by Tanya Wright
“Oh, I can only imagine what she would have worn.”
She yanked off her jacket and threw it on the chair by the door. Something caught his eye. Her shoulders were bare, revealing portions of her back. If he was not mistaken, he could have sworn he saw a tattoo on her shoulder. Had she gone without him? Work had caused him to cancel on her, but he’d just thought she would postpone and wait for him.
As she walked from the living room to the kitchen and then disappeared into her bedroom, he strained to make out what the tiny new piece of ink was. It was a heart, but it wasn’t the one she’d said she was going to get. No, this heart was different. Why had she changed her mind?
She had left him alone in the apartment. This was awkward. It never had been before, but it definitely was now. After twelve years of friendship, things suddenly felt alien between them. He didn’t know what to say or what to do. He definitely didn’t feel comfortable touching her anymore. The easiness that had once been a natural part of their relationship now ceased to exist. “I’m going to use your bathroom.”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
When he returned, she still had not come out of her room. “Mind if I make myself some coffee?”
“You know where everything is?” she yelled back through the door.
“Yup.” Not that it was difficult. She had one of those cheat machines: insert prepackaged coffee cup into machine and hit the button. Ready in under a minute. No one could ruin that. “You want a cup?”
“Yeah. I never made it into the coffee shop. They were closed.”
“Even the coffee shop had the good sense to stay home tonight,” he mumbled under his breath.
“I heard that,” she said, surprising him from behind.
“Which kind do you want?”
“Hazelnut, please.” She had changed into sweatpants, her typical Micah wear. Her makeup had been washed off, contacts removed and the familiar black-framed glasses were back in place. He could handle this; butterfly wings and leather leggings, not so much.
“Did you have dinner yet?”
“No.” His stomach took that moment to grumble, as if in response to her question. She heard and laughed. “Guess I’m hungrier than I thought.”
“I’ll throw something together then. Let’s see what I’ve got here...hmm. Sabina has provided us with so many healthy options. Yuck. Stir-fry doesn’t sound too bad. What do you think?”
“That’s fine with me.”
“Here, slice these up.” She handed him zucchini, carrot and onion. “Cutting board’s under there.”
He stared at the vegetables in front of him, trying to figure out how to go about this task.
“So how’s Taylor?”
“Who?” Josh looked down at the onion. “You know I hate cutting onions. I hate them, period.”
“Oh, get over it. Stop being such a baby.” She spun to get something else out of the fridge. “And what do you mean, who? Taylor. Your girlfriend. Is that not her name?”
“Oh. Yeah.” He had forgotten about her. How could he not when he was in Micah’s presence?
“Did you forget you had a girlfriend?”
“No. She’s not my girlfriend. We just went out once or twice. I haven’t even really seen her since Hanna’s party.”
“Oh.”
Why did he just tell her that? He could have used Taylor as a buffer without Micah being any wiser.
He could not help but try to gauge her response, watching for any sign or hint as to how Taylor’s presence in his life affected her. She gave up nothing. This was ridiculous. They had been friends forever. He could not think of a person he trusted more. And what he was thinking about, what plagued him day and night, could easily ruin it all. It was not worth it.
“You want beef or chicken?”
She stood by the open refrigerator waiting for his response. But he could not think around her anymore.
“Josh? Are you all right? You seem off tonight.”
He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Sorry. Beef.” This was going to be a long, long night.
“I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her the other night. What’s she like? Tell me about her...”
“She’s great. She, uh...likes Neil Diamond and stuff.”
“Mmm...she sounds very interesting. Where did you guys meet?”
“The firehouse.”
“She works with you?”
“No.” What was with the twenty questions? He didn’t want to answer questions about Taylor. Mainly because he did not know the answers. And talking to Micah about other girls was just strange.
“No?”
She would not stop until he answered her questions and her curiosity was satisfied.
“We put out a fire at her parents’ house two weeks ago.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yeah, you know, we’ve had fun together so far.”
“What? Singing ‘Sweet Caroline’?”
“No, we talk and hang out.”
“Already this is sounding better than Miss Just-Changing-the-Lightbulb.”
“Actually, she turned out to be Mrs. Just-Changing-the-Lightbulb.”
“She was married? And needed help changing a lightbulb?” She tossed him a judgmental glance over her shoulder, shaking her head. “You sure know how to pick them. But let me guess, this one is different, right?”
“Well, so far this girl knows how to change a lightbulb and knows how to get herself home in a snowstorm.”
“Ouch!” He loved the way her face lit up when she laughed. “Good one.”
“I try.”
He chopped and diced the vegetables as instructed while she started cooking. When he was finished with his given tasks, he leaned against the counter and held his coffee in one hand. Micah turned and gave him a quick once-over, laughter filling her eyes.
“What?”
“Your zipper is down.”
