“When? Is she okay?” Beth stepped closer, wanting to comfort him, but feeling like a heel held her back.
He sighed, shrugging. “When I got home this morning I could tell something was wrong so I had her taken to the hospital. They’ve been running tests to figure out what’s going on. She’s stable for now at least.”
This morning? He’d been dealing with this all day? “Have you been at the hospital since you left here?” That would explain the clothes and the weary look in his eyes, but it also raised another question.
An important one.
“Why didn’t you call me until this evening?” He left her at ten in the morning, promising to come right back and the first call from the unknown number wasn’t until after seven.
“My phone was having problems getting service in the intensive care unit.” He shifted on his feet. “That’s why I called you on the hospital phone.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, doing the math in her head. “But that was eight hours later.” She stepped closer, looking up at his face in the dim amount of light filtering in from the bulb he replaced on her porch last night. “Why didn’t you call me right away? I could’ve come with you to the hospital.”
The strong angles of his face were sharpened by the shadows cutting across his skin. “You don’t need any more on your shoulders.”
“No. That’s not true.” Beth shook her head. Why wouldn’t he want to lean on her the way she leaned on him? When Jerry called this morning, knowing Don was there by her side gave her the strength to push through. She could do the same for him. “I want to be there for you when you need me.”
Don shook his head. “I’m fine. You need to focus on the girls and yourself.”
Beth took a step back a little shocked at how he saw their relationship. “No. That’s not fair. That’s not the way it works.” She couldn’t imagine taking and taking and never giving anything in return.
“That is the way it works. You don’t deserve to take on my problems too.” His voice was solid, unwavering.
“But you can take on mine?” She didn’t understand why he would want to do that? Be in a relationship like that.
And then it hit her.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you trying to save me?”
“No.” His reply was quick and sharp. Too quick and too sharp.
The tears that wouldn’t come when she was lying in bed suddenly wanted nothing more than to make an unwanted appearance. Her voice was barely a whisper as she tried not to choke on them. “You think I’ll end up like your mother if you aren’t here to help me.” She shook her head and took a step back. “I thought you were one of the only people who didn’t look at me like a victim. Like a weak, pitiful widow.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat and opened the door. He needed to leave before she melted into a pile of sobs and made him feel his assumption was justified. “I’m very tired and you should go.”
He didn’t say a word. She closed her eyes, forcing her tears to remain behind her lids and listened as Don’s boots stepped across the wood floor and down her front steps. She shut the door and slid down to the floor, finally having the soul deep cry she’d resisted all day.
****
“Baby you look like shit.” Ladonna stood in the doorway to his mother’s room, her arms crossed.
“Thanks. That helps.” He barely glanced up from the stack of papers the nurse brought him to fill out.
“Well good. Wouldn’t want you to go around wondering whether or not you looked terrible.” She sat down in the chair across from him. “What in the hell is going on?”
“She definitely had another stroke.” He reread the same line he’d been reading for ten minutes. It still didn’t make any sense. Don flopped the pile down next to his laptop on the bedside tray he was using as a desk and rubbed his eyes. “And she definitely has to go into full-time care.”
“Yeah but you knew that was coming.” She adjusted the woven blanket covering Jeanie’s legs. “I meant what in the hell is going on that has you looking like death warmed over?”
“Isn’t that enough? I’ve got to fill out a stack of papers an inch high and pick a facility. Then I have to get her moved in, and get all her stuff there.” He stretched his legs out and crossed them at the ankles, leaning back in the blue vinyl chair he’d struggled to find a comfortable position in all day. “And I’ve got to get the house done with Paul so I can decide what I’m going to do next.”
Ladonna raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean next?”
“I mean it makes the most sense for me to move near the girls.” It wasn’t what he wanted but then again what he wanted took itself off the table a few days ago. “There’s a city fifteen minutes from theirs that wants me to come interview for a position.” Actually there were two. One of them even offered more money than he made when he was an inspector here in McCordsville.
“So you’re just going to pack up and leave? What about the farm? What about the widow?” Ladonna was leaned forward, her to-go coffee cup clutched in her hands.
“Beth made it pretty clear she didn’t need me.” He tried to hide the hurt in his voice but it was still too raw, too gaping, and it showed.
“She told you that?”
He shrugged. “Pretty much. She was upset I didn’t call her when we brought mom in.”
Ladonna’s eyebrows came together. “You called me but not her?”
Don shook his head. “She’d already had a terrible morning and didn’t need to deal with this mess too.”
Ladonna’s normally smooth brow creased as her frown deepened.
“This isn’t her problem. It’s mine.” He crossed his arms as his friend continued to stare him down. “I didn’t think she should have to worry about this too.”
Ladonna’s foam cup hit him right between the eyes. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe she would want to be here?”
He wiped at the tiny specks of coffee the empty cup sprinkled on his cheek. “Why would she want to be here?” He looked around the room. “I don’t even want to be here.”
