by Lisa Plumley
Summoning all of her failing energy, she turned her head. ‘The sooner I sleep, the sooner we leave this place.’
His hands let her go. She stumbled away from him towards where he’d piled the leaves up. It wasn’t much, but it would be far more comfortable than sleeping on the bare floor.
The little gesture showed Kara he had changed. The old Ash would have expected her to do that. Something tugged at her heart. Maybe Hring had exaggerated Ash’s faults. Maybe she had been mistaken.
‘Bravado serves no one.’ He cleared his throat. ‘And if I think we are going too fast, we slow down. Do you understand?’
‘I’m hardly some fragile glass bead. I can take a faster pace. I want to see my son. Rurik is the light of my life.’
‘Tell me if you feel the need for a break. My talents fail to include mind reading, more’s the pity. Our son will want his mother to return home safely. We both know what it is like to lose mothers through accidents.’
‘I’ll remember that.’ She screwed her eyes up. She’d forgotten how Ash’s mother had died—returning to Jaarlshiem. A wave of sheer exhaustion hit her. ‘I want to sleep, Ash. You were right to stop. I’m sorry if I seemed ungrateful earlier. I hate to admit any weakness.’
‘Progress of a sort—you see sense in my actions.’ He started to go towards the door, then halted. ‘Shall I bring you some supper in? Or do you wish to sup with my men? It won’t be fancy, but it will be filling.’
She shook her head quickly. The thought of food made her feel queasy. Sharing an intimate supper with Ash was folly in the extreme. Her defences were down. It would be easy to give in to that little voice in the back of her brain which kept whispering that she wanted to be held and Ash was the man to do it. She needed to keep Ash at arm’s length tonight if she wanted to retain an ounce of self-respect. She wanted a man who would be more than a memory. She wanted someone with whom she could share her life.
All she really wanted to do right now was sleep, a deep dreamless sleep so she’d wake refreshed and they could reach Jaarlshiem tomorrow without her slowing them down. Once there, it would be much easier to keep a distance between her and Ash. The last thing she wanted was for her body to overrule her brain.
‘I need sleep more than food. I’ll eat before we leave in the morning, I promise.’
He nodded, accepting her word. ‘Pleasant dreams.’
‘I rarely dream.’
His lips brushed her forehead. ‘A man can hope.’ With that he left the hut.
Kara pressed her hands together. Being angry with Ash had been easy when she thought him dead. And when he returned yesterday, she had clung on to her anger easily. But when he was like this, she found the unwanted memories crowding in of Ash’s kindness or Ash behaving in a way that made her breath stop.
Once he’d been her idol, but he had taken advantage of her, using her as a way to follow his dreams. Her heart had shattered into a thousand shards when Hring had recounted his betrayal. She could still hear the women’s laughter as they told her one by one the things Ash had done or said to them. All the while Hring had looked on, triumphantly expecting her to give up her son. She’d held Rurik tightly in her arms, vowing to remember every last word and never to be fooled again.
She had listened to her heart once. She had to listen to her head now.
‘I gave up all my dreams of you years ago.’
* * *
His lips came closer, teasing her senses to wakefulness, even though she knew instinctively it had to be a dream. His tongue tip circled and touched her eyes, lips and throat.
She was far too warm and comfortable. His tantalising scent filled her nostrils, making her feel secure and safe. For far too long she’d been on her own and struggling.
He ran his hand down her back, pulling her closer so that their bodies collided before he rained kisses down on her mouth, her eyes and skin.
Sweet kisses, mind-numbing kisses, kisses which caused her body to ignite and burn. Wet and hot. She looped her arms about his neck and returned his kisses, opening her mouth and allowing him to drink from her and she supped from him.
His lips trailed their way to her earlobe. Suckled and tugged. With each new onslaught, the ache in her body grew higher. His hand slipped lower, teasing her, rubbing her breasts, cupping them and pulling at her nipples.
