‘Indeed it might.’
‘I can only do my best,’ Su-Ying said.
‘No one can do more,’ Bella said.
After Su-Ying had left, Bella thought what an asset she had proved to the family. What was even more remarkable was the way she had herself recognised that potential from the first. Why, if it had not been for her, Su-Ying might never have become a member of the family at all.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Mother and son were alone in the tarted-up version of Miranda Downs. As Richard chose to call it.
‘Don’t you like it?’ Bella asked.
‘Of course I like it. But it takes a bit of getting used to. I would never have known the place,’ he said. ‘Air-conditioned, too!’
‘Kerosene generators,’ Bella explained. ‘They gulp it down like drunks but they’re worth it. You know how hot and humid it gets here in the Wet.’
It wasn’t just the air-conditioning. Bookshelves were fitted around two of the living room walls – extra books spilling everywhere – and the furniture had been replaced. Large, welcoming armchairs were upholstered in grey cloth, with red, blue and yellow cushions in a silky material. A seven-foot settee ran under the picture window.
‘They’re Swedish but very comfortable. Try them.’
Between the bookshelves were good reproductions of paintings by Braque, Matisse and Picasso.
‘I can’t believe it,’ Richard said. ‘Sophisticated but welcoming.’
‘It was one of the first things I said to your father, that a living room should be for living. For expanding your perceptions, if you feel like it. Or stretching out, if that’s what you fancy.’
‘Nobody would expect this sort of thing in the Pilbara.’
‘Perth has made you a townie,’ Bella said tartly. ‘This is the Outback, not the Stone Age.’
‘I wonder what Dad would have made of it.’
‘In theory he’d have been all in favour, but when it came to the point he liked things to stay the same.’
‘Not like you,’ Richard said.
‘Not at all like me. What did Robert Frost say about promises and having far to go before I sleep? That’s me.’
‘Promises to whom?’
‘To myself. And the future. Where’s Su-Ying?’
‘Having a bath.’
The bathroom, too, was new. It was still the only one, but suited more to a five-star hotel than the Miranda Downs he remembered from the past.
‘Tell me what’s going on,’ Bella said.
Richard spelt out everything that had happened and how he had persuaded Su-Ying not to return to China.
‘Very wise, the way things are over there,’ Bella said. ‘Although I’m not sure how long we can hang on to her.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘She’s presumably on a diplomatic passport. All they have to do is cancel the passport and tip off the immigration people in Perth.’
‘Surely they wouldn’t kick her out?’
‘That’s exactly what they would do,’ Bella said.
‘What do we do about it?’
‘I would say that depends on you.’ She looked at her son thoughtfully. ‘I admire your wanting to help her. But how much do you really care for her? Not as a victim but as a human being?’
On the lawn outside the living room a parliament of crows had gathered, cawing and gabbing. Richard stood at the window watching them, then turned. ‘I love her with all my heart,’ he said.
‘Love her now or love her forever?’
He looked at her, the ghost of a smile in his blue eyes. Softly he quoted:
‘Till a’ the seas gang dry, my love, and the rocks melt in the sun.’
‘Robert Burns,’ she said with pleasure. ‘Or close. Very civilised. But never mind Robert Burns. How does Richard feel about it?’
‘I love her, Ma. I’ll love her till I die. I think sometimes I loved her before I met her.’
‘That is the true feeling,’ Bella said.
She was delighted that he had found such a precious thing so early in life, yet felt a familiar pang as she remembered what was past in her own life and should be forgotten yet still, over thirty years later, was not.
‘What do you propose to do about it?’ she asked him.
He looked at her uncertainly.
‘How far are you prepared to go to stop them sending her back?’
‘You’re saying I should hide her?’
She could have shaken him. ‘How long would you get away with that? Talk sense, boy! Are you willing to marry her?’
‘If it would help.’
‘There are times I despair of you,’ his mother said. ‘It’s not a question of help. Do you want to marry her or don’t you?’
‘Like a shot. If she’ll have me.’
‘Even though she may be using you to protect herself?’
He did not hesitate. ‘Even then.’
‘It could lead you into a vale of tears,’ Bella warned him.
‘I’d risk it. But, if I do, does it mean she can stay here?’
‘I doubt they’d forcibly deport a woman married to an Australian citizen.’
‘Maybe I should discuss it with her.’
‘Don’t discuss it with her! Ask her! Ask her outright!’
For the first time he hesitated. ‘What if she says no?’
‘That is the risk you take,’ Bella said.
He had thought it would be difficult or impossible, but when it came to the point it had nothing to do with race or culture or politics or what his friends might think. Only one thing mattered.
This was the woman he loved. She was beauty and peace, respect and honour. She had become his life.
They were alone, not entirely by chance. The evening sky was red behind the trees and a light breeze kept the mosquitoes away. Richard led Su-Ying down to the creek, where the water gleamed red with ink-black shadows in the dying light. He had thought to tell her about the water lilies that flowered here in early summer, the crocodile that made a periodic appearance and that some of the old women claimed had magical powers. He had thought they might hear the soft drone of a didgeridoo singing the night.
