by T. N. Cole
She narrowed her eyes at me and scoffed. “You know you’ve been lonely. And I know you haven’t been with anyone else since me. So let’s cut the bullshit, Tristan.” She stepped around me, grasping my arm to pull me over to the table in the center of the room.
I yanked my arm from her grip and opened my mouth to tell her to get the hell out when another person I needed to avoid sauntered in the door. “How come no one invited me to the party?” Katelyn arched an eyebrow and looked directly at Jenny.
I groaned and covered my face with my hands. “Get out. Both of you,” I ground out.
Instead, Jenny asked, “What the hell is the new girl doing here?”
“Replacing your plastic ass, obviously,” Katelyn replied in a bored tone.
I let my hands fall to give Katelyn a look that said shut the fuck up. She was making it worse.
Katelyn held her hands up in a surrender motion. “Hey, I’m actually in calculus and needing your help. Blondie over here isn’t even in calculus. Sorry, sweetie, you might be lost. If you’re trying to go to work, then the strip club is that way.”
My mouth curved up into a half-smile. Katelyn cut her eyes to me in the middle of her stare off with Jenny, and when she saw I was almost smiling, she relaxed and her face split into a grin.
“Tristan!” Jenny shrieked. “Are you really going to let this little bitch talk to me like that?” She crossed her arms over her chest and stomped her foot.
I chuckled at that. “You’re more than welcome to leave, Jenny. In fact, you probably should. Katelyn’s right—you’re not even in calculus. Meaning you definitely don’t need my help. Bye.”
She snatched her bag off the table behind her where she had set it before she’d attempted to maul me. Then she tossed her hair back dramatically and stormed past us. While pretending to examine her fingernails, Katelyn casually took a step to the left to avoid being shoulder checked by Jenny.
Katelyn pretended to shudder when Jenny was out of eyesight—making me smile. “Wow, what would have happened to you if I hadn’t been here to save the day?” She grinned. “You owe me now, dude. I just saved you from getting raped.”
I snorted. “Yeah you probably did.”
“Though it’s only rape if the other party doesn’t consent. Were you not consenting?” she teased.
I leveled her with a serious stare. “Not at all. I stopped fucking around with Jenny months ago. I have no fucking idea why she’s pulling all this shit now.”
She exaggerated a sigh. “Boys are so clueless. Remember when I asked you if I had any psycho ex-girlfriends that I needed to look out for?”
“So? She was never my girlfriend.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she bluntly stated. “You’re her territory. And she sees me as a threat.” She grinned with a gleam in her eye.
I rolled my eyes. “Hey, you know that guys can be like that too, so don’t even,” she quipped.
That sobered me up. Because it reminded me of that night. Which in turn prompted me to remember what happened before both of the girls got here. Who would know? And what the hell did they want from me?
“Tristan?” Katelyn was standing in front of me now. “You look a bit pale,” she commented, squinting her eyes at me. “Are you feeling okay?”
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Then I sat down in a rolling chair and slowly started spinning. I heard a thud as Katelyn dumped her bag and the rest of her stuff on the table.
“Do you actually need help today?” I kept spinning in my chair.
“Not from you.” She laughed.
I stopped and facing her, I frowned. “What do you want then?”
She took a moment to respond, studying my face. “You look tired.”
“If you don’t need anything, then you can follow Jenny.” I nodded at the door.
“I do need something,” she announced.
I groaned and threw my head back to lean against the back of the chair. “I need something, too. I need to be left alone.”
“I need you to take me out.”
“Wait, what?” I quickly sat back up.
“Not out-out, like on a date. I just need to be shown around. I’ve been here for almost two months, and I don’t know anywhere around here to go.”
I stood up and walked around back to the dry erase board and just stared at it, seeing words that were no longer there—Who is Melanie Jessup?
“It’ll be fun. I need to go shopping.” Her voice came from right beside me.
“That’s definitely not fun. Why can’t you take any of your friends? You have a roommate, right? Take her.” I glanced sideways at her.
