by M. J. Fields
“Then you should grow one, too.”
I nod. “Deal. If I got you knocked up, I would go pound for pound with you. But you have to promise me that if, and that’s a big IF, you are, you’ll count it as what?”
“A blessing.”
“That’s right, Pretty.”
She wraps her arms around me and hugs me.
“Now, can we get our shit together, kiss our babies, and go out to dinner and to a show?”
She looks up and nods.
“Love me?”
“That’s a stupid question,” she huffs.
“How romantic, Mrs. Links.”
She scrunches up her face. “Sorry.”
“Love me?”
“Still a stupi—” She squeals when I squeeze her ass again but laughs too. “Of course, I do, Logan. I love you more than anything.”
We walk out and see Lexi on the bed waiting impatiently. “I’d like to go over their feeding schedule.”
“Aria and Addison will both eat again at about seven,” London tells her. “There’s unthawed breastmilk in the fridge.”
Lexi nods.
London continues as we walk out into the living area, now filled with twice as much as we had when Leddy and Brooklyn were living here. “When you warm up the milk, do it in a cup of hot water, but not too hot.”
“Aria is in pink, Addison is in yellow, they look too much alike to dress them the same.”
“Especially when we’re exhausted,” I add.
She smiles at me and then smiles bigger when she sees Emma and Brody holding the babies. Brody shares, “Yellow just filled her diaper.”
“Addison,” London corrects him.
“Addison,” Brody smirks.
“Addison,” London nods.
“Addison has your mother’s eyes, and Aria has Ashley’s. Could the two of you get that straight, or maybe accept some extra help, so we can start to dress them alike?” He looks away from Addison to London. “I mean, what good is having twins if you can’t dress them alike?”
London shakes her head.
“I think they’re trying to get out of here.” Emma nods to the door as she looks at Aria. “Tell them we have it covered. There are three of us and only two of you.”
London walks over and kisses Aria first and then Addison, I follow behind her.
At the door, I hold London’s jacket as she puts her arms in it.
Once in the elevator, I hold her hand, but keep my eyes averted from any part of her, or I’m going to fuck her where we stand.
When it opens on the ground floor, I see the bag I had delivered.
“Wait, is that for Mom, Dad, and Lexi?”
I let go of her hand and pick it up. “Nope. It’s for you and me.”
“So, we’re not going to dinner?”
“We’re going somewhere to eat, and we’re bringing dinner with us.”
“Where?” she asks as she walks out into the cold winter air with me.
“Can you just go with it?” I try not to smile but fail.
“I guess so.” She eyes me suspiciously.
“I love it!” She smiles as we pull into the parking lot next to the Dome and I park facing west. “Orange skies and night, mean what?”
“London’s delight.” I wink as I hand her a fork and then open the container of barbeque pulled chicken from the bag.
She leans over and kisses me. “You’re my delight.”
I kiss her back and pull away before this becomes about being inside her. Her smirk tells me she knows it too.
“I know life has been insane over the past—”
“Lifetime?”
I nod and sigh, “Yeah. But before I saw you here, on campus, all grown up, London. Before I saw the girl I always knew was something special, as a woman. I didn’t allow myself to even dream this could happen.”
“It was the boobs, right?”
I lift her hand and kiss it. “No, it was so much more than the tits.”
“The brain?”
“The whole package, Pretty, but until I saw me in you,” I sigh when she giggles, and she straightens her face. “And the possibility of not being the one to love you and the one to be loved by you, that was a game changer. I just wanna make sure to never forget that whatever we have gone through, or what we will go through in the future, that neither one of us will ever think it would be better any other way. I love you, London, and I want to make damn sure that this sunset and all the others are watched with you by my side, and me by yours.”
She links her hand in mine and lays her head on my shoulder. “I promised you forever, Logan.”
“I promised the same.”
“Then that’s the way it will be.”
“Always.” I squeeze her hand.
“Always.” She squeezes mine back.
### The END ###
In my final moments
ASHLEY
On earth, and in human form, while the demon and I danced, I found my respite in the beautiful picture each person painted of what Heaven would be like.
As I close my eyes for the last few minutes before I allow myself to stop fighting, to pass forward to what’s next, I remember the beautiful words my children left me with and how I responded, hoping it also gave them peace.
Peace
I found peace in their being with me, all of them, all of the people I cherished at one point or another. But no one’s words meant as much as Ava and Logan’s.
