She nods and wipes away the start of a tear with her right hand. I look back down to the injured arm and I feel so much pain and sadness for her. Not pity, just sadness, sadness in knowing that someone or something upset her so greatly to do this. I know the feeling all too well.
“I feel like I am being a nuisance.”
“There is no possible way you could ever be a nuisance Caroline. Look at me.” I demand as soft as I can, she has to know.
She looks into my eyes, “You are significant. You are loved by so many, including me. You are already my sister and I will do anything for you. Do you understand that?”
“I do.”
I nod and start to clean and wrap her wound and stitches.
“Okay,” I finish. “Let’s get you dressed and something to eat. Ben made breakfast.”
Her eyes widen, “I haven’t had Ben’s cooking since he lived at home.”
“He never cooked when he visited home?” I ask.
She shakes her head no, “He used to make me breakfast every morning before school.” She keeps her head down when she speaks, but I spot a soft smile cross her face as she recalls the memory.
“What was he like back then? Before he left for college?” I ask. I have been curious for some time. I know he was in a band with Dan, but never what he was like at home.
She touches the fresh bandage lightly with her finger tips, “He was there. He was there for me all the time. When Dad wasn’t, he was. He cooked, did laundry, and helped me with my school projects. He can rock a shoe box diorama.”
I laugh at the thought of him elbow deep in Elmer’s glue and glitter. She even gives me a soft giggle, “But then he went to college … met Nicole and he wasn’t around as much. Missed many Sunday dinners, because she thought her time was more important. He went a long with it, because he wanted to eventually be a good husband for her.”
I feel my face drop.
“If I thought he wasn’t around much when they were together, well it got much worse when they broke off the engagement.”
I bite the corner of my mouth and ask, “Worse?” We start to make our way back to mine and Ben’s room so I can help her get dressed.
“He stopped coming home all together. He started to drink more, I know because when he did answer my calls he slurred … and then I would hear women’s voices…” She looks up at me and I can see the look on her face, the look that says I have said too much…
I help slip a loose fitting tee over her head and arms though the holes. “It’s okay. I know about his … pasts.” She nods. “Do you want jeans or leggings?” I ask her, her clothing choices.
“Leggings.” And I kneel to help guide her legs into them. I know she could probably do it herself, but I like helping her and if it helps keep the pain out of her arm, then I am more than willing to help her.
We here a light knock on the door, “Are you ladies doing alright?” We hear Ben ask.
I stand and open the door, “We are just fine.” I look back over my shoulder at Caroline and we give one another a knowing look.
“How about some breakfast?” Ben asks, and he looks a little nervous.
“Sounds good big brother.”
Caroline and I arrive at the facility. Before we get out of the car we sit. I just wait until she is ready, that’s all I can do and will do. You can’t push this and I think that’s why she wanted me to bring her. She knows that I won’t harp on her.
“Tess?”
“Yeah?” I answer.
She fidgets with her bandage once again. Her arm is outside of its sleeve, when I tried to help her into it at home, it hurt too much. I offered her, her pain medication, but she refused. So, we settled for one arm in and one out.
“I’m nervous.”
“I know and that’s expected. This is going to help you Caroline.”
“I know. It’s still hard.”
I don’t like to sugar coat things and I don’t. I know Caroline well enough to know that she wouldn’t want me too either. “It is going to be hard, but that’s why you are here, to get better, stronger and even more brave than what you already are. You are incredible. You can do this and you know I wouldn’t say that to just anybody.”
Caroline half smiles at me and I see her chin start to quiver. I lean over and hug her without hurting her arm. “Let’s rock this bitch.”
We are finally in Caroline’s room, she has a roommate who is in for an eating disorder, poor girl. She seems nice at least, the other girls in here that we met in passing seemed a little … harsh. The woman who runs orientation and gets new patients in said we have nothing to worry about, but I do.
Her roommate whose name is Skyler has a group meeting and leaves us to talk. “What do you think?” I ask.
She looks around the small white painted cinderblock room, “Seems okay.”
“Caroline, I want to share something with you that no one other than your brother knows.” I think my story might help her.
“Okay.”
“When I was a young teen I used to cut too.”
Her eyes widen, “really?”
“Really.” I go into what I told Ben. I tell her about the asshole in my school that left me in the middle of nowhere, because I wouldn’t have sex with him. I even tell her about me being nearly raped.
“So how did you stop?” She asks the one question that to this day still baffles me.
“I wanted to live.”
That’s all it takes and she is in my arms crying. I comfort her. I hold her for however long it takes. I let her cry it out. I think this is the first time she really lets it go, in a healthier way. I rub her back and play with her hair … anything a Mom would do for her daughter. I know it’s what my Mom would have done for me if I ever told her about my cutting back then.
I unlock the door to my new home. Before I open the door I take in a deep breath. When did growing up become so … real? I met my perfect match, got my dream job, became part of an amazing family and I am getting married.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding on to and I walk through the door to find the room darkened with candles all over the large penthouse apartment. One that was once a bachelor pad and is now my home, with my man. I walk to the kitchen and I set all of my belongings down and remove my coat.