“I can’t,” she complained with a pout. “All she ever wants to do is go to school, study, cook, and clean.”
“You’re shitting me. What, is your roommate a robot or something?” I asked in disbelief.
“Let’s go with ‘something.’ So that’s a yes?” She looked at me with big, shiny brown eyes.
Oh shit. I shot my hand out to cover her Bambi eyes. “No. No, no, no. You can’t do that to me. No guilt-tripping. I already took you to a party and to a soccer game. You made friends.”
Not being able to see her eyes didn’t help. She stuck out her bottom lip, and it trembled a little. She grabbed my wrist with both hands. “I don’t really know any of them yet. And I want to hang out with you. Please? It’ll be a good way to get your mind off things. Maybe you need human companionship to distract you. Come on, let’s go.”
I sighed and slowly let my hand fall. Her eyes were still huge, but her mouth started to curve into a smile. “Two conditions.” I stared her down. She frantically nodded her head, already agreeing to whatever I was about to say. She was too fucking cute. I shook my head, but smiled despite myself. “One, you need to stop bothering me at my tutoring sessions.” She rolled her eyes. “And two, I’m texting some of my other friends to come with us.”
She sighed, but then brightened and started to bounce in place a little. “But that’s a yes, right? We’re going shopping? Right now?”
“I should probably stay here for at least an hour. This is a job, you know. Some people have to actually work,” I commented dryly.
Katelyn scowled and her eyes darkened for a second. “Appearances can be deceiving. You should know that more than anyone.” She walked over to a chair and sat down, pulling out her phone. “So, who are we bringing with us?”
Her comment about appearances bothered me, but I compartmentalized it for later just like I did with everything else. “For sure Caisey and Ryan, if we’re going shopping. I dunno. Here—take my phone and just invite the people you remember that you liked from the game last week.” I unlocked my phone and handed it to her.
She looked at me skeptically. “Really? That’s how you wanna do things?”
I shrugged. “I don’t really have close friends. They’re all just kind of there.”
“That’s pretty sad.”
“Says the girl who’s begging me to take her to parties. And shopping. And to meet my friends,” I deadpanned. She glared at me. “All right, I’m sorry. Forget it, it’s just the truth. Now, come on. You have forty-five minutes to put this together.” I slouched down in a chair across the table and closed my eyes.
BEEP. BEEP. RYAN AND Caisey came speeding down the lot to where Katelyn and I stood waiting. What the hell was I doing? Since when did I go on social outings with friends? As the car came to a stop in front of me, I decided to just stop thinking about it. I was already in the middle of this. Might as well. Besides, there was something about Katelyn. I found myself glancing at her often. Maybe if I hung out with her more, the positivity and happy glow she always seemed to have surrounding her would eventually rub off on me.
Mel snorted. Yeah sure, Tristan. Let’s not be delusional now.
Caisey jumped out of the car. “Shopping! Let’s go!” She ran and gave Katelyn a hug, then started chattering happily to her while dragging her toward the backseat of the car. Ryan got out and sta
yed where he was, leaning on the roof of the car with the door open. He gave me a shit-eating grin and nodded at me. “What’s happening, T?”
I shook my head with a half-smile. “Hell if I know, dude.”
Caisey had gotten Katelyn in the car, then she rushed at me and flung her arms around me. Amused, I caught her. “Umm, hi? Did you finally realize the error of your ways with Ryan and come to be with me?” Ryan flipped me off behind her back.
She giggled. “I’m just happy for you.”
I furrowed my brow. “Why?”
She released me and shrugged. She started pushing me to the car. “Let’s goooo. You want the front seat or back? You ride front,” she commanded before I could even get a word in. I stopped and helped her into the back of the car first. Closing the door for her, I then climbed in the passenger seat.
“You good, man?” Ryan asked me. “I thought you had tutoring today?”
I rolled my eyes, but they couldn’t see me behind my sunglasses. “Ask Miss Spoiled Brat back there.”
