So I got back on his lap. “Scootch forward a little.” He slid forward just enough that I was able to tilt and take him inside me. “Ah…” I slid my hands into his hair and kissed him again. And the fact that he wasn’t able to concentrate much told me he was close. Well, no wonder. He’d been on edge for quite some time.
He grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt. “Mind if I pull this off?”
I didn’t answer, instead just lifting my hands up over my head. I wasn’t an exhibitionist, but there was something about having it all out there in the back of that stupid van. And before the shirt was completely off one of my wrists, he’d pulled my nipple into his mouth.
I’d thought this was all for him, but I was hot again, and I couldn’t be denied. I thought back to the time Ethan and I were fucking in the hallway of our old apartment, how Ethan had begged me to touch myself. That had been a pretty fantastic orgasm, and by how quickly Brad was going tonight (and I didn’t blame him), there was no way I’d be able to catch up, even rotating my hips the way I was. So I unwound the fingers of my right hand and lay my hand flat against my tummy. Then I slid it down, my fingers in the lead. And I found my clit and started moving index and middle finger in a circle against it. Yeah, maybe I could catch up.
I looked down at Brad’s face. Fuck, he was hot, and he was looking at me with his smoldering eyes. He said, “Let me help,” and stuck his thumb in my mouth. It was instinctive. I just started sucking on it, pretending it was his cock. God, the look on his face. He pulled his thumb out of my mouth and then—gently, of course—moved my fingers, and that digit of his hit my sweet spot and took me home a lot faster than my own fingers would have.
“Oh…” I was close, and I sucked another breath down. I felt pained as I started to pant, continuing to drive my hips, slamming down into him. But his thumb didn’t leave my clit, kept the pressure up. I couldn’t believe I’d caught up with him. “Oh, God, Brad…” And my second orgasm of the evening crashed down around me, making nothing in the world exist…nothing but Brad and my body, which was now on fire. And that’s when I felt his other hand on the small of my back, offering support and love, while his thumb kept me feeling pleasure. I’m not sure when he came, only that he did sometime during that crazy climax of my own.
* * *
We’d stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for a while before I’d finally pried myself off him to get dressed. I hadn’t noticed until after, but I was sticky and sweaty, and so was he. The summer heat of Texas had made us both pools of perspiration, and I for one couldn’t wait to get back to the motel to shower.
We took our time getting back upstairs, though. He kissed me outside, right after we got out of the van; he pushed me up against the wall of the elevator and gave me some totally hot kisses as we made it to our floor; and he held me around the waist the rest of the time. When we stepped off the elevator, I asked, “You’re coming to my room, aren’t you?”
I could tell by the look on his face that he hadn’t expected the invitation, but he wasn’t going to turn me down. “Sure.” We walked past the suites and could hear party noises drifting out. I prayed no one would bust out of those doors while Brad and I snuck past. I didn’t really care if anyone knew, but I also had known Ethan long enough to understand that he could be a huge pain in the ass. Tomorrow, I could deal with him, but I felt like tonight belonged to Brad and me, and I would be pissed if Ethan or anyone else ruined it.
I quickly slid my card in the slot and turned the knob to push the door open when the little light turned green. Brad was right behind me, and I started giggling when I saw he was carrying the Walmart bag. “What?” He grinned. “I couldn’t leave that in the van for the guys to see.”
“It’s not like they’ve never seen a condom before.” He laughed and I threw the door card on the dresser.
“Yeah, but you know they’d ask where it came from. Would you be able to keep a straight face?”
I shrugged and smiled again. “I want to shower. I feel all sticky and gross.”
“Can I join you? No hanky panky if you don’t wanna. I just feel pretty sweaty myself.”
I’d never actually seen Brad, not in the light, not fully naked, so hell, yeah, I wasn’t gonna turn the boy down. I nodded and went in the bathroom and turned the water on. I didn’t want a hot shower, so I got the water lukewarm and started stripping. Brad came in a few seconds later, shoes off. I debated if I wanted to stand there and watch or get in the shower and get my business done. I was already naked and ready to go. I knew I often felt self-conscious being admired, so I just grinned and said, “Meet ya in there!” I was tired and didn’t plan for anything else anyway.
