by Ramona Gray
She stared up at him mutely, her hand clenched around his cell phone as he frowned at her. He could feel her ribs through her shirt and without thinking he blurted out, “You’re too thin.”
She pushed away from him, straightening her shirt and holding out his cell phone to him. “You forgot your cell phone.”
“Thanks.” He stuck it into his pocket. “Why are you still here?”
“I was just leaving,” she replied.
She slipped into her jacket and zipped it up. “Good night, Mr. Dawson.”
“I’ll walk you to your car,” he said. “It’s late.”
“Oh, I’m taking the bus,” she replied.
He followed her to the elevator and they stood in awkward silence as they waited for it. He cleared his throat. “Are you enjoying your new job, Ms. Smith?”
“Very much,” she said without looking at him. “Thank you for the opportunity.”
He sighed. She hadn’t looked him in the eye since he’d made that wisecrack about her clothes at lunch and he could feel guilt creeping in. He ignored it. He didn’t need to be friends with his assistant. Still, it was obvious that he had hurt her feelings and for some reason that bothered him.
“You’re doing a good job,” he said.
“Thank you,” she said as the elevators opened. They stepped inside and she pushed the button for the lobby and the button for the parking garage.
“I mean it,” he said. “I’m impressed.”
“It’s only been two days,” she replied.
“True but I had an assistant once who downloaded a virus on her first day and nearly wiped out our entire computer system.”
“You’re kidding,” she said. She glanced briefly at him before looking at the floor again. “What was she downloading?”
“Porn,” he said.
Her mouth dropped open and she looked so shocked that he laughed. She blushed. “Are you serious?”
“Yes,” he said. “She thought we wouldn’t be able to trace it back to her and was completely surprised when we fired her for it.”
She shook her head and gave him a timid look of amusement as the elevator doors opened. “Well, I’ll try to wait at least a month before I start watching porn at work, Mr. Dawson.”
He laughed again. “I appreciate that, Ms. Smith. Enjoy your weekend.”
“Thank you, you too,” she said.
He watched her walk across the lobby before the elevator doors closed. When they opened in the parking garage, he nodded to the security guard and climbed into his car. He pulled out of the garage and stopped for the traffic. His car rocked with the force of the wind and he glanced idly at the bus stop in front of their building. Jane was standing at the bus stop with her hands tucked deep into her pockets and her face buried in the collar of her jacket. Another strong gust of wind blew and she staggered on her feet before catching her balance.
He sighed loudly and turned right, pulling up in front of the bus stop and lowering the passenger window. “Get in, Ms. Smith.”
She stared blankly at him. “I’m sorry?”
“Get in the car. I’ll give you a ride home.”
“Oh no,” she said as she shivered wildly. “I don’t live around here and - ”
“It’s fine. Get in before you freeze to death.”
She hesitated and he made a harsh noise of impatience. “I don’t have all night, Ms. Smith.”
She glanced around before opening the door and sliding into the seat. Her hands were shaking heavily and she could barely buckle her seat belt. He turned the heat on high and pulled out into traffic.
“Where do you live?” He asked.
She recited the address. He cursed under his breath. “The Badlands? You live in the Badlands?”
She nodded and then said defensively, “It’s actually not that bad of a neighbourhood.”
“Wasn’t there a murder out there last weekend?” He said.
She just shrugged and they drove quietly for a few minutes. “You need to get some gloves and a scarf,” he said. “In case you haven’t noticed, it’s winter.”
“I’ll buy some this weekend,” she replied.
“What are your plans for tonight?” He asked.
“Dinner and then relaxing,” she replied.
His gaze dropped to her purse and she blushed guiltily and pulled it a little closer to her body. He suddenly had a very bad feeling that her dinner was half of a stale turkey sandwich.
“How about you?” She asked.
“Drinks with Mark,” he replied.
“Mark Stanford?” She asked.
He nodded and she gave him a hesitant look. “Are you friends?”