He said none of these things and, apart from a sleepy flutter of birds, the night was silent.
They stood at the water’s edge. He took her gently and turned her to face him, seeing the last of the light reflecting in her dark eyes. She stood unresisting, all woman, all beauty, all mystery. For the second time since he had known her, his heart turned over.
He said, very softly: ‘Darling Su-Ying, I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?’
He saw her smile.
‘Of course,’ she said.
Not hard at all, when you came down to it. She had not told him that she loved him but that, he told himself, would come.
The way Bella was dancing around, she might have been eighteen again.
‘Excellent!’ she said. ‘Wonderful! I am delighted.’ She kissed Su-Ying. ‘I am very happy to welcome you into our family as my new daughter. But we’d better waste no time making it official, in case your friends try to snatch you away from us.’
That was true, Su-Ying thought. Although from what she had seen she suspected there would be few people capable of snatching anything away from Bella Tucker against her will.
‘There’s a registry office in Derby,’ Bella said. ‘I suggest you get married there.’
‘Derby’s too far,’ Richard objected.
‘I’ll fly you over,’ Bella said. ‘I intend to be there, anyway.’ She smiled at Su-Ying. ‘I’m bossy, as you’ll find out, but I promise this is one occasion when I shan’t interfere. All the same, if there’s anything I can do to help, just ask.’
‘I need a dress to get married in,’ Su-Ying said. ‘Quite a few other things. But I have no money.’
She felt ashamed of having to confess it but Bella dismissed it at once.
‘That’s easily fixed.’
She went to the
phone. ‘Mr Timms, please… Bella Tucker… Good morning, Keith. I need a favour.’
She explained briskly what she wanted; listened less than patiently to the bank manager’s protests.
‘I know all that. But she needs to draw on it immediately. Not later than tomorrow. The paperwork can be arranged later. Opening deposit? Transfer ten thousand from the number one account. That’s right. Ten thousand. And let your Derby branch know, right? She’ll be taking out cash tomorrow. Is that clear? Everything in order? Splendid. And she’ll come in to fill in the forms. When? Very soon.’
She hung up and turned to Su-Ying, smiling. ‘Fixed,’ she said.
A whirlwind would be calmer. Su-Ying was perturbed. ‘How do I repay you?’
The smile broadened. ‘Call it a down-payment on your wedding present.’
They flew to Derby the next morning and spent the afternoon getting kitted out. White brocade for the bride, dark blue for the bridegroom’s mother: they admired themselves enormously in the shop’s mirror, then went next door.
‘I want you to show us some of your finest lingerie,’ Bella said, with just a touch of Ripon Grange in her manner. ‘The best you have. If you please. Not for me, for this lady here. Miss Lee is doing me the honour of becoming my daughter-in-law tomorrow.’
Bras were brought out and displayed.
‘I like that one,’ Bella said.
‘Very pretty,’ Su-Ying said.
‘Why don’t you try it on?’ Bella said.
She came back to report it fitted perfectly.
‘But I don’t know how much it is.’
A price was mentioned.
‘Too much,’ Su-Ying said.
‘We’ll take it,’ Bella said.
‘Maybe we should ask for a discount.’
‘Maybe we shouldn’t.’
Bella, who had promised not to interfere, seemed to have taken charge.
‘And the knickers to go with it. What is your hip size?’ she asked Su-Ying.
‘Too expensive,’ Su-Ying said as they left the shop.
It wasn’t as though anyone would see them on her. Except her husband, of course. Even he might not. She would prefer to undress in the bathroom; it would be less embarrassing that way. But perhaps Richard might have other ideas. What did she know about men and their ideas? Not for the first time, she wondered if she had been wise to go through with all this; she couldn’t imagine her father’s reaction, when he heard. His daughter married to a foreigner in a foreign country, among foreigners? He would be horrified. Yet what choice did she have? It would be madness to go back, and if this was the way to avoid it… She was very fond of Richard. She liked him very much. As for love… She was not sure what that was. She tried out the words, in Chinese and in English.
Wo ai nee. I love you.
It was no use; she could not bring herself to say it, not yet. She thought he might have expected her to do so but she had not.
Wo ai nee, she told herself again. I will say it only when I mean it. And then, heaven permitting, it will be forever. She had been brought up to regard religion as superstition, but now she addressed her supplication to the goddess of mercy.
‘Lady Guan Yin, help me to love my husband.’
* * *
The ceremony was formal and brief. A few words from the registrar; signatures – their own and witnesses’ – on a paper; it was done.
Another in a series of events in a life that, for Su-Ying, had become surreal.
‘You are free now,’ Bella said. ‘They can’t force you to go back.’
They – mother-in-law, husband and herself – went to the hotel where they would spend the night; they had a meal in the downstairs dining room. It was naturally a western meal but the students’ cafeteria had trained Su-Ying, to some extent, and she managed to gulp it down. And later came the time to be alone with her husband, whom she liked very much, the time of the dimming of the lights and so by degrees to the moment when for the first time she felt her body possessed by another being. Afterwards she lay, wide-eyed in the darkness, and wondered what the future would bring.
