She hadn’t intended to confide her feelings. She knew she would be leaving her heart at Cielo del Norte but she’d hoped to at least take her pride. But keeping the feelings to herself certainly hadn’t diminished them, and she was through pretending.
She did love him—with her whole heart. And she loved Riley as if the little girl was her own child. But accepting the truth of her feelings forced her to accept the more painful truths that were equally evident: there was no place for her here, and no future for her with the prince and his daughter.
Once again, she was trying to fit in someplace where she could never belong.
Chapter Sixteen
The night after Hannah’s whispered declaration of her feelings, Michael didn’t go to her room. It was the first time since their first night together that he’d gone directly to his big, empty bed. He didn’t sleep well. He wasn’t even sure that he’d slept at all.
But he knew he was doing the right thing. To continue to be with Hannah when he didn’t—couldn’t—feel the same way she did wasn’t fair to either of them.
It was on Tuesday, after two restless, sleepless nights, that she knocked on his office door.
“Excuse me for interrupting, Your Highness, but I was wondering if I could have a minute of your time.”
He cringed at the formal tone of her voice, hating the distance between them. He wanted to hear her speak his name, not his title. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her so close that he could feel her heart beating against his. He wanted to touch his mouth to hers, to feel her lips yield to his kiss. But he had no right to want anything from her anymore.
“Of course, Hannah,” he responded to her request.
“I got a notice from St. Eugene’s that I’ll be teaching a new course in the fall, and I was hoping to go back to Port Augustine at the end of this week.”
This wasn’t at all what he’d expected. He wasn’t ready for her to leave, and he had no intention of letting her go. She had agreed to stay until the end of summer, to take care of his daughter.
“What about Riley?” he demanded now. “How can you just abandon her?”
“I’m not going anywhere until you’ve found someone else to take care of her.”
“And what if I don’t find anyone else?” he challenged.
He wasn’t sure why he was fighting her on this. It was only seven days, and even if he didn’t have anyone else by then, he would be happy to spend more time with his daughter during that last week. He didn’t need a nanny, but he needed Hannah.
He wasn’t sure where that last thought had come from—or how it could simultaneously feel so right and make him break out in a cold sweat.
“Margaux has agreed to come for an interview tomorrow.”
“You’re so eager to get away from here that you called her to set this up?”
“No,” she denied. “Margaux called here, on Brigitte’s advice, to set a date and time to meet with you. I just took the message.”
“You could have said that I would get in touch with her when I returned to Port Augustine,” he countered.
She looked at him oddly, as if she heard the note of desperation he tried to keep out of his voice. But all she said was, “I thought you would want this settled before then—to make sure Riley will be in good hands when you go back.”
He couldn’t refute the logic in that. Instead, he asked, “Is there nothing I can say to make you stay?”
She hesitated for a moment, as if considering her response, then finally said, “You really don’t need me anymore. You and Riley are going to be just fine.”
“Have you told her that you’re leaving?”
“She won’t be surprised. She knows I have to go back to my real job.”
Just as he’d known it was only a temporary assignment when he’d hired her, so why was he fighting it now?
“I’ll let you know after I meet with Margaux tomorrow,” he told her.
“Thank you,” she said.
And then she was gone.
Hannah was transferring her clothing from the dresser to her suitcase when Riley came into her room.
“Who’s that lady with Daddy?” she demanded. “Is it true that she’s going to be my new nanny?”
“That’s for your daddy to decide,” Hannah told her.
The princess crawled up onto Hannah’s bed and hugged her knees to her chest. “Why don’t I get to decide?”
“Because you’re four.”
“That’s not my fault.”
Hannah tousled her hair and smiled gently. “It’s not a question of fault, it’s just the way it is.”
Riley watched as she continued to fill the suitcase. Hannah forced herself to concentrate on carefully arranging each item, because she knew that if she looked at the little girl right now, she would fall apart.
After a few minutes, Riley spoke in a quiet voice, “I don’t want you to go.”
Hannah’s throat was tight, her eyes burning with unshed tears. She drew in a deep breath and settled onto the edge of the bed, trying to find the words that would make goodbye easier for both of them.
But as soon as she sat down, Riley scooted over to wrap her arms around her, squeezing her so tight that the dam that was holding back Hannah’s tears began to crack.
“I don’t want to go, either,” she admitted. “But we both knew that I was only going to be here for the summer.”
“The summer’s not over yet,” the princess pointed out.
She rested her chin on top of the little girl’s head, so Riley wouldn’t see the tears that slid down her cheeks. “No, but it’s getting close.”
After another few minutes, Riley asked, “Can I come visit you?”
Hannah knew it would be best to make a clean break, to walk away from Cielo del Norte and never look back, but there was no way she could deny the child’s request. “That’s up to your dad, but if he says yes, it’s absolutely okay with me.”
“When?” Riley demanded.
The characteristic impatience in her voice made Hannah smile through her tears. “Anytime.”
