaw before he spoke. "The trees all died."
She patted his knee, a gesture he remembered from his childhood when she'd offered comfort over a bad grade or scraped knee. "I'm not talking about the pecans, boy. I'm talking about you. Your energy, your laughter, your light."
He shook his head. "A man's got to grow up sometime, Gram. Leave the nest."
"You didn't leave so much as run away from home."
He gritted his teeth. Gramma didn't mince words, even when they hurt.
He didn't have an answer for her.
Apparently, she didn't need one. She rocked the swing again. "I thought you'd come back. I hoped…" She sighed. "I hoped you'd find some measure of peace and come home."
He rolled his shoulders but had learned that nothing would turn loose of the tension. Nothing except getting away from here. "It's for the best," he said quietly. "I can't imagine the Langs would want to see me around town. Especially Lindsey."
"She's forgiven you. Had to, because she loves your brother."
He'd stayed far away from the happy couples at the double wedding, so he couldn't say for sure whether Gramma was telling the truth. Regardless, every time he'd looked at Lindsey, he'd see Sean. Except Sean hadn't lived to see high school graduation.
Gramma patted his knee again. "You can't keep blaming yourself."
This time he couldn't stay still. He erupted out of the swing. "Nobody else to blame. I was driving. Being stupid. I could've said no when the guys wanted me to go faster. Could've stopped. But I didn't."
He blew out a frustrated breath as images bombarded him. Laughing with Ted in the cab of his truck. Seeing Sean's body flying through the air through his side view mirror. Scrambling from the truck. Bending over his friend's prone, lifeless body.
He ran a shaking hand over his eyes.
Rehashing that night wasn't going to solve anything. He'd dreamed about it, told Wes about it, thought about every single thing he could've done to make things end up differently.
But nothing changed what he'd done.
"I've gotta check the bulls." He bolted down the steps and into the yard.
Gramma didn't chuck her cane after him or anything, but he felt the intensity of her gaze on his back all the way to the barn. Whatever she'd wanted to stir up by bringing up the past, well, it was already stirred up in him.
He pounded one hand against the wood frame inside the barn. Nine more days. He'd promised his brothers he'd stay. He wanted to prove himself by taking care of Dusty's stock.
Surely he could avoid Gramma for nine more days.
It would be harder to avoid Jess, when he'd agreed to help her and Josh with Patches. He didn't know how to face her after he'd humiliated himself and then brushed her off.
Nine days was looking like an eternity.
Chapter Seven
On Saturday afternoon, two days after the perfect-slash-disastrous date, Jess watched from her perch on a feed barrel as Luke and Josh brushed down Patches with flat brushes that fit on the palms of their hands.
Luke had spent a long time explaining that horses required a lot of care. He'd talked about what they should eat and how much, and how feeding a horse wrong could cause it to get very sick. He'd talked about trimming their hooves and filing their teeth and how they had to have doctor visits just like people did.
Now, as he showed Josh how to wield the brush correctly, he was pointing out all of the horse's body parts.
The man had barely paused for breath all morning. It was as if he thought if he stopped talking, she'd jump in and push for more personal details about his past.
Josh didn't seem to notice. He'd been beaming since they arrived, eating up everything Luke had to say. Patches had greeted him in much the same way as she had before, nudging his stomach and blowing at him until he'd scratched her.
It was enough to bring tears to her eyes, seeing the relationship between horse and boy unfold. She'd seen Mary's connection to different animals throughout their childhood, and somehow God had provided the perfect horse for Josh.
If they could do a few more sessions, maybe even get Josh up on the horse, and she could show his mother how much progress he was making, perhaps they could find a long-term therapy solution that would help Josh perform some of the tasks that were so difficult for him—like communicating.
She was immensely thankful that the cowboy had agreed to help her.
But she was also empathetic enough to hurt on his behalf. He had unresolved issues with what had happened in his past, that much was certain.
He'd done something incredible for her, opening this door for Josh. She'd never be able to thank him enough, but maybe, just maybe, she could try.
She sent Josh off with his mom again. Today, his mom was distracted and only gave a rushed affirmative response to Jess's report about the day.
This time when she looked around, Luke was nowhere to be seen. That caused a definite blip in her confidence, but it didn't deter her.
She walked right up to the front door and let herself inside.
"Knock knock! Shirley?"
Half an hour later, she was enjoying one of Shirley's freshly-baked cinnamon rolls when Luke came storming in through the kitchen.
He stalled out when he saw her. "Hey. What's up?" His hat came off, and he brushed one hand through his hair.
"Hey. I'm just having a visit with your grandma."
She saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. "I'll leave you to it, then." He nodded and wheeled to go back in the direction he'd come from.
"Wait!" She followed him back into the kitchen, where they'd had their first real interaction.
"I've got a lot of work to do," he said, turning to look at her. There was no hint of the smiling man who'd talked about his plans for going into business with his grandfather. "I've taken enough time out of my work schedule already today."
