by BK Rivers
“Stop,” I say, barely holding it together.
“No, Ace. When did you promise her? Tell me, because I’d really like to know. Was it when she was lying in your arms bleeding all over the place? Because I’m pretty sure she was already gone at that point.”
“Stop!” We’re both shouting, tears falling from our eyes as we relive the memories and pain.
“You made that promise to yourself because you felt guilty. Marley was sick, Ace. You couldn’t have saved her. She chose to end her suffering the only way she knew how. It sucks, man. I know she was your wife, but she was my sister and I miss her every day.” Ethan wipes the tears from his eyes with the backs of his hands and I wipe mine with my shirt. “I’m sorry she killed herself. I’m just plain sorry.”
He returns to the eggs, beats them with the fork, and turns on the stove. When breakfast is ready, he fills our plates with eggs, bacon, and toast, leaving a plate for Stacey.
God, Stacey.
“What am I going to do about her?” I ask, unsure of what I’m supposed to do.
“Hell if I know. What do you want to do?” he asks through a mouthful of eggs.
While eating, I try to rationalize my feelings for her. If I can classify them, put them into a box labeled Stacey, then maybe we can see where this thing between us goes. But that would mean also putting Marley’s memories into a box and storing it in the far recesses of my mind. I can’t store either of my feelings for them in boxes—it’s not right, but I can’t keep them both close.
“What if I wanted to explore what Stacey and I have? Would that make me an awful person?” I close my eyes, hoping to hide myself from the look of disappointment I’m sure is written across Ethan’s face.
“You know I want you to be happy. If Stacey makes you happy, then see where it goes,” he says. The squelch of the chair sliding across the floor makes me open my eyes. He’s standing beside me and lays his hand on my shoulder. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway. Marley wouldn’t be angry about you sleeping with Stacey. She’d want you to be happy and to move on.”
He gives my shoulder a quick squeeze then takes his empty plate to the sink. “If you do choose to give it a go, just be good to her. She’s worth it, okay?”
I nod, quickly finish my breakfast, then bring my dishes to the sink. As I round the corner heading to my bedroom, I nearly trip over Stacey, who’s sitting against the wall with her knees tucked to her chest. Her eyes are red from crying and it guts me knowing I’m the reason for her tears. Squatting down in front of her, I tuck the hair behind her ears and kiss her forehead.
“You okay?” I ask, knowing she’s not. The answer is clearly written across her blotchy face. She shakes her head as another tear slips down her flushed cheeks. “I’m so sorry for last night. I panicked and handled it all wrong.”
“It’s my fault, Ace. I wasn’t thinking. I…I didn’t know this would be so hard for you. God, I’m so sorry,” she says, springing up, wrapping her arms around my neck, and knocking me to the floor. She cries into my shoulder, her tears landing on my t-shirt while I stroke the back of her head.
“It’s not your fault, sweetheart. Neither one of us knew what was going to happen or that I would be a wreck afterward.”
Stacey lifts her head from my shoulder, sniffs back her sobs, and uses her fingers to wipe away her tears.
“Will you tell me about her? About Marley?” she asks, and that shell around my heart cracks open a little bit more, allowing the ray of hope that is Stacey inside.
Chapter 31
Stacey
Ace won’t come over to the house—not since that night. I truly get it now, how hard it is for him to come inside, and I don’t blame him. It must be like a form of torture to him.
Since he won’t come to me, I’ve been spending my evenings with him at Ethan’s house. We’ve fallen back into the routine of me cooking dinner and snuggling on the couch. When Ethan grows tired of stolen kisses, he makes his excuses to go to bed and leave us alone. When we’re alone, as we are now, it’s like without our built-in chaperone, we’re afraid of touching each other.
I’m afraid of pushing Ace too far and having to hear those words from him again. I believe he said he wants to see where our relationship goes, but that’s not a reason to sleep with someone. I want more. I want it all—love, trust, faith, and passion. Without all four, I can’t give myself over to him again. I’m too far gone to have him crush me, and sex would pull me too far down the rabbit hole.