‘Have you been waiting for me?’ His voice rasped in her ear. ‘Have you missed me? Are you ready for me?’
She drew her arm tighter about his neck and her body arched towards him, aching and ready. She wanted this. She wanted this joining.
‘Never leave me, Ash,’ she whispered against his lips. ‘Stay. Stay with me this time. Promise me.’
But he was already fading into nothingness. Gone when she needed him the most. Leaving her empty and aching.
Chapter Seven
Kara woke with a start. Her body throbbed from her dream. Sweat drenched her skin. The dream had been so vivid and real, one which she had not had in a long time. Years ago, she used to have erotic dreams about Ash, but all that had stopped after she gave birth to Rurik, after Hring had explained the truth about why Ash had married her and how little he really thought of her.
Yes, she was attracted to him, but attraction wasn’t enough. Not this time. She’d grown up and knew there was more to a marriage than a meeting of bodies at night.
Seven years ago she had found every excuse for his behaviour, believing he did care for her and his words were more than pretty phrases. After Rurik’s birth, Hring had paraded Ash’s discarded women in front of her. Each had confirmed Hring’s words. In the end she had felt dirty and used in a way she’d never considered before.
Her idol had turned out to be base metal rather than gold. And she’d sworn no man would ever have that sort of power over her again.
Kara hugged her knees to her chest. Hring’s sole purpose had been to punish her for defying him over Rurik. He had raged that Ash never cared about children or people and that he would never accept a weakling as a son.
Having met Ash again and seeing how much he wanted to meet Rurik, she had to wonder if Hring had twisted things. It would not be the first time. Deeds, not words.
Ash had left before and he would leave again. She should never forget that. What was it that his man had said—sea water ran in his veins? How long until the sea and the lure of raiding called him again? That was real, not whispers on the wind.
She could not count on Ash to be there when she needed him, for anything. She learnt from her mistakes.
She turned her head and saw that someone had placed a piece of hard bread and cheese beside her head. Whoever it was had also put an additional cloak over her. She moved her arm and a rich spicy scent enveloped her.
Ash. Who else? A lump formed in her throat at the thoughtful gesture.
After taking several mouthfuls of food, she wrapped the additional cloak tighter about her and tried to get her body to relax. The faint scent of expensive spice tickled her nostrils and she worried about the dream returning. Or, worse still, starting to believe the little gestures meant something more.
The hut remained cloaked in darkness. She stared up into the blackness and started to make lists of all the things which she’d have to do once they reached Jaarlshiem. Mundane practical things like seeing to the wool carding, making sure the apples were properly stored and the livestock had enough food for winter. Tedious tasks, but ones which made the estate prosper.
If she kept her mind on the real practical things, she wouldn’t start believing in fantasy again.
Once they had returned to Jaarlshiem, it would be easier. She would be in familiar surroundings. Rurik would be there to distract her if she found herself at a loose end. There was rarely time to breathe, let alone dream.
She straightened her clothes and strode over to
the door, pushing it open. The drizzle of yesterday evening had given way to a clear autumn sky. The last few stars hung in the rapidly greying sky. Her breath plumed in the very early morning light.
The sell-swords slept in the cold half-light. Indistinguishable lumps. The campsite was at peace. No one had even bothered to post a guard, despite Ash’s earlier words. Kara rolled her eyes.
A movement made her turn and she saw Ash returning, obviously having been for a swim. Droplets of water fell from his hair, turning his tunic translucent. Kara shook her head, trying to get the last remnants of her dream from her brain.
He hurried over to her. Up close, he was even more intoxicating. A single drop of water hung in the hollow of his throat. Her fingers itched to capture it.
‘If I had known you were awake, I would have asked you to join me.’
‘To join you?’
‘In the lake. Bathing. All is quiet. I’ve taken the last guard duty of the night along with Saxi.’
‘Saxi?’
‘One of my men. He is resting now that I’ve returned. The early hours always trouble me. But I remembered the lake over the crest of the hill and went swimming.’