I look around the room for Ben and I don’t spot him anywhere. “Ben?” I call out. I make my way through the living area … no Ben. I go down the short hall to our bedroom …no Ben, but my art piece is back up, hmmm… I bet he couldn’t wait to put that back.
I hear light music come from the other side of the hall, coming from the bathroom. I start to walk closer and I smell the comforting scent of lavender. I stop in front of the door and lightly push it open to find Ben in a pair of black jeans, barefoot and shirtless sitting along the tubs edge, playing an acoustic guitar.
Holy…
“Welcome home,” he greets me.
I step in and close the door, not wanting the delicious scent and heat to escape the room. “What’s all this for?”
He sets the guitar down, turns his body, sits on the tubs edge and faces me. “This…” he gestures to the candles and bubble bath, “This is a thank you. A thank you for taking care of my baby sister. Not just today, but for looking out for her for weeks now. I should have paid more attention to the signs you told me about, but I was too ignorant to believe that my baby sister was capable of such things. You are an amazing woman. You deserve an evening of relaxation.”
I step between his legs and rest my hands on his bare toned shoulders. I trace my fingers over the tattoo he got for me and I see him shutter at my touch. “Thank you.”
“Now, why don’t you let me remove these clothes from you and you can climb into the bath. I’ll pour you some Moscato.” His hands reach for the hem of my top and he slowly glides it up my torso, lightly dragging his fingers in their leisurely trail. It feels like an eternity since we have had a nice moment that I get chills at his sensual touch. He u
ndoes the button on my jeans and I slid them off. Ben runs his hands up the outsides of my thighs and rests them on my hips. Leaning forward he rests his head on my stomach.
I run my fingers through his newly shaggy hair, I can’t remember the last time he had a trim. “Hey, you okay?” I ask.
“I’m just thankful for you. It’s been a rough few days and I don’t know if I would have been able to get through any of it, if it wasn’t for you.” He looks up into my eyes and I can see who he is, all of him. I see all of his worry, his pain and love. The love he has for his sister, family and me.
“You were never alone in this Ben. She is my sister too you know.”
He traces a light kiss just below my navel, “I love you.” He stands and leads me into the lavender bubble filled bath. “Here, this night is for you. I want you to relax and rest.”
“Will you join me?”
Without saying a word he removes his black jeans and climbs in behind me. I rest the back of my head on his chest. I feel him nuzzle my hair with his nose and inhales. I close my eyes and finally let the tension that I didn’t know I was holding let go.
I must have drifted off in the bath, because I wake up in our bed with Ben’s body wrapped around mine. The lavender oils soaked into our skin and with our body heat twisting into one another’s sends tingles between the apex of my thighs. I arch my back, pushing my ass against his semi hard front … is this man ever not turned on?
I roll my hips in a circular motion in hopes of easing him awake. It must be working, because I start to feel him push back. I hear a deep low moan escape his throat and that’s all it takes for me to turn and push him onto his back and mount him. No words needed. I see his passion in his eyes and feel it in his movements. I grab his length and guide him into me. I put his tip at the entrance of my folds and slowly lower myself onto him. I see his eyes roll back and his chest rise with a deep breath.
Our pace is slow for a bit, just taking one another in. “You’re so wet,” he tells me. “It feels like it’s been forever.”
“I know, I thought the same thing earlier.” I start to pick up my pace as I feel myself quicken.
Ben grips into my hips and tells me, “Easy baby, I want to get there with you.”
I lean down to kiss him and he takes my bottom lip between his teeth. “Ben…”
He growls out, “Fuck it!” then he bucks up, taking me deeper and harder. Before we know it I am throwing my head back and he is groaning through his climax. I rest my body on top of his and I turn my head to face him, both panting.
We get comfy in our bed, it’s still odd to call it ours, but our bed. He asks me, “Did they say how long she needs to be in there?”
I take hold of his hand as we lay face to face, “They want to see her be there for a few weeks and go from there.”
“It will be strange not having her home on Christmas day,” he says sadly.
“But, we can visit with her there on the day.”
With a sigh he tells me, “It’s better than never seeing her again.”
He brings my hand up to his lips and rests them on my fingers. “She will get better Ben.”
When he looks at me, I finally see the belief and hope in his eyes.
It’s Christmas Eve and my mom has invited Ben and I over for dinner and to exchange gifts. The original plan was to get together after we got home from New York. I had called my mom when we were at the hospital to let her know what was going on and she called Jack to let him know that she would be thinking about Caroline.
Ben and I hold hands as I knock on my Mom’s townhouse door. I look him over and he looks sexy as hell in his dress coat and scarf, but what I am really loving is his fresh scruff that he has started to keep for me.
“What?” He asks as if he doesn’t know.
I raise one eyebrow at him, “Nothing, I am just checking out my hot fiancé.” I must be breathing heavily, because I can visually see my breath in the cold Seattle air.
We hear a “Coming!” coming from inside of the place when Ben dips me into a passionate, head spinning lip lock. When he is standing me back up, my Mom opens the door and laughs at our not so secret private time. Me, because I’m in heels struggle to gain my balance back.
