by Jill Lynn
“What else do we need to do?” Please, please keep me occupied. Give me a job. Something. Anything. Perhaps she could volunteer to go check on the cattle.
“Think that’s it.” Hunter placed the last of the staple guns on the trailer.
“Did I tell you I found a dog camped out on my porch?” Of course the answer was no. Rachel caught him up on the appearance of Moose. “He even slept inside last night, which he wouldn’t do at first. I put a rug by the front door for him, but in the middle of the night, he curled up on the floor by my bed.” Relaying that story to Hunter ate up all of two minutes. Moose, why couldn’t you have caused some kind of trouble? Then she would have been able to fill more time.
“That’s crazy no one has reported him as missing yet. Though it’s not a bad idea for you to have a dog for protection since you’re living by yourself.” And now Hunter sounded like her brother. His eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m actually a little shocked that you’re here tonight.”
“Why?”
“I just wasn’t sure if you were ever going to talk to me again.”
What? It wasn’t as if he’d been knocking down her door. “I haven’t heard from you except for the texts on Saturday, so maybe you’re avoiding me, McDermott.”
“Not avoiding.” Hunter clarified. “Giving you space. There’s a difference.”
“Is there?”
“Yes, Your Sassiness.”
Rachel planned to stick with humor. If she kept replying with sarcasm, she’d exasperate Hunter, and then maybe he’d give up on having this little chat.
“As to your earlier comment and whether I want to talk to you again, I’d have to go with maybe.” Rachel tapped a finger to her lips as though contemplating. “Probably.” She stretched the word out.
“Are you ever not going to be snarky when I ask you a question?”
“It’s unlikely.”
A sigh leaked from him. “That’s the answer I expected. I don’t suppose you’re ready to talk about what happened at the lock-in yet.”
“I already told you my head is absolutely fine.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”
Why did Hunter have to push? Why couldn’t he let it go? Ever since she’d been home, people—including Hunter—had been infiltrating her life.
The other day, Val had pulled out of Rachel that Hunter had kissed her. It had been like extracting a tooth, but still. And then her friend had responded with a sympathetic, “What are we going to do about this?”
Rachel had almost burst into tears at the “we.” While she’d been away, she’d forgotten what that felt like. Ever since she’d been back in Fredericksburg, we was exactly what she’d experienced. Hunter and everyone helping on the house. The church needing her. The boys and Cash and Liv thankful to have her home. Drawing her in like a toasty blanket on a cold, dreary day.
That we was exactly what scared her, though. She remembered the we of being a family. A real one. With a mom and dad who loved her. A brother who both tormented, annoyed and delighted her. One who wasn’t her guardian but just a sibling.
But she knew we didn’t last.
Rachel broke it. She always wrecked things. Relationships. That last fight with her mom—no matter how many times she forgave herself, it haunted her. Hearts, like she had with Hunter.
That’s why Rachel was careful. Kept people at a distance, sometimes without even realizing what she was doing. Only her family and Val had slipped in through the cracks. And now Hunter, once again.
Hadn’t he learned well enough the last time? Why did he even want to be around a broken piece of glass like her? Didn’t he know her jagged edges would cut him? If he’d started hoping for something between them after their kiss, he’d be disappointed. Again. She was still planning to move. That hadn’t changed.
“Listen, Hunter, there’s nothing that needs to be said. We’re adults. It happened. It shouldn’t have. End of story.”
* * *
After Rachel delivered her verdict on their relationship—unwilling to discuss anything deeper than surface level, of course—she had the audacity to pick up a staple gun as if she planned to get to work.
But Hunter wasn’t done. Whether Rachel wanted to or not, they were going to hash this out. He took the staple gun from her hand and set it back on the trailer.
“We’re talking about this.”
A scowl cut through her forehead. “We already did.”
“That wasn’t a conversation, Rach. That was a one-woman conclusion. I was part of what happened too, you know.”
Wide eyes greeted him. “Trust me, I know.” Her arms crossed. “You want to discuss it here?” She glanced around the empty barn.
The kids wouldn’t show up for another ten minutes, so, yes. Here. Now. Those were Hunter’s choices.
Based on Rachel’s deflection since she’d arrived, Hunter would guess she’d prefer never.
The woman was good at steering clear when something made her uncomfortable. Five days had passed since the lock-in. He’d given her plenty of room, and he was done waiting.
“Why? Do you need a fancier place to hold a conversation?”
“No. Of course not. But there’s nothing that needs to be said. We’ll just put it aside. Pretend it didn’t happen.”
“Rach.” His voice was low, gravelly. Hurt, confusion and remorse all swirled between them.
Her demeanor softened. She lost a bit of the act. “We’re okay, Hunter.”
Were they? He didn’t think so. But he’d been praying awfully hard over the last few days that they would be.
“I have something I need to say to you.”
She didn’t speak. Just waited.
“I promised you could trust me, and then I broke that with the kiss. I’m sorry.”