Ash’s words painted pictures in her brain of them in the lake, playing and splashing. She rapidly averted her gaze and concentrated instead on a twisted pine tree.
When she felt her heart calm, she risked a glance at him. In the dim light, she saw his eyes twinkled with mischief. He knew what pictures were in her head!
‘It is...not the right time of day for that,’ she stammered, pressing her hands against her gown.
‘A pity.’ He tilted his head, sending a soft spray of water over his shoulders and chest. ‘Let’s hope the next time I ask, it is the right time of day.’
It was never going to be the right time of day, Kara silently vowed. To go swimming with him would mean giving up her hard-won independence as she knew precisely how it would end. The memory of when he had taught her to swim invaded her brain.
Kara put her hand on her throat as the silence grew between them. She couldn’t stand here tongue-tied, thinking about touching Ash.
‘I had the food you left. Unnecessary, but welcome,’ she blurted out.
‘Good. I can’t have you feeling faint or weak. You will slow everyone else down. You need to think about others.’
‘I will get your cloak.’ Kara swallowed her quick retort. Fighting solved nothing. ‘You must have been freezing without it. There was no need to do that. I was quite comfortable with what I had. Remember for the next time.’
His eyes instantly hardened. ‘I have other cloaks. No hardship. Without rest, you are a liability. I’d do the same for any of my men if they were exhausted.’
‘Of course. I hadn’t thought.’ Kara shifted from foot to foot, feeling like a young girl again. She had once again rushed to the conclusion that Ash had done something for her benefit when it had been nothing of the kind. She ruthlessly squashed the feeling. She’d done nothing to be ashamed of except perhaps to be ungracious. How many times had she told Rurik off for doing the same? ‘Thank you all the same. I appreciated it.’
‘The water was wonderfully refreshing.’ He gestured towards the lake and it was clear the subject was closed. ‘There will be time if you would like to bathe before we depart for Jaarlshiem. It will refresh you. I promise not to peek...much.’
‘No!’ She put out a hand and slowly lowered it. Ash’s expression showed her quick refusal amused him.
‘I will be fine. I am fine,’ she said, pleating her dress through her fingers. ‘Perfectly refreshed after my night’s sleep...and the food.’
‘Indeed. I thought you might have had a disturbed night, which is why you are up so early.’
‘You are up early, as well,’ she countered, balling her fists. ‘Stop this false concern.’
‘There is nothing false about it.’
‘I will be able to keep up today. Will you?’
‘My ability to stay in the saddle has never been in doubt.’
‘You have been away for seven years so I must take your word for it,’ she said with crushing dignity.
A smile played in the corner of his mouth. ‘Put me to the test. But why won’t you swim?’
‘I’m anxious to get home and see my son. My saddle needs checking. I hardly want to be accused of holding everything up as I was yesterday morning. Swimming will have to wait until I have time to spare.’
He dipped his head. ‘You used to enjoy swimming. Every chance you had once I taught you, you went swimming. I remembered that about you when I was in the lake. Funny how simple things come flooding back once the key to memory is found. What happened to that fearless girl?’
Kara curled a fist. He only remembered now. What he meant was that he had not thought about her while he was gone. She kept back the words asking him how many times he had swum in a lake over the last few years. ‘I grew up.’
‘And forgot what fun you used to have. Does my son swim?’
Kara hesitated. Swimming had to wait until Rurik was older. She’d argued with Hring about it on the day he died. She dreaded to think how much she’d worry when Rurik finally did learn to swim. ‘He is only six. Far too young.’
Ash made an irritated noise. ‘My father made sure I could swim before then. Too many men drown for the lack of knowledge.’ His face became carved from stone. ‘Far too many men. But not me. I swam when the fire rained on the sea.’
‘Your ability to swim saved your life?’
‘We had to swim ashore when the ship went down.’ His eyes looked straight through her. ‘Lightning struck the mast and the entire ship blazed within a matter of heartbeats. Those who could not swim, died. I used to wonder if they were the lucky ones.’
