by Maia Dylan
“Then why didn’t you?” Josie asked, anger building within her that he would deny his feelings and make it seem to her that she was so obvious in how she felt about him, and that he found it almost an inconvenience. “You had to know that I cared for you. Christ, I practically followed you around with my tongue hanging out just waiting for a sliver of your attention to turn in my direction. You couldn’t have missed that.”
Kieran nodded. “I didn’t, baby. I knew you were as attracted to me as I was to you, but I couldn’t risk taking it any further than friendship.”
“You. You couldn’t risk!” Josie knew she was yelling, but she was pissed. She pulled her hand from his. “You gave no thought to what that did to me. All you thought about was yourself. God, I am sick of always being the afterthought! When will someone put me first? When will my feelings and what I want be important?” Josie ignored the tears that fell unheeded down her cheeks. “When will I be enough?” she sobbed, lifting her hands to her face.
“Baby, please.” Kieran’s voice rang with pain, and somehow, she could feel his distress and it pissed her off even more when she felt an urge to comfort him.
She closed herself off to it. “Leave. Get out of this room. If you won’t get out, then get the fuck out of my way and I’ll go.”
“Josie,” Kieran whispered, and Josie thought he sounded choked up, as if his emotions were close to spilling over. Liam wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she turned into him.
“Make him leave, please, Liam. Or help me to get out of here. I can’t be near him right now. I just can’t.”
“Josie-girl, just listen to what he—”
“No!” Josie practically screamed. She felt closer to the edge of losing her sanity that she ever had before and considering what she had lived through that was saying something. “Liam, please. Please.”
She pressed her face against his chest, crying as her heart cracked within her. It was just too much. That day she’d watched Liam and Kieran shift into their lions and fight the two who had been there to use her as bait to get to Kieran, she’d run. Fight or flight had hit her hard, and she’d taken the latter option. She desperately wanted to do it again now. Just as she was about to force Liam to let her go, and get the hell out of the bed to run, running the risk of falling at their feet, she felt the bed shift beside her.
“It’s okay, Josie,” Kieran’s voice sounded off. Flat and deflated. “I’ll leave, baby.”
“And don’t come back.”
She felt Liam flinch against her.
“Not until you ask me to come to you.”
Kieran moved away from the bed. Deep within her she felt a heartache that had her crying out in pain and gripping onto Liam even harder. Somehow, she knew that what she felt was coming from the large man who’d just stepped silently out of the room and had quietly closed the door.
But a lot of that pain was hers. She was vaguely aware that Liam continued to hold her gently in her arms, murmuring words that she couldn’t hope to hear over her own sobs. She cried and cried, allowing the tears. She had no idea how long she cried for, but eventually she felt fatigue tugging at her, pulling her into the dark depths of blessed sleep where she could simply let go of all the emotion that was slamming into her. She allowed it to take her, not able to face anything more in that moment.
Chapter Eight
“You gonna pull your head out of your ass anytime soon, Josie?”
Josie turned to look at Violet where she stood leaning against the railing of the porch that wrapped around Kieran’s large beautiful log cabin in the woods.
“What does that mean?” Josie asked in confusion.
Violet scowled, crossing her arms over her chest. “It means exactly what it sounds like and if you continue to live with your head up your ass you won’t see shit. And yes, that was hilarious, I know, and normally I would be laughing my tits off, but I am too pissed off at you.”
“At me?” Josie asked incredulously. “What the hell did I do?”
Violet stopped across the porch to stand almost directly in front of her, waving her finger in Josie’s face like she was five. “You’re acting like a douche, and as my BFF that shit has to stop. It’s been a week since we took you outta that shelter, and you’ve refused to talk to your mate. What the hell is up with that?”
“I’ve talked to Liam,” Josie knew who Violet was talking about, but deliberately chose to ignore it. “He’s just not saying anything I want to hear right now.”