She twisted the toe of one flip-flop into the dirt, her bright orange polish gaining a layer of dust with the movement. Rachel memorized the ground for what felt like years. Finally she looked up. “I do still trust you. Besides, it wasn’t just you. We both participated.”
The temptation to let that thought warm him was strong, but he shook it off. Hunter didn’t need the reminder. He’d thought about that fact plenty in the last few days. “I know. I just... I don’t want to lose you over this. I don’t want us to go back to fighting or not talking or avoiding. I like being friends with you.”
“You’re not going to lose me.” The way she held eye contact with him gave him hope she was telling the truth. “You’re not.” And the secondary declaration helped, too. “Believe it or not, McDermott, you’re actually starting to grow on me.”
The tension that had been thrumming through him for days began to ebb.
“I am hard to shake.”
“Exactly.” Contemplation furrowed her brow. “Like a leech. Or a wasp that won’t stop buzzing around my head.”
She was back to joking around, but he was okay with that now that he’d said what he needed to. “Promise we’re good?”
“Promise.”
Pent-up air leaked from his lungs. “I feel better. Aren’t you relieved I made you talk about this?”
Her mouth curved. “No.”
“Stubborn. You can’t just admit it, can you? You could give our bull a run for his money.”
“Did you just compare me to a bull?” Her nose wrinkled, and the humor dropped from her face as her gaze flitted past him like butterfly wings. “I don’t know why it matters so much to you, anyway.” The words were so quiet, he almost didn’t catch them.
Felt like she was really asking why she mattered so much to him.
A question he was tempted to answer. To tell her he’d always cared about her. Always would. But Hunter couldn’t go there. Couldn’t unravel all of that. His original thought in pursuing a friendship with Rachel was not to turn out like his father. Not
to repeat those mistakes. And he was light-years ahead of his old man in that regard. Hunter clung to that right now, unwilling to let it be about anything more with Rachel. She was still planning to move, so it couldn’t be. “It just does.”
There. He’d just have to leave it at that. But he couldn’t resist at least attempting to erase her look of sadness.
“Besides, if I didn’t have you in my life, who would torment me?”
She rolled her eyes and whacked him on the arm, making his chest shake with amusement. He wasn’t sure he’d truly relaxed since their kiss. The fear that he’d ruined it all had been ruling him. But they were okay again. He wasn’t going to lose her over one impetuous decision.
By the light in her eyes, his teasing seemed to be working, so he kept it up. “I’m not sure what I was thinking, trying to keep our relationship intact. I mean, you call me names. You don’t even make any home-cooked meals for me, which I’m pretty sure would be a sign of a true friendship. And you’re always hitting me.” He rubbed the spot where she’d just done that very thing, acting as though she’d wounded him.
“You’re a dork.” Her tone was as dry as sawdust.
“See! This is what I’m talking about.”
Her laughter stitched him back together, and peace rushed in. She might have been worried at first that he’d wanted more than the platonic relationship they’d agreed upon, but he’d talked her down. He—and God—had fixed it. Got them back to the good place they’d been in before he’d kissed her.
Hunter wasn’t about to analyze why he was so concerned about losing Rachel when he knew that very thing was going to happen one day soon.
Tonight he was just going to rest in the knowledge that she was still in his life, even if he felt the limited time with her slipping like sand through his fingers.
Chapter Eleven
The sun hung low in the sky as Rachel drove home, and she flipped her visor down as she made the final turn. The last two days had passed in a blur.
After her talk with Hunter on Wednesday night, she’d gotten a phone call from Dana, calling about an interview. The board had narrowed the candidates down to Rachel and one other person. So on Thursday she’d driven to Houston, and this morning she’d had the interview.
Rachel thought—or hoped—it had gone well. Tough questions had been lobbed at her, but she’d never felt as though she was drowning without an answer to hold on to. The conversation had given her confidence that the school board would have her back if she landed the job, and the whole experience had only made her more confident it was the right opportunity for her.
Which conflicted with the rest of her emotions. Because she’d missed home. Had she really started to think of Fredericksburg as that again? Despite her attempts not to, she’d felt the absence of her friends and family in the short time she’d been gone. Her nephews’ sweet dispositions. Hunter.
That last name made her stomach twist with concern. She couldn’t miss him. Both of them knew she planned to move if she got the job. But she also conveniently hadn’t told him about the interview. It had felt too raw. Too soon after they were finding their friendship footing again.
It was okay she hadn’t mentioned it to him, right? If they were in a relationship, she would have. But they weren’t. She hadn’t done anything wrong in not telling Hunter about the interview. Who knew if she’d even get the job? Rachel wasn’t one to count chickens before they’d hatched.
Last night, she and Dana had shopped and gone out to dinner. It had been wonderful, confirming what Rachel loved about the city. But being in Fredericksburg had begun to cloud her thinking. She’d started to enjoy the peace and quiet, and look forward to the mornings when she’d sit on her porch swing and do her devotions. Drink a cup of coffee before heading over to Cash and Liv’s. It had become the perfect beginning to her day, and she couldn’t imagine giving it up.
