by Natalie Ann
“Did you?”
“I didn’t want to and he knew that. But in the end, I did. I didn’t have a good enough reason not to other than it would be uncomfortable. One of us has to take the step. It just feels like it’s always me.”
“I know the feeling,” Zach said. “Sometimes it’s the only way. At least you can sleep better at night.”
She snorted. “I don’t know about that. That’s what the wine is for.”
He winced. “How much of a cold shoulder did she give you? She knew you spent the weekend with me, didn’t she?”
“She knows all,” Amber said, laughing on the other line. “It was room-temperature cold in the middle of the winter. How’s that sound?”
“What exactly is that?”
“Colder than average, but not as bad as it’s been lately. It was fine as long we didn’t talk about me or my personal life.”
“What was left to talk about?”
“The weather. Gossip around town. The same old, same old.”
He inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry, Amber.”
“About what?”
“That I’m causing this strife in your life.”
“It’s not you. Not directly. My life has been full of strife, so this is nothing new. I’ve got it under control.”
He didn’t believe her. “If you just got home, then you stayed longer than I would have expected based on how the night went.”
“I didn’t stay there that long. The minute I finished putting the last dish back in the cabinet, I left and went to see Sally.”
“Why?”
“I just wanted to talk to someone in my family about my life. About you, about me, and our relationship. Someone that wouldn’t judge me. I don’t know, I guess it sounds stupid when I say it out loud.”
He didn’t think so. “What did you say about me?”
“That you are just wearing me out in the bedroom. I can’t very well tell my parents that, and a girl needs to brag.”
His face just lit right up. She sure knew how to make his day. “Did you really tell her that?”
“Not in so many words. Sex did come up, because hey, like I said, a girl needs to brag now and again. But really she just gave me a massage while we talked. Said my shoulders were tense, she could see it.”
“Massage! I bought you a massager. Go get it, I’ll walk you through anything tense on your body.”
“Hello, oversexed boyfriend here. And we know it’s not really a massager. Plus, Sally does that for a living, so I got two things tonight. A nice chat and some relaxation.”
“It says on the box it’s a massager and boxes don’t lie.”
“You’re funny, Zach. And exactly what I needed right now.” She paused and then said, “I miss you. Why do I miss you so much when it’s only been about twenty-four hours?”
“Would it make you feel any better to know I miss you, too? Maybe more.”
“I think it would. Do you really?”
“Yeah. It doesn’t feel the same with you gone right now, which is odd since you’ve only been here once.”
“I know that feeling.”
“How are we going to make this work?” he asked.
“Anyway we can. It’s early still though.”
“Why do you keep saying that?” he asked, trying not to be hurt over it.
“Because it’s the truth.”
“It’s like you’re holding back on me. I just don’t know why.”
She laughed again, but he wished he could have seen her face because part of him had a feeling it was forced. “When can you say I’ve held back anything from you?”
“Ah, back to the bedroom talk. Don’t get me all worked up since I’m in my office right now.”
“How much longer are you going to be?” she asked. “I can wait up for you if you want.”
“I’ll probably be another two hours or so. If I go home now I won’t get any work done, so I’m staying until I’m caught up.”
“Did I really put you behind by visiting? I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. And speaking of which, I booked my flight today.”
“For where?”
“To see you again. Where did you think I was going?”
“I wasn’t sure. I know you travel for work a lot, so I thought it was for that. Or maybe back to Vegas to find that call girl you were hoping to meet.”
“Cute, Amber.”
“So when are you coming to see me again?”
“January sixteenth,” he said.
“That’s the day before Rene’s C-section. And it’s a Tuesday. Are you coming for the birth?”
“Not really. Nick and I need to get together and work on some things and it will be easier if I’m there. So it’s really a working trip mixed in with pleasure. It’s only a bonus that I’ll be there for her birth. Guess I’m the lucky charm when it comes to babies being born there lately.”
“So you’re staying with Nick?” she asked, and he hoped that was hurt in her voice, maybe some disappointment.
“I hadn’t planned on it, unless you’d prefer I did. Since I know you’ll be swamped at the office, I just figured it would work out well that I was working, too. We’d have the nights together.”
“Like a couple sort of living together?” she asked.
“We could look at it that way. I told you I could easily get to Lake Placid once a month for a week. Or would you rather I not make that happen?”
“Why would you ask that? Of course I want you here.”
“Well, you just said I was wearing you out. Maybe you need a break.”
“The three weeks you’re gone in the month is my break. This works. I can make it work.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
“Did the kids get back home okay on Sunday?”
“Yeah. I sent Seth a text last night to check in. My mother still wasn’t home yet, but she was due back at some point.”
He hoped. He wanted to check again, but didn’t, knowing there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He was sure it wasn’t the first time the kids were home alone at night.
