by Laura Day
Her eyes fell onto something that was sitting just under the notepad. She pulled it out to discover that it was an old picture. Her eyes fell onto the little girl sitting in the center. She was skinny with large front teeth and big brown eyes. She had her hair in a high ponytail, and she was smiling so wide that her missing teeth were that much more prominent. Maple traced the image with her finger, taken back by how much had changed since that picture had been taken. She must have been five or six at the time.
She still had the picture in her hand when the door opened and her mother walked in. Delia Hudson had changed a lot, too, Maple realized as she looked at her mother as subtlety as she was able. She had lost the vibrancy of youth, and she was starting to look very much like a woman who was beyond middle age.
She was dressed in khaki pants and a plain white t-shirt that was one size too big for her. Her hair was still brown, but there were streaks of grey that ran in uneven patches along her head. She had lost the svelte figure from her youth and gained weight on her stomach and hips. Her eyes were still the same pretty hazel, but there were lines that erupted around them, making them appear smaller than they probably were. They went wide as they fell on Maple sitting there on her bed.
“Hi, Mom,” Maple said, standing up and coming forward to embrace Delia.
“My darling,” Delia said with brightness in her tone. “I wasn’t expecting you today.”
“I had some free time, and I hadn’t seen you in a while,” Maple said. “The man at the desk said you were working in the kitchen.”
Delia nodded. “I started last week.”
“I thought you liked working in the gardens?” Maple asked.
“I had an episode there a little while ago...so they transferred me.”
Maple watched her carefully. “An episode?” she asked gently.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” Delia said.
Maple wanted to know more, but she suppressed her curiosity and her concern and nodded. “Ok then, we don’t have to talk about it. How is it...working in the kitchen?”
“I like it so far,” Delia nodded. “I like making omelets the best.”
“Omelets?” Maple repeated.
Delia nodded. “It’s quick, its easy, and its tasty, that’s a rare combination. But yesterday, Louis taught me how to make carrot stew, and that was fun, too. Tomorrow I’m going to help make chili chowder.”
Maple smiled. “Sounds like you’re learning new things.”
Delia nodded. “I can’t believe, after all these years, I’m finally learning to cook.”
“Stranger things have happened.”
Delia moved back to the bed and sat down, and Maple joined her.
“Do you remember when that picture was taken?” Delia asked, and Maple looked down, realizing that the picture was still in her hand.
“No,” Maple shook her head.
Delia sighed. “I can’t either...I’ve lost so many memories. Do you know...sometimes I forget what your sister looks like?”
“Well, to be fair, neither one of us has seen her in a while. So I don’t really know what she looks like either.”
Delia reached out and took the photo from Maple’s hands. She looked at it for a long time. “You can just make out the shadow of her hand in this picture,” Delia said. “She hated taking pictures though.”
“She was always fussy about everything,” Maple said, trying to contain the bitterness in her voice.
“Last I heard, she was somewhere in Minnesota.”
Maple nodded, but she didn’t say anything. As far as she was concerned, her sister had chosen to walk away from the family, which told her that she had no desire to maintain a relationship with any of them. Maple was not one for chasing after people who had made it clear they weren’t interested in being pursued.
“How are you, Mom?” Maple asked, changing the subject. “How is life here?”
“It’s fine, darling,” Delia said with a lull in her voice. “It keeps me busy and most of the time...it keeps me sane, too. That’s as much as I can ask for.”
“So... you don’t find this place a little... depressing?” Maple asked.
Delia shrugged. “It’s my home now,” she said simply.
Maple felt a lump rise in her throat, as she realized that “home” was an ever-changing state of mind. She looked around at the building and all the people in it, and she couldn’t imagine living in a place like that, surrounded by people who had no one but themselves to depend on.
“I wish this didn’t have to be your home, Mom,” Maple said sincerely. “I wish I could afford to find you a better place. I wish I had the option of moving you in with me.”
Delia shook her head immediately. “I am telling you now, Maple, I will never again live with you.”
The force of her response and the sudden determination in her tone took Maple back. “What do you mean?” she asked before she decided to be insulted.
“You think I don’t know that I ruined your life?” Delia asked with her eyes lowered to the picture in her hands. “I know how much you suffered growing up; I know what you had to sacrifice in order to take care of me. I know that you missed out on your childhood because you were busy being the adult.”
“Oh, Mom,” Maple said, shaking her head. “You didn’t ruin my life.”
“It won’t matter what you say,” Delia insisted. “I know the truth. You were just a child and what you needed was a parent. But I was in no position to be one, so you had to be. And you looked after me better than I deserved. And this is my only way of repaying you back. I won’t ever live with you again, Maple, because I want you to be free and happy.”
“We’re a family, Mom,” Maple reminded her. “And we have to stick together.”
Delia reached out and took Maple’s hand. “We are a family darling, and we are together. But we don’t have to live on top of each other to do that.”
Maple shook her head. “I hate seeing you in this place.”
