by SJB Gilmour
‘Well?’ Melanie said impatiently. ‘Why don’t we go get it?’
‘Because it’s probably not worth the effort, Troy,’ Oliver stated sourly. His mood was shifting again. ‘If it was so important, I’d have been more vigilant about getting my copy back from whoever borrowed it.’ He pounded the desk to emphasise his point. ‘In certain circles I’m considered a trouble-maker,’ he confessed, ‘but even I know not to go interrupting thousands of years of work the Royal Solomon Guard have put into hiding that mine. If those fellows thought I was meddling, they’d string me up on the spot.’
‘Don’t you want to find it?’ Sarah asked. ‘If it’s just a book, couldn’t you just, like ask them?’
‘Well, part of me does feel that the tome should be protected,’ Oliver hedged, ‘but that’s just because I like old things.’ Oliver nodded at Benjamin. ‘McConnell here probably feels the same way I do about maintaining old tomes. Good information is too hard to come by to allow it to go to waste by letting it rot or be destroyed by silly kings.’ He paused and ran his fingers through his blonde hair. ‘I’m the first one to admit a trek into the Congo sounds like a great adventure but it’s a distraction. I wouldn’t be much help if I let you all get sidetracked. Tell you what,’ he offered. ‘I’ll put out some feelers among my friends and see if any of them know where a copy might be. If something turns up, I’ll get it.’
While they were waiting, James was staring at Oliver with a quizzical expression.
‘What?’ Cromwell demanded.
‘Back in the elevator, you flashed a vial of mercury. Quicksilver doesn’t do anything to silver, does it?’
Oliver shrugged. ‘No idea. I’m not an alchemist. The elevator is terrified of it, though. The Ottispuschenshuffen brothers suggested I give it a go and it seems to work. I’ve never had to carry out the threat so I haven’t the foggiest idea what would happen if I did feed the silly thing that stuff.’ Then it was Oliver’s turn to question James. ‘Just why were you avoiding the subject of Medusa?’
James flushed. ‘Ask me again sometime,’ he murmured, glancing at the girls. Then he nodded at Oliver’s shaggy blonde hair. ‘What’s the matter with you? Fleas?’
Oliver shook his head. ‘Demon lice, I think. This morning, I was having a chat with a grubby little demon from Mexico. I think I must have got them from him.’
James nodded. ‘I’ve got some aloe very-vera potion if you want. Best stuff for demon lice.’
Oliver smiled, scratching his head again. ‘I’d be grateful,’ he said by way of thanks.
Shortly, Nathan returned with a collection of tomes that Benjamin had requested, plus a few more. ‘I’ve got these you asked for, Master McConnell,’ he reported. ‘And I’ve dug up a copy of Cassandra’s Herstory and a few others that might be interesting.’ The tomes drifted towards the front counter. Nathan then nudged a battered old tome towards Sarah. ‘Apollodorus,’ he said critically. ‘I’m not usually a fan of fiction, but it’s a good read nonetheless.’ He sniffed. ‘At least this copy is the unedited edition, before Zeus got His hands on it.’ He shook his head sadly. ‘Editors,’ he muttered. ‘Give me a good sub-editor any day. They’re worth their weight in salt. A good sub can turn a rant into poetry without anyone noticing.’ He turned to Angela. ‘I’m sorry, Mistress Angela, but there’s no listing for Her Majesty Queen Penthesilea’s tome.’ Then he brightened. ‘The archivists at Lentekhi would have a copy though. Next time you drop by, I’m sure they’d be able to dig it up for you.’
‘Well, well!’ Angela said brightly, clapping her hands together. ‘It looks like we’ve got some reading to do, ladies and gentlemen. I suggest we get at it!’
Oliver nodded in agreement. He turned to Nathan. ‘Will you be alright here?’
Nathan nodded, his eyes whirling excitedly. ‘I met the other mummies,’ he replied. ‘They weren’t so frightened. We had quite a good chat, actually.’
Oliver grimaced. ‘That Muhammad’s always been a complete ass,’ he muttered sourly. ‘Tough, I’ll grant you that, but still a moron. When he was alive, the man staggered out of the desert after walking around in circles for a month. He was delirious from heat and dehydration, and all his dumb mates actually took his ravings seriously. Of course, that went straight to his head.’ Oliver chuckled wickedly. ‘Imagine his surprise when he found himself in a hell instead of his Allah’s heaven after all! Hah! Ever since I found him, he’s had a chip on his shoulder. Serves him right for believing his own baloney.’ He leaped off the counter and strode back towards the elevator. This time, he produced a small silver button and slid it into the elevator’s mouth.
