Neeraj gave a stiff nod.
“How did you make your way here?”
It was rude of Cameron to begin asking questions without permission, but he had his reasons.
“I traveled across the mountains.”
“How many years did a journey like that take?”
Neeraj, chewed on his mouth for a moment, as if he didn’t want to answer. But he understood where he was, and that he didn’t deserve to stay. So answer he did. “It took me three years to come from Nepal. And one year of waiting before these people brought me here.”
“And you think you deserve to be here, Neeraj? You think you were meant to be with the other monks?”
He wanted to look away, but he refused to cower. “No. But I will do whatever I can to earn it.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to know.”
“Know what, Neeraj? Know everything?”
Neeraj swallowed, choosing his next words carefully. “I want to know what matters most.”
Cameron paused, staring with an unmatched intensity at the unkempt Nepali boy. “The mountains of Nepal are unkind, Neeraj. Are you unkind as well?”
“He saved our lives, Cameron,” Cale spoke up. He didn’t understand why Cameron was drilling the poor boy, but he knew that, no matter what else was right or wrong about him, Neeraj was kind.
Cameron tightened his already thin lips. “Brie, see to it that Neeraj is given a desk. His classes begin immediately.”
Brie, sapphire eyes fluttering in disbelief, stood up. “Really? But he—”
“A desk, Brie,” he snapped. As she hurried away with Neeraj behind her, Cameron sighed. “I’ll have to do a lot of paperwork to explain what I just did,” and he looked at his brother, “but I trust your opinion.”
“Thank you,” Cale said. “That means a lot. Especially considering….”
“Considering? Considering what?”
But Cale just shook his head. “Nothing. So, tell us what’s been keeping you so busy?”
Cameron chewed on his lip as he glanced at Myra. It wasn’t like him to show what he was feeling, but he couldn’t help it. He cleared his throat. “Tomorrow. For now, I need to work. I hope you’ll be comfortable.” He motioned to the door.
Gregory was outside, scowling. “Down the hall and around the corner, you’ll find the confectionary. You’ve each been assigned a room for the night. I’m sure it pleases you to know that monks have been kicked out of their rooms on your behalf.”
“Are you trying to guilit us for coming here?” Ava asked.
Gregory chomped down on his jaw. “I am being polite, as Dr. Anders requested. Enjoy the food you’re taking from the mouths of monks.” And he swiveled and walked away.
Ava stared at the back of the odd man’s retreating head. “I feel a lot like hurting him.”
“If you do, please let me know,” Shiloh said. “As for now, Rane and I will retire.”
“Shiloh, aren’t you starving?” Cale asked. He was so hungry his knees were shaking.
“Rane has sniffed out some rotted fish in those bins. That will do for him. As for me, I need not eat if my dragon is well fed, nor sleep if he is well rested. His core will sustain me.”
“Later,” Cale called out, though Shiloh hadn’t realized he was supposed to wait for someone to say goodbye.
“You eat,” Ava told Cale. “I’m going to find our room.”
“But they gave us separate ones. You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to. You could take a break. Breathe a little.”
Ava shook her head at him. “Go eat. I’ll see you when you’re done. And take Myra with you. She looks like she’s going to pass out if she doesn’t get some food in her.”
But Ava didn’t go straight to her room as the rest of the party dispersed. She knocked on the door to the lab until Cameron opened it up.
“Ava, I was serious when I said I had to work.”
“Don’t care.” She leaned against the wall, her arms crossed.
He hesitated, then stepped out, closing the door behind him. He stood straight, his arms loose at his sides. “You have my attention.”
She only had to say one thing. “Myra.”
He looked away as soon as Ava mentioned her name, as if the sound of it stung.
“Cameron, what are you thinking in that giant head of yours?”
“I can’t say.”
Ava understood what that was like well enough. Secrets. Secrets hurt the people who were left in the dark. “You’re going to lose her, Cam. And if you do, then what the hell is all this for?”
