by Alyssa Dean
“They’ll love them,” Amanda said. “And the best part is, that you came up with most of them yourself.”
Josh looked pleased. “I guess I did, didn’t I?” He squeezed her shoulder. “But I couldn’t have done it without my Christmas elf.”
Amanda studied his features. “That is how you see me, isn’t it? As your Christmas elf?”
“Of course,” he said, obviously not getting the question. “My own personal Christmas elf.”
Right, thought Amanda. She pushed herself to her feet, knowing the moment had arrived. “And speaking of elves, it’s time for this one to go.”
“Go?” Josh looked confused. “Where are you going?”
“The North Pole,” Amanda reminded him. “That was our deal, remember? After Christmas, I’d go back to the North Pole.”
Josh blinked twice. “Yes, but...”
“It’s past midnight, Josh. It’s Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve, I’m supposed to go back to the North Pole.”
“I know but...” He shoved a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean...that is, I didn’t actually expect you to...”
“What did you expect, then?” Amanda asked. “I’ve done everything I was supposed to do,” said Amanda. “We bought the gifts. They’re all wrapped, and the gift tags are written. We had the office party. I played the part of your significant other.” She put a hand on her stomach to stop the churning. “That’s all I was hired to do, isn’t it?”
Josh stared at her. “Yes, it is, but...”
“So you don’t need a Christmas elf anymore?”
His gaze met hers. Then he lowered his eyelids. “I guess you’re right,” he said slowly.
Amanda’s stomach sank with disappointment. She hadn’t expected him to react any differently, but part of her had been hoping...
She drew in a long, deep breath. “Well, then,” she said. “Thanks so much for everything. The office is fabulous. And you’ve done a lot for my business... not to mention my shopping skills. And I really enjoyed meeting your family.”
“Yeah,” Josh said. “So did I.” He had a stunned look on his face, like someone who had just been run over by a truck and wasn’t quite sure what was going on.
That was exactly the way Amanda felt. She kissed him on the cheek, picked up her coat, and walked out the door.
“I JUST DON’T GET IT,” Brandy said.
She handed Amanda a cup of tea, sat down on a kitchen chair, and stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. “You broke up with him just because it was Christmas Eve?”
“We didn’t exactly break up,” said Amanda. “It just ended, that’s all.” She took a sip from the cup. “It was just a job and the job ended Christmas Eve.”
“It wasn’t just a job! You were practically living with the guy.”
“I know.”
“And it doesn’t sound as if he wanted to break up.”
Amanda recalled the stunned look on Josh’s face when she’d walked out. “I don’t think he did.”
“So he didn’t want to. You didn’t want to.” Brandy raised an eyebrow. “So why did you?”
“I had to,” Amanda said. “It was going to end anyway.” She drew in a breath. “And do you know how it would end, Brandy? He’d just stop calling. He’d get all involved in his work—he’d forget to call me—then he’d walk into his condo some evening and look surprised to see me there. He wouldn’t mean to hurt me, but he would.”
“This isn’t hurting you? It looks awfully painful to me.”
“It’s better than the alternative.” Amanda wiped back a fresh rush of tears. “I couldn’t stand to hang around and watch him slowly discover that he doesn’t need me.”
“You don’t know it would happen.”
“Yes, I do.” Amanda took another sip. “And so do you. You’re the one who said people don’t change.”
“I might have been wrong,” Brandy said. “I was wrong about Harvy.”
“You weren’t wrong about Josh,” Amanda said. She took another sip of tea, but it didn’t warm her. She felt cold inside, so cold she could have been at the North Pole.
11
“SATURDAY?” Josh said into the phone. “I don’t know about Saturday, Mom, I’ll have to...” An image of a small blond woman flashed through his mind. No, he didn’t have to check with her anymore. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “Saturday sounds fine.”
“What about Amanda?” Edwina asked. “Do you think she’ll...”
“No,” said Josh. “Amanda will not be there.”
