Her Texas Cowboy

by Jill Lynn

  “Thank you.” Olivia waved a hand. “He’ll settle down eventually.”

  “What can I do?” Rachel came into the kitchen where they were working.

  “Nothing. It’s almost done thanks to Hunter.”

  “I don’t deserve all of the credit.” In fact, he’d rather have none of it.

  Olivia smiled in answer and turned to Rachel. “I’m sure you have more to pack. Why don’t you two head out?”

  “I can help.” Her voice wobbled, and in response, Olivia’s eyes filled with tears.

  Oh, boy. Hunter glanced around for an escape but didn’t see any rocks he could crawl under. He needed to drive Rachel home, so he couldn’t bolt before the waterworks started.

  Olivia swiped under her lashes. “We are not doing this tonight. Hunter, get her out of here, already. She’s going to turn me into a bumbling mess.”

  When he didn’t move fast enough, Olivia raised an eyebrow at him as if questioning his snail-like pace. Hunter wasn’t one to make a woman upset if at all possible, so he obeyed.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He approached Rachel like he might a skittish barn cat. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

  In response, she crossed her arms. “No. I’m going to help clean up.”

  Both women looked like their decision had been chiseled in stone, which left Hunter stuck in the middle. One had fed him, the other he loved. He went with the one who’d fed him, partly because it seemed like the right thing to do. Partly because he liked getting a rise out of Rachel.

  Relying on his old standby, he bent and scooped Rachel up at the knees, swinging her over his shoulder. She whacked him on the back, complaining loudly. Something about a caveman. About how he couldn’t just manhandle her all of the time. But of course he already was, so she’d pretty much lost that argument.

  Olivia had a goofy smile on her face, and Hunter wasn’t sure what that meant, so he thanked her for dinner and then swung Rachel around so that she faced her sister-in-law. Upside down and backward, but it worked.

  Rachel thanked Olivia for hosting and then complained that she wasn’t helping her escape from Hunter. After her upset earned a laugh from Olivia instead of assistance, Hunter headed for his truck.

  He managed to make it through the door without bonking Rachel’s head on the frame, and when he got to his truck, he set her down by the passenger side. Her hair was mussed from being upside-down, but it fell in beautiful disarray. Her back was to the vehicle, and his hands landed on either side of her. She still had tears glistening in her gorgeous green eyes.

  Killing. Him.

  “Rach, it’s going to be okay.” His hands slid to her face, cradling. “It’s going to be okay.”

  He wasn’t sure if he was repeating it for himself or for her. Maybe both.

  “How do you know?”

  “I just do.” And he did. Hunter had been praying nonstop in the last week, and despite all of the turmoil he was about to face with Rachel moving, he felt peace. It was palpable, the knowledge that he had no idea what was going to happen next, but that God had a plan greater than he could imagine. Hunter was clinging to that belief.

  He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. It was an assurance, meant to comfort. At least, that’s how it started out. But then Rachel’s fingers slid into his hair, pulling him under her current. How could she kiss him like this and not want to stay? He gave up on trying to stay afloat and let himself drown in her touch. If only he could spend the rest of his life doing exactly this. He didn’t ask for much, did he?

  After a few seconds, Hunter wrenched himself away. Caught his breath. “Rachel Marie Maddox, are you trying to get me seriously injured?”

  Her eyes flew wide with innocence. “Why?”

  “Your brother is going to come out here with a shot gun in a matter of seconds.”

  That, of all things, made her smile.

  He ripped open her door and ushered her inside. The drive to her house was silent and fraught with tension.

  Once they arrived at her place, he put the truck in Park. She reached over, turned the ignition off. “Come on.”

  He felt like a spider who could see the sticky trap coming, but refused to change courses. Stupid spider.

  Still, he didn’t resist. Hunter followed her out of the vehicle and up the steps. Moose stretched and stood, nuzzling both of them until he received the rubdown he was looking for. After he was satisfied, he curled back up on the soft rug Rachel had put out for him.

  Rachel faced Hunter, her sadness painfully evident.

  What was going on? Was it something besides the obvious?

  “Rach, talk to me. What is wrong?”

  Her hands jutted out, shoving against his chest but not moving him. “I don’t want to leave you.”

  The words held in the air, a lightning strike of electricity. Hunter had to work to breathe in. Out. To not beg her to stay. He’d once promised her he wouldn’t ask her to stay again, and he would honor that.

  “I’m going to miss you.” She sniffled.

  “I’ll miss you, too.” There. That was safe. Truthful.

  “I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. What I’m thinking. I feel so confused.”

  Warnings sirens flared to life in his mind.

  She couldn’t be considering not going, could she? How would that ever work? If it was because of him, she’d always wonder. He wouldn’t be enough to hold her here, and then she’d leave, just like his mother.

  She had to go. No matter how much he wished the outcome could be different. He knew how important this job was to her. What had she said to him that night?

  A ten.

  Any feelings she had for him at this point weren’t enough. If she wanted to stay beyond a shadow of a doubt—if she picked this life—that would be different. But she wasn’t making that choice. Obviously. Because she was telling him she was going to miss him when she moved. Which meant she was still going.