“Yes. We’ve been friends since we were kids. He, Amy and I started the company together.”
“I didn’t know that,” she replied. “I knew that you and Amy started the company but I didn’t realize Mark was there from the beginning as well. He – he’s a nice man. I only met him a couple of times but he was nice.”
“He is much nicer than me,” he said.
“Oh no, I didn’t mean that you weren’t a nice man. I mean that he was nice and, uh….”
She trailed off and he grinned at her. “I’m teasing you, Ms. Smith.”
“Right,” she said and then blushed again.
They drove the rest of the way in silence. When he parked in front of the building, he stared in disgust at it. “This is where you live?”
“Yes,” she said as she unbuckled her seat belt. “Thank you for the ride home, Mr. Dawson.”
“I’ll walk you to your door. It isn’t safe for you.”
“No, no, that’s fine,” she said hurriedly. “It’s much safer than it looks.”
“Oh yeah?” He pointed to the two men huddled together on the street corner. “So that’s not a drug deal going down?”
“Uh, I’m sure it isn’t,” she said.
“I’m walking you to your door,” he said. “No arguments.”
He got out of the car and locked it securely before taking her arm above her elbow. He walked her to the door of the building, frowning when he saw the lock was broken, and followed her into the foyer. It smelled strongly of urine and his hand tightened on her arm when a man wearing a dirty overcoat and swaying drunkenly stood up from the corner.
“Hey, pretty lady. You’re early tonight.”
“Uh, hi, Mickey,” Jane said.
“You wanna come up to my apartment and have a drink with me?” He slurred. He moved closer and when he reached out to touch Jane, Luke shoved him back angrily.
He stumbled and fell back against the wall before blinking blearily at Luke. “Who the hell are you?”
“Stay away from her,” Luke said.
“It’s fine,” Jane said quickly. “Mickey’s my neighbour.”
“Yeah, I’m her neighbour,” Mickey said. “We’re gonna have drinks tonight.”
“No, we’re not,” Jane said. “Go sleep it off, Mickey.”
“Why don’t you sleep it off with me, pretty Jane?” Mickey wheedled. “You know you’re dyin’ to see what’s in my pants.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Luke snarled at him, “or I’ll knock what teeth you have left out of your goddamn head.”
“Mr. Dawson, it’s fine,” Jane said. He ignored her and pulled her against his body. He wrapped his arm protectively around her waist when Mickey drifted closer again.
“Go anywhere near her, Mickey,” he said in a low voice, “and I’ll beat the hell out of you.”
“Jesus,” Mickey whined, “I was just being friendly.”
He glared at the two of them before staggering toward the door. He disappeared into the dark and Luke grimaced. “This is not a safe place for you to live, Ms. Smith.”
“Mickey is harmless,” she said.
He realized he still had her pressed up against him. He released her so quickly she stumbled and nearly fell. He steadied her with a hand on her elbow and she gave him an embarrassed smile.
“Th
ank you again, Mr. Dawson. Good night.”
“I’ll walk you right to your door,” he said. “Let’s go.”
She sighed but didn’t protest when he followed her up the stairs. She lived on the second floor and he studied the dirty carpet and the stained walls with disgust as she pulled her keys out of her pocket.
“Good night,” she said. “Thank you for - ”
“Your cheque bounced.”
They both turned at the sound of the gravelly voice behind them. The man standing behind them was wearing sweatpants and a stained and ripped t-shirt that barely covered his large beer belly. He scratched at the hairy band of flesh peeking below the shirt before picking his underwear out of the crack of his ass.
“Mr. Ranson, uh, hi,” Jane said nervously.
“Rent was due yesterday and your cheque bounced,” he said. “I want my rent money.”
“I’m so sorry,” Jane said. “I thought I had enough to cover it. I’ll write you another cheque right now.”
He shook his head. “Nope, gonna need cash from now on.”