I looked in the reflection of the mirror on my visor to see her reaction. She stuck her tongue out at me playfully, and I grinned at her childish gesture. Neither of us mentioned Jenny showing up.
Eventually, the girls carried on their own conversation, and Ryan would chime in every now and then. I didn’t pay much attention while just sitting and staring at the passing scenery, mainly paying attention to Katelyn’s carefree laugh. She laughed easily, and that laugh made me want to smile every time.
“Hey, wait, where are we going anyway? Is everyone else just meeting us there?” Katelyn abruptly changed the conversation.
“I’m not sure who all is going. I kinda just group messaged everyone. But we’re going to this place that’s kind of like Rodeo Drive in California but less prissy. There are also a lot of little shops and everything. You’ll love it,” Caisey explained excitedly. I had heard of the place, but I had never actually been there myself. I had no reason to. “Tristan’s never been there, right?” Caisey tugged at my seat belt from where she sat behind me, pretending to choke me with it.
“Nope,” I replied after pulling my seat belt away from my neck.
“T never does anything with us these days,” Ryan added.
“Fuck off, Ryan.” I shoved his arm.
He continued, “So, you’ll have to let us in on your little secret of how you get him to do your bidding, Katelyn.” Then he burst into laughter.
I shook my head. Katelyn wiggled her eyebrows at me—she knew I was watching her in the visor mirror. “A girl never tells her secrets,” she responded slyly.
Katelyn seemed to be having the time of her life shopping. It took a while for some of our other friends to start showing up, so while it was just the four of us, the girls dragged me and Ryan into the stores with them. Katelyn had been cute as hell the way she got so excited over shopping. Even Mel hadn’t been able to entice me to go shopping with her when we were in high school. However, Katelyn’s happiness was intoxicating. She seemed so naïve—so easy to please—and I envied her. I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t have something or another weighing heavily on my shoulders. And for five years now, I had been drowning. Maybe she would be the one to pull me out of the water.
Alex, Brody, and Miles arrived with a group of girls in tow. At first, the guys kept punching me and ragging on me for hanging out with them just because of Katelyn. They didn’t stop giving me shit until we got kicked out of a store for messing around. Eventually, I just ended up carrying all of Katelyn’s shit. I sat on a green bench outside the store she was in with Whit and Caisey.
A guy and girl walked by me arguing. “I mean, what did you expect her to do when you told her that? It’s your fault she’s gone, you idiot. You should have held on to her while you could.” I closed my eyes, dropping my head forward into my hands.
This wasn’t right. I shouldn’t be here. This shouldn’t be happening. I should be the one lying in the casket, not Mel. Anyone but Mel. I forced myself to take slow steps down the aisle toward the closed casket in the front of the room. It wasn’t really forced—the crutches were a pain in my ass to use. I actually shouldn’t even be out of bed, but I threatened my mom that I would walk to the wake if she didn’t fucking drive me. My mother had been driving me nuts, smothering me; she wouldn’t leave me alone since I had woken up in the hospital. I think she was feeling guilty about leaving me alone all this time, but her guilt had nothing on mine.
Every step I took jostled my body, but I ignored the pain. It was irrelevant compared to what I was facing in front of me. My best friend—dead—because of me.
“You guys go on ahead, I’ll catch up in a second,” I heard Katelyn say faintly.
I was sweating from the effort it was taking to get myself down the rest of aisle. My mom must have seen because she placed her hand on my shoulder and softly said, “Honey, I can get a wheelchair.” But I shrugged her off and kept hobbling. I couldn’t take my eyes off the mahogany casket at the front of the room. It was bathed in light, just like I had always thought of Mel—my light.
I was a few pews down from the front when I saw her mother, Nora Jessup, step out of the first pew. She stiffened when she turned and saw me making my way down the aisle toward the front. Mrs. Jessup and Mel weren’t close, they never even got along. Nora Jessup only cared about money and appearances—it was never about what her daughter wanted.
