by Dunne, Poppy
“Is this like trickster fox? You kept mentioning that one from the last vision quest you went on.” White Sands, New Mexico. Suzonne took the peyote and communicated with her spirit helper, the one that looks like Bono and a lizard had a baby. I remember it like it was last week. When really, it was…two months ago.
Christ, Suzonne’s been pretty AWOL recently. If my attorney were here, she’d be telling me to take notes.
“She tells me about this new drama teacher at Bay of Dreams. She says this woman is the greatest person ever.” Still facing away from me, Suzonne holds up an accusatory finger. “Her words. Also, totally amazeballs was added for emphasis. Then she told me she auditioned for the school play.” Suzonne makes it sound like Amelia did a line of coke and then went for a joyride in a cop car.
“I’ve met Chelle. She’s done a lot to encourage Amelia.” I sit back behind my desk, because I will meet my ex-wife halfway on a lot of things, but this spiritual avoidance technique is bullshit. Booting up my screen, I get back to work. “Is that a problem, Suze? That our daughter’s getting encouragement?”
“It is when she’s getting encouraged to do the wrong things.” Suzonne finally stands and sits in front of my desk. She puts her hemp handbag down at her sandal-clad feet, and leans her admittedly toned and flawless arms against the sides of the chair. “We know Amelia doesn’t have the required animus for theater.”
“We don’t know anything of the sort. This is something you just said and acted like we both agreed on it, probably in some dimension that isn’t accessible except through that machine from the movie Contact.” If that sounds bizarrely specific, it’s because we have had that exact argument before.
“I want Amelia to shine. To nurture her potential into the full flowering of creation.” Suzonne does some kind of mystical hand waving while she speaks. It’s like a referee throwing a bunch of signals nearing halftime, except none of them make sense. “Amelia’s calling isn’t in the theatrical arts. My favorite monk told me so.”
That’s right. Suzonne knows enough monks to have a favorite. How? Don’t ask me—I was working at the time.
“Suze, allow me to cut to the chase.” I look at my ex-wife, making sure my eyes lock with hers. “Amelia loves acting. Maybe it’s something she’ll love for two years and give it up. Maybe she’ll become a star and astound us all. The point is, she’s excited and happy, and I’m not going to dissuade her from that. You can have an opinion; I just don’t have to go along with it.”
Breathe in deeply, breathe out deeply. See, a good system came out of all the years of her trying to get me to do hydraulic yoga.
Suzonne puckers her mouth, but she doesn’t argue. She loves our kid. I know she does. But she shows it by micro-managing her in an abstract way. It’s like the worst of helicopter parenting combined with the worst of raising a latchkey child.
“Well. I suppose that ‘Chelle,’ as you call her, will take care of Amelia’s inner growth.”
“Why’d you put air quotes around Chelle?”
“She may one day decide that’s not her name. She may also discover she’s otherkin, so she might be a different species. I met a seahorse the other day trapped in a man’s body—”
“I’d love to keep this up, but unfortunately I have a meeting.” A meeting with the screaming voices inside of my own head. I get up, and Suzonne rises as well, hitching her purse up to her shoulder. “Let’s talk tonight, okay? Give Amelia a big hug for me.”
“Oh, one last thing. I need your approval for something very minor.”
My ears perk up, all coyote like. This is bound to be anything but minor.
“I want to put Amelia on a macrobiotic juice cleanse. It’s only a week long and I think that her body is getting backed up with a lot of processed sugar. I’ll need you to help me on the weekend, though, when you have her. Make sure she drinks four glasses of juice a day, along with two glasses of water. That way, all the toxins will flow out of her in a great rushing river.”
“Of shit? Because that’s what it sounds like is going to happen.” I take Garfield off of my desk and give him a good couple of squeezes. Get me through this, pal.
“Amelia needs this, Will.”
“Did she say she wanted it?”
Suzonne lip-puckers again. I already have my answer. “She doesn’t want to, but I’ve told her sometimes grown ups know what’s best.”
