by Deanna Chase
His words brought me back to myself and I jerked, clasping my hand over my disappointed mouth. Shame and dread made my stomach ache. What was I doing? Omigod. What would Tal do when he found out? I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. “Don’t ever do that again. I’m with Talisen.”
Desperate to focus on something else…anything else, I stalked across the room and picked up the crumpled paper still laying on the floor. “You have five seconds to start talking before I call Allcot myself.”
David’s lips quirked up into a wry twinge of a smile. “I’m sure Father would love to hear from you, but if you call him, he won’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re saying this is your idea?” My head was spinning. Nothing was making sense. Not his words and definitely not my conflicting emotions. I wanted him. But that was wrong. I was with Talisen.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He held out his hand for the directive. I reluctantly handed it to him and took a few steps back, putting distance between us. He smoothed the paper out and folded it over so we were only looking at the typed writing. “You see this?” He pointed to the first line.
Recruit blood donors. I shrugged. “Seems like a normal activity. Vamps need to eat.”
“And you don’t have a problem with it?” The skepticism in his voice wasn’t lost on me.
“I’m not thrilled about it, but volunteers are better than the alternative.”
“Are they?”
I sent him a flat look. “What are you trying to say?”
He held the paper out again. “Read the second line.”
Retire blood donors. “Okay. So?”
“You have no idea what happens to the retirees, do you?”
I shrugged again. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Ever met anyone who was retired from the lifestyle?”
His meaning started to sink in and my heart dropped through my stomach as nausea started to take over. “You mean…?” I couldn’t even say the words. It was too horrible. My voice rose to a near shout. “And that’s your job?”
He nodded sadly. “Donors go one of two ways. They either turn or they expire.”
My hand flew to my throat as I took another step back. “And you just kill them?”
He held his hands up in a horrified motion. “No! God no. I’d never do that.”
“But you said…” I was more confused than ever.
“I didn’t mean I killed them. Not the way you mean.” He clamped his lips together in a grim line. “Fuck,” he mumbled. “Vampires never talk about this, but when donors volunteer, it usually means they want to be turned. Or if they don’t when they sign up, they usually do after years of service. They get used to being taken care of. And for most of them, it’s the best life they’ve ever known. But that’s not saying much, is it? Who volunteers? People who come from desperate situations. Those without resources. The ones who would otherwise end up working the streets. You can see how they’d think the life Father gives them is generous.”
“Until they die.” My tone was harsh and full of judgment. It wasn’t directed at David, but the hurt that crossed his features told me he’d taken it that way. I bit my lip and glanced at the floor. He’d chosen this life of death. And even worse, he’d chosen it for me. I was a life faery. How could he have ever thought I’d think his decision was the right one?
“Yes. Until they die.” David’s voice was soft, full of regret. “The longer they serve vampires, the harder it is for their bodies to continue to recover. Often the only solution is to turn them. But you know not everyone survives the change, especially those who are weak.”
“And so Cryrique uses every donor until their bodies start to give out, then they try to turn them with minimal success? That’s fucked up.”
David straightened and his solid take-command presence was back in full force. “You’re right. And that’s what I’m trying to change.”
I narrowed my eyes and really studied him. I’d always known David to be empathetic, the guy who was driven to do the right thing. Was he really trying to change the course of these people’s lives? “How does getting me to change Allcot into a daywalker fit into the picture?”
His blue gaze flashed with fierce conviction. “You can’t possibly understand what it’s like to turn vampire—”
“I think I have a pretty good idea. Vampires drain my life energy, remember? I can imagine what it’s like to go through life without that inner force.”
David nodded slowly. “Okay, maybe you do have an idea then. It’s a lot more gradual with vampires, though. When I first turned, all the changes were physical. I was still me inside. My thoughts were still that of a human. It’s one of the reasons I had to cut off our relationship so abruptly.”
I froze. We’d never talked about how he’d broken up with me. After three months of no explanation, all he’d said was he had his reasons. Once I’d learned he was the adopted son of Allcot, I assumed that was as good a reason as any. I wasn’t really known for my acceptance of vampires. Fae and vamps definitely did not get along like peas and carrots.
“I still wanted you in every way,” David continued quietly, and I saw the truth shining in his tortured eyes. “But I knew I couldn’t control my bloodlust, so I had to do what was best to keep you safe.”
My heart was going to pound right out of my chest. Everything he’d done had been because he loved me. It was so clear and easy to see now that he’d shed his hardened shell. He took my hand and tugged me down to sit at the end of his bed. He appeared so vulnerable, staring at me with his heart in his hands. And though I wanted to wrap my arms around him, pull him close and show him that through it all, I had loved him, that I loved him still, I couldn’t.
There was a hole in my chest where he’d lied to me for over a year. He hadn’t just stumbled into my shop that spring day. It hadn’t been an accident that we’d met or that we’d ended up dating. Everything had been calculated from the beginning. And worse, he’d known the details of my brother’s death and never told me. Even though I believed he was being truthful with his confession, I didn’t trust him completely. Not the way I did Talisen.