Bella, alone in her room in the same hotel, remembered how things had been between Garth and herself. For the first time in many years she wondered how she would have felt had she and Charles ever made love and felt a fleeting regret they never had.
Darling Charles, she thought. How much I missed you in those days. How much I miss you still. She had thought, after Garth died, she might write to him. As an old friend, no more. But it was useless. She was not an old friend and Charles was a married man. What point was there in resurrecting a past that she should have buried years ago?
Once again she ordered herself to think of him no more, knowing it would do no good. She had learnt to control every other aspect of her life but not this. Her feelings for Charles would remain forever.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Su-Ying woke at dawn. Even before memory returned she sensed an unfamiliar warmth in her bed. She opened her eyes. The ceiling above her, the picture on the wall… Even in the half-light they were unfamiliar. She turned her head to stare at the sleeping man, his dark hair spread upon the pillow. The man who was now her husband.
There was pain in her loins, the small of her back. Again she stared at the ceiling as she tried to piece together the events that had led her to this: the flight from terror; the journey north to an unknown place in an unknown land, surrounded by unknown people; the proposal of marriage that would have been unthinkable only one day before but that had become her only refuge; and now this. Her body was the property of a foreigner whose background and beliefs were as different from hers as it was possible to be. A lifetime commitment: to this?
It could not be; it was.
Mother-in-law had told her she was free but how was that possible? She was a married woman and must defer to her husband. That was not freedom. She was a prisoner behind doors labelled custom, law and possession. That was not freedom. She believed she would never be free again. She had turned her back on all that mattered to her: the father who had given her life; Comrade Minister Deng; even China itself. In a moment of panic she had thrown away home, loyalty and culture. For what? This land was not hers. This way of living was not hers.
How could she live with the shame of what she had done?
She was desperate to escape but there was nowhere to run. This man and this country were now her destiny. This, now, was her home.
She had never felt lonelier in her life.
She had no idea what her husband would require of her, this first day of their marriage. Would he expect her to be there when he woke? To bring him tea? Last night, after lovemaking, she had washed them both. It had been her duty yet she had sensed he had not expected it, had perhaps even been embarrassed by it. How could she be a good wife if she did not know what was expected of her?
She could not bear to stay where she was a moment longer. Moving cautiously so as not to waken her husband, she edged from beneath the covers. The air was cool on her body as she took clean clothes from the wardrobe. She washed and dressed in the bathroom: underclothes her mother-in-law had chosen for her, the usual white shirt and jeans. She opened the bedroom door and went down the stairs. Behind the hotel a lawn sloped to the river. The grass was cool beneath her bare feet. She sat on a bench beside the water. Swans preened their black plumage on an island in midstream. One swam over to investigate, its red eyes inspecting her from a cautious distance. She had nothing to give it, nor did she know whether feeding the big birds was allowed. Reeds lined the bank but she did not know their name. She knew nothing about anything.
There were shreds of pink cloud overhead, the silence of a world waiting for the sun. She breathed the cool air deeply into her lungs. From trees on the far bank came a kookaburra’s raucous cackle.
That was a bird she knew. She drew courage from the sound. At least it was a beginning.
‘Soon I shall know more.’ Saying it out loud made her feel better. ‘The
future is a challenge but I shall face it bravely. I shall learn what I must do. I shall come to love my husband. I shall survive,’ Su-Ying told the swan.
If the bird had any thoughts on the subject it kept them to itself. Soon, inspection finished, it sailed majestically away.
She got up and walked back across the lawn to the hotel.
Two days later, in the evening, Richard and Su-Ying arrived back at Miranda Downs. The next morning they were both up early.
‘Want to go for a walk?’ she said.
‘Sure.’
‘Do you have a gun?’
He stared. ‘Why should I need a gun?’
‘We might see a wild pig.’
‘They are deep in the forest. They don’t come down here.’
They hadn’t gone far before he looked at her. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing’s the matter.’
‘You’re on edge. I can feel it. What’s the problem?’
‘The men who were going to take me back to China,’ she said. ‘Your mother says they will do nothing to a woman married to an Australian but she does not know these people. They take their orders from Beijing and care nothing for anyone else.’
He saw that she was frightened.
‘They’ll never track you up here. But we’ll go back if you prefer.’
‘Better we should,’ she said.
She hoped he was right but every day she woke to fear. To guilt, also, that she had chosen the west over China. Who was she to make such a decision? She saw that Richard did not understand why she was troubled so tried to explain to him.
‘For centuries family and land have been two most important things in Chinese society. Without them, hard to believe I exist at all.’
‘I can’t do anything about the land,’ Richard said. ‘But this is your family now and all of us are glad that is so.’
She hoped he meant it. She didn’t mind her mother-in-law being in charge – that had been the Chinese way for centuries – but how Bella felt about having a Chinese daughter-in-law it was impossible to know.
As for her husband… She liked and respected him, this man who was so considerate outside the bed, so masterful in it. But love… So far Lady Guan Yin had not answered her prayers, although she still hoped she might.
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