by Candy Harper
Mum said that young people need to learn to take care of things and no wonder the planet is in such a state when kids have a throwaway attitude towards possessions.
I said, ‘Tell you what, if you give me the cash I’ll nip out and get a new one now.’
She hit me over the head with a packet of wholewheat pasta.
I have remembered where I had my phone last.
It was in Ramsbottom’s car.
This morning all I could think about was my phone. At breaktime I poured the whole story out to the gang.
Lily said, ‘But how will she even know it’s yours . . .’ Then she trailed off because actually my poor moby has spent quite a lot of time in Miss Ramsbottom’s possession. She confiscates it whenever she can. And those purple zebra stripes are quite striking.
I sank into a fog of depression and fear at that point. Unfortunately, we had PE next so no one was very sympathetic because they were all feeling the same sort of thing.
At lunchtime Megs, Lily and I slipped past the prefects on guard to the front of the school. (Actually I said, ‘All right, Josie? Do you want one of Lily’s Maltesers?’) We had a good peer into Ramsbottom’s car; there was no sign of my phone. I got Lily to ring me but we couldn’t hear a thing.
So I’m still stuck. Ramsbottom might have it. She might not. The stress is making my hair frizzy.
Today the moment I had been dreading arrived. At breaktime Limp Lizzie flopped her way towards me and said, ‘Miss Ramsbottom told me to find you—’
‘And you have. Well done. This time, give me a ten-minute start and we’ll put your superior tracking skills to the test again.’
‘No, wait, she wants to see you.’
‘Miss Ramsbottom also wants to see the undead take over the earth. I’m not sure we should give in to her every whim.’
By this point Lizzie was wild-eyed with terror at the thought that she might not be able to persuade me to toddle off and see Miss Ramsbottom, but to be honest with you the fight had gone out of me. I gave myself up and slunk off to Ramsbottom’s vault after giving Lizzie only a very token Chinese burn.
When I got there Ramsbottom put down her mid-morning snack (I think it was the leg of a gazelle) and turned her eyes full beam on me.
‘Tell me, Faith, why do you think you are here?’
I wasn’t falling for that one. There’s nothing dignified about confessing. So I said, ‘Is it because you want to recognise my ongoing contribution to high fashion standards under difficult circumstances?’
She flared her nostrils.
And held up my mobile.
It was a bit like those dreams you have when you’re falling off a balcony. All I could do was brace myself for impact.
‘Faith, do you know where I found this?’
In an attempt to look innocent I did my Bambi impression.
Ramsbottom said, ‘Well, it wasn’t switched off and at the bottom of your bag. Which, as you well know, is the only place that mobiles are permitted in school.’
I wondered exactly what the punishment for driving your teacher’s car would be. I was definitely going to get excluded and before that Ramsbottom would probably tar and feather me.
‘There is a rule forbidding girls to loiter at the front of the school.’
I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for her to say: Also not permitted is driving my car just because you’re a bit annoyed with me.
But she didn’t.
Instead she said, ‘Your phone was found in the covered walkway leading to the front of school. What have you got to say for yourself?’
Ha ha! I know something you don’t know! didn’t seem entirely appropriate so I said, ‘When the snow is driving and the wind is particularly biting I do sometimes gather Year Sevens in the covered walkway to stop them from freezing to death.’
‘It seems interesting to me that your phone was found so close to those damaged bushes. Faith, if you are serious about being allowed to return to your former tutor group then I suggest that you cause no further trouble this term. Am I making myself clear?’
I nodded.
‘You’d better get back to class. You can pick up your phone from me at the end of the day.’
‘Yes, Miss. I’ll be on my best behaviour, Miss.’
Then she quite rudely hustled me out of her lair.
As the door was closing I did ask, ‘Were there any messages?’ but she pretended not to hear me.
When I finally got my phone back, I was excited to look through my texts, hoping that there would be a few from attractive boys, or at the very least some offers to do Christmas boxes. All I got was various dribblings on from Megs and a photo of a monkey from Lily.
