by Lisa Plumley
Ash listened to Kara’s tale with mounting horror. The debt he owed her grew with each sentence she uttered. When babies were born too soon, the vast majority of them died within weeks despite the best efforts anyone might make. The gods were cruel.
He ought to fall down and kiss her feet. She’d suffered greatly and all he’d done was escape from a dungeon.
‘But he has always been a fighter,’ she finished. ‘I knew I had to fight for his life. It was my fault that the accident happened. Your father nevertheless had the horse destroyed.’
‘And what did my father say about our son? Did he demand you expose Rurik?’
‘Your father was far from happy, but I told him that you should make the decision. You were the only one who could decide if our son lived or died in that fashion.’
‘And my father?’
‘He looked at me as if I had grown two heads, turned purple and said I would not get anything to eat unless I complied.’ Kara’s eyes blazed at the memory. ‘I told him I would never abandon my son. And I won’t.’
Ash’s admiration for her grew. It might not seem like much to defy his father, but Ash knew how frightened she had been of him. Kara hated strife of any kind and felt it deeply even if it wasn’t her fault. Her words might give the impression of ease, but it would have been far worse for her than she said.
‘He gave way? Immediately in the face of your immovability?’
‘Gudrun saved my life a second time. She sided with me and brought me food so that I wouldn’t starve. Luckily Rurik thrived and your father relented weeks later. I owe her a debt I cannot repay.’
‘You defied my father for weeks?’ Ash’s mouth dropped open and he didn’t even bother to hide his astonishment. ‘Kara!’
‘I found it easy when we were speaking about my child.’ Kara jutted her chin out. ‘Hring learnt that I might bend with the wind, but my backbone is flexible steel, rather than brittle straw. I bend, but I do not break and there are some things that I am immovable on.’
Ash heard the warning in her voice. She had defied his father and she’d defy him over this. His wife had the determination of a thousand men. ‘I wish you had told me the truth straight away.’
‘I wanted you to think the best of Rurik. I didn’t want you to turn your back on him.’
Ash ran his hand through his hair. He’d made so many mistakes today. This time he had to get it right. ‘But the fact that you and Rurik survived is down to you, rather than Gudrun. You always refuse to take credit for your skill.’
‘It is in the past, Ash.’ She clasped her hands together. ‘But I want you to understand why I claim the right to have final say on my son’s upbringing.’
Ash’s heart thumped. His son’s future hung in the balance. Rurik was not going to grow up living in fear. Or trying to do things when he didn’t know how to use the equipment properly. Training a warrior properly was a difficult and delicate task, but Rurik had to be one, otherwise he’d lose the estate. Selfishly he didn’t want to lose Kara either.
‘Rurik is my son. He will inherit these lands and all that entails some day. I mean to make him a good leader of men.’ He paused and fixed her with his eye.
Kara backed away, becoming a frightened falcon again. ‘I know the sort of training you went through. Rurik won’t survive it.’
‘Which is why I know how not to do it,’ he said quietly. ‘You must believe me. I will look after Rurik. Give me a chance. Give me the chance to make it right.’
‘He is far too young. Let him have time to grow up.’
Ash moved over towards her. He had made a mistake earlier, rushing her, trying to bend her to his will. He should have bided his time. After all this time he still needed a lesson in patience. ‘Kara, trust me. You once said you would always trust me. Trust me in this one thing. Make good your promise.’
‘Are you trying to provoke another fight?’ She nodded towards the bed piled high with furs. ‘So you can kiss me and then we fall into that bed?’
‘The last thing I want is to argue with you, but I do want your assurance that you will try to make this marriage work. I know I am giving you time, but please can we work together instead of against each other?’
Asking, not demanding. Kara swallowed hard and her heart pounded. It was far harder to fight against him when he was like this. ‘I will try.’
His eyes became hooded. ‘I want Rurik to grow up with parents who can work together, rather than who are constantly at each other’s throats. See if we can make this marriage work by letting me train our son the right way.’
She gave a hesitant nod, accepting what he said. She, too, could remember the fights her parents had had. Always arguing passionately over something on the rare occasions that her father was home. ‘Rurik appears to like you. One of his greatest desires is to be a strong warrior like his father.’
He dismissed her words with a wave of his hand. ‘He only knows stories about the old me. Give him time. But let me use that admiration to ensure he knows how to hold a sword, to skate and to swim.’
‘You rescued him from near-certain death,’ she reminded him with a frown. ‘In Rurik’s eyes, you are already his hero.’
‘Any one of my warriors would have done the same for a child. I happened to be the closest.’
Kara stared at him. The old Ash used to trumpet his success, making it seem like he was a greater warrior than he was. Ash had changed in more ways than she ever thought possible and she found she admired the new Ash. ‘Don’t ever dismiss what you have done to me again. Making it less doesn’t change its importance to Rurik.’
She fancied a bit of respect came into his eyes. ‘I had never considered it.’
‘Next time do.’ She crossed her arms, aware of him and the fact that he was in her room.
‘I will ensure he is properly trained, Kara. Not how my father trained me, but with challenges appropriate for his age. It will be risky, but he won’t have to do dangerous things.’