By the time he joined me, I was soaped down and rinsing off. He still acted hesitant and a little shy. I grabbed his hand and playfully slapped the bar of soap in it. We were both feeling a little awkward, I think. We’d been friends for a long time, had kept our distance, even though we’d always had that intense undercurrent of lust in our bellies, and now that we’d done that, I think we were both wondering, Now what?
Okay, so I looked. I couldn’t help it. And Brad had nothing to be ashamed of. He wasn’t an overgrown beast like Clayton had been, but he was plenty big, and he knew how to use it. I’d seen almost everything else on the boy, so that was all I wanted to see in the light. Or not. “Turn around.”
He gave me a quizzical look. “What for?”
“I’ll wash your back.” Yeah, sure, that’s what I wanted to do. But he didn’t question me and handed me the soap. No, I wanted to see his ass. That truly was the last thing to see. And I wasn’t much into butts but his was cute. I did wash his back, and I appreciated the feel of his skin against mine. He was all sinew, not an ounce of fat on that boy. After rubbing the soap all over his back, I slapped his ass. “All done.” He turned around. He was half-smiling but still had that weird look on his face. “You okay?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
Hmm. “You’re probably as tired as I am.” I handed the soap back to him. “Trade places? I’m gonna get out.” He just seemed to need a little time to himself. I could give him that. He smiled and turned so I could get past him.
I stood, dripping on the bathmat while I reached for the towel I’d used earlier that evening. I’d felt awkward the first few moments after my first sexual encounters with both Ethan and Clay, but this was one was turning out to take the cake. That sucked, because the sex had been incredible…some of the best I’d ever had. But maybe if he had some time, it would be okay.
My comb was on the counter, and I ran it through my partially damp hair. Then I went in the other room. I was still warm, but the shower had done wonders. I could feel the air conditioning on, so I walked over to the queen-size bed and crawled under the covers. I heard Brad shut off the shower, and I wondered if he was regretting coming back to my room with me.
I just closed my eyes to rest my head. It would serve another purpose as well, though. If Brad was starting to feel as weird as I was imagining, he might appreciate the opportunity to duck out…or at least avoid conversation. But when he crawled into bed with me, he didn’t shut off the lights, and I couldn’t help but open my eyes. He rubbed my arm that was resting on top of the covers. I smiled at him. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
So what was bothering him? He was still turning something over in his head. Brad did that sometimes. He’d stay quiet until the right words came, and I knew that’s what was happening. He was trying to find a way to say what he needed to. I couldn’t stand the silence, the awkwardness anymore. “Is something wrong?”
He stopped rubbing my arm and smiled. “No.” He looked in my eyes, and it still took him some time. “You…are so…special, Val.” I blinked. He had more to say. “I just…never expected this, I guess.”
I couldn’t stop my hand from stroking his cheek. Little hairs were starting to poke out of his normally smooth, shaved skin. “Do you regret it?”
His eyes softened. “Oh. No. Fuck, no
. I just…didn’t expect it.”
And then I understood. Tonight hadn’t just been about getting his rocks off. It had been emotional for him. Wow. Deeply emotional. I was at a loss for words myself. I couldn’t think of what to say. I hadn’t regretted it either. It was weird now but…
He leaned over and touched his lips to mine.
And what the hell was that emotion burgeoning in my chest? It was so intense all of a sudden that I felt my eyes well with tears. I let it manifest itself physically as I wound my fingers into his hair and pressed myself into him. I felt as though someone else was possessing me, driving me, and I was letting it happen. I knew, though, that I was trying to overcome that heavy, raw emotion that I didn’t want to name or even think about, and I was trying to override it with sexual desire.
He wasn’t pushing me away, but his kisses were sweeter, more tender, less demanding than mine. Maybe I was being too aggressive for him, because he moved his lips to my shoulder where he kissed me, open-mouthed, and moved to my neck. Okay…so I could move slowly, but that goddamned emotion. What the hell was that? It was moving from my diaphragm and into my heart, piercing deep, and I don’t know that I’d ever felt that way about anyone.