Naturally, she had always disliked me. She never thought I was good enough to be hanging out with her daughter. Now, the hatred I saw running in her eyes was nothing compared to the disdain she had previously felt for me. And I would see that same hatred for the next five years every time I looked in the mirror—in my own eyes.
“Hey,” Katelyn said softly. I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t move.
“What are you doing here?” she asked coldly. I stopped where I was and balanced on my crutches.
“Nora,” my mom murmured softly, stepping up beside me. “Just let him say his good-byes.”
“Just let him say his good-byes? Just like I let him hang out with my daughter? Look where that got us. My daughter is dead!” she screeched. “And it’s all his fault!” She jabbed a finger at me.
Mr. Jessup then walked up behind her. “Nora, you need to calm down. Not here. You’re making a scene.”
She whirled on him next. “You’re one to talk,” she hissed. “You have no right to be here, you cheating bastard.” Everyone knew her father had mistresses. He was a slimy politician. And he was never home either. Even I was a little surprised he was here.
“You’re making a scene, Nora. Not at our daughter’s wake.” He stared her down.
While they were arguing, I started to move again. I knew the casket was closed, but I had to be near her. At least one last time.
Katelyn stood in front of me and ran her hands through my hair, soothing me. Waiting—just like I was—for it to be over.
I got to the front and I put my hand on the smooth, shiny casket. I closed my eyes and let my head fall forward. The sobs that wracked me made everything hurt more, but I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel a damn thing.
“Get away from her,” Nora ordered.
I lifted my head. Apparently, Mr. Jessup had given up on their fight—he was nowhere to be seen. She slowly walked toward me, like a predator stalking its prey. I tensed as she came to a stop in front of me. “You should have stayed away,” she said in a soft, menacing tone. “You will regret not listening to me when I disapproved of you hanging out with Melanie. This is all your fault. You are the reason Melanie is in that box. And I will make sure you pay for it. I swear, on my daughter’s life, you will pay for it.”
I wrapped my arms around Katelyn’s waist and rested my head against her stomach. She let me hold on to her—like she was my anchor to the world of the sane, my gravity. She looped her arms loosely around my shoulders and head. And she kept running her fingers through my hair until my pulse slowed and my trembling subsided.
“You probably think I’m such a fucking pussy,” I said—my voice muffled by her blue dress.
She didn’t laugh, but her hands stilled on my head.
I nuzzled her stomach a little, shuddering one last time from remembering Nora’s message to me. Everything she had said was true. It was all my fault. I sighed and lifted my head to look up at Katelyn. I was amazed to see there was no pity in her eyes; they were only soft as she met my gaze. “How’d you know?” I whispered. How did she know I was having a flashback?
She offered me a small smile. “I know more than you think I know, Tristan.”
I saw some pain spark in her eyes as she said that, but it quickly disappeared. “I bought you something,” she said brightly. She stepped back a little, letting my arms drop from her waist to rummage through one of the bags.
She pulled something out and quickly put it behind her back. She looked at me coyly, and then surprised me by sliding onto my lap, one leg on either side of mine so that she was straddling me. I shocked the hell out of myself more by letting her—I made sure her dress wasn’t displaying her ass to the world and then rested my hands on her hips. I rested against the bench to see her smile sunnily down at me.
She quickly put a baseball hat on my head. Then, she bit her lip and flipped the cap so it was on backward. “You bought me a hat?” My lips quirked.
She shrugged. “A baseball cap,” she corrected. “But yeah, I wanted to see if you would look hot in it. I read a book series that mentioned guys look sexy in baseball caps.” She studied me for a second. “I guess the books get some things right,” she mused. Then she leaned back so she could pull out her phone from her purse next to us on the bench. She shielded the screen from the sun’s glare so she could read her texts.
I watched her as she typed on her phone. Her hair was shiny and fell in loose curls around her shoulders. She never wore much makeup, and she was more than comfortable in her own skin. My eyes fell past her cute nose, sharp cheekbones, defined jaw, smooth neck, then just as I started to come to the realization that she was sitting on my lap—“Quit staring at me,” Katelyn said without looking up.