“Mrs. Martin.” Ben greets her as casually as possible, while my head is still spinning.
“Oh, Ben what have I told you? You are marrying my daughter, call me Liz.” She opens her arms for a hug.
Ben steps in and embraces my mother, “Well, thank you for having me Liz.”
“Come in, come in, dinner is nearly ready. Tess will you help me in the kitchen?”
“Of course, Mom,” I walk in taking off my jacket and hang it on the hook by the door and Ben follows suit. As I am walking past him, he smacks my ass, causing me to jump and make a very audible squeal.
My Mom turns back, smiles and shakes her head knowing exactly what just happened. I smack Ben’s chest.
“Jerk.”
“You love me,” he sings.
“Yeah, yeah…” I smile.
In the kitchen I ask my mom where her boyfriend is and she explains that he is visiting with his mother in the nursing home. “You didn’t want to go with him?” I ask.
She hands me a stack of white dishes to place on the table, “I would much rather spend time with my daughter on Christmas Eve like we always do.”
It’s true we have never spent a Christmas Eve apart, not even when my Dad was supposed to have me every other year. I smile at the warm memories over the years.
I spot Ben leaning in the door way of the kitchen, “Hey, don’t think you’re getting off here mister! Why don’t you open the wine?”
“My pleasure,” he drags out in his deep succulent accent.
My Mom is watching us and I feel my face heat with embarrassment.
We are sitting in the living room after eating and helping clean up. Sipping on coffee and enjoying my Mom’s usual over decorated tree. She gets up out of the chair she is sitting in and retrieves two boxes from under the tree.
Handing them to Ben and me, “What are these?” I eye her.
“Just a little something, nothing serious, but fun.”
“Liz you didn’t have to,” Ben tells her.
She just waves us off and we start to unwrap our gifts. I am the first to open my gift and I pull out what looks to be a t-shirt. Holding it up I notice it’s a long white night shirt that reads: “Mrs.”
“You will always find a way to get me pajamas on Christmas Eve, huh?” I laugh. I should have known.
I turn to show Ben and he has a little chuckle over it. “Your turn,” I tell him.
He pulls out boxers, “MOM!” I exclaim, why on Gods earth would she get my fiancé boxers?
“What?” She laughs, “Turn them around Ben.”
He does and on the butt they read, “Mr.” He doesn’t seem embarrassed at all, he actually starts to laugh hysterically.
“Liz, these are truly amazing and I have to say, I like your style.”
My eyes wide I ask him, “You’re not mortified?”
“Are you kidding? I love them and I can’t wait to wear these together,” he winks.
I shake my head, “Your nuts Mom, but I love you. Thank you.” I give my Mom a hug and kiss and Ben does the same. He is so appreciative.
“Ben and I got you a little something as well,” I go into my purse and retrieve an envelope.
She tears it open and I see her jaw drop open, “You two didn’t have to do this!”
We got her two open ended plane tickets to London for our spring wedding, considering we haven’t nailed a date down yet. There was no way I was going to let her break her bank.
She launches out of her seat and hugs us together.
We are on our way home when Ben takes a slight detour. “Where are we going?” I ask.
“It’s a surprise.”
I see that we are driving up into Pike Place, “Are we getting some coffee, because I really could use a ca
ffeine boost.”
He turns into a parking space, kills the engine and tells me, “We will do that after.”
Confused I ask, “After what?”
“When I saw your face at the hospital, the way you looked at that tree … I knew I had to get one for our place. I just can’t believe I didn’t think about it earlier, then again I never got a tree for my place ever.”
“Why not?”
“Because I had no one to share it with.” And I see a small smile cross his face in the glow of the mini glowing lights.
I didn’t give it much thought, that we didn’t have one. I think because, we had been spending time moving me in and working and then Caroline, it didn’t click with me that it was Christmas time. I feel the butterflies in my stomach start to flutter.
“Let’s go!” I skip out to the rows of trees and run my fingers over the branches. I haven’t had a real tree since I moved out of my Mom’s. I had a small table top one for my apartment, but nothing like these.
“Any one you want.” Ben tells me.
I take his hand and we walk through together, then I see the perfect tree. “Can we get this one?” I point to the perfect tree in my eyes.
“Isn’t it a little … rough?” He asks scrunching his eyebrows.
I shake my head in protest. It’s a slender seven-foot sparsely branched tree. Sure I could have a ten-foot tall evergreen, but I like this one.
“It has character. Plus, what’s wrong with a little rough?” I tease.
Ben reaches in and pulls it from the stand, “Alright! Let’s get this baby home.”
I clap excitedly, as he pays the attendant and the men tie it to the roof of the car.
I go to get in, when he stops me. “Oh, we aren’t done yet.”
He tugs on the rope connecting the tree to the car he comes to my side and wraps his arm around my hip and pulls me close to his side. It’s getting colder as it’s getting later into the evening, I snuggle my nose into his chest and I am filled with his scent mixed with the pine from the tree. This has got to be one of the most amazing scents ever. The only word that I can come up with to describe it is: love. This is what love smells like.
Private Affair (The Private Series) Page 3