‘Do...do you truly know how to make boys into proper warriors?’
‘I learnt how to do it properly when I was in Viken. I saw the difference between a warrior who men feared and the sort that men followed willingly and for whom they would lay down their lives. A strong leader is respected, not feared. Fear leads to a knife in the back.’
Kara sighed, knowing Ash was correct. Rurik did need to be trained by someone he respected. It was why she’d been prepared to marry Valdar. She would have to trust Ash’s words and that he would be here to finish the training. She wanted him to have a reason to stay. ‘Remember Rurik is only little. He has big ideas, but his body...’
‘You may watch any of the training sessions and stop them if you think they are out of hand, but it is better he knows how to do things properly than to be tempted by a know-nothing like Virvir and get in trouble. Is that a fair compromise?’
Rather than meet his eyes, she reached out and straightened one of the tafl pieces. The stone was cool against her hand. Hring had always forbidden her from the training field. ‘You are willing to do that? Let me watch?’
‘I won’t pretend I will always get it right as I have never trained a six-year-old before, but I am willing to try.’
She bit her lip. She should have listened to Ash before and trusted him about the graveyard. And his men certainly appeared to be well trained with plenty of discipline. There had been none of the usual complaints from the women so far. Normally when any warrior visited, she was overrun with complaints in a short space of time. ‘I will trust you to come to me if you are unsure.’
‘There is a lot I have to learn about being a parent. You have a head start on me.’
‘You do the best you can. I make mistakes all the time.’ She looked up at the ceiling and blinked several times. ‘I nearly made a grave error tonight.’
&nbs
p; His hand caught hers. ‘Will you help me, Kara? I want...I want to be a better father than mine was for Rurik’s sake.’
He was actually asking her for help. She struggled to remember the last time. Probably when his falcon had broken its wing. Kara swallowed hard. Her fingers tightened about his. ‘If I can, I will, but the surest guide I have found is to love him.’
He didn’t let go of her hand, but stood up. She was aware of the breadth of his shoulders and the strength in his arms. ‘I want to make a new beginning with you, Kara. I want to get to know you better.’
‘You already know me pretty well.’
‘I know the old you, not the new one. Not the one who has been single-handedly running this estate or who is prepared to argue for better terms for the timber in front of the entire Storting.’
‘Who told you that?’
‘Rurik. He is very proud of his mother. Protective, as well. I’m not to make you cry again. He looked me straight in the eye and challenged me. Our son is no coward, Kara. I doubt I could have said that to my father.’
‘I used to cry on the anniversary of your death. I’m surprised Rurik knew.’
‘I profoundly regret I ever made you cry.’
He gave a little tug and her body gently collided with his. Unlike his earlier kiss, this kiss was gently persuasive. Where the other kiss had aroused fury, this one made her want to linger. Under the gentle pressure of his mouth, her lips opened and she tasted the warm interior of his. It was infinitely better than her dreams of the previous night.
He stepped back. ‘Good night, Kara.’
‘Good night?’ She put her hand on his chest and felt the steady thump of his heart. He was as affected by the kiss as she was. So why was he preparing to leave? Why was he rejecting her? ‘I don’t understand.’
‘If I stay, it will go further, much further and would be immensely pleasurable.’ He ran his hand down her cheek. A delicious tingling filled her. She fought against the urge to lean into his hand and ask him to stay, but she knew she’d hate herself in the morning. ‘But...it isn’t what you or I want.’
‘Further?’ she whispered, her throat parched. Her body ached for his touch and the way he used to play it like a harp. She wanted to sink into sensation again and forget. It was why he was here, surely. He had decided to take the choice from her.
‘I want it to go further, but only when you are ready. I want no accusations that I pushed you into it. I want you to take all the time you need.’ He smoothed a tendril of hair from her forehead. ‘Tomorrow we’ll play tafl. With a wager between friends rather than lovers. I intend to be your lover again...when you are ready. I want our marriage to be a true marriage, not something just for show.’ He reached out and retrieved the bowl of salve. ‘Thank you for this. I will use it.’
‘And if I’m not ready for a wager?’ she asked through aching lips.
‘We play for the joy of playing. I want to get to know the new you, Kara. I like what I’ve seen so far.’
Kara closed her eyes. Hoisted by her own words. She could try to get to know Ash as he was now, instead of expecting him to behave like he had done seven years ago. ‘I suppose we can play but no wagering. We have gone beyond that sort of thing.’
‘Coward.’ He gave a wicked smile, the sort that made her insides go liquid. ‘Aren’t you even going to ask what the wager was?’
Kara tilted her head and tried to control the pounding in her heart. Her entire traitorous body longed to know what the wager was and if it involved touching Ash and feeling his skin against hers. It would be so easy to melt into his embrace, particularly if she had no choice in the matter.
She straightened her spine and forced her feet to stay still. ‘How am I a coward?’
‘You challenge me, but then you run so you can sit up on your lonely mountaintop of female superiority, telling all the world that I forced you into a corner and that was why you surrendered.’