He thought. Always, he thought. “Perhaps there is something noble in giving up what you want in order to protect it.”
“Perhaps you’re afraid.”
“Perhaps I am.”
Ava pushed herself off the wall. “It scares me, too, how much they can love. And that there’s no way I can keep from ruining it.”
“Then, one could say, love was never meant to be.”
Ava bit her lip as she thought. “One could say that.”
“Good luck with my brother, Ava.”
“Good luck with Myra.”
She made her way down the long rocky hallways. The monastery was like nothing she’d ever seen before. Some of the ceilings showed the rocky crags of the underground cave, but others were glass, holding back the torrents of ocean that moved above the monastery. She could pick out, every once in a while, a glimpse of a sea creature shooting by. But mostly, it was dark. That’s all we are, Ava thought to herself as she studied the murky water. For someone who was supposed to change everything, she felt so small. For someone who was supposed to be brave, she felt so weak. A flicker in the dark.
She opened the door to their assigned room and found Cale face down, passed out on the bed. She walked over and sat on the edge, careful not to disturb him. The room was bare, but comfortable, with white walls and clean sheets on a firm mattress.
After a few minutes, Ava moved closer to him. He didn’t hesitate to reposition, wrapping strong arms around her waist and laying his cheek against her leg. He growled, like he always did when she was close to him.
She ran her fingers through his hair, even though the grit of the salt water made the locks rough. He was warm and perfect and real. And he was there for her, even when she wasn’t there for him.
“Cale?” She whispered, knowing he wouldn’t hear. She could say it out loud, then. She could be brave. “I love you.”
He didn’t even stir in his sleep, but her heart raced all the same.
“You shouldn’t have picked me, Cale. Because I love you, and it doesn’t mean a thing. It’s garbage.” With a careful finger, she traced the edges of his face, the line of his jaw. “I’m going to try my hardest until the day I die, and it’ll still be garbage.” She scrubbed at her blurry eyes with the back of her hand before she leaned over him and kissed his forehead. She felt her heart turn over in her chest. But she also felt the sting of repulsion right along with it. “I’m such a disaster. Such a wreck. So why on earth would you want me?”
She let him sleep for hours. Even though she closed her eyes, rest didn’t come to her. And when he finally stirred, she felt dread and excitement at once, as if, just maybe he’d heard her. And if he did, then what?
He gave a drowsy grin, his brown eyes dancing at the sight of her. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You sleep at all?”
She shook her head. “Didn’t need to.”
“So you just waited here? You could have gone out exploring. I wouldn’t have minded.”
“I know. But I wanted to stay.”
He rolled over so he could see her better, his head still in her lap. He reached up and tugged at one of her curls, then touched her cheek, letting his hand linger. “Ava…you don’t have to try so hard. You can be whatever you need to be. If you want a break from….” He didn’t know what to say. From ‘us’? Are we an ‘us’?
She almost laughe
d and almost cried. Almost…because she couldn’t let Cale know what she really wanted. “Did you dream?”
He sighed. He knew when Ava wanted to change the subject. “A nasty one. But that’s what happens when you fight sirens for a living.” He sat up and stretched, looking so much like a dragon as his muscles tensed. “Is it morning?”
“Maybe. Not sure. There are no clocks in here, and we can’t see the sun.”
“Right. And we can’t fly down here under the ocean. It’s like there’s no way to relieve any stress.” He waggled his eyebrows at her.
“You sure about that?” Ava laughed. “I’ll whoop your butt, Anders.”
He jumped out of bed and bounced on his toes. “I know you’re scared, but try to be brave, Ava.”
If only he knew what he was saying. Ava stood up and lifted her fists, rocking on the balls of her feet. She took the first swing. And the second.
Cale took the third and she dodged it. Then she went in low and tried to sweep his legs.
He was a step ahead, though, and he caught her leg and pulled it so she was flat on her back.