“And sometimes they don’t. You’re not starving my daughter.” I’m already taking out my phone, and pulling up my attorney’s number. “Please, for your own sake, don’t make Sheila the happiest she’s been in months.”
Suzonne knows not to press this. She sighs as she slides her glasses back on. “All right. If you want your daughter to be clogged, that’s your right.”
Damn right. I want her clogged with awesome, that’s what I want.
What the hell am I saying?
“At least don’t forget to pick up Amelia tonight. You can take her back to the yurt,” Suzonne says conversationally, like the word “yurt” is something every separated couple includes in their vocabulary. “My Reiki class is going to be hard at work.”
“I’ll be there,” I tell her.
And I will.
I go right up to the auditorium doors when I arrive, because I want to be there to give Amelia a hug. There’s no question she’s going to be disappointed in the play.
The doors open, and a bunch of kids run out. Soon, I see the mouse ears, and brace myself for a kid trying to put on a brave face. Disappointment makes you strong; there’s always the next play. I’m trying to pick which of these to start with when Amelia launches into my arms like a rocket.
“Guess what? Guess what?” She’s practically tearing my hair out in fistfuls, but who gives a damn about my scalp? My kid’s happy. The world’s all right by me.
Holy shit, did she get a lead part? Maybe it’s like the ending of one of those movies where a pleb like me can’t tell that my child has real natural talent. Like Purple Rain, only without the sex and 80s hair.
“I got cast,” Amelia says, gathering a dramatic breath, “as one of the pickpockets!”
“That’s…amazing!” I say, wracking my brain to remember Oliver Twist. Let’s see, tenth grade, third class of the day, I was sitting next to Luisa Johnson and she always wore the top two buttons of her blouse undone…nope. Dickens is gone. Only breasts remain. “So you’re going to be…”
“In the chorus, but it’s okay. I’m going to get to design my own costume and everything!” My daughter finally climbs off me, setting off for the car with determination. “I have to make a mix! I’m going to listen to it every day to get pumped up!” she shouts.
The kid’s ready to make the most of the smallest opportunity. I’m sorry, my child is the best. Thank you for showing up to the rest of planet earth.
“They’ve all been super excited,” a familiarly sexy voice says behind me. Chelle giggles as she watches the kids stampede for the cars, ready to tell their parents. “Usually there’s some jealousy over who got the lead, but they’re all so well-adjusted.”
She twirls some hair around her finger idly, and in that moment I lock in. I may lose this fight, but I’m going to give this my best goddamn shot. The woman is sexy, funny, smart, soulful, and good at her job? How in hell has she not been snapped up by an elite school by now? Or an elite kind of man?
Then again, do I really want to complain about that last one?
“I was thinking we could get together soon and start planning,” I say, gathering her attention. I make sure that my gaze weds with hers. I all but wink at her as I say, “Just the two of us.”
“Great idea. It always pays to get ahead.” She grins, awfully businesslike. Christ, this woman is either teasing the hell out of me or she doesn’t know what I want, and either way it’s turning me the fuck on.
“How about Embargo? It’s a new place on the west side. We could meet tomorrow, maybe at seven.” She’ll look up the directions, see the
kind of place this is, and know at once what we’re really doing. It’s a way of dropping a hint without being obvious. Slow and steady wins the race, said the tortoise. And in this case the tortoise is trying to wine and dine a particularly feisty hare.
I know that’s not how the fable went and there’s an element of cross-species weirdness going on, but I do not back down from that analogy. That’s not what I do.
“Sounds good!” Chelle writes that into her phone calendar, and walks with me back toward the parked cars. Amelia’s tugging on the door handle, already itching to get inside and start creating her awesome mix. “See you tomorrow,” Chelle calls to me, waving goodbye to Amelia as she heads down to her own car.
I get behind the wheel grinning. My plan is perfect. She’s going to show up tomorrow ready to be wined and dined.
She’s totally on board.
9
Chelle
Holy shit, I’m wearing a Voltron sweatshirt to a swanky wine bar. How the hell did this happen?