“I’m going to go to bed,” Ace says during a commercial break. His hand glides up my side, stopping at the underside of my breast, sending my heart on the downward slide of a rollercoaster. This is usually when I kiss him good night and head back to my house. But tonight there’s a charge in the air, like a live wire humming through the room.
I sit upright and feel the heat of Ace’s hand sliding down my back to rest on my butt. Heart, meet knees.
“I’m going to go home,” I say, yawning. While stretching my arms above my head, I stand and toe on my ballet flats. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Ace stands, reaches his large hands to my hips, and drags me close. “I don’t want you to go,” he says, sliding his thumbs through my belt loops. “Come to bed with me.”
My stomach does that little flip-flop thing that has me practically melting at his feet. A year ago—heck, six months ago—I would have raced him to his room. But this new Stacey, the one who is going to stand firm, slowly shakes her head side to side, trying to convince herself she’s going home. Yep, that’s me. Solid as a rock, not going to cave. Not going to follow him to his room. Not going to let him peel my clothes off slowly while he places sweet kisses over my shoulders, up my neck, and then on my lips.
Nope.
Not. Going. To. Happen.
“Come to bed with me,” Ace pleads, tipping his head so his forehead rests on mine. The tips of our noses touch, and a sigh of longing floats from my lips. Just a fraction of an inch and our mouths would meet in an explosive kiss. A kiss I could replay over and over on the drive back to my place.
Slowly, I slide my hands up Ace’s chest until I reach his thick neck and my fingers cup his strong, bearded jaw. With my hands here, I guide his lips to mine, sealing our mouths together, our tongues battling in a war of who is going to relent first.
Me—staying the night. Or Ace—letting me go home.
When his hands lower over my ass, he lifts me easily and guides my legs around his waist. He turns and carries me down the hall to his room.
Well, damn.
We end up twisted around each other, tangled in his soft sheets, and exhausted from kissing and touching, learning each other’s bodies. Yep, apparently my firm foundation wasn’t nearly as solid as I gave myself credit for. Note to self: rebuild my resolve.
I leave early in the morning in order to make it back to my place, shower, and get ready for work. Each day is getting easier and I feel happy. I love opening the store every day and feeling truly like an adult. Julia and I talk on the phone at least twice a day, sometimes more when I have a question regarding something specific about the store or an order that came in. And Ellery has proven to be a great employee and friend.
Toward the end of the day, I receive a text from Reggie inviting me over for the weekend and a thrill shoots through me. Even though it was rough when I first moved up here, our relationship is getting better and almost feels back to normal. Now that Ace and I are…something…she says to bring him too. I laugh while thinking about how well this is going to go over when I ask him to come with me.
***
Overnight bags packed, Ace and I—along with Duke—drive south out of Warner heading to Torrance for what is sure to be an interesting weekend. Surprisingly, when I asked Ace if he’d like to spend the weekend with my crazy friends, he agreed without hesitation. I was fairly certain this was a trip I’d be making alone. Now here we are, holding hands over the center console of his SUV
, and all I can think about is the way Ace makes me feel.
In high school, guys came easily. They practically lined up at my door, and being young and stupid, I accepted what they were offering without complaint. I was as easy as they came and enjoyed the rush of something new. After Reggie found out she was pregnant, I did a lot of soul searching and realized she and Jordan had truly been in love. He was her first and, much to my unbelief, only. I never understood why she didn’t date or fool around after Micah was born, and maybe that made me a bad friend. Over time, I started wanting that connection to someone; I wanted a real relationship. I wanted to feel loved and adored. With Ace, even though he’s still battling his memories every day—every time we’re together—I know he’s trying. His tender touches, sweet kisses, and even this—holding hands in the car—make me feel special. And I love him for it.
I knew I was in trouble when we were dancing at Reggie’s wedding. When I left without saying goodbye, I was hoping to cut any growing feelings toward him because it was pointless to try a long distance relationship. They never work, and it’s usually due to both parties being unable to keep their love alive. Knowing now what I do about Ace, it would have been me screwing everything up.
