I saw his body tense and for one spiteful moment wished I could throw a whole stable of lovers in his face; but maybe we were past that now. That’s what this was all about after all, starting over.
“I wanted to, I had plenty offers before I even left town.”
I watched him clench his fist, and saw that look enter his eyes; that look he gets when he’s about to blow. I admit to feeling just a little satisfaction, though it was short lived.
Even now after all that was between us, all the years that had passed, I couldn’t bear to cause him hurt. “But I couldn’t do it. In the beginning when I felt so betrayed, my anger would’ve caused me to do any number of things, but even when I was trying to hate you, I loved myself too much to become something I wasn’t.”
“Then, when I could finally see light again, I just wasn’t interested. I wanted nothing to do with men. So I threw myself into my studies and shut out the rest of the world. I forbid my parents to even mention you or what you were doing. I stopped talking to the few friends I had left here, because it was just too hard.”
The memories still had the power to make me feel like that lost little girl I’d become in those first few months after my heart had been ripped from my chest.
“What do you mean, ‘few friends’? You had lots of friends baby, everyone loved you.” I guess he didn’t know.
“Nick, most of those ‘friends’ dropped me when we broke up. You were the golden boy remember? It was you they wanted to be around, the hotshot jock. Didn’t you notice that most of them suddenly became Dee’s friends when you two became a couple?”
He looked as if he were giving it some thought as he sat forward in his seat and clasped his hands.
“No, I never, I guess I wasn’t paying attention. I’m so sorry, if I’d known I would’ve said something back then. I’m so sorry baby.”
His eyes had gone from killer lights to orbs of pain. I just simply shrugged and drained my glass. This trip down memory lane was turning out to be just as painful as I thought it would be.
“You want to know what the worse of it was? Thinking about the two of you together. Wondering if your mistake had turned into real love. Wondering if all those things you’d promised me were now hers. I mean she was your wife, the mother of your child. I was no longer a part of your life. Everything we’d shared was gone.” Now it was my turn to fume with remembered pain.
“You didn’t only end us, you took your family away from me as well. I hated the fact that your mom was no longer my second mom, that all those great talks we used to have, she was now having with someone else because you were stupid enough to fuck someone else and get her pregnant. How could you Nick? How could you have even got into the backseat of that car?”
I didn’t realize I had flown at him until his hands clasped my wrists and he was pulling me into his chest. The harsh sobs made my throat feel raw and it was as if I was back there again, facing the worse experience of my life. I never want to go through that hell again.
“Why should I trust you now hmm? Why should I believe that you’re not going to run off in a huff the first time we have an argument? What awful thing are you going to put me through then?”
I knew I was being unfair. I also knew that I was the one who’d told him we were done the last time before leaving town without a word. But did he have to fuck the first thing that threw herself at him?
I guess that was a big part of my problem. That he hadn’t even waited. I know he’d said he was drinking, and that things had gotten out of hand. But I could never have done that to him.
He should’ve known that I just needed to blow off some steam. It’s not like it was the first time we’d argued. And why her? He had to know that pregnancy or not, that would destroy me.
“Do you remember what we were fighting about?”
I stopped struggling at his words. “Sorta.”
“You were mad because you said I was trying to control you, you called me emotionally abusive because as you put it, I was always telling you what to do. Do you remember what it was that you wanted to do that weekend? You wanted to go off with Leslie and the others to some frat party out of town. Leslie, remember her?”
Shit, no wonder I’d blocked that part. Leslie was known for making trouble back when we were in high school. She was into everything from drugs to supplying underage girls for men or so the rumors had gone.
She’d invited me, and a few others to a party and since my friends were onboard I hadn’t seen the harm. But as soon as I’d mentioned it to him he’d lost it.
“Did you ever hear about what happened at that party? By the time you returned our lives had been turned upside down so you may not have heard, but a girl OD’d and another was gang raped. Is that what you wanted me to let you walk into?” He shook me a little.
“I knew about Leslie, I tried to shield you from some of the more disgusting stories about what she was up to, that’s all I was doing that night. But you went off and ripped into me. You threw my ring at me and told me to stay away from you, that you hated the way I tried to control your life. You said you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life with a man like me, that one day my abuse would become physical.”
Oh damn, he was right. I did say those things, but I never meant a word of it. “I was just mad Nicky. How could one stupid argument over a party that I never really had that much interest in lead to so much pain? It’s so unfair.”
He held me tenderly, just as he always had when I was emotionally distraught about something. It was the only time I ever felt completely safe; and I’d lived without it for so many years. No safety net, no one to have my back unconditionally.
“I feel like a huge part of my life was stolen from me, something I’d never get back no matter what. I will never be your first wife, never be the mother of your first…child. I’m always going to be second best.”
The thought gutted me but it was true. Someone else had beaten me to it. Someone that never should have been in that position. She’s gone yes, but I won’t lie and pretend grief or sorrow.
