She shook her head and instinctively moved to him, placing her hand reassuringly on his back. “No, you were trying to survive and you were trying to help your friend.”
“I pulled him up over my shoulder and carried him out. I tried to get him back to the truck.” Garrett’s shoulders shook. “I knew it was a lost cause. I knew he was gone, but I couldn’t leave him. But then I saw Levi. I heard his moan and I saw his leg move. He was alive. I could hardly believe it. At first I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but he was moving. He was alive and Marcus was dead. There was no way I could carry them both out of there so I left Marcus and went after Levi. The search-and-rescue teams tried to go in after the firefight and retrieve the bodies of those who’d died...fourteen men in all...but they didn’t find his body. They never did recover it. His family had nothing to bury. And when I think about all the terrible things that probably happened to his body, I shudder because I’ve seen the evil that lives over there and because I left him to suffer it.”
“You did the right thing,” she told him. “You saved Levi. You said yourself that Marcus was gone. You couldn’t have saved him. What about Levi? Did he survive?”
He nodded. “He was hurt badly, probably worse than any of the rest of us that lived. And he doesn’t remember a lot of what happened. Sometimes I think he’s the fortunate one, not to have a memory of that terrible night.”
Her heart broke at Garrett’s story. He had indeed been through an ordeal and she understood how such an event could have affected him. She only wished he’d been able to talk to her about it then. Things would have been so different if she’d only known.
“I never knew anything about the ambush,” she said. “No one contacted me about it and I didn’t hear it on the news.”
“They wouldn’t have contacted you,” he told her. “I hadn’t had the opportunity to update my emergency information. And I didn’t have a next of kin so the army didn’t call anyone on my behalf. As for the news, I’m sure the government buried that story along with all the soldiers that died on that mountain. It was a failed attempt to take down a powerful enemy.” The bite in his tone was real and bitter. “They wouldn’t want such details broadcast.”
But something he’d said touched a nerve with her. The army had had no one to contact on Garrett’s behalf. It saddened her that he’d been so alone. And he’d remained alone. She had to remind herself that it was by choice. He’d had a family. He just hadn’t known it.
“I stayed with the rangers for a while after that, but then I just couldn’t continue. Every time I went into a firefight, I found myself reliving that night and hating myself for leaving Marcus behind. The doctors called it survivor’s guilt and it nearly killed me. I was alone for a long while. I spent my time after the rangers doing things—risky things—that more than once should have killed me. I truly don’t know how I’m still alive except by the grace of God. Anyway, after a while, I realized that I didn’t want to be alone anymore so Josh found me this job and I came back to Jackson. I still don’t know why God kept me alive that night, but I’m glad He did, Ashlynn, because now I get to be the one here for you and Jacob.”
At the same time she was realizing how sad she felt for Garrett, she also realized she was in a similar situation. She’d spent her life alone, protecting her heart from getting hurt again. But it hadn’t worked because she was hurting now and it wasn’t because her son had rejected her. It was because opening her heart to Jacob had also meant opening it up to pain.
But she wouldn’t have changed it. She couldn’t stop loving Jacob any more than she could stop breathing. Having him had made her life so much richer. Nothing, not even losing him now, could take away the joy and happiness he’d brought to her life.
But that was also true for her time with Garrett. She’d held back for years, trying to protect herself from the pain he’d caused when he’d broken their engagement. But she wouldn’t give up the memories of their time together, would she? Aside from giving her Jacob, Garrett had shown her what real love looked like and for the first time in her life had given her some reason to keep going after all the terrible things that had happened to her.
She hugged him tightly and he clung to her. She finally understood the circumstances that had separated them. It still hurt, but now her heart broke for him more than just for herself. She only wished he’d been able to turn to her during that awful time, that she’d been able to be there for him as a wife would have been, but she’d never been given that opportunity.
Her heart cried out for all the pain and sadness they’d both endured. Oh, God, please help mend our shattered lives.
* * *
The next morning, Garrett stood in Josh’s kitchen and watched the morning news on TV as they replayed Ashlynn’s emotional plea for Jacob’s return. His mind ran over the evidence they had, which wasn’t much, and knew they had to be missing something. They were still no closer to finding his son and that distressed him. He’d made a promise that he would bring Jacob home and he meant more than ever to keep it.
Speaking to her last night, sharing the details of the ambush, had been like having a weight lifted from his shoulders. Although he didn’t like the way he’d lost control of his emotions and hadn’t wanted her to see how weak he really was, hearing her assurances that he hadn’t done anything wrong had been like a balm soothing his rugged heart and smoothing out some of the rough patches inside of him. He was thankful for that opportunity and knew he’d been right to come back to Jackson. Josh had been correct in his assertion that Garrett needed to reconnect to life and people. He’d been alone for far too long.
Ashlynn came downstairs and joined him at the kitchen table. She looked beautiful. Her eyes were still blurry from sleep, but he could tell she’d gotten some rest. He used the remote to click off the TV then poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “How did you sleep?”