Violet quirked a brow. “He’s asking you to simply listen to Kieran, nothing more, but because you’ve banished the man from his own house, and ignored every effort he’s made to get you to talk to him, you’ve given Irish the cold shoulder, too.”
“Kieran’s the one who chose to ignore me,” Josie said. “He knew that I had feelings for him, and what did he decide to do? Ignore them, ignore me, and then lie to me. Damn it, Violet, you were there! You heard him tell me that he had found his mate. He ripped my heart from my chest and threw it on the ground like it meant nothing.”
Violet’s expression cleared somewhat, and she nodded. “Yeah, I was, and it was a pretty shitty thing to do, but don’t you think he might have a reason for it? One he would be more than happy to share with you if you’d simply give him the damn time of day.”
Josie felt a twinge of guilt at that. She had sent Kieran away a week ago, and for five days he had sent message after message, trying to get her to agree to talk to him. But she had refused. True to his word he’d stayed away from her, leaving his home to her.
“He didn’t want to take the risk on me,” Josie admitted as she stood up from the chair. “Apparently for him, I was not worth taking a risk on, whatever the hell that means. I want to know that the person I am meant to be with would risk anything and everything to be with me. I’m—”
Josie wasn’t expecting Violet to reach up and flick her on the forehead with her index finger, and it stopped her mid-tirade.
“Really?” Violet shook her head at her. “You’re one of the nicest people I know. It is unlike you not to show compassion or at least be willing to give someone a second chance. And this someone in particular has saved your live on more than one occasion. You’re also badass to the nth degree. I’ve seen you talk smack to my asshole father while he was busy beating the shit out of you. What are you so afraid of hearing from the man, that you can’t even give Kieran five minutes of your damn day?”
“What if it is me that’s not worth it?” Josie blurted out, surprising them both. “Kieran might have lied to me, and held me at arm’s length because he was waiting on someone better. I can’t set myself up for the inevitable pain of losing him, if I’m not enough to win him over as I am. I want to be someone’s first choice. As selfish as that might sound, I want someone to put me first.”
Josie hadn’t realized she was so near tears until her last word ended on a sob.
“Oh, Josie,” Violet said as she pulled her into her arms. “Of course you do. Everyone wants to know that someone thinks more about them than they do themselves. The ironic thing is, that if you would just allow yourself to take the lion by the mane and listen to the man, you just might find that you have exactly what you have been looking for. And lucky you, bestie of mine, you have two of the big bastards.” Violet pulled back and lifted her hands to cup Josie’s face. “Just listen to him, Josie. Risk everything for love.”
“But what if it doesn’t work out?”
Violet gave her a small smile. “Imagine how it will feel if it does?”
Then she was gone, leaving Josie standing on the porch looking out at the woods that surrounded the house. But it wasn’t the beauty of the woods that held her gaze and had her heart aching within her chest. It was the men who stood at the edge of the property staring at her. Both wore similar expressions, filled with longing, but one held a strong edge of regret. It came down to risk once more. Ironically a four-letter word that had the ability to destroy her if things didn’t work ou
t.
Imagine how it will feel if it does?
Violet’s last words to her echoed through her mind, and she swallowed hard. Did she have enough courage to do what Violet suggested and take the lion by the mane?
Imagine how it will feel if it does?
Violet was a kickass woman who knew how to protect herself and the city they both loved. And she’d told Josie that she was a badass. That had to mean something.
Taking one last, deep breath for courage, Josie reached inside for her inner badass and dragged her to the surface. “Kieran, Liam.” Josie kept her voice pitched normally, knowing that their enhanced shifter hearing would make her heard. “Come to me.”
****
“Kieran, Liam, come to me.”
Kieran inhaled sharply at his mate’s invitation, and for the first time in a week he felt like he could breathe again. Without a word, he and Liam stepped forward at the same time. Kieran had to fight the need to sprint toward her, not wanting to scare her. He took a couple of deep breaths as they drew nearer, and his lion growled within him as he was able to draw her scent into his lungs the closer he got to the house.