When we finally park outside Reggie and Jordan’s house, a smile overtakes my face. Making the decision to move up here was the right one. I’m close to my best friend again and Ace and I are working on us. And for now, that’s enough. I’m in love with him, and sometimes the way his eyes soften when he glances at me makes me believe he feels the same.
After dinner, Jordan and Ace head into town to grab a movie while Reggie and I get busy making a quick batch of chocolate chip cookies. Micah is spending the night at a friend’s house, which made me a little sad since I won’t see him until tomorrow night. But at least I’ll get to see the little boy who is as much a nephew to me as any future kids my brother will have.
As I’m spooning the cookie dough onto the baking sheets, Reggie steps up behind me and wraps me in a hug. “Man, I’ve missed you,” she says, planting a kiss on my cheek.
“Ha-ha. Just like Ace, you only like me for my cooking,” I tease, and then scoop my finger through the dough and sneakily swipe it across her cheek. She squeals and we burst into laughter. This is what I needed, my friend and some cookie dough fights.
“So, Jordan and I have been trying to get pregnant,” Reggie says after the first batch of cookies goes into the oven. Her news sends a sharp pang of jealousy spiking through me that nearly has me buckling over at the waist. I hide it the best I can, but I can see the confusion on her face. A best friend wouldn’t be upset. A best friend would jump for joy and give great hugs. So, I force a smile that finally turns into the real thing, and then I wrap my arms around her.
“That’s really great, Reggie. Are you?” I glance at her flat stomach, but she shakes her head.
“No, not yet. But hopefully soon.” The smile on her face is contagious and soon my jealousy fades and eventually recedes to the back of my mind.
When the guys return, they proudly flaunt the movie and put it in the DVD player. Jordan and Reggie snuggle up together on one couch, and Ace and I take the other. I pull a blanket from the rolled arm and take my spot under his arm. I love the way he tilts his body toward me so his legs create a perfect spot for me to sink into him.
The movie begins and Reggie and I groan simultaneously at their pick. It’s a subtitled Japanese martial arts film that has me wanting to take revenge on both guys. I pull the blanket up over my shoulders, drape it across Ace’s lap, and snuggle in closer to his side. He drops his hand to my side and holds me close. As much as I love his kisses and gentle touches, if we cuddle like this for the rest of our lives, I’ll die a happy woman.
Three cookies, four dead Japanese men, and a bowl of popcorn later, I’m bored out of my mind. Ace is glued to the television and so are Jordan and Reggie. Revenge on Ace is starting now.
I slide down so my head is lying on his thigh, which makes Ace shift on the couch so one leg is stretched out and his foot is propped up beside me and the other foot is on the floor. Poor guy doesn’t know what’s coming. My hand rests on his thigh under the blanket and slowly moves higher and higher until I feel Ace tense around me. When my palm cups the space between his legs, he coughs and slides an inch or so down the couch.
My man is pretty smart. He places a pillow over his lap and I casually pull it over so my head can lie on it.
He traded his jeans for a pair of black sweat pants before Jordan put the movie on and I silently offer him my thanks for making this so much easier. My hand slides over the growing bulge in his pants and I clench my thighs together. So maybe I didn’t quite think this form of torture through all the way.
During a particularly heavy action scene, Ace tilts his head back on the couch and I feel the hum of a low growl in his chest. He reaches under the blanket and pulls my hand off him and jerks his eyes in the direction of our bedroom. Score one for Stacey.
“We’re exhausted, guys,” I say to Reggie and Jordan. “You kids have a good rest of your night. We’ll see you in the morning.” I lay the blanket back over the arm of the couch and pull Ace to his feet, making sure to stand in front of him. After Jordan and Reggie say good night, we make our way upstairs to our room.