It couldn’t be real. It had to be how tired I was. It had to be a response to how angry I was at Ethan. It had to be the heat. There were so many things it had to be, because it couldn’t be that one thing it was pretending to be. No. It couldn’t be that.
I just wondered why it felt that way and why it was wrenching my internal organs and refusing to let go.
But his kisses were pulling me away from the emotions, setting my skin on fire for him again. I could still sense that…deep feeling—it was there, but I was able to push it to the back of my mind as our lips met, crashed, melded, as our bodies united as one. I couldn’t feel the air from the AC; I could only feel the inferno between us, the one that had always been there, burning, smoldering, consuming. And as he entered me again, driving, a sweet sensation unlike one I’d never known, I felt myself give everything over to him, all that I was. His hands laced through mine as he slid into me, again and again, making me breathless, until I cried out. There was a song in my head that played, one that would never be written, one I’d never sing, but one that my soul was singing for him, crying for him, one that would never not need him.
I drifted off to sleep in his arms after, forcing myself to ignore all those emotions threatening to consume me, drive me mad, and so I wondered if it was a dream or if I really heard him whisper that he loved me as sleep overtook me.
Chapter Thirty-seven
“VAL? VAL! ARE you in there?”
It took me a few seconds to get my bearings. Okay…I was in my hotel room. There was Brad lying beside me, and he was waking up too. He looked as confused and out of it as I felt. I glanced at the alarm clock with the red LED display on the nightstand next to the bed. It was only twenty after four. God. I was sick of party animals ruining my good night’s sleep.
“Yeah. What do you want?” I was pretty sure it was Nick, but I couldn’t tell.
“Can I come in?”
I sighed and looked over at Brad, rolling my eyes. “Can’t it wait till morning?”
“No. Please hurry up.”
It was then that I heard the panic in our drummer’s voice. Brad whispered, “You want me to lay low?”
I shrugged. “Think he’d freak out with you in here?”
He smiled. “We’re talking about Nick. Yeah. He’ll freak. Or not.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I dunno.”
“Then just be quiet.” I raised my voice. “Just a sec.” I gave Brad a quick kiss on the lips and then got out of bed and pulled a fresh t-shirt out of the suitcase by the wall. I slipped it on and then fished out a pair of panties too and slipped into them. Then I walked to the door. Brad had already laid his head back on the pillow…but his eyes were open.
I opened the door. “Yeah. What’s so frigging important it can’t wait till morning?”
“It’s Ethan.”
Of course. What now? But before I turned sarcastic, Nick’s panic shook me. It shook me to the base of my spine. Oh, shit. “What? What, Nick? What the fuck?”
“I’m sorry to bug you, Val. I tried to find Brad. But—”
Brad was already behind me. “Spit it out, man. What the fuck happened?”
Nick didn’t freak out about Brad, and maybe that’s because he’d walked in on us in the van the time we’d started and never finished. Or maybe he was too panicked otherwise. But Nick was losing it about whatever was going on with Ethan. And with Ethan, God. It could be anything. He could be fighting, what with his volatile temper. He could be hanging out the window, playing reckless daredevil, fueled by his
drugs.
Oh, fuck, no.
“He won’t wake up, man. He’s like—”
“Where is he, Nick?”
“He’s in the suite. He’s passed out.”
Brad had his jeans on and was already out the door before I could even process what was happening. But his motion unfroze me, and I grabbed my card off the dresser and ran out in the hall. Brad and Nick were already back in the suite, standing next to Zane. There were a few other people standing around, and I saw a guy from a different band making out with a girl in the corner, pretending we didn’t exist.
And there was Ethan, lying on the couch, his head just resting on the back. He almost looked peaceful. “How do you know he’s not just sleeping?” Brad asked.
“He’s not. You try waking him up.”