He looked down and sure enough, it was. He looked back up at her as she giggled. “It’s been down this whole time and you’re just now telling me? My eyes are up here, Micah. Let’s try and keep yours above my waist level.”
“Ha! Whatever! I was not checking you out.” Micah swatted at him with her spatula, but he was quick enough to duck out of its path. She countered with her other hand and there was no hope of escaping that one.
“You totally were, and you know it.” This was easier. More like how it used to be between them. He zipped up his pants and went back to his coffee.
They cooked in comfortable silence—at least, that was what it was supposed to be. Josh remained on edge, though. Each time she came close or accidentally brushed up against him, he tensed. He prayed she would not notice. He kept throwing out his typical jokes to keep her off his trail. If she caught on or noticed, she showed no sign or it.
* * *
“How is it coming?” She stretched to look over his shoulder to see his progress with the dinner. He had a lot of practice cooking for the guys at the firehouse and was pretty good at it. She was impressed. He might even be better than she was with all the slicing and dicing.
“I’m almost finished with all the veggies. The meat looks like it’s just about ready for the rest of the stuff.”
“You are right. It does look like it’s ready.” Micah armed herself with a spatula and got back to work.
Josh was acting a little weird. He was trying to cover it up, trying to act like normal, but she knew him better than that. Could he tell? Was she that easy to read?
She did want to be independent from him, to be able to function without needing him in every area of her life, but she didn’t want to lose his friendship altogether.
As she worried about the state of their relationship, she mindlessly stirred the ingred
ients in the hot pan on the stove top. “Can you pass me that jar of minced garlic?”
“Sure.”
He handed it to her and she scooped out some to add to the pan. With the open jar of garlic in one hand and the lid in the other, she quickly turned to return it to the fridge, attempting to close it midturn. When she whipped around in the small kitchen, she collided with Josh as he also tried to get to the fridge. The minced garlic in olive oil went all over his shirt as the jar dropped to the ground, shattering and covering the floor.
“Oh. My. Gosh.” She shook her hand, trying to rid herself of the garlic clinging to her hand. It only made things worse, sending it flying in the air. “I am so sorry!”
They both lost it, laughing until they cried. It reeked around them, the smell of garlic filling the air. They began to pick up the large pieces of glass and made quick work of cleaning up the stinky mess. She washed her hands, knowing full well they would smell for days. Looking up at Josh for the first time since the incident, she was reminded of the mess she had made of his shirt.
“I’ve ruined your shirt!”
“It will be fine, I—”
“No. It’s not fine. You’ll never get the oil out. And the smell... Girls will stop talking to you altogether.”
“Maybe I want the girls to stop, anyway.”
“Yeah, right. I think I have one of your old Red Sox T-shirts...”
His eyebrow formed a perfect questioning arch.
“I stole it from you years ago. Get over it.”
She went in search of the T-shirt, digging through her drawers. Hopefully it wasn’t dirty. She liked sleeping in it. Thankfully, she found it clean and folded in a drawer.
She turned to head back to the kitchen only to find he had followed her into her room. He stood there just inside her doorway, ruined T-shirt in hand, chest bare.
Wow, did he fill up the place! She could not control her eyes from feasting on the expanse of tattooed skin.
She had been there when he had two of the tattoos done, but she did not remember reacting like this. Her fingers itched to trace the ink, especially the intricate design that covered the whole left side of his torso. And what a torso it was. She remembered the pain he had endured during that tattoo session, his grip tightening during moments of intense pain as she held his hand the entire time.
“Can I have the shirt or not?”
Oh, my gosh! She was still holding the T-shirt in her hand while staring at him like a desperate and starved woman. Quickly, she dropped her eyes to the floor, very much interested in the wood floors and their need of a good sweep.
She still hadn’t relinquished the shirt. This was getting embarrassing. She tossed it at him, but he still blocked the doorway. She was stuck, forced to watch him clothe himself.
What a shame to have to cover it all up, but if she wanted to keep her sanity it needed to happen.
Boy, was it hot in here! What was the thermostat on, anyway? His eyes connected with hers once more before he turned to leave the room.
“Thanks. You know what this means, though.”
“What?” She felt anxious, wondering what in the world would come from his mouth next. Had he noticed the way she had looked at him? What was he thinking? Her heart raced as she waited for his response.
“I’m taking my shirt back.”
She exhaled deeply. Giving up the shirt was easy enough; an awkward conversation about her gawking at him...not so much.
ELEVEN
Josh knew.
This was it. She was done for. She had been blatantly obvious in the way she stood there like a sex-starved crazy person when he took off his shirt earlier. How could she be so stupid?
He was acting even worse now than before. Of course, he was still trying hard to cover it up, acting so close to normal that a person watching them interact would not know something was up.
But she did.
Micah put on a movie, waiting for him to nix her choice, but he didn’t. Yup, something was up with him.