There was dead silence from the other end of the phone. When Edwina finally did speak, her voice was filled with questions and concern. “We certainly haven’t seen much of Amanda since before Christmas. It’s the fifth of January Surely she isn’t still visiting her family?”
“I ... wouldn’t think so,” Josh mumbled.
Edwina cleared her throat. “You two haven’t... broken up, have you?”
“Not exactly,” Josh muttered. They hadn’t broken up. There wasn’t anything to break up. It was a job that ended, that’s all. “I’m just...not seeing her anymore.”
“Why?” Edwina asked. Her tone sharpened. “You weren’t cheating on her, were you?”
“Good God, no,” said Josh. He couldn’t imagine being with another woman.
“Then what...”
“I can’t talk about this anymore,” Josh interrupted. “I have to get back to work.”
He hung up the phone and glowered at it. What was the matter with his family? They’d wanted him to have a relationship, and he’d had one. Okay, it hadn’t really been a relationship, but they didn’t know that. Why couldn’t they just be happy he’d had one and forget about it? Then maybe he could forget about it!
That’s what he wanted to happen. That’s what he’d expected to happen. He’d forgotten about every other relationship in his life, including, at times, his family. But he couldn’t seem to forget about his Christmas elf.
It had been two weeks since he had seen Amanda, and they’d been the worst two weeks of his life. When he’d woken up that first day without her there, his first instinct had been to phone her. But he’d been unable to think of a thing to say. She’d been right. The job had ended. He didn’t have any more personal presents to get, or any more parties to plan. He didn’t need a Christmas elf anymore.
He’d spent Christmas day walking around in a fog, watching his relatives open their presents, and listening to their praise and thanks. Naturally, they all asked after Amanda. “She’s out of town,” he’d told them. He didn’t have the heart to ruin their Christmas by telling them the I’m-not-seeing-her-anymore story.
He’d thought after Christmas Amanda would slip out of his mind. That hadn’t happened. He’d immersed himself in work. That hadn’t helped, either. Nothing seemed to help. It was ridiculous. He seemed to have spent a good portion of his life forgetting about his relatives, and yet he couldn’t forget about Amanda.
He picked up the photograph sitting on his desk. It was Amanda’s Christmas present to him—a picture of his family. He ran a finger along it; pausing at his own face. The only person missing from it was Amanda.
Josh abruptly set down the picture, annoyed with everything and everyone in the world, and let out a bellow. “Mable!”
After a few minutes Mable stalked into the room. “What—”
“Do you have those technical specs I asked you to get?” Josh demanded before Mable could say a word.
“No, of course I don’t. You just asked me for them ten minutes ago.”
Josh glared at her. “I need them right now!”
“You need something right now, but it isn’t technical manuals,” Mable flung. “And if you bellow at me one more time I’m going to smack you over the head with my bottle of brandy.” She came a few steps closer. “What’s the matter with you, anyway? You’ve been in a lousy mood since Christmas. What happened? I thought you said your family liked their presents.”
“They did like the
m.” Josh smiled briefly at the memory of their enthusiastic responses. “They thought they were very thoughtful and very personal.” His smile faded. They should have liked them. They’d been hand-picked by a Christmas elf.
“Then what’s bothering you?” Mable demanded.
“Nothing is bothering me,” Josh snapped, although to be perfectly honest everything bothered him. “It’s cold outside. There’s too much snow. And...and I just don’t like January.”
“Really?” Mable raised an eyebrow. “What do you want me to do about it? Get you a ticket to February?”
“No!” Josh snarled. He didn’t think he’d like February much more than he liked January.
“Okay. Which month do you like?”
How about December? Josh thought. I liked December. “I don’t know but I know it isn’t this one.”
“Perhaps it was December,” Mable suggested gently.
Josh shoved a hand through his hair. “December wasn’t bad.”