I loved Tal with everything I had. And he loved me—even if he had been a jerk after I’d done everything in my power to find him. He was just upset. Who wouldn’t be after such an ordeal? I couldn’t let David’s confession come between us now. Not when we were just getting started. Another dart of pain stabbed me. How was Tal? Shouldn’t I be checking on him?
“After a while,” David continued, “that human side of me, it started to fade a bit. I was still me at the core I think, but lines were starting to blur. I was…desensitized. Imagine what that would feel like for a century-old vampire, or one older?”
Desensitized. That was the exact word I would’ve used to describe David after I’d finally met him in his vampire form. He’d hardened. There hadn’t been shades of gray in his world. Everything was black or white.
“Except now, after you turned me into a daywalker, I feel like that piece I lost is back somehow.” David’s lips turned up into a slight smile. “You gave me more than the ability to see the sun again. You gave me life.”
His words and voice washed over me in a soft caress. I’d given him life. Of course I had. I’d given him a part of myself. But I hadn’t known it would affect him on a psychological level. Emotion welled in my chest until I thought I’d burst. He given his life for me and in a way, I’d given it back to him.
“Thank you,” he said.
I still couldn’t form words, so I shook my head, denying his need to thank me for anything. I’d do it again. I had no regrets. Especially now that I knew why he’d turned. No matter how misguided I felt his decision was, he’d done it out of unselfish love. I placed a hand on top of his and squeezed lightly. Then I pulled away and clasped my hands in my lap, too overwhelmed to say or do anything else.
After a beat, David reached over and tilted my head u
p until our eyes met. “It’s what I want for Father.”
My mouth fell open in a shocked O. This time I had no trouble forming words. “You want me to give Allcot a piece of myself?”
He frowned. “That’s not exactly what I meant, but considering that’s how you changed me, I guess that is what I’m asking.”
All the understanding between us fled, and I jumped to my feet, ready to stalk out of the room. When I’d turned David, it had almost cost me my life. Was his father so important he’d risk my safety? My spine tingled with the anger sparking beneath my skin. “I’m not a fucking chemistry set, David. What you’re asking…it’s…Well, it’s dangerous. Not just for me, but for the whole city. What happens to me when people find out? Will I be hunted to turn more vamps, or will the Arcane lock me up? Or maybe the humans will come after me. If vampires are suddenly daywalkers, where does that leave the humans? Even lower on the race totem pole. They wouldn’t even have the daylight to be safe from rogue vampires.” He’d lost his mind. I was going to need to find a vampire psych ward and have him committed. Visions of padded walls with fang-mark punctures filled my mind.
He stood and gazed down at me, that soft understanding still shining in his eyes. “I know it sounds crazy. But can you hear me out?”
I didn’t want to hear him out. I didn’t want him trying to convince me of something that was so personal, that would take so much from me. But when I gazed up at him, so unvampire-like, so much like the gentleman I’d fallen for, I found it hard to form the word no.
He took it as an opening and tugged me to the far wall. Mounted and framed black-and-white pictures were staggered in a rectangular formation. “See this?” He pointed to one with a young boy of only five or six standing ankle-deep in the ocean, splashing water with a squeal of glee on his face. “And this one?” The picture to the right had the same young boy curled up on a blanket next to a woman gazing down at him with adoring eyes.
“That’s you, isn’t it?” I ran a finger over the frame. “Is this your mother?”
David nodded. “Look at the one to the left.”
This time young David was sitting on an ornate settee, sleeping snuggled up next to a young man with light hair. The man had his arm around David and was gazing down at him with the same tender expression his mother had in the previous picture.
“And that’s your father?”
David smiled, with light shining in his eyes. “You could say that. Look closer.”
I frowned and leaned in. Recognition made me gasp. The clothes, the expression, the lighter hair, and the love shining through, all were so foreign from the man I knew today. There wasn’t even a hint of the all-encompassing cockiness that seemed to be at the core of Allcot. This was a young man who loved his son and wanted to see him safe. “Why are you showing me this?”
David pulled another frame off the wall. This one was of David tinkering with a car. He couldn’t have been more than ten. “This was the night Allcot officially became my father. My mother had died three months earlier. It was cancer. Incurable. We all knew it was coming. He’d loved her as a sister. Besides Pandora, she was his only trusted friend and in her will, she asked him to be my guardian.” He stroked the edge of the frame. “He begged her to let him turn her, you know. At the time, I hated her for her decision. I hated him, too, for letting her die.” Pain lined his face as the memories overtook him. “She was the only person I had in the world and he’d let her die.”
I stopped breathing. David had never talked about his mother except to say she’d died when he was young and that’s how he’d come to Allcot. I knew instinctively he hadn’t opened up to anyone else in a very long time. “I can see how that could make a ten-year-old very angry.”
David cut his gaze to mine. “I was angry for many years. You see, I didn’t just lose my mother that day. I lost the only father I’d ever known.”
I furrowed my brows. “You’ve never talked about your real father before.”
He scoffed. “That’s because I’ve never met the bastard. I’m talking about Eadric.”
“What do you mean, you lost him? You’ve been at his side ever since.”