“You don’t know how sad it makes me that you can’t imagine someone would be with you simply because they want you.” Ladonna stood up and held out her hand for the cup she’d chucked at his face a few seconds ago. “Sorry I threw that at you. You just frustrate the hell outta me sometimes.” She tossed it in the trash on her way to the door. Stopping with her hand on the levered handle she started to say something and stopped herself, shaking her head at him. “I’ll see you later.”
Don tipped his head back and stared at the tiled ceiling listening to the steady beeping of the monitors surrounding his mother’s hospital bed. Maybe this was all for the better. He could go be near his sisters and get back to a normal life. Beth could find someone better. Someone who could give her all the things she needed and deserved.
That would be the best solution for everyone.
If that was really what was best for everyone then why was it leaving such a bad taste in his mouth? Why did the thought of Beth with another man make him want to peel off his skin? And that didn’t even scratch the surface. There were two other people involved.
Make that three.
He didn’t have enough skin.
Don slapped his laptop closed and stood up. The paperwork could wait until tonight. He had to get out of here and luckily there was a whole house waiting for him to take his frustration out.
He called Paul on his way to see if he needed anything.
“How’s your mom doing?” Paul sounded out of breath.
“She’s as good as she’s going to get.” Don hated missing the past couple days and sticking Paul with all the work but it couldn’t be helped. “I think she’ll be able to move to a facility next week.”
“I hate hearing she’s worse off.” Paul grunted a little.
“She’s more stable now so I’m headed over. You need anything?”
Paul blew out a ‘whew’. “That’s fuck
ing fantastic. Come to my place. I’m trying to load up this big ass generator and I’m about to give myself a hernia.”
Don took a quick left in the direction of Paul and Nancy’s. “I’m actually really close so I’ll be there in just a couple minutes.”
Paul was standing in the driveway leaned against the bed of his pickup when Don pulled in. Nancy was beside him and gave Don a smile and a wave.
“Oh honey.” She wrapped him in a surprisingly tight hug. “I’m so sorry about your mom. Is there anything I can do?” She stepped back, releasing him from the hug, instead clamping her hands on his arms. “You need to eat.” She let one hand drop but gripped his coat sleeve with the other, giving him a strong tug. “Come on.”
Paul held up his arms in question as she passed, dragging Don along behind her.
“You have to wait until he eats. Then he’s all yours.” She didn’t stop until he was seated at the table.
“Take your coat off. You want coffee or juice?” She eyed him appraisingly then answered her own question. “Both.”
“I’m fine. Really.” Don started to push back from the table. He should be helping Paul load up so they could get working.
“It’s best just to sit down and let it happen.” Paul pulled out the chair beside him and sat down.
Nancy looked at Paul sitting at the table and pointed her finger his way. “You already had breakfast.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t have more.” Paul gave Nancy a wink making her roll her eyes as she went back to the stove. He leaned into Don’s side. “A word of advice. Find a woman who makes you breakfast and do whatever it takes to keep her.”
Paul sat back up in his seat as Nancy set a bowl of chopped fruit in the center of the table. “Being able to cook isn’t everything.” She gave Paul a dirty look.
“It sure helps though.” He swatted Nancy’s behind as she walked away.
Don sipped at the coffee Nancy brought him and tried to forget Paul’s comment. Doing whatever it took to keep a woman didn’t work out well for him in the past and sometimes walking away and counting your losses was the best option.
Unfortunately it would take him years to count everything he lost when Beth put him out.
Don managed to force down an amount of food that appeased Nancy. Not that it was bad. Her biscuits were by far the best he’d ever tasted but after what Paul said he was having a hard time being satisfied by anything other than a German apple pancake.
Once he’d cleaned his plate, Don started to take it into the kitchen, but Nancy headed him off, taking it from his hand and waving him off. “You boys go. I’ll get this.”
He handed it over. “I didn’t mean for you to feed me let alone clean up after me.”
Nancy patted him as if he was a child. “I know that. It just makes me happy to be able to take care of my boys.” Nancy bumped Paul with her hip as she passed and gave him a grin. “Now go get some work done.”
He and Paul loaded the generator and a few other odds and ends they expected to need at the job site over the next few days then headed out, Paul in front and Don following behind. The ride was short but it felt like it took forever. All he wanted to do was start working. Hopefully there were walls still to be torn out and hauled away. He needed something strenuous to numb his mind. Especially after a breakfast that did nothing but make him feel worse.
Was he wrong to not call Beth right away? To not want her dropping everything to be with him?
It went against all he wanted for her. Everything he’d done was to make her life easier, take care of her. It was counterintuitive to then turn around and try to take.
That’s what he thought, but Nancy’s comment about being happy taking care of them started making him think about if the tables were turned and he hadn’t been there when Jerry called about Levi’s mother. If Beth had to handle that alone and he only found out about it after the fact. How upset he would be that she didn’t need him.
Or didn’t want to need him.
Or maybe didn’t feel like she deserved to need him.