He sat at the opposite end of the couch, the farthest point away from her. He kept his focus on his plate, as if he was afraid the food would jump off or something. He was trying so hard to act normal, but it was just coming across all wrong. He didn’t want to be there with her. He didn’t want to show it, but she could see the truth.
She missed her friend. She missed how things used to be before Drew’s anniversary, before she screwed it up by getting drunk and kissing him. She had made things awkward between them. He didn’t like her like that, and didn’t know how to tell her.
Micah had hoped the funny movie would lighten things up, but half an hour into it he still hadn’t laughed or even broken a smile during any of the hilarious scenes.
If she had any hope of making it right between them, now was her chance. She had to decide now to either take a giant risk and explore these new emotions or she needed to lock them away forever and never look back.
As she chewed on her nails, contemplating this monstrous and high-stress decision, Josh lifted the remote and hit the stop button.
Her head snapped to attention. “What did you do that for?”
“You weren’t watching it.”
“Was, too.”
“Oh, stop. You weren’t and you know it. You were biting your nails and thinking about something. I can tell when something is bothering you, you know. Let’s talk.”
She gulped. “Okay...”
“What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing’s bothering me. I don’t know why you keep saying that. What’s bothering you?”
“You seriously aren’t going to talk to me about it?”
“How can I talk to you about it if I don’t even know what you are talking about?”
“Is it about Drew? You haven’t brought him up lately. Are you still having dreams about him?”
She was having difficulty swallowing around her heart lodged in her throat, the rhythmic beat of it pounding in her ears. If he only knew just what she had been dreaming about these days.
Drew still plagued her, but not as much as Josh now did. She was a work in progress, slowly working through her issues and taking it day by day. But she didn’t want to talk about Drew.
She wanted to touch him so bad it hurt. She had to go for it. There was so much to lose, but if she was going to go mad and ruin things regardless, she might at least give it a shot before that happened.
“Fine. I’ll talk.” Micah turned to face him, leaning back against the arm of the couch and extending her legs until her bare feet reached him. Her sweatpants had ridden up her legs as she slid them in his direction, exposing goose bumps that had nothing to do with the cold. She wiggled her toes against his solid thigh. She took a deep, stabilizing breath. “My feet are cold, though. Will you hand me that blanket?”
Okay, so she wasn’t very good at playing the role of seductress.
“Where are your socks? You’ve got goose bumps, crazy girl.” He took hold of her feet and lifted them onto his lap, rubbing them briskly in an effort to warm them.
This was so silly. She felt ridiculous!
He grabbed a blanket from the basket next to the couch and draped it over her legs, carefully tucking it around her feet.
A caring and brotherly move.
Argh!
This was an epic fail.
“Do you think we’ll be friends forever, or do you ever wonder if we’re heading in different directions?” Why had she asked that? She just needed to give up now. “I mean, like the group of us. Sometimes I wonder how long this will last with all of us still being friends. I want it to last, but I wonder if it will. We all seem to want such different things in life.”
She was just rambling now. Nothing that came out of her mouth made any sense.
<
br /> “Just because we all want something different or are maybe heading in different directions doesn’t mean we can’t still be there for each other. I know that you’ve been struggling lately with Drew’s anniversary. And I know that it seems like none of us care anymore. It probably worries you that he was the only thing that held us all together, and if we move on from him then we all fall apart. But I don’t think that will happen. He may have brought us all together, but he isn’t what holds us together.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I think it’s the same with any relationship. You’ve got to make the conscious decision that no matter where you are in life, you make time for the ones who matter most. You put in the effort and make it work.”
But what about us? “Will you always make time for me, Josh?”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promise?”
“Actually, I was contemplating a best friend upgrade, but since you’re getting all serious on me, I’ll pass and let you stick around.”
“Gee, thanks. Always knew I could count on you.”
“But seriously...” He grabbed her ankles and pulled her close to him so that her legs draped over his lap. He wrapped his arm around her and held her close. “I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”
Temptress she was not. Best friend forever was the more appropriate title.
* * *
The moment he pulled her onto his lap he knew he had made a huge mistake. Her legs were draped over his lap, her head on his chest. He had one arm wrapped around her while the other was inching closer to dangerous territory. He let his hand relax as it hung over her upper thigh, but if he moved it a centimeter he would be touching her. It would be too easy to drag his hand up, to explore the forbidden peaks and valleys of her beautiful form.
Amid the comfort of her in his arms, his body and mind battled it out. He wanted to pull her against him, kiss her senseless, show her all that had been culminating within him. But he knew it was wrong. He knew he should push her back to her side of the couch, a safe distance between them.
He pressed play on the remote and the movie started where they had left off. Against his better judgment—which was how he did things these days, apparently—he draped the blanket over the both of them to fight off the chill of the long, cold, wintry night they had ahead of them. They remained nestled on the couch, neither of them moving from their positions, warm and snuggled together. The fierce wind blew hard and hail pinged against the windowpane, but he wasn’t paying any attention.