“They seem like good kids. You did right by them, Zach.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you reached them on Saturday. Even though you don’t think you did, I could see it. I wouldn’t be surprised if you hear from them more now. Maybe even Bri.”
“We’ll see. I just don’t know what to do about this situation.”
“Meaning?” she asked.
“Meaning that I’m pretty sure my mother is going to move at the end of the summer and uproot Seth from his school. Bri will be at college, maybe. Who knows where? I hope she does what I asked and sends me all her acceptances and financial aid packages.”
“Why wouldn’t she?”
“She still doesn’t trust me. I know that.”
There wasn’t much he could do about it right now other than keep trying. Like he told Amber, he’d do what he could to sleep better at night.
“Give it time. What about Seth, though? If Bri leaves for school, will he have to move if your mother does? He can’t live with his father and stay there, can he?”
“I found out last night that their father is living in some small trailer with his new girlfriend and her three kids. It wouldn’t be a good place for Seth.”
“So what are you thinking? Having him move in with you?”
“No. I can’t take him. I’m not here enough, I’m not home enough. He’s still a minor.”
“So your grandparents?” she asked.
“It might be the only option. I haven’t told anyone what I’m thinking. I don’t think it’s fair to them, either. They’re getting on in age. They don’t need this right now, but I know they’d do it. The thing that bothers me the most is that it feels like my mother is getting her way again.”
“You can’t look at it that way, Zach. It’s not about her anymore. This is about them. I’m sure your grandparents
felt the same when they took you in.”
She was right, he knew that. “I’ll think about it more. There’s a good chance my mother will stay where she is. Especially if I pay her rent for her. Then she’d have no reason to go.”
“Unless there is a man in her life. Then she won’t care that you’re paying her rent,” Amber said.
“True. I don’t know. There’s time yet. I can’t see her doing anything until summer. I’d like to think she isn’t so selfish that she’d move Bri before she could graduate.” But then again, who knew, anything was possible with his mother.
“Sorry to put a damper on our call by bringing up the kids,” Amber said. “I probably should let you go back to work so you can get home, but I can’t seem to hang up the phone.”
“No worries. I’m just going to an empty place,” he said. Nothing new there, either.
“Same here. It’s just me and my wine at the moment. So what are you doing tomorrow night?”
“What’s tomorrow night?”
“New Year’s Eve,” she said. “Don’t tell me you’re working.”
“I lost track of the date. No, I’ll have dinner with my grandparents like always, then go home and watch the ball drop. Probably do some work until then to keep me up. What about you?”
“Cole has to work, so Dena, Rene, and I are going to dinner, then I’m going home alone, too. Probably watch some cheesy movies on TV until the ball drops, then I’ll go to bed.”
“We could watch it together. Want to make it a date?”
“Sure, why not? Our first New Year’s Eve together. It’s going to suck not being able to kiss you at midnight, though,” she said.
“Oh, I’m sure we could figure out something else to do at midnight.”
Her laughter on the other end made him smile. “I can only imagine,” she said.
Honeymoon Phase
“How are things going?” Nick asked.
Zach looked over to see Nick eying him steadily. “Regarding what?”
“You and Amber. You’ve been dating a few months now. This is your fourth time together. How’s it working out?”
“Good.”
“Why doesn’t that sound convincing?”
He should have known that Nick would read more into things. “It’s all good. Just feeling our way around things.”
“Do you need more time to travel? More time here? I know it’s not easy for her to get away and thought it was pretty great she surprised you after Christmas.”
“Yeah, it was great.” He still appreciated that she was able to make that happen. That her friends helped her make it happen.
“Again, you aren’t acting as excited over this trip, so that makes me think something isn’t right. Your normal hyper-activeness isn’t showing.”
“Just tired. It’s been a long few days.”
He’d arrived on Tuesday, which should have been a day before Rene’s birth, but that didn’t work out as planned. Rene had gone into labor a week earlier and they had to do an emergency C-section. A healthy ten-pound two-ounce TJ McGuire made his appearance into the world. Unfortunately, that put more work on Amber’s shoulders.
“I’m still not convinced. Traveling never bothered you before. Not like me.”
“I guess I thought Amber and I would be able to spend more time together, but it’s not working out that way.”
After his flight had landed, he drove right to Nick’s and got a few hours of work done, then went to Amber’s. Around nine, her phone went off and she had to go into the ER and didn’t return until after midnight. As much as he wanted to stay up and wait, he couldn’t. He’d been up since four that morning as it was.
Then yesterday, they had a short time together in the morning, he went and spent thirty minutes with her for lunch—which was even pushing it for her—then last night she’d gotten call after call, even though she never had to go in. It just seemed it was a constant stream of interruptions.
“The honeymoon phase has worn off, it seems.”
Zach laughed. “Nothing has worn off there.” Even with as little time as they had together, they made use of it physically. But he wanted more. He wanted to talk with her, be with her, and just spend more time getting to know each other.