I can’t believe what’s happened today. Can my life get any more ridiculous? I was trying to put my recent nightmare behind me by moaning on about it to Megs when she said, ‘Are you going to meet us after rehearsal tomorrow?’
I said, ‘No, Ethan will be there.’
Megs pursed her lips. ‘Are you actually sure that it was him that sent that message?’
‘Yes, he’s the one who plays tricks, isn’t he? Remember the chilli?’
‘But that was different to this. Does he even have your number?’
I thought about this. ‘Yes! He does, he sent me that text when I was ill. You must have given him my number.’
‘Nope, not me.’
‘Well, maybe it was Lily.’ Then I remembered something else. ‘I’ve deleted his text pretending to be Finn, but I remember that the number it came from ended in a double six.’ I whipped out my phone. ‘And I bet you that that text from Ethan when I was sick does too.’ I scrolled back through my messages while Megs leant over my shoulder. I got to the right day and there it was: a text from a number ending in double six. I gave Megs a triumphant smirk and opened the message.
But it wasn’t the text from Ethan.
It was the one from Westy.
‘See!’ Megs said. ‘I knew it wasn’t Ethan.’
‘He could have used Westy’s phone.’ But even as I was saying it I knew that it wasn’t true. It makes perfect sense that Westy sent the text. It explains why he was at the cinema and why he’s been a bit weirdy ever since. But why would he do a mean thing like that?
Megs says he probably didn’t mean to upset me, but I am upset. Everything is horrible. I feel bad that I was cross with Ethan, but somehow I’m still angry with him too. Why did he let me think it was him? I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed and I might not get out again till spring.
I told Dad that I was too unwell to go to school today.
He said, ‘What’s wrong with you?’
I said, ‘I have a battered spirit and a bruised belief in humankind.’
‘That’s lucky; I thought you’d got this flu that’s going around.’
‘Dad! I’m depressed! Don’t you have any words of fatherly advice?’
He had a think about it. ‘Your mum’s in the kitchen.’
Mum made me a cup of what looked like pond-water tea (didn’t help at all) and gave me a cuddle (helped a bit).
I dragged myself to school and started to explore and explain my woes to Megs using all of my language skills, i.e. I said, ‘Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh.’
Megs sat up straight, which is never a good sign, and said, ‘Faith, listen to me. I know all this has been embarrassing, but you need to get over it. No one ever really knew that you thought Finn had asked you out and no one is even talking about you looking lonely at the cinema anymore. Let’s move on to the next thing, shall we? We need to think about the Christmas boxes, yes?’
I’m afraid that my lip started to wobble at that point. ‘Don’t you care that I have been humiliated? Don’t you care that I’m sad?’
‘Of course I care, you custard cream. That is why I’m not going to let you get this out of proportion. I don’t want it to be like the time you didn’t get to be the angel Gabriel in the nativity all over again.’
I sniffed. ‘That was primary scho
ol. You weren’t even there for that.’
‘No, but the fact that you were still explaining your conspiracy theories about it in Year Seven, suggests that you didn’t handle it that well. Listen to me, Faith. No one is laughing at you. Ethan is a nice boy who likes you and who probably only let you think he’d messed with you to protect his friend Westy. And Westy . . . Well, Westy wouldn’t want to upset anyone, would he?’
I shook my head.
‘So let’s forget about it. After rehearsal we’ll go to Juicy Lucy’s and just have a nice time with our mates. You don’t have to talk to Ethan and Westy if you don’t want to, OK?’
‘OK.’
Then she gave me a squeeze and I said, ‘You’re quite smart really, Megs.’
She nodded wisely.
‘Don’t tell anyone, though,’ I said. ‘They’d never believe you.’