Chapter 32
Ace
“Shh,” Stacey says, pulling me through the bedroom door. “The walls are really thin and the floor creaks.” The coy smile on her face makes my heart soar and my fingers itch to touch her all over again. Her fingers tug at the hem of my t-shirt as she guides me to the full-size bed with cream-colored bedding. She sits on the edge and with a look, challenges me to undress in front of her. Slowly lifting my shirt over my head, I watch Stacey as her eyes darken while she gazes across my chest and then turns her focus back on my face. Her tongue quickly darts out, wetting her plump lips, and I’m on her faster than a snake going in for the strike.
The bed groans with our combined weight and creaks with every movement we make. Kissing her isn’t enough, touching her is like torture. I need more, all of her. I’m going to claim every inch of her body with a kiss, every freckle with a caress, and every peak will feel the graze of my teeth.
I move over her, one elbow on the mattress while my other hand travels down her body, finding its way under her shirt. She arches her back as my fingers graze her breasts and my lips find hers. Clothing discarded, my lips move over her body, freely pulling quiet sighs from her parted mouth.
“Ace,” she pants as my lips claim her once again. I push forward, the bed groans, Stacey’s back arches, and I’m hit with the feeling of being home. Every move, every creak, every thrust is like a warm welcome into the arms of the woman you love.
Stacey’s legs move up over my hips, wrapping around me, pulling me deeper. Deeper and deeper I fall, and as I collapse on top of her, I realize this is way more than I bargained for. I thought it would get easier, that sleeping with Stacey would be sex and nothing more. But as she lays her head on my shoulder and I pull her close, the feelings of home and of love I’m filled with are dangerous and reckless.
***
Before Stacey wakes up, I slowly slide out of bed, grab a shower, and head outside with Duke, needing to clear my head. When I told her I wouldn’t love her, I wasn’t lying. Yet, here I am dangerously close to falling for her and having no idea what to do about it.
The lights in the barn are on, and since it’s about twenty degrees outside, the barn looks like the place to be. Inside, I find Jordan feeding the horses, talking quietly to them like they’re old friends. If you would have told me six months ago I would be hanging out with Jordan Capshaw and watching him turn into a cowboy, I would have laughed in your face. Who knew the rock star had it in him to become a family man and give everything up for the woman he loves?
“Have a good night?” he asks, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.
“Sorry,” I say, knowing Stacey and I couldn’t have been quiet n
o matter what we did.
“Hey, no worries. It just reminds me that I need to buy a new bed for that room. Then again, if Micah ever brings a chick home when he’s older, I’ll know if they’re fooling around.” Jordan laughs, tosses me a square section of hay, and points to the stall I’m standing in front of. I feed the horse and help him with the rest.
“So, what’s up with you two anyway?” he asks as he puts the wheelbarrow away. “I’ve known Stacey for a long time and she’s different with you.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing. Things are getting out of control with her and I’m sort of freaking out.” My hands rake through my hair and I silently curse myself for admitting that out loud. The last thing I need is for Jordan to confide in Reggie what I’ve just said.
“Stacey used to be the go-to girl in high school, if you know what I mean,” Jordan says casually, and it makes my stomach churn into knots. “But over the years she’s changed a lot. Reggie tells me that Stacey’s happy when she’s with you. I don’t know what’s going on with you or why you’d be freaking out. But I swear, if you do something to hurt her, I’ll hurt you. Got it?”
I shake my head, fighting off a nervous laugh. “You do realize you just threatened a police officer, right?”
Jordan shrugs, slaps my shoulder, and walks toward the house. “You coming? Breakfast will be ready and my boy will be home soon.”
The four of us sit down to eat just as Jordan and Reggie’s son comes through the front door. His wide, easy smile for his parents fills me with guilt and longing. I could have had that. I could have had everything if I would have been able to save Marley. The rest of the day, the five of us sit around talking, snacking, and hanging out like old friends. By the time Stacey and I have our bags packed, I feel like I’ve crawled into a dark cave, retreating into hibernation. I don’t want to be around these people wishing for a life I can’t have. A life I don’t deserve.