‘Take us home,’ he ordered the shiny machine, giving it a kick. ‘And no tricks!’
Back in the room Sarah and Mel were to share, Benjamin allowed his frustration to show. ‘Damn it,’ he growled as he paced the room. ‘Weeks at sea, hours studying that cursed tome, all the expense of it all, and he doesn’t have the wretched Heresies.’
‘But we’ve got an idea where it might be!’ Sarah suggested, trying to calm him down. None of the others dared approach the Silver Shroud while he was in such a mood.
‘No,’ he disagreed. ‘Demeter said there was only one copy left, and Cromwell said he’d lent it to someone who hasn’t returned it. If there’s only one copy, and it’s been borrowed by his mystery borrower, it can’t be in Solomon’s mine.’
Sarah flushed, embarrassed. ‘So what do we do now?’
Surprisingly, it was Mel who spoke. ‘I say we stay here,’ she suggested. ‘He’s willing to teach us—’ she glanced at her aunt. ‘I guess we should take him up on it.’
Benjamin stopped pacing and gazed at the slight girl with his steel-grey eyes. Such a glare could have reduced seasoned warriors to quivering infants. ‘You’re growing up too fast,’ he almost whispered in a gentle, regretful tone. Then more firmly, ‘Alright. Sarah, Angela and you stay here. See what else you can dig up. Isaacs and Mason will set up a base of operations at Gembrook and liaise with the Hazelwoods and Cassandra. I’ll go to Solomon’s mine and see what I can find, then I’ll go to Wolfenvald and start spreading the word. The werewolves won’t fight on my account, but they’ve already shown a great interest in you, Sarah.’ He turned to Sarah, grinning proudly.
‘What do you want us to do?’ Roberta asked him.
‘Stay with Isaacs. Keep him from burning my house down.’
James protested. ‘Hey!’
‘Alright then, stay with the Hazelwoods. They’ll need the security.’
Uncle Robert wagged his tail and grinned. ‘This is going to be fun!’
Benjamin agreed, also wagging his tail. ‘We’ll meet up with Cromwell tomorrow and hammer out the details.’
James nodded sourly. ‘That’s when the trouble really starts.’ He looked around at them all. ‘Up until now, everything we’ve done has been just a bit of a bluster. Once we engage Cromwell, we’re committed. Are you all sure? Are there any objections?’
Nobody spoke.
‘Deal then,’ the bald sorcerer decided with a nod to each of them. Then he grinned. ‘In that case, I think it’s ale-o’clock!’
Chapter Nine
The next day, the group gathered again in the observatory. Benjamin, Robert and Roberta curled up in various spots around the fireplace, resting their muzzles on their paws. James and Ronald lounged indolently on two of the couches. Sarah, Melanie and Angela began arranging the desks in preparation for study.
‘So this rebellion of yours is real then?’ Cromwell asked Benjamin.
Uncle Benjamin wagged his tail.
Cromwell nodded, thinking. ‘Then you’ll need all the help you can get. If you’re going to Wolfenvald, McConnell, you might as well let the rest of the werewolves know what’s coming.’
‘As for Conundrum itself, you built the joint. How would you attack it?’ James asked him in a casual tone.
Oliver grinned. ‘That’s easy,’ he said and crossed the room to a large blackboard.
He quickly drew a few diagrams. ‘We won’t have to worry about the details for a long time yet, but basically, here’s The Nonagon,’ he said, sketching a rudimentary drawing of the building. ‘It’s a lot like this place, actually, but where this observatory should be, there’s a dirty great tower that goes straight up nine hundred metres or so until it gets to Conundrum Gate. Mautallius and Guntex have the tower guarded pretty well all the way up to the top. If it were up to me, I’d try to draw as many of those troops from the tower down to the bottom. You’ll need some of the werewolves and whatever rag-tag bunch of renegades you can drum up, Isaacs, to make a show down below.’ Then he turned to Ronny. ‘Do you have any contacts back home?’
Ronny made a show of innocence. ‘I’ve a few,’ he hedged. ‘But remember, I’m a renegade now. ‘That pretty much cuts me off from most of gnomish society.’