So I decided I would go to Juicy Lucy’s. I can’t let some stupid boys spoil my social life. All afternoon I kept thinking about what I wanted to say to Westy and Ethan. At first I thought that I’d try and avoid them, but then I decided that I wanted some answers. Even so, it still gave me a shock when the first person I saw when I walked into Juicy Lucy’s was Ethan.
I stared at him in horror.
He said, ‘I’m going to assume that you’re looking at me like that because you’re transfixed by my good looks.’
‘Why did you let me think it was you?’ I blurted out.
‘Why did I what?’
‘I know it was Westy who sent that text pretending to be Finn.’
‘Oh.’
‘You shouldn’t have said it was you.’
‘I didn’t, you just assumed.’
‘So? I once assumed that only men had facial hair, which meant the first time I met my Maths teacher I called her “sir”. I shouldn’t be allowed to run around assuming things. Why didn’t you tell me it was Westy?’
‘He was terrified about how you’d react. I just . . . didn’t deny what you thought.’
I shook my head. It’s very unpleasant realising that you’ve been cross with someone who was actually being noble.
‘Well, I’m sorry if I wasn’t very nice to you when I thought it was you.’ I didn’t sound very sorry, I still sounded cross. That’s probably because I was.
He was quite gracious and said, ‘That’s all right. So . . . how are you?’
‘Fine,’ I said stiffly and completely untruthfully. ‘You?’
‘Yeah, fine.’ He grinned at me. ‘Since we’re baring our souls. You know it’s not the same without you at choir.’
‘I expect Icky’s making enough noise for me.’
He said, ‘Sometimes I think that there’s some sort of alien living inside her with its hand wrapped round her windpipe. It’s not natural for a person to make a noise that high-pitched.’
‘Alien . . . tapeworm . . . there’s definitely something inside her consuming all her food.’
‘Drinking her milk of human kindness.’
‘Strangling her sense of decency.’
Just then we heard Icky’s voice outside the café screeching, ‘DAAAAAAAAN!’
We cracked up. Which helped a bit with all the weirdness.
Lily leant over and said, ‘Icky’s in a bad mood because Finn isn’t paying her any attention. He came over to her today and she was all excited and putting on her super-pout and he just asked her where you were. She was so annoyed.’
‘Really? Finn was asking about me? What did he say?’
Apparently Finn asked both Icky and Lily where I was. He told Lily to say ‘Hi’. This is amazing. Even though I must have looked a right idiot at the cinema, he is thinking about me when I’m not there and he’s sending me messages. He’ll be proposing next.
By the time I’d managed to squeeze all this out of Lily (she got distracted by the idea of vegetarian sausages at one point) Ethan had disappeared. That’s when Westy shuffled up to me.
‘Faith,’ he said. ‘Oh Faith, I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I know I’m an idiot.’
He looked mortified, he really did, but I was still cross.
‘There’s a difference between having a bit of a joke and messing with someone’s feelings.’
‘I know. I’m sorry I just didn’t think it through. I didn’t realise that you liked Finn so much and—’
‘Can you just stop talking about it?’ I was getting all het up again and I could see that half of the table next to us were straining their nosy ears to hear what was going on.
‘I just want you to know how sorry I am.’
‘Yep. You’ve said it now. Let’s just leave it, OK?’
He said, ‘OK, Faith,’ in this tiny little voice and slunk off. I didn’t see him again. Good. He should feel bad. He made me feel pretty horrible and he should understand the consequences of his actions.
When we were walking home, Cameron told Megs that the boys are going to the park tomorrow and asked if the girls would come along. Megs agreed with some very enthusiastic head nodding.
Ethan said to me, ‘You coming?’
‘I don’t know. Will Westy be there?’
‘I think so, but don’t let that stop you. You know that he was just trying to get in on the jokes, don’t you? He doesn’t always judge things well.’
‘Obviously not.’
‘Last Sunday night he slept in his uniform because he thought it would save him time in the morning.’