When she’d first arrived back in town, she’d expected to hate every minute of the summer. But instead, she’d had plenty of good flood her life.
Up and down her emotions swung, like a yo-yo in a child’s hands.
On Wednesday night, when she’d left the barn to take the phone call from Dana, she’d confirmed the details of the interview and then turned to find Bree standing behind her, her features an open wound.
“You’re leaving?” Bree had questioned.
Rachel had moved slowly toward the girl, not wanting her to scram before she could explain. She’d assumed the kids knew her plans—that she was only back for the summer—but had they ever had that conversation?
“Bree, this job has been in the works for months. I thought you knew my move home was temporary.”
“Yeah, I knew that, but I thought...” The girl’s demeanor had hardened like chiseled stone. None of the soft, almost-there tears from the evening before had remained. “Never mind what I thought.” Her arms had wrapped around her stomach as if forming a shield. “It doesn’t matter.”
Bree mattered, but what could Rachel do about it? She really wanted this job. But at the same time, she cared about the teens. Her family. Hunter. And that dog on her porch. She hadn’t planned to fall for this place—these people—but she had. And then, this morning, she’d talked to the board about leaving them all.
Her phone rang, and Rachel checked the caller ID. She didn’t recognize the number but answered, anyway.
“This is Rachel.”
“Rachel, this is Lisa Trupe from the board.” Pandemonium erupted within Rachel’s rib cage. Should she rejoice or grab the box of tissues from the backseat? “We just finished meeting, and we’d like to offer you the position. Everyone thinks you’ll be a great fit. We wanted to let you know before the weekend so you could think about it and hopefully get back to us by Monday or Tuesday next week.”
Months of stress rolled from Rachel’s back. She’d put so much of her hope into this.
“Thank you so much, Lisa, but I don’t need time to think about it.” Did she? Hadn’t she wanted this all along? Rachel had never doubted this was where God was directing her. But then, why did the thought of leaving Hunter fill her with sorrow?
She might want it all, but that wasn’t how life worked. She couldn’t have Hunter and the job. And that was assuming he was even still interested in her.
No. She couldn’t let the thought of their renewed relationship sway her. Besides, Hunter had apologized for their kiss. He hadn’t confessed any feelings for her. Rachel knew what she needed to do.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I would love to accept the position.” Rachel answered emphatically, as though the strength of her voice could erase any remaining concerns and doubts.
They talked details for another minute, then disconnected. If this was what she wanted, then why was her stomach churning? She couldn’t tell if it was nerves, excitement or dread.
The thought of telling Hunter about the job heightened that last emotion. She’d grown used to having him in her life again. If something came up, Hunter was on the top of her list of people to call. But what would her accepting the job do to them? How would he handle it?
She could wait a few days to spill the news to him, couldn’t she? Take some time to let the decision sink in and figure out what to say.
Rachel pulled down her drive, and when she neared the house, her headlights illuminated a truck sitting next to her Jeep’s parking spot. Hunter’s.
What was he doing here? So much for time to process how to tell him.
Moose popped up from his resting place and moseyed down the front steps while she rolled into her spot and turned off the ignition. He greeted her with a roo-roo when she opened her door. “Hey, boy. I missed you, too.” She ran her hands over his soft head and ears. Cash and Grayson had been checking on him while she was gone. Which meant Moose had likely had his fair share of treats over the last two days.
Moose sniffed along his jeans and down to his boots as if to show Rachel they had an intruder and he’d done a good job being a watch dog. Most likely he’d watched Hunter come up the steps and accepted a rubdown before both of them had conked out.
The warmth of the previously sun-kissed wood met her soles as she walked up the steps. At Moose’s intrusion, Hunter opened his eyes and propped himself up. “Hey.” His warm eyes met hers.
“Hey.” She set her overnight bag and shoes by the front door, and he glanced around as if getting his bearings.
“Been here awhile?”
He nodded. “Fell asleep.” His grin was sheepish. Adorable. “Obviously.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair, and the dark blond strands stuck up in handsome disarray.
“Did we...” Her fingers found her gold R necklace and toyed with the pendant. “Did we have plans I forgot?”
“Nope. I just got done working and thought maybe you’d want to hang out. Grab dinner, catch a movie or go listen to some music in town. But then I sat down to wait for you, and...” He shrugged.
Rachel plopped onto the swing next to him, her decision to take the job weighing her down like a boulder strapped to her back. Hunter studied her, questioning, and everything in her wanted to lean in. Rest her head on his shoulder. Tell him how she suddenly felt confused about the job she wanted so badly, and it was all because of him.
What she wouldn’t give for them to want the same things.
“You okay? What’s wrong?” He laid an open hand on his jeans-clad leg, and like a fool, she put hers in it.
This man. What was she going to do with him? Even worse, what was she going to do without him?
She had to tell him. Rip off the Band-Aid. They were good, right? Surely they’d stay there. He would understand. He’d known all along this was her plan.
They both had.