Ava stumbled into the frostbitten brush, wishing her legs weren’t so stiff from the long ride to Ireland on dragonback. She knew Cale was starving. Second form took up so much of his energy. And the last time they’d flown for that extensive of a journey, he’d eaten an entire cow. Ava rubbed her calves for a moment. They were lead. Where am I going to find a cow?
Cale rushed past her, his jeans and t-shirt already on, Ava’s backpack, slung over his shoulder. Without asking permission, he swung Ava up and onto his back in one rapid move.
“Food,” he said. It was more of a snarl. Talking wasn’t at the forefront of his mind right after he changed. Especially when he was literally starving. He barreled through the woods, and Ava was glad he was wearing her like much like the backpack, since there was no way she would have kept up with him.
When he finally stopped, he tossed her from his shoulders, and she stumbled a few steps before she found her footing among the slick leaves and winding roots. Cale knelt, picked up a stone, and pelted it through the canopy with a flick of his wrist. The owl fell without so much as a hoot.
Ava looked away as Cale pounced on it, tearing its wings off. He sat crossed legged as he tore the meat from its delicate, hollow bones. In less than two minutes, there was nothing left but a pile of feathers, a mangled skeleton and two perfectly round yellow eyeballs.
Cale burped and frowned down at his meal, a bit of downy feather hanging from his chin. He groaned, pressed his fist into his belly.
Ava sighed and pulled her wallet out of the backpack he’d dropped alongside her. They had four dollars.
“I can get you a burger.” She double checked, hoping some hidden bills might come fluttering out of the crevices. “Or something small from a butcher.”
Cale wiped his face in his t-shirt and walked over to Ava. He folded her fingers over the money. “For you.”
“Me?” She shook her head. “I’m barely hungry. Besides, what is this going to buy me? One spinach leaf? Vegetables are expensive.”
Cale was only half listening. If Ava wasn’t careful, he might have eaten the money right out of her palm.
“Let’s find something for you. But no fire until you calm down. Keep yourself together.”
And they walked, for an hour and a half, before they found a town near Dublin. The closest shop was a quaint little thing with wooden tables on its patio and mugs lined up along it’s bar. Ava knocked on the counter, her money clutched tightly in her hand.
The woman who answered looked like she’d stepped out of a deserted island as she hobbled from the kitchen. Her grayed hair stuck out from her head every which way, as if she’d dunked it into a deep fryer. Her skin was brown, leathery with too much sun and wrinkled in all the wrong places. Her arms frail and her eyes beady, she screwed up her already unpleasant face at Cale and Ava.
“Who the hell are you?”
Ava blinked in surprise. “Customers.”
“American customers.” The woman spit on the patio floor. “Human American customers.”
“Did you expect aliens?”
“Just order,” Cale grumbled.
He spread his arms out over the counter and laid his forehead against the wood.
“What can two dollars get us?” Ava asked. Maybe she could hold on to at least half. If only they could find a trader to cash in those siren kills.
“Two American dollars? Can get you the hell out of here.”
“Look, my dra—friend…needs to eat. Now. We came a long way to get here and we don’t have a lot of time. We seriously only have four dollars to our name. What can you give us?”
The woman looked Ava up and down, hocked up her spit, and let it fly all over Ava’s shoes.
“Ow!” Ava jumped back. There were little holes in her chucks, and the smell of burning cloth filled the open air. Ava pointed an accusing finger at the old woman. “You! You burned me!”
The woman gave a toothless grin. “Should have got you in the face.”
Cale lifted his head enough for his chin to rest on the wood of the counter top. He spoke in red tongue, asked the woman if she would be kind enough to help them.
The woman crossed her bony, knobbed arms. “You can fight me for it.”
Ava had a good mind to agree to the terms, when the back kitchen door opened again, and a young man poked his blonde head through.
“Lou, we have people here? To buy something? Are you being awful?” He hurried out, and then froze, a slow smile drifting over his features.