Her cheeks burnt. ‘Am I that obvious?’
‘No, I’m greedy.’ He bowed low. ‘I want to possess all of you rather than simply enjoying your body for one night.’
He was gone before she could utter a word in protest or explain why even one night would be a bad idea.
She lent her fevered brow against the cool panelling as her lips ached. Logic and not emotion. She had to think clearly, rather than consider the shape of his mouth and if the bristles on his chin remained as soft as they had been before.
Rurik needed a father, someone who could properly train him.
She had made the right decision, but she knew what she wanted from her life’s partner and it was very different from what she had wanted as a young girl. But she had to give Ash a chance. She wanted to see if it was more than desire or the memory of what had once passed between them. Why had everything become so complicated now that Ash had returned?
Chapter Eleven
‘I’ve brought the tafl board to you,’ Kara said, setting the board down next to where Ash sat in the great hall, engaged in an engrossing discussion with one of his men.
The remains of the welcome feast were spread out before him. Kara doubted if Ash had even realised that she had gone from the table. Just before she left, he had seemed utterly absorbed in the conversation about rigging sails. Further confirmation that Ash had no intention of staying here for the long term.
He wanted her to be a custodian of the estate and carry out his orders when he was gone. It wasn’t going to happen like that. It was why she had rejected several suitors earlier in the year. She knew what she wanted and all she had to do was to stick to her well-considered plan and keep her heart out of it.
Ash immediately broke off his conversation and turned towards her. His face lit up with some secret amusement. ‘You returned, Kara. I thought we might have to send out a search party.’
His friend laughed. ‘You’ve no idea how worried his lordship was, my lady. I’ve never seen him this perturbed. No, I lie. Once before when he worried about a Ranerike attack. His caution proved right that day. He kept turning his head and looking for you, even when he denied it. Normally he has no eyes for a skirt or a sultry smile. We used to wonder why and now we know. He left a beautiful lady at home.’
Ash banged his fist on the table. ‘Saxi! Enough!’
Ash had ignored other women? Kara forced a breath and recited the names of Ash’s mistresses before their marriage. Hring had made sure she knew about each and every one.
Had none come after her? She dampened down the sudden spark of hope. She must be realistic rather than grasp illusions of romance. It would be because he had been determined to regain his honour and didn’t have time, rather than because he had been pining for her. But she found it impossible to silence the insistent little voice that whispered, He seems to care now.
‘You did say you wanted a game and this is the perfect time.’ Kara slid back into her place and attempted to control her heart’s fierce beating.
It had seemed simple enough in the kitchen where she’d retreated under the guise of checking the stores after she’d checked that Rurik was truly asleep and not watching the feast from some hidden vantage point. Playing the game in front of everyone would ensure that it remained an innocent game, rather than turning into one of wagers and forfeits in the bedroom. Being alone together with a bed nearby would have compounded her mistakes. Falling into his bed would make the situation worse rather than better despite what her body screamed or what her dreams promised.
Trust and mutual regard were the necessary ingredients for a happy marriage. She had made a list after Hring died. Nothing had happened to change her determination to have that contentment. The joining of bodies was simply passion and passion faded.
‘Perfection depends on your point of view.’ His eyes deepened to a midnight blue. ‘I’d hoped for later, but we can pla
y now. Test our skill against each other and see how well matched we are.’
‘The skald can sing as we play.’ Kara opted for a bright smile as warmth flickered throughout her body. She could remember how well matched they were in bed. It was outside of the bedroom which bothered her. ‘Who knows, maybe we can create a tournament and get others involved? We had one three winters ago with your father. He found it very enjoyable.’
A faint smile played on Ash’s lips. ‘And who was the overall champion? My father again? He always enjoyed being the champion and sulked if anyone else won.’
‘I was, much to your uncle’s disgust and your father’s amusement.’
‘My uncle and father were alike in many ways. Both of them hated losing.’
Kara stared at the tafl board, remembering the tournament. ‘Your uncle, though, knows when he is beaten. Your father never liked to admit it.’
‘My uncle tends to be pragmatic. You have nothing to fear from him.’ He put his hand over hers. ‘I enjoy playing more when there is a challenge.’
She withdrew her hand. If she wanted to show Ash her skill, she would need all her wits about her. ‘Then you agree, we shall play here. In front of everyone.’
His look became one of mock innocence. ‘Where else is there to play? You must enlighten me some day, Wife.’
‘You are teasing me now because you want to put me off my game.’ She glanced up and tumbled into his dark blue gaze. ‘I know all of your tricks, Ash.’
‘I hope not all of them,’ he murmured. ‘Shall we begin and see if I can match your winning form?’
The game started well. Kara rapidly saw that Ash was a skilful tafl player, perhaps even better than his father. But she wasn’t worried. She had spent hours in the last few winters pitting her wits against Hring and everyone else. There was something therapeutic about playing, rather than wasting energy worrying about whether they had enough grain or if the trees would be felled at the proper time. And she had missed the challenge since Hring’s death. The two times she had played Valdar, she had easily won. Ash was right—there was little challenge in always winning.