He shook his head sadly. “In physical form yes, but the person he was with my mother died right along with her.” He sat down heavily in a leather chair and glanced up at me with sad eyes. “She was his best friend. The one he counted on to keep him human. Without her, he let the darkness creep in. I didn’t know it then. All I saw was an angry, unrecognizable man.”
“And you want me to give him back his light.” It wasn’t a question. I already knew the answer, but he nodded anyway, hope clear in his pained expression. The desire to nod, to give him the answer he was desperately searching for, filled every inch of my chest. It squeezed my heart and formed a lump in my throat. How could I deny David this one request? He’d revealed more of himself to me in the last thirty minutes than he had in our yearlong relationship. And in that moment, all the pain I carried from our failed relationship fled.
He was hurting more than I was, and he’d keep on hurting for centuries for his choices. I knew rationally that I wasn’t responsible for his turning, but it still weighed on me. It was because of me. I owed him something. I just didn’t know if I could give him what he wanted. I cleared my throat and offered him my hands.
He grabbed them, holding me tenderly, never once breaking our gaze.
“Is it enough for me to say I’ll think about it?”
A soft whoosh of air escaped from his lips and I stifled a laugh. Vamps didn’t need to breathe, but he’d been holding his breath anyway. His shoulders visibly relaxed as he gently squeezed my fingers. “It’s more than enough.”
Chapter 23
I sat in one of the wingback chairs, studying David. Seeing him appear so human brought memories crashing to the forefront of my mind. And chief among them was the first day we’d met.
I’d been heading from my office to my lab when Tami, my assistant, poked her head into the hall. “Willow! Can you give me a hand for a sec?”
“Sure.” I grabbed an apron, and as I entered the front of the store, I winced. A mother stood at the counter, her five kids running full tilt around the rest of the customers waiting in line.
“Where’s Georgie?” I asked.
“Lunch.” Tami stuffed a dozen Truth Clusters into a bag and started ringing up her customer.
I stepped around her to help the next patron and stopped in my tracks. Holy fae. The human man in front of me had the deepest midnight-blue eyes I’d ever seen, complemented by long, dark eyelashes. I licked my lips unconsciously and cleared my throat, praying he hadn’t noticed my ogling.
But then his lips broke into an amused smile that reached those lovely eyes. Whoa. Dark, slightly curling hair, strong angular jaw, broad shoulders, slim through the hips, and the only flaw I could find was a small scar just below his bottom lip. Someone had superior genes.
“Good afternoon,” he said in a slight Southern drawl. Local boy for sure.
“Hi,” I forced out and stared. Good God, Willow, get a grip. There’s a line of people waiting.
The cash register drawer slammed closed and I realized Tami had finished helping the mom with the hellions and had already moved on to the next customer. And I hadn’t even taken this guy’s order yet.
“What can I get for you today?” I smiled brightly.
His gaze flickered over the bakery case and then he pointed to what I’d named Happy Cookies. The frosting-covered sugar cookies were the only things we sold that weren’t magically altered. I just thought the sprinkles and bright yellow frosting made them look happy. “Two dozen, please.”
“Sure.” I busied myself packing the cookies in a box, trying to keep my attention focused on the task, but my gaze kept wandering to those gorgeous eyes. It was almost cruel to bless a man with such beauty.
“Hot!” Tami whispered as she scrambled by me to the mocha machine.
I nodded, trying to keep a straight face.
“Anything else?” I asked him and placed the boxes in a two-handled bag. “Molten Muse or some Kiss Me chocolates?” Oh crap. Why had I offered those? Heat crawled up my face.
He raised his eyebrows and his lips twitched in amusement again. “Those Kiss Me chocolates, are those for me to eat or the person I wish would kiss me?”
“Uh…” I let out a nervous giggle. “The other person.” My face burned hotter and I wondered how long it would be before I combusted.
He nodded thoughtfully. “Okay, then. I’ll try one and see how it works out.”
Of course he had someone he already wanted. I frowned. Why would he need Kiss Me chocolates? Whoever the woman was, she should get her head checked if she needed a nudge to lock lips with this one.
I kept the smile pasted on my face, added the Kiss Me treat to a small bag, and slid over to the register. “Ready?”
He shook his head. “Can I get a Mocha in Motion as well?”
“Sure.” I spun, almost crashing right into Tami. “Sorry!”
She smirked and shook her head, obviously holding back laughter.
“Shut up,” I hissed before she said anything that would make me want to hide under the counter.
“Did I say anything?”
“You were thinking it.” A minute later, I handed Mr. Gorgeous Eyes his drink.
“Thank you,” he said, handing me a card to pay for his purchases.
I smiled. “That’s my line.”
He waited patiently while I fumbled around with the credit card machine and when we were done, he tilted his head and eyed me appreciatively. “Nice wings.”
I felt my wings spread with pride and knew I must be blushing again…or was it still? Faeries weren’t all that common in New Orleans. We usually preferred heavily forested areas, so I was used to being stared at. But the way he studied me sent tingles to all the right places and made me squirm.
“Thanks,” I said, almost shyly.
“Ahem!” the woman behind him huffed. “I’m in a hurry.”