I allow it to play over in my memory.
“Number one, you’ll never stop loving her.”
“And she’ll never stop loving you.”
“Number two, she’ll never leave us.”
“Not even when she did,”
“Number three, she’s never going away.”
“She doesn’t want to, yet she must.”
“Number four, she wants you to love.”
“She definitely wants you to love and be loved.”
“Number six, it’s okay to cry.”
“But not without imagining my arms around you while you are.”
“Number seven, between life and death is a transition period.”
“Do it with as much grace and dignity as you can.”
“Number eight, love yourself like she’d want you to.”
“Like she loves you.”
“Number nine, forgive yourself, she has.”
“Nothing you have done warrants forgiveness too your mother, nothing.”
“Number ten, her love brings us peace.”
“May it always.”
“Number eleven, memories are now treasures.”
“They always have been.”
“Number twelve, unseen is not unheard.”
“Ever-present.”
“Number thirteen, one tear speaks a million words.”
“Please don’t cry, smile.”
“Number fourteen, live for her so they’ll remember.”
“But never stop living for yourself and yours.”
“Number fifteen, feel grief when it comes, and let go as soon as you can.”
“Let it pass with me.”
I said the last to comfort Robert the way my children and I were comforting each other.
“Number sixteen, loss is unmeasurable, but so is love.”
“Higher than the heavens, wider than the seas.”
When I was at peace, and I knew it was my time, I tried to tell them what I felt and saw. I’m sure they weren’t aware at the time, but I hope when the memory plays in their heads, they will take comfort in it, as I did while it was happening.
You hear people speak of the white light, but in my experience, it wasn’t white, it was all the colors of the sunset, the last one I would share with them until we meet again.
You hear people speak of having an out of body experience like they’re hovering over themselves, watching what was going on while they were passing.
I didn’t have that either. I saw the sunset, I felt the pain leave, the constant cold
ness in my body blanketed, and I heard the grief, but it was almost muted.
I don’t know if it’s the same with everyone, I’m not there to ask yet, but I was able to see them comfort each other the way I would want to, but oddly, there was no sorrow or sadness that I couldn’t. I was at peace.
My soul also lingered while Ava read to me, another moment, another gift.
I know she couldn’t hear my responses, but I still had to give them, and I knew she would feel them, possibly hear them, when she needed them the most.
“Number seventeen, grief is uncontrollable.”
“Then let love remain stronger.”
“Number eighteen, nothing will ever replace you.”
“Nor will anything replace you, it never has.”
“Number nineteen, I will love you forever.”
“I will love you for always.”
“Number twenty, the things that die in us prior to death are more tragic than death itself.”
“Please always remember that.”
“Number twenty-one, peace will heal heartache.”
“And my pain is no longer.”
“Number twenty-two, without death there is no life, and you gave us life.”
“I would do it all over again, and again, and again, even knowing the outcome.”
“Number twenty- three, the pain comes from love, and love will heal the pain.”
“I feel pain-free already.”
“Number twenty- four, we see it as the journey ending, but in our hearts, we believe it is truly just beginning.”
“The light, the warm, the peace.”
“Number twenty-five, heartstrings cannot be seen, nor be severed, ours are attached to your wings forever.”
“Nothing could tear them away.”
“Number twenty-six, this is not your end, your story continues with your legacy, us.”
“When I get there, I will wait for you all.”
“Number twenty-seven, no one will ever forget you, Mom, nor your beauty, your dignity, your grace, or your love.”
“I will rest peacefully knowing so.”
High above the sunset is a place of peace and painlessness.
A place where there are no questions, no confusion, no worry, or want.
A place where all lost senses are restored.
A place where only good memories, familiar, pleasant smells, invisible blankets of warmth, and endless comfort is given.
There is no heartache, and there is no fear.
High above them all, yet not too far away to feel the one feeling, the one emotion, the one word, the one answer so many seek, ‘What is the meaning of life?’, even when they are surrounded by its answer.
That feeling, that emotion, that word, that answer is… Love.
And here I feel so incredibly peaceful, and will rest, while I wait for when it is your time to come.
In his grace.
I thank him for a beautiful life and bask in unsurmountable peace … and I rest.
Recipe
Chicken Shit
Ingredients
5-6 Boneless chicken breasts
2 -10 ¾ can of cream of chicken soup
Pint of sour cream
2 – 12-ounce boxes of chicken flavored stuffing mix
Prepare
- Fully cook then cube chicken (at 350 degrees).