“Harlon?” Ava almost laughed her relief. “Thank God.”
He was still smiling, his tan hiding the slight splash of freckles he wore along the bridge of his nose. “My God. It is you.” He glanced at Cale, and turned back to the kitchen. He came back seconds later with a bin full of sausages.
With a wordless gasp, Cale took the container to the floor with him, shoveling the meat into his mouth.
“You have to chew, Cale,” Ava reminded him.
He ignored her, choked, coughed, and continued shoveling.
“They don’t have the money to pay for any of that!” the little woman screeched, and tried to lunge over the counter to retrieve her goods. “Thieves. They’re hustling you, Harlon, boy!”
Harlon grabbed the tiny thing in capable arms and pulled her from the counter she was attempting to climb, dragging her into the kitchen. “They’re friends, Lou, behave yourself.”
When he returned, he ran his hands through fine, disheveled hair. “Forgive her. She’s insane.”
Ava glanced at the ruckus still coming from the kitchen and wondered if Harlon had tied her up in there. “Not one for customer service.”
“She chases everyone away. Don’t take it personal.” He placed his hands in his apron. “What can I get for you, Miss Ava?”
“Drop the ‘miss,’ and…the crazy witch-lady is right. We can’t pay you.”
He laughed one spontaneous burst. And then in his accent, reminded her, “You left me here when I should have been following you and tending to your and your dragon’s needs, rider. The least you can do to make up for the dishonor is to let me feed you. And of course, stay with us if you’d like.”
Ava sat on the stool, glad to rest her legs. “You don’t live in Great Nest?”
“I do, some of the time. But I spend some nights here to make sure she doesn’t cook passersby.”
“Is she your…grandmother?”
He pointed a thumb towards the kitchen and the suspicious clanking of pots. “Lou? God, no. It’s more of a favor for a friend.”
“Must be a good friend for you to put up with that.”
“Yes. Very much so.” He squinted at Ava. “But I’m not so easily distracted. What would you like to eat, rothai?”
Rothai. It seemed only Great Nesters honored her by calling her that. Back home, she was still ‘that human,’ who got Cale exiled. Or in smaller circles, ‘thing.’
“Do you have anything vegetarian?”
“Give her a hotdog,” Cale called out from the floor. His bin was empty, and he leaned back with his arms behind him and a satisfied smirk on his face. “Extra dog.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Ava said.
Cale chuckled from where he sat on the ground, but his eyes were closed.
“We might take you up on your offer, Harlon. Or I’ll be hauling a sleeping dragon around.”
He disappeared for a while, and between the shouts from Lou and the clanging of pans, came back with a mix of beans, potatoes, and turnips for Ava.
Ava picked at it, even though she was nowhere near hungry. Luckily, Harlon was too busy cleaning up to realize her bowl was almost full.
“This way,” Harlon said, and led off towards the crumbling estate that
loomed over the back of the charming restaurant. Inside, the stone walls
were covered in moss, and even their footsteps were damp as they echoed. “The stairs are tricky,” he said. He lighted a lantern at the base and headed up, skipping over some of the roughhewn st
eps. Dust and pebbles shook loose as they ascended.
“Is this an old castle?” Cale asked.
“From one of the lesser lords,” Harlon answered. “It’s been in Lou’s family since her line existed. It was abandoned for a spell, when Lou moved to Great Nest. But she’s been back here for a few decades.”
“A few decades? How old is she?” Ava asked.
Harlon turned over his shoulder. “Older than you think.”
At the top, there were several rooms guarded by heavy doors with iron hinges and handles. Harlon had to lean his shoulder into one to open it. “I can set a room up down the hall for the lady, if you’d like.”
Cale didn’t have to think. “We sleep together.”
“Oh….” Harlon blushed and his freckles disappeared. “I didn’t want to assume….”
“I mean, not like that,” Cale said. “We just….”
Harlon shook his head. “No need to explain. We don’t lock the front doors here. Nothing of value for anyone to steal. So come and go as you please and stop by the shop for any meals you need.”