He laughed as he hovered over her. “Boxers should keep their legs to themselves. Your sweeps are too slow.”
“My sweeps are perfect. It’s not my fault you’re a dragon. It’s like you’re cheating.”
“I’ll go easy on you next time.”
“Go easy on me and I’ll kill you.”
He helped her up, but when he took her hand in his, he didn’t want to let it go. Her skin against his felt right, like pen to paper. They both stood still, waiting for something to happen while they touched.
“Well….” Cale said at last. “I…don’t know how to say this.”
Ava forced herself to stay present, to keep ownworld away. Because the present was painful, but good. “You don’t have to ask permission. Say whatever you want.”
“I want to kiss you.”
A smile twitched at her lips. “That’s honest.”
“But I don’t want you to think I have the right to do that. I mean…you never have to.”
Ava took ownership of her hand back. But before she could say anything more, someone knocked on the door so hard the room shook.
“It is time for eating again. And then the blue dragon will see us.” Shiloh spoke through the metal door.
Cale opened the door with a frown. “Shiloh, you don’t have to knock so hard. You’re worse than a red dragon.”
“Yes, I admit perhaps I knocked too harshly. But only because I thought there was a chance you were in danger.”
“Danger?” Cale asked. “There’s no one else in here but us.”
Shiloh studied the floor. “Rane and I sensed elevated heart rates. But we might have been wrong. No matter. Shall we go?”
Ava wondered if her face was as red as Cale’s as she squeezed past the boys and hurried down the hall.
Back in the lab, Cale positioned himself beside his rider, and Shiloh stood with his dragon on his shoulder. Myra sat on her own stool, her hair woven into a fishtail braid and her mascara smudged beneath tired eyes, as if she hadn’t slept, not even for one minute.
“I can share only a small portion of my findings with you, and I hope that will still assist you,” Cameron said as he moved to the enormous white boards that hung on the cave walls and uncapped a marker. He drew three stick people and a house floating above them. He pointed to the house first.
“The grey dragons. It is difficult for us to say exactly what or how, but I’ve been monitoring things, and I find that they are actually emitting semi-physical substances.”
Ava nodded. “Yes. We know that. Things like revenge, hate, and pain.”
“Correct. These things already exist independently of the greys, just like hope and peace and comfort, but they grey dragons administer them to the world in dosages, to control the balance of good and bad. Now, watch this,” and he pointed to the first stick person.
“Most people, dragons included, absorb whatever semi-physical properties are sent their way. So if they are hurt they absorb that hurt.” He drew an arrow from the grey dragon court to the stick figure. “The person must do something with that energy. They must either internalize it, or send it out. Now, if they internalize too much, they lose themselves to it. For example, if all I do is hold in my anger, I become consumed by it.”
Cale nodded, “but you could redirect it. Send it to someone else.”
“Exactly,” Cameron drew an arrow from person A to person B. “Some may even turn that anger or hate into positive energy, like forgiveness or compassion. And they send that out into the world instead of the bad.” Cameron gestured to Cale. “That would be someone like you, Cale. You take bad things and channel them into good. You take pain and make comfort. Hate turns to happiness. This is why—”
“That’s why you were on their list of people to kill,” Ava perked up. “Because you weren’t just good, you were turning their negative energy into something positive.”
Shiloh trained thoughtful eyes on the diagram. “And what of the phoenix, blue dragon? How does she fit into your drawing?”
Cameron continued. “This next part is quite interesting. From what I understand through my research, phoenixes are not like other beings, who must absorb these energies. Even grey dragons, though they are more resistant, are subject to either internalizing or redirecting the energy they produce. But a phoenix….”
“Ava’s unaffected,” Cale said.
“Correct. A phoenix can be entirely immune to these energies if she tries hard enough. She is equipped with a defense against them and can live unconnected to others and their energies.”
“That explains so much,” Cale said, hopping up onto one of the little metal stools.