I managed to snag the perfect parking spot right in front of the place—also helps that I’ve got my trusty little Smart Car, which I realize looks almost exactly like my parents’ first clown car. That killed my joy a tiny bit, but I named it the TARDIS and felt better. It’s small on the outside, roomy inside! And lime green, so not really the TARDIS, but I mean—
Okay. Wine bar. I should’ve looked more closely at the address when I typed it into my GPS. I got the stupid idea it was a coffee shop, and dressed for the occasion. Sneakers, gray yoga pants, and said Voltron sweatshirt. It’s my nicer Voltron sweatshirt—the robot’s got the sword and everything.
Maybe, just maybe, I’ve forgotten how to be social.
The people coming in and out of the bar look like the type who jet set to Capri on a moment’s notice. There is no body fat on the people here. Maybe I can’t even get through the door because of that. Maybe they have a retina scan that detects whether you’re rich or not.
Why would a retina scan be able to tell that?
Flushing, I take my notebook and purse and walk quickly into the bar with my head down. I pass a couple of futuristic-looking lamps, like the kind that resemble a Tesla coil but fancier. The whole ambience of this place is Blade Runner meets billionaire. The bartenders dress in black silk, and the ambient lighting is soft. Glasses wink in the light, and people eye me over their expensive Malbec. I wish I’d worn my leather jacket instead. Yes, it has pink hearts on it with “Pink Ladies 2014” in glitter paint, but it was the best high school production of Grease in Seattle, dammit.
This is where I stop, and turn around, and walk straight out the door. Damn the Gucci set and their nitrogen cocktails or whatever everyone’s drinking in here, I am way underdressed. I’ll text Will from the car and tell him that I died. That will go over without a hitch.
“Chelle! Where are you going?” There he is, right on schedule. I let myself pivot slowly, wondering if I can come at him with a convincing fake accent. Chelle, who ees thees? I yam but a French spy, monsieur.
The fake accent wedges itself in my throat and refuses to come out, because Will takes my ability to talk away. His hair’s attractively tousled, like he’s fresh out of a shower. He’s in a dark blue sports coat over a deep blue shirt, one that sets off his tan and reveals his cross fit physique. Just the barest glimpse of his chest is revealed, and it’s so perfectly sculpted that I nearly start drooling on Voltron.
Voltron wouldn’t mind. Voltron knows a smoking hot man when he’s standing in front of it.
“I, ah, don’t think I’m appropriate.” Let’s face it, I never am, but usually I at least look nice. Will’s finally taking me in, scoping out my ponytail, my freshly washed, makeup-less face, my yoga pants.
Dear god, my yoga pants. I could’ve gone with black. At least I could’ve passed that off as Armani in dim light.
“Let’s just get you a drink,” Will says at last.
“I don’t think I can be here. I think you need a mid five figure salary to be allowed in the door.”
“Then I’m good for both of us,” he says casually. Big spender, then. I flush a little in embarrassment.
“I don’t look right.”
“You look like a person, which is right enough. Alcohol will help your anxiety. All the best doctors tell you that,” he says, cocking an eyebrow as he leads me on. It’s like being led along in a fairytale, an LA fairytale where the enchanted forest is all exposed brick and casual bongo music, and the enchanter is a fabulously attractive man with a lot of cash and a pinch of arrogance.
I hear you in the audience yelling at me that that’s about perfect, but I don’t see it that way.
We finally sit at a table with a small, open fire pit. I’ll have to remember not to accidentally fall face first into the coals, though it might be a blessing right now. A waiter with a hipster goatee and a billowy poet’s shirt takes our order—he’s taking a whiskey on the rocks, I’ll have all the wine in existence. Then it’s us, him and his fancy clothes, me and my Hello Kitty purse and notebook. I don’t need to bring Hello Kitty out at this moment, but I feel it regarding me from inside my bag, judging me.
“Man, I thought this was a coffee shop,” I say by way of explanation. The wine gets here, and I take a polite chug. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to run out back there and leave you hanging. It’s just that between this really swanky place, and the soft lighting, and the romantic music, and the snooty wait staff, and your classy outfit, this is the last place I would’ve picked for a casual meeting about a school play and holy shit this is a date, isn’t it?”