“Don’t,” Delia insisted. “Because I really am ok here. I work at different jobs. I even have a few friends, and most importantly, I have the peace of mind of knowing that I am not a burden to you.”
Maple opened her mouth to say something but then changed her mind at the last minute. She understood that this was her mother’s way of being a mother to her. Maple’s childhood was a distant memory now, and Delia’s condition meant that her role as a guardian and parent were limited, so this was all she had left to give. Maple reached out and took her mother’s hand.
“I want you to know that...I appreciate everything you did for me,” Delia said seriously. “I never properly thanked you.”
Maple shook her head. “You don’t have to thank me,” she said, shaking her head. “Really.”
“No, I do,” Delia insisted. “It wasn’t your job to take care of me. But you stayed, even after your father and sister left, you stayed. I don’t remember everything all the time, but I do remember how it was after your sister left. I took my anger out on you.”
“I knew it wasn’t really you,” Maple said. “You couldn’t control it.”
“Sometimes you know things in your head...but you feel things differently in your heart,” Delia said simply. “I just...want you to know that despite it all...I loved you so much. I love you so much.”
“I know, Mom,” Maple said, squeezing her hand. “I love you, too.”
Delia nodded, as she looked down at their entwined hands. She looked as though she had something else she wanted to get off her chest. Maple was conscious of how much older she looked, and she felt a tug at her heart.
“What is it, Mom?” she asked gently.
“I wanted to ask you...for your forgiveness,” Delia said slowly. “For all that I put you through.”
Maple was about to argue with her, but she stopped herself at the last moment. Her mother was right, no matter what she said there were certain truths that would hold whether they chose to admit them or not. It was true that Map
le had to carry the burden of taking care of her mother when she was just a young teenager, and it was true that—at times—she had resented Delia for it.
Time and maturity had given Maple a certain amount of clarity where her childhood was concerned, but that didn’t remove some of the emotional scars that she had acquired along the way. Regardless of fault, her mother was trying to own up to all her mistakes; she was taking responsibility for the responsibilities she was not able to fulfil. Maple knew she needed to allow her to do that.
“Of course I forgive you,” Maple said easily and without any lingering resentment or bitterness in her soul. “I forgive you ten times over.”
Chapter 9
Jax
Jax remembered to breathe deeply, as he continued to send forceful punches at the punching bag in front of him. He felt the strength build inside him, and with one powerfully placed punch, the bag in front of him went flying off its hinge, onto the floor a few feet away from him. It landed with a violent yet hollow thud, as it kicked up a whirlwind of dust that circled slowly like a lazy tornado before settling back onto the floor.
Evan walked over shaking his head. “That’s the second time today.”
Jax wiggled his eyebrows. “I’m just that good.”
“Don’t let it go to your head,” Evan said sternly.
“Too late,” Jax teased.
Evan laughed. “Why don’t you take a break? You’ve been at it for three hours straight. Your body’s going to quit on you one of these days if you keep pushing this hard.”
Jax was about to protest when he caught sight of Maple coming down the stairs to the basement. She was wearing sneakers, dark trousers, a blue blouse, and she had an apron tied over her clothes. She had pulled up her hair again. It was held back in a tight knot at the back of her head. Jax had to concentrate really hard to notice her scar. He found that he constantly forgot about it, even when he was looking directly at her.
“Actually... a break sounds like a good idea right about now.”
Evan rolled his eyes. “Do I have to bring Maple in every time I want you to take a break?”
Jax turned to Evan and gave him a wink. “Now you’re talking.”
Evan walked away, shaking his head, as Jax walked up to Maple.
“Hi,” he greeted. “We didn’t really get a chance to hang out much yesterday.”
“Yeah,” she nodded. “I wanted to see my mom for a bit. I hadn’t been to see her in weeks.”
“Wanna get something to drink and talk for a bit?” Jax asked.
“My break ends in like twenty minutes,” Maple replied. “But there’s some cold soda in the stock fridge upstairs. I’ll go bring down a couple.”
“Sounds good,” Jax said despite the fact that he was more interested in the conversation than the soda.
A few minutes later, Maple emerged again with two iced cans in her hand. They settled at the far end of the gym on the ground next to the weights. Jax popped open his can and took a swig.
“So... how’s your mother doing?” he asked.
Maple nodded. “Ok, I don’t like the group home she lives in very much, but she seems to be happy there.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah... I just wonder... if she’s putting on a brave face for my benefit?”
“Maybe that’s something you need to let her do,” Jax said gently.
Maple smiled. “I was just thinking that yesterday when I was with her actually. This is the only way she can show me how much she loves me... so why not let her do it?”
“Exactly,” Jax nodded. “It’ll make her feel... vindicated... at least in some small way.”
Maple took a swig of her soda, and Jax couldn’t help but watch as the can met her lips. She swallowed and turned to him, and Jax tried to pretend that he hadn’t just been staring at her lustily. “It’s nice to talk to someone who understands without having to explain anything,” Maple said.
“I know what you mean,” Jax nodded. “It’s a rare thing to find.”
Maple laughed. “Can I ask you a question—and please note in advance that there is no right or wrong answer?”