When they reached the steps that led up to the porch that wrapped around the house, Kieran hesitated a moment. When he caught Josie’s small smile, he climbed the stairs and didn’t stop until he was standing in front of her, Liam at his side.
“I’m sorry.”
Kieran flinched as Josie stole his opening gambit. “What do you have to apologize for, sweetness? I’m the one who hurt you. Hurt all of us.”
Josie’s gaze slid from his for a moment but returned and he noticed the slight sweep of color in her cheeks. “That might have some truth to it, but I hurt us, too. I didn’t listen to what you had to say and basically banished you from your own home. I was a complete bitch to you for an entire week, and that is not something I am very proud of. What right did I have to do that?”
Kieran stepped forward and lifted his hand to cup her cheek, once again floored at the softness of her skin. “Baby, when it comes to Liam and me, you have more rights than any other person on this earth. Everything I have, everything I am, is yours. Can you forgive me for lying to you like I did?”
Josie stared into his eyes and Kieran swallowed hard at the intensity of her stare. “Tell me why you said what you did.”
Kieran wanted to look away, afraid that she would see more in his gaze than he’d normally share, but he didn’t. “I couldn’t face hurting you.” At her quirked brow that clearly said that was exactly what he did, he rushed to add, “The mating bond didn’t snap into place the moment I met you. I grew up being told that the moment this happened, I would experience the connection like something physical. When I met you, everything in me screamed that you were mine, but that connection didn’t happen. I was left thinking that if I acted on my feelings, the emotions I knew were growing between the two of us then there was the very real risk of me meeting my mate and ripping out our hearts down the track. You have lost so much, I couldn’t be the reason you lost even more. I couldn’t do that to you, no matter how much I wanted to.”
Josie’s expression softened. “You wanted to?”
Kieran frowned back. “Of course! Josie, I don’t think you see you how I see you. You’re fucking perfection personified. I thought I was doing the right thing by not putting either of us in that position. But Liam pointed something out to me that made me see how phenomenally stupid I had been.”
Liam, who had remained quiet, laughed softly. “That’s something I think I’ll be doin’ for you a lot, mate. You have huge-ass feet, and when you shove them both in your mouth at the same damn time, you’re gonna need my help to pull them out again.”
Josie laughed, and Kieran’s heart swelled within him at the melodic sound.
“Sweetness, it’s the damn truth,” Kieran admitted. “The way I have felt about you from the moment we met was so damn powerful, I should have had faith in that.” Kieran dropped to his knees before her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and laid his head against her tummy. “Forgive me, sweetness, please. I will live the rest of my life making it up to you. Forgive me. Please.”
Kieran held his breath as he waited for her answer. He held it as she trembled slightly in his hold. He held it when she slid her fingers into his hair and hugged him against her. He was still holding it when she tugged his head back so she could look into his eyes. He didn’t release it until she whispered, “I forgive you. I’m not going to ask you to forgive me right now, that will come when I think I have a right to it. But that time is not now.”
“Sweetness,” Kieran whispered.
“No, Kieran,” Josie shook her head. “It’s the truth. I have a lot to make up for, too. I will ask you for it when I feel I am worthy of it, and I hope you’ll give it to me.”
He pushed to stand, pulling her with him and claiming her mouth with his as he went. He kissed her with all the emotions and desperation he had been plagued with for the past week. He poured himself into that first kiss. He knew he would struggle to communicate his relief and the promise that she would never regret giving him a second chance, but had no idea how to put it all into words. He could only hope that she understood all of that in his kiss. The way she wrapped her arms around his neck to hold him tightly against her, and acquiesced so sweetly against him, told him that she did.
When he finally pulled back, allowing his beautiful mate to draw in a breath, he placed his forehead against hers. “Thank you, sweetness. Never again will you believe that you are anything but first in my world. If you feel that you have to ask me for forgiveness, it will be given. Hell, you already have it.”