The physical was great, but it wasn’t enough. He’d never felt that way before and knew there had to be a way to figure this out.
“Your mind always goes there, Zach. I meant in the relationship. All the other times, you two were focused on each other. No work and all play. But now it’s time to blend the two. Neither of you can always push the work aside and just spend time together. No relationship works like that. Life tends to get in the way.”
“You’re bursting my bubble of contentment here, Nick. We don’t see each other for weeks at a time, so I guess I kind of thought this time was for us.”
“You’re here working, too,” Nick pointed out.
Zach frowned. “Yeah, I get that. We’re both working. I suppose I was in this fairytale haze of how I thought it was going to be.”
A haze he’d never thought he’d be in or want to be in, if he was honest with himself. He’d never really thought of anything more than the physical in the last few years. Never had time to think of anything else.
“The honeymoon phase,” Nick said again.
“I guess,” Zach said, sighing. What a kick in the balls to find someone you wanted more with and realize the logistics of it were working against you.
“So back to my question. Do you need more time here?”
“You’re being awfully accommodating. Sure, I’d love it, but I’m not sure she would. And second of all, someone has to run the company with you living here.”
“The company is running just fine and you know it. You’re barely there two weeks a month as it is and when you are, it’s nonstop meetings with vendors and staff. We run a software company. If we can’t make it work with technology, then no one can. Why do you think she doesn’t want you here more?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m seeing something that isn’t there.”
He didn’t want to tell Nick that Amber seemed distant for some reason. That she had been preoccupied the last few days. That maybe he was being extremely insecure for a guy who hadn’t felt that way in his adult life.
“You probably are.”
***
“Dena, I need a huge favor,” Amber said.
“What’s that?” Dena asked, looking up from her computer where she was putting her notes in. They were both stretched to the limit right now just trying to catch up from Rene being pulled out early.
“Can you cover for me tonight, please? I’ll pick up next weekend for you while you’re on call. Both days. I just need one night with Zach without interruptions.”
“Sure. Mike will be happy then. He wanted to go out on Saturday and being on call…you know it never works out good. Is everything okay with Zach?”
“Yeah. I think so. I don’t know. I think he’s mad at me. Or annoyed, at the very least.”
“Why?” Dena said, pushing back from her computer.
“It’s been nuts this week. I know he’s here working, but he’s staying with me and it seems we have no time for anything. We can’t even start and finish a conversation. If my phone isn’t going off, then his is. I didn’t expect so many distractions.”
“Maybe he shouldn’t visit when you’re on call.”
“I’m thinking that, too. But this week is an aberration. It’s never this busy. The two in the cottage are just driving me insane for some reason. Besides, if he can fit it into his schedule, I’m not telling him no.” Turning him down on a visit wasn’t an option in her mind.
“That happens from time to time,” Dena said.
“Yeah, but this time there are two that are feeding off of each other. I hope they aren’t driving Celeste nuts, too, but I think they are. One of them is leaving today, so maybe you’ll get lucky tonight and it will be light.”
“Don’t worry about it,�
�� Dena said. “Go home and spend some time with Zach. How long is he here for?”
“He’s here until Sunday, but I’m on call all weekend, so as we know it’s not like we can go and do anything.” Which was really fine now that she thought about it. It would give them time alone. To watch movies, to talk, and just relax.
“Do you want me to take the rest of the week for you, then you can take it for me next week from Thursday to Sunday?”
Amber felt her eyes fill. “Seriously, you’d do that for me? I know the next few months are going to be heavy for us.”
Dena laughed. “Amber, Rene has only been here a year. Before that, it was just the two of us rotating anyway.”
“I forgot about that. I’ve gotten so complacent in the last year having Rene around that I forgot how crazy it was before then.”
Dena reached over and lightly grasped her hand. “Amber, you’ve never seemed this happy before and you’re always happy.”
“What does that mean?” She was glad everyone thought that of her, even if she didn’t always feel it herself.
“It means that whatever is going on with you and Zach, however crazy it is, try to make it work the best you can. Sometimes we don’t get a chance to find that one person for us. And when the one person is there, we have to appreciate them.”
“You sound like you’re talking from experience,” Amber said.
“Yeah well, let’s just say sometimes I look back and think I threw the best thing I had away. I’ve been searching for it again for years and it’s just not there.”
Amber remembered that Dena had a boyfriend in high school. They’d been sweethearts for years, but they split and both went their own way to college. She wanted to ask if it was about that, but didn’t. For once, Amber couldn’t even remember the guy’s name since Dena was a few years behind her in school.
“I understand.” More than anyone realized. And though Amber always wondered if she’d ever find love, she’d never said those words out loud to anyone.
“So let Zach know that tonight and tomorrow—even the weekend—is for you guys alone. Make some plans, have some fun, and work it out.”