She ignored his barb, knowing it was true but also guessing he was defending himself. She'd gotten too close.
The question was, would he be rude enough to say no to what she was going to ask?
"Would you have dinner with me tomorrow?" she asked, all in a rush, because there was no other way for her to do it.
He stared at her for a long moment, and she braced for rejection.
But after a long, assessing look, he said a quiet, "all right."
#
Luke shouldn't be here. He knew it, but somehow he couldn't stop himself.
He sat in his truck, trying to talk himself out of picking her up for the date she'd invited him to.
She was too good for him. They both knew it.
If he backed out of the date, he knew her feelings would be hurt, but she'd get over it.
If he went on the date, would he be able to get over her when he left?
His phone rang where he'd stashed it in the console. He reached for it, relieved at the temporary reprieve from making a decision. He didn't look at the display, just grunted, "Starr."
"Luke? It's Daniel."
His stomach pitched. Talking to both of his brothers within the space of one week? When he'd made a practice of keeping his distance for years…
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "You calling to check on Gramma?"
"Might be. How's she doing?"
"She's fine." She'd had a quilting-club meeting or some such last night, and he'd been relieved not to have to face her, but this morning she'd followed him all the way out to the barn, wanting to talk some more. He'd only been able to avoid it by riding out on Dusty's gelding to check the bulls. As far as he was concerned, stirring up the past was like poking a hornet's nest—a bad idea all around.
He got it. Gramma was worried about him. His brothers wanted to make sure he wouldn't muck things up while they were gone. He just couldn't pinpoint what Jess wanted from him.
> He didn't know what to do about all of it. He was still counting down to when he could leave.
"What about you? You hanging in there?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't seem fine. Talked to Dusty, he said you sounded kinda depressed."
This. This was why he'd distanced himself from his brothers. As twins, they'd always been close. Always had a relationship he couldn't understand, but one he envied.
After the accident, he'd felt even more disconnected. He'd see his brothers at the occasional rodeo, see them cutting up and how close they still were, and he'd turn and hike the other way.
"I'm fine," Luke said again. "Anything else?"
There was a pause before Daniel rang off.
Temper frayed, Luke wanted to fling his phone across the cab of the truck, but he settled for letting it drop back into the console.
He should go home. He was in no mood to be a good date tonight. He felt like there was a burr under his saddle. His past was a painful itch he could never get rid of. He could only distance himself.
A knock on the passenger window brought his head up. Jess stood outside wearing a smile. She popped the door open. "I peeked out the window and saw you waiting. You cooked last time, so I thought I'd cook tonight. Will you come inside?"
#
Jess stood in the kitchen, dishing out the homemade apple pie and store-bought ice cream she'd planned for dessert.
The evening had started out a little slowly. Pulling Luke out of his funk had taken more conversational overtures than she'd known she had in her, but ultimately, his good nature had won out, and they'd spent dinner in conversation.
"Here we go." She delivered the two plates to the nook table. The cowboy's legs were stretched out to the side. Something about him made him seem larger than life. He didn't fit in her house.
Before she could join him, a knock on the front door echoed through her open living room.
"Sorry," she said. "Just let me see who it is."
Her neighbor Linette was on the stoop, shifting from foot to foot. "Are you busy? I saw your car and hoped you were home. I was making biscuits and gravy and realized I have no flour! How can I make rue with no flour? Do you have some? Can I borrow a cup or so?"
She'd known Linette long enough to know to wait for her to take a breath. When her friend finally did pause, Jess broke in. "Come in. I'll get you some."
Linette followed her inside. She stopped dead in the center of the living room when she caught sight of Luke's broad back sitting at the table.
"Oh!" she squeaked. "You have company!" She slid her eyes over to Jess as if to say company company. Man company.
Jess laughed. "It's okay. I'd hate for you to ruin your whole meal if your bacon grease congeals. This is Shirley Starr's grandson, Luke."
Linette stiffened.
He turned slowly in his chair, and she'd never seen anyone so white in the face before. He didn't smile. "Hey, Linnie."
Oh. They knew each other. She guessed Linette was in her early-twenties, about Luke's age.
Which meant if they knew each other, they might've been friends before. Before.
She didn't know if Linette's interruption could be a good thing. Jess had just gotten him to lighten up and enjoy dinner, and now tension was as thick as the September humidity outside.
"I'll grab some flour for you," Jess murmured, walking into the kitchen.
Linette didn't follow. As Jess whipped open the pantry, awkward silence descended between the two others. Which was a testament to how tense things were, because she'd never known Linette to be at a loss for words.
Finally, Luke spoke quietly. "You live down the street?"
"Yeah, two houses down. Aaron and I have been there since we got married."
Jess put the flour on the counter, stealing a glance to see Luke's jaw clamped as he nodded. Probably he knew Linette's husband, too.
Jess grabbed a quart-sized zip bag from the drawer and managed to slam her finger as she closed it. She winced and took a moment to squeeze her other hand around the now-pulsing digit.