Ava watched as Cale flopped onto the bed, instantly asleep, his limbs hanging over the edges of the mattress.
“Do you know where we can find a trader?” she asked Harlon. She hated that, instead of getting tired, she was starting to feel that stinging on the
palms of her hands and down the back of her neck. “We’ve got a few kills we can cash in.”
“You’ve no need to pay me for anything. It’s the least I could do as your loyal. But if you need one for other reasons, I can take you to my trader in Dublin. But I’ll warn you that your kills won’t be worth much here.” He turned toward the stairs. “I’ll leave you. I’m sure you’re as exhausted as your dragon.”
I’m not tired. I’m dying. She knew if she lay down, Cale would wrap her up instantly, so instead she found her notebook in her backpack. Pen to paper, she scribbled.
Haven’t heard back from you.
I don’t even have time to write all the things that are happening to me. But you’re not responding and I’m starting to wonder if I should stop updating you. We’re here in Ireland to find some answers. Hoping the red dragon chief can help us if we help her. She tore the sheet of paper off, ripped it to pieces, and slipped it in her old water bottle. She shook and watched as the shreds floated around. Cameron had been silent for a couple weeks, but he was the only one distanced enough for her to talk to about what was happening to her. Even though she hated admitting it, his silence concerned her.
“What are you doing?”
Ava jumped so hard she dropped the bottle. Luckily, it was covered and just rolled around the cool floor. Her message would be safe.
Cale sat up with a frown. “Are you drinking paper?”
Ava sighed. “No, I’m not drinking it.” She picked up the bottle and walked over to the bed, sat down and showed it to him. “I haven’t told you. I guess I figured you’d be too worried.”
“I am kind of worried, Ava. These are crazy person levels you’re reaching.”
She shook her head. “No, I’m not losing it. I’m sending a message.”
“Ohhh….” Cale took the bottle, swirled it, and looked up at her. “Have you and Juliette both been drinking out of this?”
Ava rolled her eyes. “Cale, I’ve been sending messages to your brother. For a few weeks now. Ever since we left Great Nest.”
“By putting paper in here?”
She nodded. “He called. Told me to reach him like this.”
“Cameron called you?” Cale pulled away. “Why didn’t he call me? And why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because…he didn’t think you’d want to talk. And he just wanted to keep tabs on you, make sure you were alright.”
“You didn’t answer my second question. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Ava wanted to lie. So she did. “Cameron didn’t want to upset you, Cale. I swear it’s not a big deal.”
“He hasn’t been answering your messages.”
Ava’s eyes widened. “How did you know that?”
Cale sighed, rubbed the back of his neck. “Myra told me. He hasn’t been answering her either. She’s worried.”
“Wait…why didn’t you tell me?”
His light brown eyes snapped at her. “Because I didn’t want you to know. Because you weren’t interested in being close to me. Because you didn’t care.”
Honest. Always so honest.
“I thought you weren’t upset about that.” She frowned, her stomach dropping to her feet. “You said you understood.”
“I want to understand….”
“Then why didn’t you talk to me, Cale?”
He gave a dry laugh. “Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been sending secret messages to my brother, asking him for his help?! If you needed someone, I should’ve been the first to know. It should have been me.”
“You can’t help me with this, Cale.”
“Because you won’t let me!”
“Because you are the problem!”
Cale was too loud to realize how quiet Ava was getting. Red rushed to the blood vessels in his cheeks and neck, flushing them.
“If you don’t care about me, the least you can do is be honest about it.”
“I—”
“Be honest, Ava. You made a mistake. All you’ve ever wanted is to be left alone. And now you’re stuck with me. Be. Honest.”
Ava couldn’t believe the burn that overtook her. It was as if the layer of gold was beneath her skin, pushing, threatening to burst through her
pores. She swallowed against the pain, fighting for composure. “I’m trying to—”
“No, I’m trying. I’m the only one who’s trying.” He stood up, as if he might head for the door, the nap he was planning to take the farthest thing from his mind. “If it’s such a challenge for you to be with me, then go back to wherever the hell you want to go, Ava. Just go.”