  Tears cascaded down her cheeks, each one inflicting a new stab wound. Hunter could handle just about anything, but Rachel crying might do him in. He’d much rather be the one hurting.

  He allowed himself to slide thumbs across her adorable freckles and wipe away the moisture.

  “What are we going to do? I don’t know how to leave you. Do we try long-distance?”

  He hadn’t even thought of that. She’d only be four hours away. He could finally tell her how he felt about her. And they might be able to hang on for a little while. Schedule times to see each other. Make the trek back and forth. But eventually the truth would surface: it was never going to work. She wanted that world and he had a life here. Dating long-distance would only prolong the pain for both of them.

  “We can’t.”

  Hurt etched across her sweet face. “What do you mean, we can’t?”

  “We just can’t.” He couldn’t be the person holding her back. How could she not understand that?

  She was crumbling right before his eyes. And he was wounding them both. But better now than later. If they dated, he’d always be pulling her back here. They needed a clean break. A chance for Rachel to embrace the life she’d dreamed about without him in the way.

  “You don’t belong here.”

  The light in her eyes flickered. He wanted with everything in him to bring it back, but what he’d said was true. She deserved a better life than this. She should live in the city with all the conveniences she wanted. This town wasn’t right for her.

  He thought of his mom. Of all the days she’d been unable to get out of bed. The dark circles that had resided under her eyes. The number of times she’d turned the other way to hide her tears from him but he’d seen them, anyway. He held on to those memories for all he was worth, the reminder exactly what he needed.

  “What did you just say?” Her voice was soft, sorrow seeping into every
crevice.

  “You don’t belong here. You should go.”

  Hunter knew his words had wounded her by the fresh tears rolling down her cheeks and the way her face crinkled with pain. She’d softened so much since she’d come back. And now he was ruining all of it. He’d never have another chance with her. This was it. The end of so many years of wanting her, even when he hadn’t realized his feelings were still there, lying dormant, waiting for a spark of hope to ignite them again.

  She shifted closer to him, and he braced himself for a slap. Her hand did land on his cheek, but it was gentle. “I don’t believe you.”

  They were the same words he’d said before kissing her. His eyes shuttered, overcome by her touch, by the last time he’d ever feel it. Just go. Please, please don’t make me do this. He wasn’t sure he had the strength to continue.

  “You should believe me. We’re not right for each other. I always knew you were moving.” The words made what they’d had sound cheap, though it had been anything but. His voice was wooden, yet emotion still sprang behind his eyes. He needed to get out of here before she found out the truth.

  He stepped back from her, from that questioning, injured look she now wore, and then, after allowing himself one more long drink of memorizing everything about her, he turned. He flew down the steps and across the drive to his truck as fast as he could, afraid that if he looked back, he’d be holding her in his arms, apologizing, before he could count to one.

  He kept walking, even when he heard her sob, even when his heart tore in two.

  He wasn’t sure he’d ever be put back together again. And that was fine by him. Hunter would rather live with the pain of a thousand lifetimes than have her experience one moment of getting stuck in a life she didn’t want.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The little ranch house looked sad and lonely in Rachel’s rearview mirror as she headed down her drive for the last time on Monday morning. No lights left on. No Moose lazing on the porch. Rachel had already made a trip over to Cash and Liv’s this morning to drop off the dog. Cash planned to deliver him to the shelter for her later today because she was too tormented to do it herself.

  She’d only slept a few minutes last night in between horrid dreams. Most had revolved around her parents and that final fight with her mom. Some had trekked into Hunter land. She’d been crying out to him, but he’d had a hollow look in his eyes. He’d turned and walked away while her sobs had echoed to nothing.

  A repeat of last night. Of course she hadn’t thrown herself on the ground and engaged in an all-out toddler tantrum in front of Hunter. Rachel could turn off her emotions when needed. It was a skill that had served her well over the years. One she would use today as she said goodbye to Cash, Liv and the boys.

  She’d heard nothing from Hunter this morning. He had planned to come over to see her off with her family. But now she no longer expected to see him.

  Rachel couldn’t quit turning the conversation with him round and round in her mind. It had been so strange. She’d been confident Hunter felt something for her, like she did for him. But then he’d just pushed her away without giving them a chance to figure things out. And that hurt. So much.

  Last night she’d let herself cry. Today, she needed to be numb to get through this last goodbye.

  She pulled up to Cash and Liv’s. They must have been listening for the sound of her Jeep, because they came out of the house and down the steps just as she turned off the ignition and got out.

  Olivia peppered her with motherly questions, making sure Rachel hadn’t forgotten any of the necessities she’d need to get by for the next few weeks while she slept on Dana’s couch and hunted for an apartment.

  Once she found one, Cash would help her move the rest of her stuff down.

  Olivia stepped forward and wrapped her in a long hug. “Rach.” She pulled away, face wrinkled with concern. “I don’t know what’s going on or what happened, hon, but I think maybe—”

  “I should really get going.” Rachel cut her off. It was something the teenage Rachel would have done, and she wasn’t proud of it. But, then again, she wasn’t as far from that immature girl as she’d like to think. Hadn’t she just made another stupid decision in letting herself get attached to Hunter when she’d always planned to move?