The thought didn’t sit well on top of his breakfast.
Don pulled in the driveway of their current project house and jumped out to help get unloaded and get his hands on something that needed smashing. Paul pulled on his work gloves once the generator was safely in the garage. “We gotta get the plumbing run in the basement for the bathroom down there. You feel like smashing up some concrete?”
Hell yeah he did.
TWENTY
Beth pulled the last sheet of cookies out of the oven and set them on top of the stove. They were perfect. All the same size and evenly browned. She smiled down at the delicious smelling tray. Maybe she’d make another batch tomorrow for herself. Hopefully by then she’d be more interested in eating.
If today went well she might have someone around to make cookies for all the time. He’d probably even appreciate it now that she was getting the hang of cooking without smoke.
Leaving the hot cookies on the stove, Beth transferred the cool batch into the plastic container lined with the new navy and white plaid dish towel she’d picked up at the store on her way home from fostering class. It probably wasn’t the kind of thing that would make any difference to a man, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt.
Beth wiped her hands on the old ratty towel sitting on the counter and took a deep breath trying to keep herself calm. Thankfully it was much easier to accomplish with a quiet house.
Paul and Nancy were kind enough to keep the girls today while she was at her class on the condition she let her daughters spend the night. Beth didn’t have the heart to tell them there was no reason to go out of their way trying to give her a free night. Especially since she didn’t want to cause any problems between them and Don. Not that what happened should. Because what happened was she’d overreacted.
A lot. And after almost a week to wrap her mind around exactly where it all went to shit, she’d come to two conclusions.
One. She missed him. That wasn’t much of a surprise by itself. Don was kind and calm and caring. Anyone in their right mind would miss someone like that. What was a surprise though, was how very, very much she missed him. There were moments at night, alone in bed, holding the pillow that still barely held onto the smell of his oceany cologne, she missed him so much it caused her actual physical pain. An ache deep in her chest that made it hard to breathe.
And conclusion two only made it worse.
Two. What happened was mostly her fault. Yes, he should have called her. And in all likelihood he probably didn’t think she could handle more crap. But was it because he thought she was weak?
No she guessed not.
Beth shoveled the just baked cookies onto the cooling rack and made sure the oven was off before going to get ready. By the time she was showered and changed the last of the cookies could be packed up into their pretty container and she would go fix this. Get rid of the almost constant upset she felt without him.
Hopefully.
Driving to his house with the radio turned off, Beth went over all the things she wanted to say to him. The apology he deserved to hear from her. How much she missed him. That she understood why he did what he did.
Even with all the deep breathing in the world, by the time she pulled into Don’s driveway and parked next to his car, Beth’s heart was pounding in her chest but the ache surrounding it was subsiding.
Soon everything would be okay. Her life would go back to normal. Well, as normal as her life was ever going to be anyway. As long as he was in it, things could be as wild and crazy as they wanted. She could handle it.
They could handle it.
That was the important part.
Beth knocked on the door and held her breath, ready to make this right.
The trailer door swung open, but it wasn’t Don on the other side of the aluminum screen door staring back at her.
Beth glanced around. Green and white single-wide. Don’s car in the driveway beside hers. She was definitel
y in the right place, but instead of tall, dark, and handsome she was facing small, blonde, and female.
Beth slapped on a smile because what the hell else was she supposed to do?
“Hi. I’m Beth.” She double checked the car in the driveway. It was definitely Don’s well-aged sedan. “Is Don here?”
The young woman shook her head. “He’s not.” She opened the door, her eyes on the box of cookies in Beth’s hand. “You can come in though.”
Beth stepped into the trailer, fake smile still frozen on her face. Who was this person? She couldn’t be more than twenty. No way she was…
No.
No?
Beth held her hand out before she went any crazier than she already felt. “I’m Beth. A friend of his.” If nothing else the girl would know her name since she kept repeating it. God bless her diarrhea of the mouth.
The girl smiled broadly, showing a perfectly set of straight teeth that were almost identical to Don’s. “I’m Tara his youngest sister.”
Beth could add the guilt of thinking his sister was maybe not his sister to her steadily accumulating pile later. Right now she just wanted to hug the poor girl, but that would be weird so she settled for, “I’m so sorry about your mom.”
Tara let out a sigh. “It sucks but it wasn’t really a surprise.” She shrugged a little. “Maybe it’s for the best.”
Beth almost stepped back in surprise. How could your already sick mother having another stroke be a good thing? “I don’t think I understand what you mean.”
“She was never going to get better and Don was tied down here taking care of her.” Tara paused, chewing on her lip. “Now with our mom having to go into full-time care he can take that job he was offered and move near me and my sister.”
The pain that just began to subside came back full force, like she’d taken a bowling ball to the chest. “Job?”
“He applied for some inspector positions so he could be closer to us.” Tara was back to eyeing the box of cookies.
Beth tried to breathe through the sting and the shock of what Don’s sister was saying. “Where is it you live?”
Redeem Page 19