Jax raised his eyebrows. “Now I’m nervous.”
“Don’t be,” Maple said. “I guess I was just wondering how many... relationships you’ve had in your life.”
“I don’t really do relationships,” Jax said. “To be honest, the closest time I came to having one was when I was sixteen.”
“What happened?”
“She was eighteen, and we thought we were in love,” Jax explained. “After a couple of months, it became obvious that we weren’t and we... drifted.”
“And after that... you didn’t meet anyone else you had a connection with?” Maple wanted to know.
Jax didn’t even bother to think about the question. “I didn’t really want a relationship ever... I just wanted...”
“Sex?” Maple offered when Jax trailed off.
He smiled. “I guess I did. It was just easier, you know. There were no commitments or expectations. There was no drama...”
“And no way to get hurt?” Maple suggested quietly.
“That too,” Jax said. “Women were just... a distraction to me, a way to have fun, without it turning into anything serious. I was just looking to blow off steam so that the next day I could focus, keep my head down, and train as hard as I possibly could.”
“The first night we had sex... I was a distraction that night wasn’t I?” Maple asked.
Jax glanced at her, but he could tell immediately that she was asking because she was curious and all she was expecting of him was honesty. “Yes,” he said, lowering his eyes.
“It’s ok, Jax,” Maple said quickly. “It wasn’t as though I wasn’t after the exact same thing that night.”
“You were a distraction that night,” Jax admitted. “But that changed.”
Maple smiled. “I’m not a distraction anymore?”
“Nope,” Jax said.
Maple laughed. “That’s good.”
“And me?” Jax asked. “I am still a distraction to you.”
Maple looked at him pointedly. “What do you think?”
They sat beside one another contentedly, taking swigs of their soda. There was a comfort that rested between them—even in silence. Jax marveled at how wonderful it was to have someone he could talk to, but what amazed him the most, was the fact that he found himself wanting to talk to Maple just as much as he wanted to make love to her.
“Does your sister know about your fight with Conor?” Maple asked after a moment.
“I told her.” Jax nodded.
“How did she take it?”
“She’s nervous about it,” Jax admitted. “But I think a part of her wants to see him lose.”
“I think I know how she must be feeling,” Maple said quietly. “Sometimes when I think of Ryan... I think about how amazing it would be to see him suffer the way he made me suffer. I imagine all these crazy scenarios, and in some small, pathetic way... it actually makes me feel better.”
“You haven’t heard from Ryan after that day, have you?” Jax asked.
Maple shook her head immediately. “No,” she replied. “Not since that day.”
Jax noticed how preoccupied she looked as she spoke about Ryan. It was as though she was running through their past together and it was making her sad.
“Maple,” Jax said, trying to bring her back to the present. “Don’t waste your time thinking about that fucker. He’s not worth your time or your thoughts.”
Maple nodded. “I know, I wasn’t thinking about him.”
“Then what were you think about?” Jax asked curiously.
“I was just...” Maple trailed off for a moment. “I was thinking about you and me, actually.”
“Us?” Jax asked. “What about us?”
Maple shrugged. “Just about the circumstances under which we met... and all the things we seem to have in common.”
“Which are good things?”
Jax said.
“Yes, of course.” Maple laughed.
“Ok, good.” Jax smiled. “I was just checking.”
“I was watching you train this morning,” Maple said. “It was really impressive. You were doing one handed pull-ups again.”
“Do you spend a lot of time checking me out while I’m training?” Jax asked teasingly.
Maple laughed. “A fair amount of time actually.”
“Really?” Jax said. “That’s good to know. I’ll have to be on my guard now, so that I can put on a show for my audience.”
Maple shook her head at him. “I don’t need a show—just you is good enough for me.”
The sincerity in her voice was what got Jax. She was so innocent and honest sometimes that he was caught unawares. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, trying to resist the desire to pull her on top of him and take her right there on the grimy floors of the gym. The very thought sent a rush of blood straight to his groin, and he had to stop the thought in its tracks before he got carried away by his own lusty imagination.
After a moment Maple pulled away self-consciously. She glanced at the three young guys training not far from where they sat. “Everyone’s here,” she pointed out.
“I don’t really care,” Jax said, leaning in again to finish their kiss.
“Ok,” Maple said, pulling away again. “My break is over, and now I have to get back to work.”
Jax sighed. “If you must.”
Jax rose and helped Maple up to her feet. “You know, sometimes when I train, I look for you.”
“Why?” Maple asked in surprise.
“I think its spurs me to work harder; it gives me the kick start I need” Jax said. “Seeing you revs up my engine.”
Maple suppressed a laugh. “Does it now?”
“Especially when you bend over.”
Maple laughed and punched him lightly on the arm. “Leaving now.”
“Do you mind moving slow as you walk away?” Jax asked. “I’d like a mental video for my next training session.”
Maple walked away from him shaking her head, and Jax couldn’t help but smile. He moved towards the other corner of the gym where his locker was and retrieved a new towel for his next training session.