Brad didn’t look so sure, but I was already walking over to the couch. I touched Ethan’s shoulder. “Ethan. Ethan? Wake up.” He didn’t respond. I could feel panic rising in my chest, but I knew I needed to stay calm. I grabbed both his shoulders with my hands. “Ethan. Wake up.” It was more a command that time, but his head just lolled around with the motion. I had no control anymore as fear set in. I could hear it in my voice. “Damn it, Ethan. Wake up. Wake up…” My words deteriorated into sobs, and that’s when Zane grabbed my hands so I’d stop roughing Ethan up as though shaking him would pull him out of whatever had taken hold of him.
I heard Brad ask, “How long has he been like this?”
Nick said, “I don’t know. We just tried to get him up a while ago.”
Brad’s voice was calm but firm. “What’d he take?”
“Hell if I know, man. With Ethan, it could be anything.”
Zane added, “Or everything.”
Someone behind us said, “I’m pretty sure he did some smack.”
I wasn’t sure what that was, but I was able to figure it out when Brad muttered, “Fuckin’ heroin.” He was louder when he asked, “What else?”
Zane: “He was drinking. We all were.” Brad nodded. “But there might have been more. I don’t know. He was with a couple of guys and a girl a while ago, and they’re gone.”
“Do you know their names?”
Zane’s voice was dry. “You’re kidding, right?”
I was losing it. “Shouldn’t we be calling the ambulance?”
Brad looked at me. “Do you think they’d get here in time?”
I heard the panic in my voice again. “We have to do something.”
He nodded. “Zane, help me load him in the van. Nick, you still have that GPS app on your phone?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you’re comin’ with.”
Zane said, “I’m comin’ too.”
I didn’t say it, but I planned to come along as well. They couldn’t stop me if they tried. But they didn’t. I ran back to my room and threw on jeans and sandals and grabbed Brad’s t-shirt and shoes for him and joined them at the elevator. No one said a word. Nick was Googling the address of the nearest hospital, and by the time we got to the bottom floor, I went in front to open the van doors.
They lay Ethan on the middle seat. Zane sat in the back, and I sat on the floor next to where Ethan’s head was. Brad said, “Nick, I need you riding
shotgun as my navigator.” And I lost my sense of time and direction as my body swayed with the motion of the van. I didn’t even know how quickly Brad was driving. I was focused on Ethan. I was brushing his long hair out of his eyes, rubbing his forehead. “Ethan, if you can hear me, don’t give up. We’re getting you help.”
When we arrived at the hospital, Brad had driven into the ER entrance. It was all a blur to me, but later on I remembered hospital staff lifting him out of the van and taking him inside on a gurney. They rushed him back in a room and wouldn’t let any of us back there.
A nurse asked us questions. Brad answered as many of them as he could. I felt like an emotionless statue. More than that, I felt numb, unbelieving, and the time seemed to pass slowly, but it actually flew by.
At one point, they told us Ethan was in stable condition…whatever that meant.
We went to the cafeteria for coffee. The guys were talking, but I wasn’t listening. I was praying.
We waited and waited and waited.
At some point, they moved Ethan to his own room. They only allowed Brad and me. Why? Because Brad had told them I was Ethan’s fiancée and said he was his brother. And that’s when they told us Ethan was in a coma.
I asked Brad if anyone had told June. “She’d flip out, Val…and there’s really nothing she can do.”
“But what if he stays in the coma forever, Brad, and we don’t tell her? Then what?”
“And how the hell do you think she could even get here?”
“The same way we did.”
He sighed. “I’ll make you a deal. If he’s still like this in a week, I’ll call her.”
That was good enough.
I lost track of time. Nick and Zane had long ago checked us out of the big motel suite and had found a sleazy motel that was nothing more than two beds and a shower. More than once, they got Brad and took him back to sleep and shower. They brought snacks and once in a while brought some fast food. They all tried to get me to leave, to at least walk outside for a while, but I refused. They somehow even managed to get a nurse to encourage me to leave for a few minutes, but I heard her telling Brad outside in the hallway, “All I can do is ask her. She’s in love, so of course she won’t leave.” No, I wasn’t in love. That’s not why I was here. I was worried about Ethan, and I felt guilty. It was guilt that had prompted me to stay and kept me there beside his bed.
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