Oliver nodded shrewdly. ‘That’s alright. The kinds of gnomes we really want are likely to be in the same sort of position as you. A band of renegade gnomes could come in pretty handy. You must know a few likely lads who aren’t too picky about who pays them to do what.’
Ronny gulped and glanced at James quickly.
‘Why don’t you try legitimate soldiers first?’ Angela suggested. ‘If you approach the gnomish military, they might see the sense in being on our side. After all, Gnumphlatia is frightfully close to Neroland. If Mautallius brings any demons here, their next port of call will be the Royal Burrow. Then there are always the usual mercenary outfits. There’s the Columbian Irregular Legion and Hannibal’s Hell-raisers. The Amazons would probably have a few troops to spare as well, if the price is right.’
‘I agree,’ Benjamin growled. ‘Mercenaries are always better than non-commissioned soldiers, but as you pointed out, they’re expensive. If we could convince the Gnumphlatian Royalty to get involved, it’d save us a lot of dough. They’re inexperienced fighters but what they lack in ability, they make up for in number.’
Ronny was aghast. ‘That could take years!’ he protested to Benjamin. ‘Do any of you have any idea just how long it’d take me just to get into the palace?’
‘That’s alright,’ Oliver said bluntly. ‘It’ll take years to train these two.’ He waved at Sarah and Melanie. ‘But a few pint-sized soldiers could come in very handy getting through Conundrum’s defences.’
Ronny leaped to his feet in anger. He balled his gnarled fists and went for the offensive sorcerer. Oliver laughed and suddenly levitated Ronny several centimetres off the ground just as he had with Bruce the day before.
‘You’re going to be our secret weapon,’ he told the furious gnome. ‘Get mad at me all you like. If I offended you, tough. It’s true. Your size will come in very handy when it comes to getting through the crabs.’
Sarah looked at Oliver in confusion. ‘Crabs?’ she asked.
‘Soldier crabs,’ Oliver said with a serious nod.
‘Soldier crabs?’ Melanie demanded. ‘I’ve seen them on the beach. They’re, like, this big!’ she held her thumb and forefinger about an centimetre apart.
Oliver laughed. ‘You haven’t met these buggers,’ he told her. ‘They’re a little more impressive.’
Melanie looked at him blankly.
Oliver shrugged and waved at an empty space on the floor. The air shimmered briefly and a massive purple soldier crab appeared. It was easily about the size of an elephant. The monstrous crustacean flailed about with massive claws that could easily chop a tree trunk in half. It also reeked of dead fish. It saw Ronny floating in mid-air and immediately began shuffling towards him. The now terrified gnome forgot all about his anger with Cromwell and screamed in horror.
Sarah concentrated hard. ‘Ichtumblat!’ she commanded in Magaeic — which roughly means ‘take him over there!’ Ronny appeared suddenly on the other side of the room, quite well out of harm’s way. Them she spun around and barked ‘Stickum!’ at the menacing crustacean and it froze, rooted to the spot.
‘Didn’t you build a back door to Conundrum?’ James asked the necromancer as he eyed the enormous smelly crab warily.
‘I wanted to,’ Oliver confessed. ‘But Loki told me not to. He thought if I made it too easy to use, I’d be tempted to use it too often.’ He shrugged. ‘I guess He was right.’
Angela was holding one hand over her nose. ‘That’s a very nice crab, Master Cromwell,’ she said politely, ‘but do we really need it here?’
Oliver turned to Ronny. ‘Soldier crabs are pretty nasty buggers if you get within range of those claws,’ he advised him. ‘But,’ he said, holding up one finger, ‘they have got a weakness and that’s where you gnomes would come in handy.’ He pointed at the yellow underbelly. ‘Their shell-plates are weak down there. If you can get a gnome with a pike underneath it before the claws get to him, you’ve got crab kebab!’ Oliver then waved again at the hideous creature and it disappeared. ‘That,’ he told Melanie, ‘was a real soldier crab. There are thousands of them guarding the maze outside Conundrum. Once you get past them, you’ll have to get into the main halls and then up the tower to Conundrum Gate.’
‘If you can cope with the smell,’ Aunt Roberta whined.
Oliver looked at her curiously. ‘I thought canines liked smelly things.’
‘They do,’ Roberta replied huffily. ‘Wolves may look similar, Cromwell, but we’re a lot more refined than dogs.’ She seemed incredibly insulted.