‘Why?’
‘They didn’t have to endure a fiery furnace and then the ice-cold hell of a Frankish dungeon.’
Kara clasped her hands together so she wouldn’t gather him into her arms. He looked so much like Rurik when he said that. She had never realised how much they were alike. ‘You must never consider that. You are alive and breathing.’
‘I would still change places with them in a heartbeat. They deserved better.’
‘You can’t decide any man’s fate but your own,’ she said and hoped it helped.
‘Rurik will start his lessons in survival as soon as we arrive in Jaarlshiem.’
‘But...but...’
‘I insist. It is my right as his father.’
Kara bowed her head. She knew Ash was right—Rurik should learn, but not yet. His last cold had been fierce and had lasted for months. ‘There is plenty of time for it. Winter is coming on. The lake will be far too cold at this time of year. Ice will completely cover the lake in a few weeks’ time.’
‘I will teach him, Kara.’ Ash gave a sudden heart-melting smile. ‘And to ice skate...unless he already knows. Skating on the lake at Jul-tide is magical.’
‘He will like that.’ Kara knew she spoke the truth. Rurik loved anything that smacked of danger. He had asked last winter several times about skating on the bone skates. She had put him off, promising some time this winter. ‘The ice must be thick enough. I won’t have him skating on thin ice. Even walking on the ice is forbidden. I know how easy it is to fall through.’
‘Of course you do. Very wise.’
‘Thank you.’
‘And my son obeys you?’
‘I’m his mother. Of course he does as I ask.’ Kara wrinkled her nose, considering. Rurik might be naughty on occasion, but he hadn’t ever done anything truly dangerous, not in the way Ash had. And she had Gudrun to thank for keeping an eye on him and informing her if he misbehaved. She hated that Rurik accused Gudrun of being a spy or worse, but it was necessary, particularly after Hring died.
‘What do
es he know how to do?’
‘He knows lots of things,’ Kara answered quickly. She had put a number of things off, telling herself that Valdar would teach Rurik and then he’d know how to do things properly, but it didn’t mean she kept him tied to her skirts. ‘Last winter was particularly troubling for me. Your father was ill... I wanted to be there when he learnt to skate. I scarcely had time to breathe. Rurik understood. He kept away from the lake.’
She winced. Except for that one incident, but luckily the dogs had found her before he had gone towards the thin ice.
Ash hung his head. ‘I would say sorry, but words won’t ease anything.’
‘No, they won’t. Ever.’
‘He can learn this winter. There will be no need for excuses.’ He titled his head to one side. ‘Do you still skate? You used to take terrible chances when you were little. I had to rescue you once. Your mother wrapped us both in blankets after you fell through the ice.’
Kara’s cheeks flamed. Trust Ash to mention something she had done to try to get her father’s attention. She had gone out farther than she should have. And her father had been too busy with his latest mistress to notice. Ash’s jumping in and rescuing her had sealed her adoration of him.
‘Far too much to do. Estates need careful management. If I took time off to skate, vital things would be left undone. But I know enough about the dangers of thin ice.’
He put his hand on her shoulder. ‘Everyone deserves time to play. I am back now. You will be able to skate again and I will make sure no one gets into trouble.’
For how long? How long until the quiet comforts of home paled beside the possible glories of war? She choked the words back with difficulty. ‘How kind, but will you even be here?’
‘Winter is coming. I’m not about to leave an unsettled estate. When the spring comes, then we will see. You can’t ask for more than that.’
Kara concentrated on breathing. In and out. What had she expected—Ash to declare that his travelling days were over because he had kissed her? Those delusions belonged in the past. He would go again. Late spring, if he could be bothered to stay for the planting. Early spring, if treasure and adventure still interested him. She had to make sure he didn’t take Rurik’s heart with him. Or hers, whispered a little voice. She silenced it.