I couldn’t help smiling and then Ethan said, ‘Go on, come to the park.’ And I said yes. I’ve been thinking about it this evening and I definitely should go. I’ll just avoid Westy. Anyway, this outing is not just about boys. I can spend quality time with my besties and breathe the fresh air and enjoy the park. I love the park.
I hate the park. Who thought the park would be a good place to meet? Parks are really only suitable for frolicking about in the sunshine when you can skip about with a Frisbee looking carefree and fanciable. Today was freezing and frosty. Wearing a bobble hat and mittens is not a carefree look. Megs was particularly angry with me for suggesting miniskirts again.
I told her, ‘You wouldn’t be frozen if you’d chosen something in a practical fabric like corduroy.’
Megs, Lily, Angharad and I got there before the boys so we set up camp on a picnic table near the children’s playground.
When the boys arrived there was a bit of an embarrassed silence when Westy threw himself on his knees and said, ‘Please forgive me, Faith! Please, oh please.’
I said, ‘Westy, you said all that yesterday.’
‘I know, but I’m going to have to keep saying it until you forgive me.’ And then the idiot actually bowed right down so that his forehead was on the frosty path.
The thing is that overnight I have calmed down a lot. It was a stupid thing to do, but I know that Westy didn’t mean to upset me and goodness knows that I’ve made a few mistakes myself. So I said, ‘Oh, all right, I forgive you. Just sit down and be quiet for a bit, will you?’
He looked up with a massive grin and then got up and tried to tiptoe away from me in an inconspicuous fashion. Except Westy isn’t very good at inconspicuous, and as he was rounding the end of the table he tripped over Elliot’s leg and went flying. Honestly, that boy is such a banana. Ethan pulled Westy up and made him sit down.
To change the subject I started telling them about how they have to help me with the Christmas boxes – and that’s when three St Mildred’s girls swanned up.
I don’t know what it is about the St Minger’s girls. I think that when they start at that school they are all fitted with some sort of device that flashes whenever there is a boy within one hundred metres. Wherever there are males those girls just pop up.
Now, you know me, I’m not one to slate other girls, so I’ll keep this brief. Their outfits were not what I would call appropriate for icy conditions. These girls seem to have an inability to cover their midriffs so despite the fact the temperature was hovering around zero, two of them were proudly displ
aying their belly-button rings for everyone to see. If the St Mingers have anything to do with the next stage of evolution, then future generations of girls will be born with a layer of hair around their middles.
One of them sat down next to Elliot. Ang was furious. She eyed the Minger up and down and digging deep to find the tiny bit of herself that isn’t an angelic mouse, she came up with the nastiest thing she could think of. She screwed up her face and said, ‘Those shoes don’t look very practical.’ Ouch.
You would think that given Ang’s scorching comment and the withering stares that the rest of us were giving them (except Lily, she’d been distracted by a crisp packet blowing in the wind) that the St Mildred’s girls would have decided it was time to leave, but no. Instead, one of them started telling us about the boob job she was having for her sixteenth birthday.
Ethan said, ‘I would have thought you’d have been put off surgery when the work on your face went so disastrously wrong.’
Which reminded me of why I like Ethan.
The Minger looked confused. Eventually she said, ‘You’re the funny one, are you?’ Obviously she’s not keen on wit because after that she turned her back on Ethan and spent her time touching Cameron’s hair. Megs was not happy.
To show Cameron she didn’t care if he wanted to get cosy with another girl, Megs said, ‘Oh, Elliot, that’s really interesting.’
It’s just a shame that it was rather quiet at the time and we all knew that Elliot hadn’t said anything.
In the middle of this love-in who should wander past?
Finn.
Finn walking his adorable Labrador puppy.
The cute factor in the park suddenly soared off the scale and the St Minger’s girls started to dribble. They all tried to scramble up at the same time, which led to a tangle of spike heels and hair extensions.
The first one up lunged at the puppy and gushed, ‘Gorgeous!’
I’m not sure if she was talking about the dog.
Megs whispered, ‘What a mongrel.’
She definitely wasn’t talking about the dog.