- Place in casserole dish.
- Mix both cans of cream of chicken soup and sour cream together and spoon over the cooked and cubed chicken.
- Prepare stuffing according to the box directions and spoon over cooked chicken, soup, and sour cream.
- Bake for 35-40 minutes at 350 degrees.
Thank you
To my loves / my readers - Over the past few years I have had the greatest pleasure of meeting so many people via social media, at signings, through messenger, and email. Each of you have a place in my heart. When your heart hurts, if I’m aware, mine hurts for you and prayers are always sent up. I am so grateful for each and every one of you.
To Mandy – Thank you for being part of this, I am truly grateful for you.
To Jules- Seriously, cover magic!! <3 U.
To Donna- To firsts of many. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
To Conor- This one is my fav!!
To Elle- The past few months have been… insane. When will we get back to normal? Lol. Love you and thank you for all the support.
To my reader group, Ladies of Love and Steel- You are all shining stars to me. You make me laugh, you make me smile, and you make me remember daily that I have an army of amazing hearts in my corner, I hope you always know, I’m in yours too. Forever Steel, ladies, and always LYA.
To my ARC crew- I love your passion and support for every book I put out. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you.
To -Bobbie, Jamie, Paige, Ivy, Laurie, Renee, Christa, KA, Courtney, Cassandra, Elizabeth and Diane, wow, how lucky am I for having you in my life, some since the beginning, some shortly after? So lucky.
To Autumn- I’m so thankful and grateful to have you in my life, and not just in the book world. It’s always hard for me to trust or relinquish control, but knowing who you are, has made it easy. Cheers babe. Cheers.
To Bobbie- Always looking out for my words, for me. Love you.
To Kate- I love you. I love your words. I love your heart. I love your friendship. You. I love you.
To Ally- I love you, soooo much.
Their First Time
Their First Time
The Firsts series, Book 5
Copyright (c) MJ Fields, 2019
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of MJ Fields, except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976.
This is a work of fiction. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
1st Edition
Published – Blue Valley Publishing, LLC.
Cover Design- Jersey Girl Design
Edits – C&D editing
Line Edits and Proofing - Donna Cooksley Sanderson
Photographer – Wander Aguiar
Cover Models- Nana Malone and Kerry Smart
Introduction
Jamie
I was raised knowing the difference between lust and love.
I was warned to never fall for someone who simply set my body ablaze.
As the daughter of a southern preacher, I held on to my virtue … sort of.
A man always knew his place with me, but only one would someday hold my heart.
Mitch
I was raised to defend myself against emotional attachment.
I was warned, at a young age, that all women would eventually leave me.
As the son of a single father, a farmer, a ladies’ man, I was taught to never promise a girl anything but a good time.
What happens when two souls connect, but their worlds collide?
Is it the wrong person or the wrong time?
Prologue
Jamie,
Knowing you, I can safely assume that you are on the bus, halfway between home and Syracuse, New York, exhausted yet still smiling, as you move closer and closer to your next journey in life.
I will also assume that, per my request, you have thought long and hard about your mother’s advice on how to proceed on the first real big adventure in your young adult life before tearing open this envelope to read my letter to you.
I love you and am so proud of you. Not just because you’re my niece or for all the hard work you’ve done to earn your place at that school, but because you are an amazing human being.
Now the advice I wished I’d been given.
No one kno
ws who you are there, Jamie, so don’t you dare look over your shoulder to see who’s watching you. Keep your morals and values but, unless you truly want others to know that you’re the daughter of a southern Baptist church pianist and choir director, and minister, they don’t need to.
If you want to glam it up, then you do it. If you want to be a hippy and take a toke, then do it. If you want to stop eating meat and call yourself a vegetarian, then do it. My point is, you can be whoever you want to be, but try not to “brand yourself.” Give a subtle nuance as to who you are and who you will become. Don’t put yourself inside a box because years later, they’re still difficult to step out of.
If you want to go to a party, have a drink, just make sure you never drink from a cup someone else fills for you. If you want to go to a bar, then do it (Inside your package waiting for you when you get to college, there’s an ID saying it’s okay). If you want to dance with a boy, then do. If you catch feelings for someone, explore them.
Trust your instincts. If someone seems like a creeper, they probably are.