She gave him a small but weary smile and sipped her coffee. “As well as I could.” She motioned towards the television. “Any update?”
“No. I called Vince earlier, too, and none of the tips that have come in have led anywhere. But if he’s involved, he’ll want to bury any that might lead back to him.”
She nodded but her heart seemed so heavy. She set her phone on the counter. “I’ve been trying to keep up, too, but the news apps don’t have any more information, either.”
“Don’t you give up, Ashlynn. We’re going to find him and bring him home. This isn’t over.”
She nodded but her agreement didn’t reach her eyes. “I know the statistics, Garrett. Children that aren’t recovered in the first forty-eight hours are unlikely to be found.” Her voice caught as she continued. “It’s already been over sixty hours since he was abducted.”
He knelt beside her and rubbed her face. “I don’t listen to statistics. I’m not giving up on our son...or on you.” He leaned forward to place another kiss on her forehead, but she stopped him, placing a gentle one on his lips, instead. His heart hammered at the softness of her mouth and the taste of salt still lingering, most likely from a tear-filled night. He waited for her to make excuses for her action or pull away, but when she didn’t, he pulled her to him for a long, deep kiss that was new and familiar all at once.
It ended when her phone rang, interrupting the moment.
She glanced at the screen. “That’s Ken. I should answer it.”
He nodded and stepped away from her. She picked up the phone and spoke a few words before turning to Garrett. “Hang on, Ken. I’m going to put you on speaker so Garrett can hear this, too.” She placed the phone back on the counter and hit the speaker button. “Go ahead.”
“I was telling Ashlynn that I did some more digging into Randy Meeks’s background. After he was removed from the Rollins home, he bounced around from foster home to foster home before aging out of
the program. He’s been in and out of trouble with the law for most of his juvenile and adult life.”
Garrett nodded. “We already know all of this from his police record.”
“Oh, well, did you know Kathryn Rollins, your foster mother, Ashlynn, was being investigated as part of a baby-selling ring? Some have even speculated that someone connected to the ring murdered her to shut her up because she had agreed to speak with the FBI in exchange for a reduced sentence on the abuse charges.”
Ashlynn gasped. “Baby selling? I had no idea.”
“You wouldn’t have. You were just a child then, and the FBI took notice of her only after she was imprisoned.”
Garrett looked at her. “It’s possible someone from the ring took Jacob.”
She shook her head. “That was so long ago. Why would they wait until now to target me? If they wanted to hurt me, they could have snatched Jacob when he was a baby. Why wait until now?”
Ken had the answer. “The perpetrator could have been in jail all this time and only recently got out. Or he could have inadvertently reconnected with you recently and it re-sparked his anger towards you. Kathryn made them a lot of money and someone could be harboring anger at you for costing them that money.”
“It’s seems so implausible.”
“It’s a lead, Ashlynn, and unless you have some other news I’m not aware of, it’s the best one we have.”
Garrett thought the other man’s tone sounded harsh, but Ashlynn didn’t seem to react to it. He supposed Ken was just as weary and worried as the rest of them. “You should go through your case files again, this time looking for any name that might spark recognition. Anyone from your past could be suspect.”
She nodded. “I don’t remember running into anyone from my past recently. I think I would know them.”
“You didn’t recognize Meeks,” Ken reminded her and she blushed at his assertion. She couldn’t deny it.
Reluctantly, she agreed to give her case files another look.
Ken continued. “I’ve contacted the FBI agent in charge of the investigation back then. He’s agreed to meet with us and discuss the possibility that Jacob’s kidnapping is related to someone involved in the babyselling ring. I told him to meet us at your office in an hour.”
Ashlynn looked at Garrett as if for confirmation. “I’m not sure how I feel about going back to that office after what happened there.”
“It’s a good lead, Ashlynn, and we need to talk with this guy. He may be the key to locating your son.”
Garrett understood her concern, but also knew she would go. She would do whatever it took to get her son back.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll be right there with you.”
“Fine,” she told Ken. “We’ll meet you there.”
He’d been trying so hard not to let Ashlynn get to him, but she had. He hadn’t been able to stop her from sneaking back into his heart. Had she ever truly left? He’d been searching for years since the ambush, looking for something to bring meaning to his life but the truth was he’d had it all along. He’d just been too stubborn to realize it.
He steeled his determination and took a deep breath. He wouldn’t let them down again. And once they brought Jacob home safely, maybe they could talk about becoming the family they always should have been.
NINE
The downtown streets looked eerily different from their weekday hustle and bustle as Garrett drove them to the DA’s offices, but it gave Ashlynn the opportunity to really notice the Christmas decorations on the storefronts for the first time. Her heart saddened thinking about Jacob and wondering if he would be home in time for Christmas.