She was a horrible person who I still to this day believe set out to deliberately destroy what we had, because she couldn’t have it. In the end she did and that’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.
“What? Never, that’s not true, what the hell are you talking about? You’ve always been my first everything…”
“No Nick, your son, I know how much you loved him, even before he was born. When it came down to it you chose them over me. I know that sounds selfish but it’s how I feel, how I’ve always felt.”
And I felt like the worse sort of human being for even uttering the words out loud.
“Would you have had me desert my son? Is that the kind of man you thought I was?”
“No, I don’t mean that, it’s just, oh I don’t know. All I know is one day my whole world changed and I was left standing on the outside of your life looking in. We spent a whole year together and it was the most passionate, intense time of my life.”
“We were so wrapped up in each other that we stopped being Michelle and Nick. Whenever we were apart people, even our families would ask where the other one was. We were the ‘it’ couple. Everyone saw us as the perfect couple, and then one day you were that with someone else and I was left out in the cold.”
“You got to stay here and raise a family around the people we know, while I had to run off to lick my wounds. It was horrible and dammit Nick it was all your fault.” I guess I didn’t need any help finding the words after all.
He didn’t say a word, just held me in his arms and it felt good to get all that off my chest. “I hated your wife.” I had to get that out there at least. The laughter started in his gut and spilled out into the room. I punched him hard in the gut.
“I’m sorry sweetbaby. I guess that’s understandable too.” He got his laughter under control, and kissed the top of my head. We stood there for the next few minutes not moving, not saying anything;
just savoring the moment.
He sighed deeply, pulled my head back and looked deeply into my eyes then placed the gentlest of kisses on my forehead before grabbing my hand. “Let’s take a walk outside in the moonlight.”
Nick
She had a lot more to get off her chest after we took our walk and I let her have her say. It was like reliving the whole thing all over, and there was so much hurt there.
I don’t know why I thought time had erased some if not most of it, but I knew now that was just a pipe dream.
She talked of things I never even thought of. I’d been so focused on what I’d lost I never imagined how hard it must’ve been for her as well. I guess as much as I selfishly didn’t want her to go on with her life with someone else, subconsciously I always believed that she had. Knowing that she hadn’t was bittersweet.
That night I just held her in my arms until she fell asleep. I didn’t try to make love to her, she was too raw for that after crying most of the night. It was enough just to be with each other.
Once I was sure she was asleep I slipped out from under her and headed down to my office. Just because this part of my life was back on track didn’t mean I was about to neglect the other.
This last part of the plan had to be handled with care. I’d learned some things in the last few months while I’d been on my spree. Before I’d sent each of the men I killed to the hereafter, I’d asked the pertinent questions. Only two people knew what I was working on so it could only be one of them who sold me out.
It could’ve been that the enemy came after me only on the back of what I’d done publicly, but I knew better. I’d barely scratched the surface, bringing down low-end dealers as far as the public was concerned.
I had a hell of a lot more than I let on, but so as not to show my hand too soon I’d kept most of it close to the vest. I’d even held some things back from the two men I’d chosen to work with me. But no one knew what I was really after other than those two men.
Men I’d trusted because of circumstances. The one who’d betrayed me was worse than the criminals. Him I had a special kind of hell planned for. It was he that I was working on next. I’m going to kill two birds with one stone.
I’d played around with going after the mayor and the commissioner as well. All the men I held responsible for standing in the way of bringing Rossi to justice. But in the end I’d decided to deal with them in a whole other way.
15
Nick
In the morning, I went downstairs while she was still asleep. Our first breakfast in our home, had to make it special.
I knew we still had a lot to work out between us, but as far as I was concerned we’d crossed the hardest part off the list last night. Now we could start to heal, and put the pain of the past behind us.
I’d shared stories about my son with her, letting her into that part of my life. She’d offered comfort and even owned to wishing she’d met him since he was a part of me. I knew she would’ve loved him if given the chance.
It was enough that she didn’t close out talk of him, didn’t cringe and shy away from the obvious love I still bore his memory.
I happened to see my work phone on the counter and realized this was the first time in a while that I had awakened feeling nothing but peace.
Did I think that having Shelly back in my life would somehow sway me from my goal? No, but today I didn’t wake up with burning anger and rage first and foremost in my mind.
I heard her light tread on the stairs and moved to fill her coffee cup. “Good morning sweetbaby.” I held the cup out to her as she peeked at me shyly from beneath the hair that had fallen into her face.
“Morning.” That same sweet shyness was still there, and it was like time stood still.
The early morning light touched her hair as it came through the bank of windows reminding me of other days we’d started like this.
Those days when we’d sneak out to spend the night together at my family’s log cabin. “How did you sleep?”
She nodded as she took her first sip of coffee. I made my way around the island to stand in front of her and took the cup from her hand. Placing the cup aside I took her face in my hands and lowered my lips to hers.