“I was paid today,” Jane said. “The cheque will clear, I promise.”
The man scratched his ass before sniffing at his fingers. He looked Luke up and down, his beady eyes studying the expensive watch around his wrist, before shaking his head again. “Nope. Cash only.”
“Sure, no problem,” Jane said. “I’ll go to the bank first thing in the morning and - ”
“Gonna need the cash tonight.”
“The bank is already closed,” Jane said with a hint of desperation, “and I’m not sure I can get the full amount out through a bank machine. I promise I’ll bring the cash to you first thing in the morning.”
“Cash tonight,” the man said slowly, “or find somewhere else to sleep for the night.” He studied Luke again. “Maybe you can stay at your fancy boyfriend’s place.”
Jane flushed miserably. “I’ll get the money now. I’ll bring it up to your apartment in - ”
“How much is the rent?” Luke interrupted. Jane gave him a horrified look.
“No, Mr. Dawson, I can’t - ”
“How much?” He repeated.
Jane pressed her lips together and shook her head. Luke turned to her disgusting landlord. “How much?”
“Nine hundred,” the man said. He watched greedily as Luke pulled a money clip from his pocket and counted out nine one-hundred-dollar bills. He handed the money to the landlord who clutched it and recounted it as Luke watched with disgust.
“Good night,” Luke said pointedly.
The landlord stared at him for a moment before waddling to the stairwell. He let the door shut behind him with a loud bang and Jane jumped before giving Luke a look of shame.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry, Mr. Dawson. I’ll go right now to the bank machine. My limit is five hundred but I can bring the rest to you Monday morning. Or,” she chewed on her bottom lip, “if you give me your home address, I’ll bring it by first thing tomorrow morning.”
“You can bring all of it to me on Monday,” he said shortly.
“Are you sure? I really don’t mind. In fact, I’d feel better if you let me pay you some of it tonight and drop the rest off tomorrow. There’s a bank machine a few miles from here. If you can give me a ride to it, it’ll take less than ten minutes to get there.”
He didn’t reply and she chewed again on her lip. “Oh, right. You have plans with Mark. If you tell me where you’re having drinks, I’ll drop it off tonight. I can take the bus to the restaurant.”
“It’s cold and it’s late.”
“I don’t mind,” she said frantically. “I take the bus all the time and I’m fine with the cold. Why don’t you give me the restaurant name and I’ll bring the five hundred dollars to you.”
“No,” he said. “Monday morning is fine.”
“A-are you sure?” She whispered.
He nodded and backed away when her eyes began to water. “I’m positive. Good night, Ms. Smith.”
“Good night, Mr. Dawson.”
She turned away quickly and jabbed her key into the lock before slipping inside and shutting the door. He waited until he heard the lock turn before walking away.
* * *
Her apartment was freezing but she didn’t bother turning up the heat as she kicked off her boots. She could turn the thermostat up as high as it would go and it wouldn’t make a difference. She had spoken to Mr. Ranson three times about the heat now and he still hadn’t fixed it. She supposed she should be grateful that she had at least some heat trickling through the apartment.
Speaking of heat…let’s talk about how Mr. Dawson put his arm around you twice today.
She tried to ignore her inner voice but it carried on happily.
He was warm, wasn’t he? He smelled delicious and he held you a little longer than necessary. Did you notice?
He told me I was too thin, she snapped at her inner voice. Besides, he was just saving me from falling on my ass the first time.
Yeah but what about the second time? He didn’t need to touch you the second time when he was protecting you from Mickey. How sweet was that, by the way? You should thank him. Maybe give him a blow job at work on Monday to -
Shut up! What is wrong with you? Don’t you remember what happened the last time we slept with our boss?
Her inner voice fell silent. Jane stomped across her apartment and quickly changed into her flannel pajamas. It wasn’t even eight yet but she wasn’t working tonight and it wasn’t like she could afford to go out with the few friends she had.