It all comes running out of me like a colorful waterfall of crazy. Will’s watching me with the patient, steely gaze of a man who realizes what he’s locked himself into.
I’m on a date with a parent of a student. No, no, this isn’t happening. Gotta get up, Chelle. No matter how hot he is, or how great he is, or how amazing that kiss was, or how perfect his lips are, or how hot he is—wait, you said that already. Shit. Get new material.
Before I can either run out of the place or inadvertently light something on fire, which was option number two, Will does something I didn’t expect.
He laughs. Not the wheezy kind of laughter, or the psycho killer laughter, both of which would’ve been turn offs. It’s the kind of delighted, and utterly surprised, laugh that someone gives when something good’s happened.
It almost makes me feel like a not-screw-up. Almost.
“Yes, this is a date.” He looks at me across the table, the firelight casting wicked shadows across the elegant planes of his face. This is wicked in the best way. “At least, it can be.”
“Eh?” I’m glad I made that noise instead of boi-oi-oing and having my tongue roll out of my mouth like a carpet. I was supposed to react to the word “date” like it was shocking to my very delicate, ladylike sensibilities. Instead, it all but melted me where I’m sitting.
“I believe in negotiations. If you choose this,” he says, laying a hand on my notebook, “we finish our drinks, discuss the play, and head home. No repeats, no renegotiations.” He’s now giving a half-smile, his eyes coming alive with the challenge. “But if you agree to put it away, this becomes a date. No strings, no promises of anything other than a drink or two. And we see where the night goes from there.”
God, he’s got that cocky edge to his voice. He knows he’s not going to lose.
“Suppose I choose option A?” I don’t care if this guy’s gorgeous—I mean, I care a little—but he doesn’t get to assume total conquest. I take a sip of my wine, feeling pretty fancy, even in my Voltron sweatshirt.
Will grins, looking charmingly wolf-like. Very charming. “You could, but that’d be the less adventurous option. That doesn’t much sound like you, does it?” he asks.
Nope. I once hog-tied a rattlesnake to keep it from getting at our best tap-dancing pig. I was born adventurous.
“You don’t know me very well,” I say, still trying to be cautious. I think that’s w
hat I’m doing, at least.
“Last I checked, getting to know each other was a reason for a date.”
Well, touché then, sir. “No funny business?” I notice Will takes too long to respond. “Hey!”
“Sorry, I was going to make a clown joke but stopped myself.” He leans back, confident, invulnerable, and wearing really, really nice cologne. It smells like success and a dense pine forest. “What do you say, Chelle?”
After a moment of careful thought, I slide my notebook off the table and back into my bag. Will’s smile only widens. After all, it’s just one drink. What’s the worst that could happen, besides losing my job, embarrassing myself in front of a man I’ll have to spend large amounts of time with, and probably lighting the table on fire by accident?
That’s all pretty bad. But the worst? The worst would be walking away, because this man is infuriating and wonderful in equal measure.
I take another sip of wine while I think, and finally, “I say we should take a look at the menu. We might be here a while.”
I think that’s plenty brave enough for Will. In fact, I’d say it’s damn near a turn on.
“You left town in the middle of the night with an exam the next morning?” Will and I are now much closer, cozied up in a corner of the table. My wine’s winking at me in the glass, or at least what’s left of it is winking. Heh. Wine with eyes.
I’m a little drunk, shhhh.
“The ACT, mind you. I would’ve had a perfect score, too, if it hadn’t been for Melissa Ann’s birthday party over in Glendale.” I shake my fist at the ceiling. “Curse you, parents, for putting me in charge of the bubble machine.” Hell, I can always say I was learning a trade. In fact I did, on my application to Northwestern. They ate that part up with a spoon.
“Didn’t you miss any of your friends?” Will’s removed his jacket by now, and that shirt is beautifully tailored to his body, picking out every definition and firm line.
Mmm. Firm. Mmm, line. Wine. Whatever.