The fresh minty taste of her toothpaste gave way to heat and lust as I licked the inside of her cheeks with my tongue, until she opened up fully and accepted me.
I lifted her in my arms and headed blindly for the stairs. “Wrap your legs around me Princess. She complied and the robe she’d filched from the back of the bathroom door fell open. She was naked and warm from her shower and my body hardened farther.
I reached the bed in a few hurried steps and laid her back while shucking my sweat bottoms, which were all I’d been wearing.
“I’ll eat your pussy later, I need to fuck now.” I poked around her entrance, making her wet with the pre-cum that had already started leaking from my cockhead, but I needn’t have worried. Her body was already preparing itself to take me.
I slipped in and closed my eyes against the sweet pleasure. I wasn’t fully seated before we were moving against each other and my lips found hers again. We moved together slowly as I reclaimed what was mine, what had always been mine.
Biting into her nipple gave her-her first orgasm of the day and my dick got harder. “Ohhh.” Her head went back into the mattress and her hips lifted, taking me deeper into her body.
Her taste was even better now that I could relax and enjoy. Now that we’d resealed the bond, there were no longer any worries of things not going my way.
I moved into her gently, letting her get used to the feel of me. There were no hurried rushed movements as I took her. I wanted to show her more of what I had in me for her.
I wanted to share with her all the love and devotion I’d always held for her and she accepted all of me, giving of herself in the way her body answered mine.
When she lifted her legs and her heels pounded into my ass with each stroke, I fucked into her harder until the bed rocked and the springs sang. “ I can’t get deep enough.” There was a wild need beating in my chest.
I hit bottom in her pussy but it wasn’t enough. Her flesh between my teeth helped to assuage the hunger but barely. I lifted her ass in my hands and pounded into her with deep hard thrusts, her cries telling me I was going at her too hard, but I couldn’t stop.
“Stay with me baby; you can take it.” I needed her to because I’d lost control. I took her nipple in my mouth and sucked until I felt the answering pull deep in her womb where my cock was now lodged.
That’s where the pain was coming from I’m sure. Her cervix was a tight ring around my cock, the rubbery surface teasing my cock as I battered against her. I needed to be in there though, needed to cum deep inside her so that my son or daughter stood a chance of becoming.
There was only one thought on my mind as I covered her lips with mine and fed her my tongue, taking her mind off of the discomfort between her legs. The need to breed.
“I’m going to fuck you like this until I give you my kid. I know it hurts, I’m sorry. I’ll make it all better soon I promise.” She nodded with tears in her eyes as her arms lifted up to me. “It’s not that bad now Nicky.”
She clutched at me, telling me not to stop, encouraging me in my madness. Our lips met in hunger, our tongues and teeth battling each other for purchase. I felt my nuts tighten and draw up as her pussy flexed and sprung a leak.
“That’s my girl, cum with me.” Her body lifted with her climax driving me deeper inside her and I started shooting off; jet after jet of hot cum blasted her womb as we screamed and growled into each other’s lungs.
By the time we came up for air, we were both pushing it a bit close so I didn’t get to do more than eat her pussy in the shower before we rushed to get dressed and head out.
I followed her to work, taking my truck instead of the bike just in case. I was very conscious of the fact that for the next few hours we were going to be apart and if something came up it would
be easier to deal with if I had my wheels with me.
I wasn’t expecting anything, but I wasn’t about to play what-ifs. I’d done too good a job at pretending to be a broken man for anyone to seriously suspect that I was the ‘vigilante’ on the loose.
But the people I was up against didn’t necessarily play fair so I wasn’t about to chance it. I’m sure that after our lunch date yesterday half the town already knew we were back together. I’ll have to remember to call my mother and give her the good news.
She’d always had a soft spot for my girl, but like me she knew to keep the peace with Dee we had to cut her out of our lives completely. Mom had tolerated Dee to a certain extent but the two women never really got along.
I had no worries about her and Shelly, and knew that she would be happy for me. My family had never come right out and told me I fucked up. Back then everyone’s sole focus was the baby, doing what was best for him.
Throughout the years, there had been a few skirmishes here and there. Dee had used our son like a weapon to get her way in a lot of things. Even the damn holidays had been like a battleground, she wanting us to go to her folks, me not.
In the end we’d learned to compromise especially after I came out of the fog losing Shelly had left me in and started taking the power back. Once Dee realized I wasn’t about to be her little puppet, she learned to back down and pick her battles.
The holidays were around the corner. Last year had been hard to deal with. I’d spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas alone with a bottle, reliving better days with my boy.
Maybe by the time Thanksgiving roll around this year my woman would already be carrying my child. Speaking of which, I need to see about getting her a ring. I still had the class ring she’d thrown at me thirteen years ago, was gonna put that back on her finger too. But I needed to find her the ring in the magazine cut out I’d held onto all these years.
Savage: A Second Chance at Love Page 11