Margaux was everything Brigitte promised she would be. She was compassionate and knowledgeable and professional, and though his daughter kept insisting that she didn’t want a new nanny, Michael remembered that she’d been equally resistant to Hannah at first. So he offered her the job, and she accepted. And when she agreed that she could start right away, he released Hannah from her obligation to stay until the end of the month.
It seemed pointless to have Margaux move into the beach house only to have to move back to the city a week later, so he decided that he and Riley might as well return to Verde Colinas early. Maybe his excuses were just that—certainly Caridad thought so—and maybe it was true that he didn’t want anyone else in Hannah’s room. Not yet, while the memories were still fresh. By next summer, he was confident that he would be able to think of it as simply the nanny’s room again and not think about all the hours that he’d spent in there with Hannah, talking and laughing with her, and making love with her.
Back in the city, Riley seemed to settle into her new routines fairly easily. Since summer was almost over, he’d started some of her lessons again, but on a much more modest scale. His daughter was polite and attentive to her teachers, and she cooperated willingly enough with Margaux, but still, something didn’t seem quite right.
It took him almost a week to realize why the house seemed so somber and silent. Because not once in that entire time, not once in the six days since Hannah had been gone, did he hear his daughter laugh.
When she unpacked at home, Riley put the doll that Sam had given her back in its special place on the shelf. The silly stuffed caterpillar that Hannah had given to her as a birthday gift went on the bed, and Riley slept with it hugged close to her chest every night.
He wished that he could comfort his daughter, but he missed Hannah as much as she did. Maybe he hadn’t sent her away, but he knew that he was responsible for her leaving just th
e same. She’d told him that she loved him, and he hadn’t dared speak of the feelings that were in his own heart. Because he hadn’t been willing to admit them, even to himself.
Now that she was gone, he could no longer deny the truth. Hannah hadn’t just shown him how to build a better relationship with his daughter, she’d helped him heal and gave him hope for the future—a future he now knew that he wanted to share with her.
During the first week after her return from Cielo del Norte, Hannah missed Riley so much that she actually felt a pain in her chest whenever she thought of the little girl. As for the prince—well, she didn’t even dare let herself think of the man who had stolen her heart.
She kept herself busy. She washed curtains and scrubbed floors; she repainted the walls and bought new throw rugs and cushions. She knew what she was doing: trying to make a fresh start. She wasn’t sure that her plan would actually succeed, but she’d realized that the only way she could sleep at night was to fall into bed completely physically exhausted.
After everything was cleaned and painted and rearranged, she carted all of her boxes out of storage and back into her apartment. As she unpacked her belongings, she was amazed to think that only two months had passed since she’d packed it all away. It really wasn’t a lot of time, but so much in her life had changed during that period. She had changed.
But she was doing okay—until she got a letter from Caridad. The housekeeper just wanted to let her know that Loretta had finally had her baby—almost two weeks late—and that she and Estavan were the proud grandparents of another beautiful baby girl.
Hannah was genuinely thrilled for them, and she sent a card and a gift for the baby. She’d considered hand-delivering the items, but decided against it. The memories were still too fresh, her heartache still too raw. She did hope to keep in touch with Caridad, as the housekeeper had become a wonderful friend, but there was no reason for her to ever go back to Cielo del Norte.
No reason except that she’d left her heart with Prince Michael while she’d been there. It didn’t seem to matter that he didn’t want it; she knew that it would always belong to him.
So many times, she thought back to that last conversation in his office, when he’d asked, “Is there nothing I can say to make you stay?” And she’d wondered if anything might have been different if she’d had the courage to speak the words that had immediately come to mind: Tell me you love me.
But she knew that even if he had actually said those words to her, she wouldn’t believe them. Because actions spoke louder than words, and he’d already made his feelings clear. She’d told him that she loved him—and he didn’t even give her the lame I-care-about-you-but-I’m-not-ready-for-a-serious-relationship speech. He’d said nothing at all.
Still, she knew the mistake wasn’t in speaking of the feelings that were in her heart; the mistake was in letting herself fall in love with a man that she’d known all along could never love her back. But even that knowledge didn’t stop her from missing the prince and his little girl.
She was grateful when school started up again in September. She was anxious to get back into the familiar routines, confident that a return to her normal life would help her forget about Michael and Riley and how much she missed both of them.
Still, she thought about contacting him. Every day, she experienced moments of such intense yearning that she was tempted to pick up the phone, not just to hear his voice but to check on Riley. If she did, maybe he would give her permission to visit the little girl, but in the end she decided that wouldn’t be a good idea for either of them. Margaux was the princess’s nanny now, and she deserved a chance to bond with the child without Hannah in the way.
She was confident that Riley would adjust to these new changes in her life without much difficulty. She truly was an amazing child, and Hannah just hoped that the prince didn’t fill her schedule with so many lessons and classes again that she forgot to be a child.