“Wait,” Ava said, pointing at the diagram. “I’m immune to all energies? Even the positive ones?”
Cameron nodded. “You don’t have to feel anything you don’t want to. And as a result, you don’t have to redirect or internalize anything you don’t want to. In fact, one could make the argument that there is nothing in you to give to others at all. You are entirely you. Unaffected.”
Ava couldn’t help but frown. “Is that good?”
“You are powerful,” Shiloh spoke up. “You are free. Not even the grey dragons can say that.”
“Yeah, but….” But I’m alone.
Cale studied her with a puckered brow of his own. Then he turned to his brother. “Cam, what if Ava willed herself to feel those things?”
He shrugged. “I suppose she could pull her own walls down. But, if that was the case, she would not be able to pick and choose what to let in. If she wanted to let in joy, everything—all energies—would come along with it. She would have to embrace joy, hurt, anger. All at once. I imagine it would be painful.”
Ava shook her head, trying to clear her muddled thoughts. “What about the pearl? How does that factor in to all of it?”
Cameron drew a question mark on the board. “I have no idea.”
Shiloh hummed in the back of his throat. “The pearl is everything.”
Ava scoffed. “I’ve heard that so many times, and no one can tell me what it means.”
Cameron was thinking so hard that his entire body was still as marble. Then, he sighed, coming to a conclusion that didn’t satisfy his curiosity. “The pearl must be the fulfillment of desire, somehow.”
“Like, a genie’s lamp?” Myra asked.
“Somewhat.”
“And I’m supposed to be able to find it?” Ava asked.
“I’m sure you could find it if you really wanted to, Ava. That’s what Sirce wants from you, isn’t it? For you to find it so he can have anything he wants.”
She groaned, rubbing her temple. She almost missed the old days, when Jim smacking her around and T, her old boxing partner, stalking her was all she had to contend with. “So both Sirce and this Slate character want to use me to get to a pearl that I don’t know how to find?”
“You could avo
id the harassment simply by remaining in the place you go to die, phoenix,” Shiloh suggested. “Ownworld.”
Ava snapped at him. “I’m not just going to go stay dead, Shiloh. I have a dragon here, in otherworld. Besides, that wouldn’t solve my problems, it would just delay them.”
“Well,” Cale stood up. “We can settle on game plan as we go. No sense in wasting more time here.”
Cameron capped his marker and met his brother’s eyes. “Wasting time? You must know, Cale, that I can’t go with you. I’m needed here.”
“I…I just figured you’d want to help. We’ve got to save the world, you know?”
“I’m afraid I have obligations at the monastery, Cale. Pressing matters.”
“So pressing that he had to fake his own death. So pressing that he couldn’t open up his browser and send an email.” Myra glared so hard it nearly burned Cameron. She spit on the ground, a red dragon custom that meant she was too pissed for words. The relief she’d felt at seeing him alive and well was quickly waning. It didn’t help that he’d remained locked in his lab all night, even though she’d waited up for him.
“Myra—”
“Don’t ‘Myra’ me, Dr. Anders. You broke your promise.”
And her voice cracked when she said it. They were saying more to each other with their eyes than anyone in the room could ever hear.
“I had to….”
“Why?”
He fumbled with the marker in his hand, swallowed. “I can’t say.”
She stood up, not caring who was watching, and made her way to him, so they were only inches apart. So he could see. See what he put her through. See how he’d broken her to pieces after he’d promised he’d always be the one to hold her together.
“I thought they were hurting you, Cameron. I thought you were dead. You could have at least written me and told me you needed time. I would have understood.”
“I know you would have.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No. I didn’t.”
She closed her eyes, took a shaky breath. “So you’d lose me? To keep whatever this new secret life is? You’re willing to lose me?”
Cale and Ava knew the conversation should be private, but it was too late for them to sneak out. It was happening. Right then.
Vane Page 22