Bring him home, Lord, she prayed silently not even finding it odd that she’d started seeking God’s assistance. If finding her son meant believing in a God that would continually let her down, she would do it. Garrett had told her that God rarely intervened in sin, but that He was always there providing comfort and guidance. She wanted His intervention so much, but she would also gladly take His direction. Other than the kidnappers, no one else knew the location of her son but God so she would place her faith in Him to lead their way. Garrett had assured her that God didn’t hate her and all she could do was to hope and pray he was right and her very presence wouldn’t cause Him to work against her. Jacob deserved better than that.
All the street parking spaces in front of the office were empty, so Garrett parked in one close to the building. He pulled out the box of files and carried them upstairs. She felt fortunate they hadn’t been ruined after their getaway from the cabin, but Garrett had returned with Josh to retrieve his truck and their belongings, and had seen no further signs of the shooters.
She used her key to unlock the suite doors, then pushed them open to allow him inside. Just like with the rest of the building, she heard nothing coming from any of the offices, but Garrett checked them all just to be certain they were alone. They couldn’t be too careful after what happened the last time she was here. Many of the associates often worked on Saturdays, but it was well past lunchtime and they had likely headed home by now. As she’d expected, Garrett returned with news that the suite was empty except for them.
She led the way into the conference room, deciding the table there would be more beneficial for the interview with the FBI agent.
Garrett placed the box with her files on the table and Ashlynn pulled out a handful of folders. She wanted to look through them again while they waited for Ken and the agent to arrive. He followed suit, grabbing one and opening it as he sat beside her. “I’m not sure what I’m even looking for,” he admitted.
She sighed. “Aside from finding Randy Meeks’s name in here, neither do I. But Ken thought it was a good idea.”
“Where is he?” Garrett asked. “He was the one who was so adamant about being here.” He glanced at his phone. “They should be here by now.”
She shrugged. “I suppose he got caught up with something. He’ll be here soon.” She pulled open a file and started to read through it, but the sheer volume of names she was now wading through overwhelmed her. “It feels like we’re searching for a needle in a haystack and we don’t even know which haystack to search in.”
“We’re following up all the leads. We have to consider this could be connected to one of your cases. This guy knows you, Ashlynn. He’s fixated on you. He has a personal connection to you. We have to think you’ve come across him at some point.”
She sighed. “I know. I just don’t understand why someone would be targeting me or why they would take Jacob. That’s beyond cruel.”
And she hadn’t been too thrilled with Ken’s attitude on the phone, either. She’d glanced at Garrett to see if he’d noticed, but he hadn’t seemed fazed by it. Was she being overly emotional? Had the strain of Jacob’s abduction and some maniac trying to kill her finally gotten to her? She knew Ken cared about finding Jacob. He’d been working countless hours in addition to his duties at the DA’s office to help them.
And she did have to concede his point. She hadn’t recognized Meeks. That had been such a long time ago and she had worked so hard to put that life behind her. Judge Warren had told her again and again to stay laser focused on her future and never let her past define her. It was possible she’d run into someone she’d once known and just didn’t realize it. Her life was incredibly hectic these days between being a mother, fighting for custody of her child and pursuing a high-pressure career as a prosecutor. But had she been so busy building a future for them that she’d allowed a snake from her past to slither back into their lives?
But digging through her past had brought up some painful memories that had nothing to do with finding Jacob and everything to do with her history with Garrett. Her face warmed as she remembered how she’d kissed him that morning and the incredible kiss he’d returned. Was it possible they could finally have a fut
ure together and be that family she’d always dreamed of? She glanced at him and her heart quickened at the idea. Had he grown into a man she and her son could finally rely upon?
She opened another file and skimmed through it, a car hijacking case. She remembered it well. The defendant had carjacked a college-aged girl, and robbed and terrorized her before she’d finally managed to escape. She’d been extremely traumatized and Ashlynn had hoped to give her some relief by putting the repeat offender in prison for a long time.
The case was especially memorable to her because it had come at the same time that Jacob had leaped from the couch and broken his collarbone. She’d been prepping for the trial when she’d gotten the call and had to leave work. She’d also missed a number of days of work caring for him and been forced to push the trial back several weeks.
It hadn’t bothered her much back then. That was before they’d hired Mira, and Stephen had been out of town on business and unable to help her, but now it seemed to bring to light every reason she’d had for being angry that Garrett hadn’t been around. He’d missed the broken collarbone. He’d missed Jacob’s first steps and his first words. He’d missed doctors’ appointments and tantrums and even a minor surgery to place tubes in Jacob’s ears.
Those darker memories began to flow back to her, every moment when she and Jacob had needed him and he hadn’t been there for them. She couldn’t forget that. And how could she ever trust that he wouldn’t do it again?
She pushed away the files and stood up, trying to stretch the knots out of her stiff muscles.
“You okay?” he asked, coming to stand behind her and wrapping his arms around her.
But she wasn’t. The turmoil of not knowing if she could depend on him was just too much for her to keep continually turning over in her mind. It boiled down to one, undeniable truth—she didn’t trust him.
“I’ve tried so hard to put my past behind me and now it seems the key to finding Jacob might lie in my past.”
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