Instead of contacting the prince, Hannah busied herself working on new lesson plans for the current term. She was rereading the first play for her freshman drama class when there was a knock at the door Saturday afternoon. She was feeling desperate enough for a distraction that she responded to the summons. If it was a vacuum cleaner salesman, she might even invite him in to do a demonstration in the hope that it would possibly give her a half-hour reprieve from her thoughts of Michael and Riley.
But when she opened the door, she realized that there wasn’t going to be any reprieve—because the prince and his daughter were standing in her hall.
“Hello, Hannah.”
She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She didn’t know what to say—whether to invite them inside or send them away. And she was afraid that whatever choice she made would only result in fresh heartache.
“You said I could come visit, remember?” Riley’s smile was uncharacteristically tentative, as if she was unsure of her welcome.
Hannah managed a smile, though she felt as if her heart was splitting wide open inside of her chest. “Of course I remember.”
“Can we come in?” the prince asked.
She wished she could say no. And if his daughter wasn’t standing at his side, she would have refused. But there was no way she could close the door now.
She stepped back so that they could enter, while questions swirled through her mind. Why were they here? Why now? Subconsciously, she touched a hand to her brow. The scar above her eye had started to fade, but the wounds on her heart were still raw and bleeding.
“Hannah?” the princess prompted, her little brow furrowed with concern.
She dropped her hand away, forced a smile. “Can I get you anything?”
She wasn’t sure what to offer—her mind had gone blank when she’d seen them standing outside of her door and she honestly couldn’t remember what was in her refrigerator.
“Not for me, thanks,” the prince said.
Riley shook her head.
Hannah led them into the living room. As a result of all of the cleaning and painting and redecorating, she knew the apartment looked good. Hardly up to royal standards, but then again, she wasn’t a royal.
“So—were you just in the neighborhood?” she asked, attempting a casualness she wasn’t feeling.
“No, Riley wanted to see you.” Michael tucked his hands into his pockets. “Actually, we both wanted to see you.”
“We miss you,” the little girl said.
“How is school?” she asked Riley, forcing a note of cheerfulness into her voice even as her heart cracked wide open.
“It’s okay,” the princess said.
“Have you made lots of new friends?”
“A few.”
Hannah swallowed. “And everything’s going well…with the new nanny?”
The little girl looked at her daddy, as if deferring the question to him.
“Margaux is…almost perfect,” he said.
“That’s great,” she said, and hoped that she sounded sincere.
“Almost,” Riley repeated.
“Is there a problem?” Hannah asked, genuinely concerned.
“The only problem,” Michael said, “is that she isn’t you.”
“We want you to come back,” Riley said.
“This isn’t fair,” Hannah said to the prince, glaring at him through the sheen of tears that filled her eyes. “You can’t bring your daughter here to—”
“It was Riley’s idea,” he told her. “There was no way she was letting me come here without her.”
“Please, Hannah.” The princess looked at her, those big brown eyes beseeching.
Hannah could barely speak around the lump in her throat. “I’m not really a nanny,” she reminded the little girl gently. “I’m a high school teacher.”
“We both understand that,” Michael assured her. “And the thing is, Riley and I had a long talk about it and agreed that, since she’s in school now during the week anyway, she probably doesn’t need a nanny.”
&nbs
p; “Then why are you here?”
“Because I do need a mom,” Riley piped up.
“And I need a wife,” Michael said. “So—” The prince looked at his daughter, she gave him a quick nod, then they spoke in unison: “Will you marry us, Hannah?”
She could only stare at them both, her eyes filling with tears all over again.
Michael nudged his daughter.
“Oh.” The little girl reached into the pocket of her skirt and pulled out a small box. She tried to flip open the lid, but it snapped shut again—catching her finger.
“Ow.” Riley shook her hand free, and the box went flying across the floor, disappearing under the sofa.
Hannah had to laugh through her tears.
“This isn’t quite how I imagined the scene playing out,” Michael admitted.
It was a scene she hadn’t dared let herself imagine and still wasn’t entirely sure was real.
“Can you trust that I have a ring or do I have to dig the box out from under the furniture before you’ll answer the question?” he asked.
“I don’t care about the ring,” she assured him.
“It’s a really pretty ring,” Riley said, making Hannah smile.
“But you’re not saying anything,” he prompted.
“I’ve got it, Daddy.” The princess held up the box she’d retrieved from beneath the sofa. Then she came over and opened it carefully so that Hannah could see the gorgeous princess-cut diamond solitaire set in a platinum band. “Now you’re supposed to say yes.”
She wanted to say yes. More than anything, she wanted to say yes, and it had nothing to do with the ring. It had to do with the fact that the prince was offering her everything she’d ever wanted and more than she’d ever dreamed of, but she felt as if they were both forgetting a couple important issues. “I’m a commoner, Michael.”
“Which only means you don’t carry all of the baggage that goes along with a title,” he assured her.
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