“Stop,” Ava said, the word falling from her lips like a leaf from its tree. “Cale…”
His eyes widened. She wasn’t Ava anymore. She was an angel, shimmering like the morning sun. He couldn’t feel her pain, but he saw it in her face, in the way she stood as still as she could.
“Ava, wait…I take it back.”
But she couldn’t help it. Something inside her—her soul, maybe—yearned for what she knew was in the other place. Freedom from hurt and the burden of lies. Freedom from the challenge of caring for someone who would always love her better. She wanted it. She wanted it.
And before he could move to her, she was gone.
***
Home.
Ava didn’t have to open her eyes to know she was there. It washed over her in waves. The quiet. The stillness. The solitude. She kept her eyes closed and breathed out her thoughts. Who is here with me? No one. She couldn’t feel anyone or anything else. The strange woman who had met her before didn’t seem close by.
Ava felt time disappear. The weight and pressure of knowing other people rolled from her shoulders. Peace.
I am sitting down.
And she was, though she could sense there was nothing for her to sit on. In the grass. By a lake.
She opened her eyes. There was a mossy lake, Kentucky blue grass spread out around it. She was unclothed, so she wiggled her bare feet in the blades of green. I’m wearing a t-shirt. Her favorite t-shirt, worn around the collar, appeared, the fabric woven thread by thread out of thin air. There is a sun.
It warmed her.
Her skin glowed nearly as bright, a swirl of golden dust. And then the shift, the peace slipping away.
“That took quite a while. Most eggs return much sooner. They can’t bear to be anywhere else. The pain is too much.”
Ava stared at the woman, her gleaming porcelain skin and sweet honey curls, each one sweeping to her waist. She smiled and sat down in Ava’s grass. “I figured out whose child you must be.”
“I don’t want to hear it. I’d rather be alone.
”
The woman frowned. “Life is difficult down there for you, I’m sure. Filled with people stumbling over their feelings, drowning in passions. It’s a loud, messy, torturous place. I haven’t been in ages. A few millennia at least.”
A few millennia? Could she really be immortal? No, it didn’t matter. Ava wanted her to leave. “I’d like to be alone.”
“I like to be alone too,” she said. “And of course, I’d prefer you call me by name when you address me. Ixora.”
Ava’s eyes flashed with defiance. “I’m not calling you anything.”
The woman smiled a little. “Call me Ixora.”
“Ixora.” Ava spat it out. She touched her fingers to her lips. She hadn’t even meant to move them.
The woman wiggled closer to Ava and spread out her graceful legs, lifting her face to Ava’s sun. “See how I did that?”
Ava was almost afraid to move her hands from her mouth. “You made me speak. How?”
“My will is strong. I can make many things happen.” She batted her eyelashes at Ava. They were so long they seemed like shimmering feathers. “You are a little egg, but your will is stronger than most of the new ones I’ve met. Perhaps we will have to give each other more space in the future. No need to step on each other’s toes.”
“Space? How big is it here? Are there others like you?”
A hiccupping laugh from Ixora. “Do you truly not know where you are?”
“I’m in some…other place.”
Ixora opened her hand, and a flower materialized. Gentle pink petals faded into white at the center. She placed it on the ground next to Ava. The flower’s stem sprouted twisting roots that wound into the soil beneath the grass. Ixora looked out at the water. There were no ripples, for Ava hadn’t yet created any wind.
“You are dead.”
Ava frowned. “Why do people keep saying that? I’m right here. I’m not dead.”
“You’re correct. You are very much alive. But to those back in otherworld, you are truly gone. You see, a phoenix sheds her life, and comes to her place.” Ixora motioned to the little lake. “This is your ownworld. You are alive here, and dead there. But when you have harnessed your will, when you are ready to hatch, you will never have to go back to that dreadful place.”
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