She sighed heavily and grabbed her purse before sitting down on the couch and wrapping herself in a blanket. She pulled out the foil-wrapped sandwich and unwrapped it. Shame flooded through her but her hunger overrode it easily and she bit into the sandwich. The bread was a little stale but after three days of eating nothing but peanut butter sandwiches, it still tasted amazing. She forced herself to eat slowly. When it was gone, she considered making herself a peanut butter sandwich before curling into a smaller ball and staring out the window.
She was exhausted but she still wished she was working tonight. Friday and Saturday nights were the busiest at the clubs and good for tips but she never worked them anymore. She used to, she used to work every weekend in fact, but that had all changed three months ago. Now she worked Monday to Thursday at the club and the combined total of tips in those four nights was less than the tips she used to make on a Friday night.
She sighed again and closed her eyes. It was her own damn fault for being so stupid and naïve. She hadn’t put two and two together that getting the best shifts was a direct result of sleeping with Jeremy. She hadn’t seen - or maybe didn’t want to see - who Jeremy really was. It had felt too damn good to be with someone, to have a warm body to curl up against and believe that it wasn’t just her against the world. She thought that Jeremy cared for her, maybe even loved her. It was that belief and her relief at finally not feeling so alone that kept her in a relationship with her boss at the club.
She walked to the bathroom and brushed her teeth before climbing into bed. She curled up under the covers and tried to sleep. She didn’t want to dwell on the past, it made her feel stupid and ashamed, but it kept crowding in.
The sex was okay with Jeremy, at least she thought it was. He was her first and the fact that she was a virgin had appealed to him more than she cared for. She didn’t always orgasm but she never complained. Jeremy liked to boast about his abilities in bed and she figured it was probably her nerves and insecurities that made it occasionally difficult. Jeremy found her attractive but he had hinted more than once that she would look even better with a boob job which didn’t exactly help her confidence in bed. She had always been on the slender side with narrow hips and small breasts and she was a little envious of her coworkers and their lush curves. Of course, slender was twenty pounds ago and now her ribs stuck out and her breasts were practically non-existent.
She turned onto her back and stared at t
he ceiling. She was slowly starving to death and was now resorting to stealing her boss’ garbage.
Don’t forget that he paid your rent out of his own pocket. That’s another first in humiliation for you.
Another wave of shame washed over her and she wiped at the tears that were starting to leak down her cheeks. She was feeling sorry for herself and her grumbling stomach but there was no point to that. Her life was what it was and she had to make the best of it. In the morning, she would buy a few groceries and –
You can’t. You heard what Mr. Dawson said about your clothes. You need better clothing or he’s going to fire you.
He wouldn’t. He can’t! She thought frantically.
Sure he could. You’re on a three-month probation, remember? He can come up with another reason for firing you even if it is because of the way you dress. Tomorrow you need to get your ass into a proper clothing store and buy some Dawson brand clothes. Your job depends on it.
I’m starving! I need food.
You need this job.
She would try the Food Bank again, she decided.
You make more now than the last time you tried. They’re not going to approve you. You make too much money and it’s not their problem that most of it goes to caring for Mama J.
Suddenly overwhelmed and wracked with self-pity, she turned on her side and wept bitterly.
* * *
“Sorry, I’m late,” Luke said as he sat on the barstool next to Mark.
“No problem,” Mark replied. He took a sip of whiskey as the bartender nodded to Luke before bringing him his usual. “I assume work was the usual culprit?”
Luke shook his head and sipped at his scotch. “No.”
“Interesting,” Mark said before raising his eyebrows at him. “Don’t leave me in suspense.”
Luke studied his best friend. Mark’s dark hair was too long and there were dark circles under his eyes. “You look like shit. You need a haircut.”
“Thanks, Mom. Don’t change the subject. Why were you late?”
“I was driving an employee home.”
Mark jerked in surprise. “You’re shitting me.”
“No,” Luke said. “My assistant, Jane Smith.”