  Rachel bent to receive a tackle hug from Grayson, keeping her eyes closed so the tears wouldn’t escape.

  “Who’s going to go riding with me, Auntie Rachel?”

  She memorized his baby cheeks and soft lashes. How much more grown up would he look the next time she saw him? “Your dad will go with you. And your mom when she can. And I’ll come visit.” Except...she wasn’t exactly in a rush to do that. Rachel was right back to where she’d started. She didn’t want to be in this town.

  She stood and accepted Ryder from Cash. He gave her a squirmy hug, then laid a palm on her cheek. She almost broke down right then and there. After kissing his pudgy hand, she shoved him into Liv’s open arms, afraid she was never going to give him up if she held on a second longer.

  Cash stayed facing her as Olivia and the boys walked back to the house. He had that analyzing look on his face—the one that said he didn’t believe her. She remembered it well. He’d used it a lot when she was in high school.

  “I know you’re upset about something. This was supposed to be a good thing, you getting the job. This was what you wanted, right? What’s going on with you?”

  She concentrated on the house over his shoulder, the snap of the screen door as the boys and Liv went inside. “I’m fine.”

  “When Liv says something is fine it’s never true.”

  That almost pulled a laugh out of her.

  “Is it something with Hunter? I kind of thought the two of you...”

  The beginning of a smile crashed from her face, and the flimsy dam she’d built around her emotions shattered. “What? That we’d get married and live on the ranch next to yours? That we’d be one big, happy family? It’s not going to happen, Cash. Everyone knew I was leaving. We shouldn’t have gotten so involved.”

  “We?”

  Stink. She’d been thinking about Hunter.

  “I need to go.” Rachel hugged her brother. Her motions were stunted, and she pulled away quickly, needing to escape. Praying he would understand, she made a break for it, hopping into her Jeep. One wave later she was headed down the road. Just her and a whole lake of tears for company. Well, that was just fine. She was better off on her own, anyway. She could take care of herself. Getting involved with people always hurt.

  She had once confronted Cash about that very thing with Olivia. He’d needed a little push to take the leap. And she knew he’d never looked back. Never regretted one single day. Rachel had learned that lesson watching him, and she’d been willing to shove past that fear. She’d wanted more with Hunter. She still didn’t know what they would have done had he admitted feelings for her, but they would have worked it out.

  But now? Now she didn’t have to worry about anyone but herself once again. The thought should have brought relief, but it didn’t. What had Hunter said last night? She didn’t belong here. The words sent a shiver down her spine. She knew that. She didn’t belong anywhere. But her stubborn heart hadn’t listened to her numerous warnings. She’d begun to hope again. Silly Rachel. Didn’t she know better by now?

  Rachel would be fine on her own. She didn’t need home or family. She had friends—or at least acquaintances. A new career.

  She would be fine.

  And maybe if she kept telling herself that, one of these days she’d even believe it.

  * * *

  Rachel had been gone six days—seven if he counted today. Hunter wasn’t sure he’d managed a coherent conversation since. He’d forced himself to go to church this morning, hoping it would snap him out of the funk he’d fallen into. God hadn’t left him yet, but He might be the
only one sticking with Hunter.

  He kept telling himself he’d done the right thing. Letting Rachel go had been the best thing for her. This way she could follow her dreams without interruption from him.

  But he missed her so much it was all he could do to get up every day and keep functioning. All week he’d poured himself into work, hoping it might lessen the sting. He’d tried not to think about her, but that hadn’t worked. Autumn had attempted to talk to him, to figure out what was going on, but he’d clammed up like Fort Knox. Or like Rachel.

  The sermon had been on trust this morning. Hunter had thought he had a handle on that. But he couldn’t shake the niggling thought that somewhere along the way, he’d missed that part of his faith. He believed...but did he really trust? If he had, wouldn’t he have told Rachel the truth instead of pushing her away? They could have prayed over their relationship. Figured out what God had planned. His thoughts jumbled. Had he done the wrong thing? Hunter didn’t know anymore, but it didn’t matter. She would never forgive him for what he’d said, for the way he’d responded to her. And she’d probably never believe him if he did confess how he felt about her. He’d worked hard to gain her trust again, and then he’d thrown it all away.

  He spotted Val in front of him in the church narthex, and before he could stop himself, he was touching her arm. Gaining her attention.

  “McDermott.” Her face held nothing but contempt for him, and he didn’t blame her.

  “How is she?” Val could be mad at him, but it would be worth it if he could get a little info about Rachel. “Is she okay?”

  “No, she’s not okay.” Her voice snapped like the little white firecrackers kids threw to the ground on the Fourth of July. Strange coming from the usually even-keeled woman in front of him. “Why do you want to know, anyway?” Her eyes narrowed. “Why do you want to know? If you’re so interested in her well-being, why’d you push her away?”

  “She needed...” What could he say without giving everything away? “This was her dream.” He cut himself off before he said too much. It might not be enough of an explanation for her, but it was all he had.