James sniffed. ‘Doesn’t smell that bad,’ he argued. ‘It’d make great fertiliser. Cromwell, how many of these things do you reckon there are?’
Oliver shrugged. ‘Thousands… Hundreds of thousands. Why?’
James shrugged as well. ‘Well, if there’s gonna be a fight, and we win, a lot of those things are gonna get squished into crab-meat. I could get a clean-up crew in to clear up the mess and get a free load of top-notch fertiliser. The vampire saffron furrows could do with it. Anywhere you plant vampire saffron, you have to sew blood beets and they drain the soil down to sand in no time.’
Ronny had recovered from his fright but was still quite cross with Cromwell. He shook his head.
‘Master Cromwell, I’ve been declared renegade. That’s about as shameful a thing that can happen to a gnome. If I return to Gnumphlatia, I’ll probably be locked up! As for letting me into the Royal Burrow, you’ve got to be kidding!’
Angela smiled and crossed over to Ronny. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
‘Don’t worry, Ronald,’ she said confidently. ‘They’ll listen to you. They may not know why, but they’ll listen. There’s a prophecy at play here.’
Ronny swallowed. ‘That’s a lot of faith you’re putting in me.’
Angela turned to Oliver. ‘It’s a shame Bruce is so mad,’ she lamented. ‘I’d hoped an oracle would be able to clarify a few things. Where is he by the way?’
Oliver grinned. ‘He’s keeping the elevator company.’
Sarah smiled. She did not particularly like Bruce after his little display the day before. The thought of him locked safely away in a dungeon cheered her up a little. However, she still felt very confused about the whole thing.
‘I don’t get it,’ Sarah said, shaking her head. ‘What’s the difference between a prophet and an oracle?’
‘Oracles are usually crazy and they hear and see the actions of their god without actually trying, and they can’t turn it off.’ Oliver explained. ‘Prophets have to use sorcery to see the future and how long they can do it for and how far they can reach depends on their power. Never mind,’ he said with a grin. ‘We’ll show you soon enough,’ he promised her then turned back to James. ‘Even though Loki forbade me from putting in a back door, as you put it, when I built Conundrum, I knew that one day I might need to force my way back in. I tried to make it as impenetrable as possible – the only beings that can force their way into the inner sanctum are werewolves. They’re the only creatures I knew would never turn evil en-masse. One or two maybe, but the general population is by and large,’ he paused with a look o
f self-loathing, ‘so damned noble they make my teeth ache.’
‘Thanks,’ Aunt Roberta growled dryly. ‘Any more insults in that blonde head of yours, or would you like to dish them out eight at a time?’
Oliver gave an apologetic shrug. ‘I’m a sinner,’ he confessed. ‘Most humans are. It’s in our nature. My point is,’ he said, holding a finger up in the air, ‘Mautallius also knows werewolves are going to be his main threat, so he’ll be expecting them to behave as impulsively as they normally do and launch a frontal attack with a decent-sized pack of them. What he won’t be expecting is a band of gnomes burrowing in with another pack at their heels, and Isaacs over there to lead a third attack with yet another pack backing him up.’
‘Okay, but we don’t know how many sorcerers Marzdane is going to be able to recruit,’ James countered. ‘I wouldn’t know what I’m up against.’
‘He can’t get too many,’ Oliver promised. ‘There’s not enough room for more than a thousand or so. If they’re outside, they won’t be able to do much because attacking werewolves is a bloody stupid thing for a sorcerer to do.’ He nodded again at Ronny. ‘That’s where a bunch of renegade gnomes could come in handy again. If we tunnel under Conundrum, we could catch Marzdane with his pants down. All Isaacs will have to do is keep them busy while the gnomes are digging through. That way, we suffer fewer casualties.’
James grimaced and shuddered. ‘I’m not sure I want to come up underneath Marzdane with his pants down. If you think about it that’d mean we’d be in deep—’
‘James!’ Angela interrupted her cousin crossly.
Sarah and Melanie both giggled.
‘You mentioned demons,’ Ronny reminded Oliver. ‘What should we do about them?’
‘You’ve already proven yourself against one demon, Mason. Out in the desert, remember?’ Oliver reminded the angry gnome. ‘And werewolves are particularly resilient when it comes to dealing with them. You’ll be fine. If you are going to stir up a rebellion, there are more necromancers out there who are not members of The Guild than there are those who are. It’s the Guild sorcerers you’ll have to worry about.’