"I heard you were back in town," Linette said.
Jess grabbed a measuring cup out of another drawer, being more careful not to ding herself this time.
"For a few more days," Luke said. He hadn't eaten one bite of his dessert, and the ice cream had started to melt into soup, pooling on his plate.
Jess dipped flour out of the jar and into the plastic bag, unable to keep from adding, "Luke's been helping me on a project for Josh. We've been introducing Josh to one of Dusty's horses. And it's really been helping."
"That's…nice," Linette said.
Jess brought the bagged flour to her friend. "Here you go. Dinner rescued."
Linette's eyes flashed as she accepted the bag. "Thanks." She glanced over to Luke. "See ya around."
Jess followed her to the front door, stepping onto the stoop when Linette grabbed her elbow and pulled her out alongside.
Linette whispered. "You should've told me you were having dinner with Luke Starr. I would've made Aaron run to the grocery store."
"I didn't realize you knew him," Jess whispered back. "Or that it would be so awkward."
"I haven't seen him in six years." Linette's eyes were dark, but Jess couldn't tell if it was hurt or compassion that colored them.
"Maybe we can talk later?"
Linette nodded, her lips pinched.
Luke was standing near the couch when Jess slipped back inside, one hand reaching for the Stetson he'd deposited there earlier. "I've got to get home. Thanks for supper."
Behind him on the table, his pie sat untouched in a puddle of vanilla soup.
"But…"
Linette's visit could've been an opening to get him to talk about the accident, but apparently he wasn't going to take it. He mashed his hat on his head and turned for the door, almost running her over where she stood.
He bent his head and brushed a kiss on her cheek. "See ya 'round."
She stood in the doorway and watched as he practically ran to his pickup and took off like a bucking bull was chasing him.
Why did his goodbye seem like a forever farewell?
Chapter Eight
Five days later, Luke was overheated, leaking sweat in buckets and frustrated as he stomped his way back into the barnyard, heading for the kitchen and a cool drink of water.
He'd been halfway across the Langs' property this morning, checking Dusty's stock, when he'd noticed one of the fence lines was down. He didn't want to risk the bulls getting loose on a neighbor's land, so he'd returned to collect tools and supplies and go back out.
And then after a midday spent pounding posts and stretching barbed wire, his truck battery had decided to die with no warning, leaving him stranded out in the Lang's pasture.
He'd hiked almost three-quarters of a mile in the humid heat, knew he was late for Jess and Josh's visit. He almost wished it had taken him longer to hike back home. The last two visits with Josh and Patches had been awkward at best. Jess had tried to talk to him, but it was pretty obvious from what had happened on both of the two dates they'd tried that spending more time with her was a bad idea. He was leaving in three days.
All he wanted was a tall glass of ice water and ten minutes to cool off. And maybe for this day to be over.
He'd take the water and cool off later. Jess's car was parked in its usual spot, but neither teacher or student were in the yard. Maybe they'd gone in the barn to visit Patches in her stall.
Water. He needed water.
But before he hit the porch steps, he heard Jess call out. "Josh? Josh!"
Jess wasn't one to overreact, and the note of panic in her voice put him on high alert. He forgot about the water and changed course, heading for the barn. She met him just outside, looking harried.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"I can't find Josh."
Her words hit him like a fist in the gut. The kid was missing?
Her wide eyes and trembling
lips told him this was no joke. He tried to breathe through the panic cinching his chest. There were so many places a kid could get hurt on a farm like this… Slicing himself open on old tractor parts. Wandering off and falling in the creek. Trying to climb a tree and falling to break his arm or leg.
"When's the last time you saw him?" he asked through a strangled throat.
"You weren't here when we arrived, and we were just hanging out in front of the barn. I got a phone call and saw him go into the barn, but he's not there now. I only turned my back for a minute…"
He could've blamed her, could've said she should have known better, that it only took seconds for a kid to disappear, but he could see it in her face—she already blamed herself enough.
"Okay. Are you sure you looked everywhere in the barn?" He walked past her, thinking that there were a lot of small places a kid could hide inside, but he stopped short. "Patches isn't here."
"What?" He heard the escalating note of panic in her voice.
"She was in her stall earlier. Now she's gone."
The stall door stood open and the lead rope had disappeared from its hook on the wall.
Luke wheeled and ran back out into the yard. He whistled through his teeth, the sound loud and shrill.
Only silence answered. No whinny, no nearby nicker from Patches.
"They couldn't have gotten far, could they?" Jess asked.
"You'd be surprised how fast a horse can walk. And if she started trotting or galloping…"
"And if we find the horse and Josh isn't with her?" Now Jess's voice trembled.
"The farm is 162 acres, but he could've gotten onto the Langs' property next door. Or wandered across the road, too."
His gut churned with possibilities, none of them ending well. How could he have let this happen on his watch? He should've put a latch or lock on Patches' stall.
Or refused Jess's crazy idea in the first place.
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