“Oh, come on, Josh,” Mable exclaimed. “You were happier in December than you’ve been in years. You only started getting miserable when Christmas came... and you broke up with Amanda.”
“We did not break up,” Josh snapped. “It was a job, that’s all. It ended the way it was supposed to end—on Christmas Eve.”
“Is that all Amanda was to you...an...employee?”
“Of course not,” said Josh. “Amanda was more than that. She was...special.”
“I think she thought you were special, too,” Mable said. “As a matter of fact, for reasons that right now I’m hard-pressed to understand, I’d say that Amanda is in love with you.”
“Really?” Josh felt a surge of elation that quickly died. “If she felt that way, why did she leave?”
“Because she didn’t think you felt the same way.”
“Of course I feel the same way,” said Josh without thinking about it.
“Well, did you ever tell Amanda that?”
“No, of course not,” said Josh. “How could I? I didn’t know how I felt!”
“Well,” said Mable, “now you do. What are you going to do about it?”
Then he picked up the phone. “The first thing I’m going to do is call my mother. I think she deserves to know the whole story.” He grinned, suddenly filled with excited anticipation. “And then I’m going to get Amanda a very personal, thoughtful present.” He took a deep breath. “I just hope she likes it.”
“BUSINESS IS BOOMING,” Brandy reported. “We won’t have any problem paying the rent on this place for the rest of our lives—and paying ourselves a decent salary, as well.”
“That’s nice,” Amanda said glumly. She wasn’t sure she liked this office anymore. Every time she looked at it, it reminded her of Josh. Everything reminded her of Josh, from the snow on the windowpane to Brandy’s face. She gave her head a shake. She’d cried all over her parents, and she’d cried all over Brandy, and it was time she got over this.
Brandy released a huge sigh. “Why don’t you go home, Amanda?”
Because it’s just as bad there, Amanda thought. As a matter of fact, it was worse. The place seemed empty without the clutter from the office, and Josh’s relatives kept phoning and leaving messages on her machine. Amanda hadn’t returned any of their calls.
The only person who hadn’t phoned was Josh. Amanda hadn’t really expected him to, but she couldn’t help but hope that maybe he would.
She’d just arrived home and was in the process of making herself a cup of tea when someone rang her doorbell. When she opened it, she found Josh standing on the other side. His coat was open, showing his pink shirt, and his lack of a tie, his hair was mussed from the wind and probably his fingers, and just seeing him almost had her heart jumping out of her chest. For a moment neither of them said anything. Amanda couldn’t think of a single thing to say and Josh just stared at her much the same way he had when they’d first met. Then he cleared his throat and gave her a small smile. “I’m staring, aren’t I?” he asked.
“S-sort of,” Amanda stammered. She peered over his shoulder, suddenly realizing that he appeared to have his entire family with him. “What...”
“I came to give you a Christmas present.” He smiled faintly. “I know it’s a little late, but I’m really hoping you’ll like it.”
“Oh.” What? “You brought your family here, too so you could give me a Christmas present?”
“I had to,” Josh explained. “They all helped me pick it out.” He held up a hand. “I didn’t intend for it to be a group activity, but... well, I told Mom the whole story and...she called Shelby and Shelby called Louise and Charmaine and...” He shrugged. “The next thing I knew, we were all there.”
“Oh,” Amanda said faintly. She had wanted him to spend more time with his family. She wasn’t positive this was what she’d had in mind.
She opened the door wider. “Won’t you...come in?”
“No, they won’t,” said Josh. He entered her apartment, closed the door and rested his back against it. “I will come in. They are going to wait in the coffee shop across the street. There are some things a man does without an audience and this happens to be one of them. We’ll call them later.” He hesitated with an uncertain look on his face. “At least, we might, depending on how this goes.”
Amanda waited for a moment in a vain attempt to lower her heart rate.
Josh pushed his hands into his pockets. “I should tell you that my family knows all about you.”
“All about me?” Amanda said faintly.
“Yes. I told them the entire story.”
“You did?”