“Share, you greedy bastard,” Liam growled as he slammed his meaty fist into Kieran’s shoulder.
Refusing to give his cousin the satisfaction of knowing that it hurt, or to acknowledge that his arm was numb, he set Josie gently on her feet and turned her in Liam’s direction. He watched as Liam swooped in to claim his kiss and paid attention to Josie’s reaction. He and Liam were big, and as alphas they had a certain aura of dominance. That simply came with the territory. They could overwhelm her if they weren’t careful.
As he watched he saw that she blossomed beneath Liam’s kiss, just as she did with his. He noticed also that for a man who had once thought of himself as possessive and jealous, he found the sight of them two of them kissing to be nothing but arousing. The Fates truly had made the right connection matching him and his cousin with Josie. She was beautiful, loyal, and brave. She’d survived so much hate and horror in her life that she could just as easily have succumbed to it, but she didn’t. She thrived, worked harder than anyone he had ever met, and was determined to see the best in people.
He and Liam would be everything she had ever wanted and give her the life she deserved. Between the two of them they could protect her against anything. She’d asked him when she would be enough. He would prove to her that she had always been more than he deserved. It was going to be up to him and Liam to try to make themselves worthy of such a mate.
When Liam allowed their mate to breathe once more, she nestled against the big bastard’s chest and held out her hand to Kieran. He reached for it immediately and stepped closer. As soon as the three of them were physically connected like this, he felt the bond that had formed among the three of them a week ago strengthen, the heat of it a physical presence in his chest.
“Wow,” Josie gasped, and he knew she felt it, too. “That mating bond packs a punch.”
Liam grinned. “That’s just the foundation of the connection, Josie-girl. The real bond won’t form until you’re ready, and it’ll drop you on your arse when it does.”
Kieran grinned as Josie’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Really?” she asked in a breathless tone that had his cock twitching in his jeans,
“Yeah, ask Violet,” Kieran said in a voice that was suddenly a lot deeper and harsher than normal. “For Liam and me the bond is already there. The connection between us is real
and will only continue to grow stronger. You can feel it now, even though it is only a fledgling, which tells me that psychically, you probably have a little something special like Violet. Once the bond is truly formed, and you have opened yourself up to it and accepted us as yours, then the bond will form in truth. From what I have been told, it will come with some pain as that bond is forged, and then you will be able to feel us down that bond.”
Josie pressed the palm of her free hand to her chest. “But I already feel too much.”
Once again Kieran wanted to kick his own ass for the pain he’d caused her, knowing that it was the root cause of her hesitation. “When it comes to love, sweetness, there is no such thing as feeling too much.”
And he was bound and determined to prove that to her as well.
Chapter Nine
Josie didn’t know how much more she could take. It had been five days since she had taken Violet’s advice and listened to what Kieran had to say. Five of the happiest but most frustrating days she could ever remember.
Kieran and Liam touched her constantly, almost as if trying to get her comfortable with their touch. It did not take her long to not only get comfortable with it, but to long for it, too. She wished she were one of those women who were able to simply tell a man what it was she was wanting, but she wasn’t. She simply hoped they would know she was ready for something more intimate. She tried in her own way to make it obvious to them both, but from the mere fact they had yet to whisk her to the nearest bedroom and have their wicked way with her, she knew that wasn’t coming across.
She reached for another carrot and began to slice it. Since she had welcomed Kieran and Liam back to their own house—and she was still a little mortified that she had made it impossible for them to be here with her own stubbornness—she had fallen into a comforting routine. She had always loved to cook, and knowing that she cooked for two men that seemed to adore her, and the others in Kieran’s pride, gave her a sense of belonging as well as making her feel like she was contributing. For the first time in a long time she felt as if she belonged. It was the sexual frustration that took the edge off that for her.