“Uh-huh.” He winced. “They weren’t very happy about it. My mother said I was reprehensible. Shelby told me I was a jerk. Marilla said it was a good thing I didn’t have a cat because I’m too dense to take care of it. And Charmaine told me that I was the most cosmically unaware person she’d ever met.” He sighed and bent his head. “And that was just the beginning.”
“Oh, dear.” Why had he done that? And why was he telling her?
Josh raised his head and smiled faintly. “I think I might have deserved it. After all, hiring someone else to find out personal things about your family probably is something only a real jerk would do. And blackmailing someone into pretending we were involved is even worse.”
“Actually it was extortion,” Amanda corrected. “And it seems to me I used the same tactics on you.” She gave the door an apprehensive look. “Is that why your family was here? So they can tell me off, as well?” She wouldn’t blame them if they did, but she didn’t think she was up to hearing it.
“Of course not!” Josh reassured her. “I told them it was all my fault—which it was. I did sort of force you into doing it—although you didn’t have to. I was going to offer to help out anyway.”
“That’s...uh...true,” Amanda stuttered. “But does your family understand...”
“Don’t worry. They’re not mad at you or anything.” His eyes gleamed at her. “They’re not even that mad at me anymore. I pointed out that I was just trying to make them happy and give them what they wanted. That seemed to help.”
Amanda wasn’t surprised to hear that. Josh could soften up anyone with all that charm.
He took a deep breath, bent his head to study his hands and then looked back up at her. “Is that why you left me? Because you think I’ m a jerk, too?”
Lord, she was crazy about him. “I didn’t exactly leave you, Josh. The job just ended, that’s all. I was your Christmas elf, and you said you wouldn’t need an elf after Christmas.”
“Actually you said that,” said Josh. “And I thought you were right. You were right about everything else.,..” He frowned. “Well, practically everything else. I still don’t think my mother would have liked a pasta maker.”
“Maybe not, but...”
“You weren’t right about this,” said Josh. “I do need you. You would not believe how miserable I’ve been without you. I was even miserable during Chri
stmas—even though everyone really liked their presents.”
“Did they?”
“Uh-huh. They thought they were very thoughtful and very personal. Of course, they should have been. I had an elf to help me out.”
There it was... that Christmas elf thing again. “Josh, I...”
“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this,” said Josh. “And I’ve finally realized that I don’t just need a Christmas elf for Christmas. I need one all year through...for ever and ever.” He reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a box wrapped in cheerfully red Christmas wrapping and handed it to her. “If I tell you that I want you and I need you and I love you, and that I’ll try very hard to get over being a jerk, do you think you might consider taking the job?”
Amanda was too stunned to take in what he was saying. She stared at him and then at the present. It was small and square and just the right size and... She looked questioningly up at him. “I think you should open that before you make up your mind,” he said gently.
Was this actually happening? You shouldn’t jump to conclusions with Josh Larkland, Amanda told herself a little hysterically. He could be giving her a pasta maker, and not offering her what she thought he might be offering, after all.
She removed the paper, opened the box and stared at the sparkling diamond. “Oh, Josh,” she breathed. “It’s...uh...I don’t know what to say, I...I just...”
“Well, for God’s sake, say something,” Josh interrupted. “I’m going out of my mind here. Say ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘Get out of here, you jerk’ but don’t just stand there because I can’t...”
“Yes,” Amanda said quickly. She smiled radiantly up at him. “Although I believe the proper response is ‘Yes, thank you, I’d be delighted to...’”
“Terrific,” said Josh. “I guess now we’re officially engaged. And this time it’s for real.” He pulled her into his arms and up against him. “I’m glad that’s settled. I thought I’d have to do a lot more groveling.” He brushed his mouth against hers, then deepened the kiss. Amanda responded passionately, holding his head down to hers, reveling in the familiar feeling of his body, his lips, everything about him. “Oh, Josh, I love you so much,” she whispered.