by Ian Berry
Mark landed the helicopter at the plant. He’d take it back to wherever it was parked when not needed. He wanted a word.
“Look - ah - I’m really sorry about this morning. A bit of a misunderstanding.”
“Don’t worry,” said Saskia. “All forgiven. See you on the next flight.” She reached up and kissed his cheek then the pair of us turned and walked after James leaving Mark to think whatever he liked.
Naturally James aimed for his office. “Go and make sure he’s ok while I go and snag us some refreshments,” said Saskia.
She went to the cafeteria while I followed James to his office.
“You ok, James?”
“Yes fine - more or less anyway. Thanks for that - in the helicopter. How did you know?”
“Poor James. You were shaking. Saskia’s gone for some coffee. Which bit clobbered you?”
“All of it really. That disembodied voice didn’t help. Is he always like that?”
“Usually. We call it an ‘it’, takes away some of the reverence a bit. It’s the one who organises all the time travelling and stuff - in return for saving the world occasionally.”
“Saving the world?”
“Yep. About four times so far.”
“What’s four times, Twin?” Saskia asked as she appeared carrying mugs.
“Just saving the world.”
“Ah - we do that, James.”
“So your partner in crime says.”
“You sound a bit better now, James,” said Saskia.
“Some of that coffee which I see you’re holding and I’ll be ready to face the world again.”
Saskia passed over the coffee to James and a mug of hot chocolate to me then sat down.
“Anything you need explaining?” I asked.
“What, apart from all of it you mean? Oh, don’t worry. I’ve mostly got it sorted out in my head. After all, I’m slightly used to the idea of time travel - I have to put up with you two.”
“Almost back to his old self I see,” said Saskia to me. “Give him five minutes to drink his coffee and we can leave him to it.”
“Not so fast. How come the Aberdeen plant is all fixed?”
“All a matter of paperwork, James,” I said. “Voice is a whiz at that - look what it did for me. The other thing it’s good at is making sure people only remember what they should - if you see what I mean. The workers now have no idea there was ever a problem in the first place. Saskia and I’ve made sure there isn’t one any more anyway, so everybody’s happy.”
“But I can remember both of the things, how it was and how it is now,” said James.
“You didn’t get your marbles mucked about with,” said Saskia. “We get that two-memory thing all the time. Want to know who’ll be Prime Minister in about fifteen years? Saskia and I remember who it was - is - will be - whatever. And by the way, it’ll be a woman, ok?”
“Do you want to call Arnold to take you home,” I said, “or do you want a lift. Saskia is the designated driver. She usually goes round most corners on the right side of the road.”
“Unlike you,” laughed Saskia.
“Yes, well. That’s only when I drive ambulances - which I’ve not done for a while.”
“Ok, ok. Actually I’d love a lift home. Will you stay for dinner? I’m sure your dad will be all right for one night, Saskia.”
I looked at Saskia, she nodded slightly. “We’d like that James. I, for one, would like to wear something other than trousers for a while. We’ll get changed on the way.”
By now the plant was down to the evening and night shift workers only. James waved at the night security staff as we walked out to the mini. As usual, I sat in the back. I got into the car wearing shirt and trousers but sat down wearing a dress with my hair brushed and shiny. Saskia held the door for James, shut him in, then walked round the back of the car. By the time she got in to drive, she was wearing a dress as well. James seemed to perk up a bit more as he could see we were making an effort on his behalf.
“Good job I’m used to you two,” he chuckled.
Jeeves must have been surprised when James got out of the mini at the Robinson house, naturally it didn’t show. He did spot the dresses and neat shiny hair. “Good evening Sir, Miss Saskia, Miss Saskia. Your wife is waiting in the conservatory, Sir James. Will the young ladies be staying for dinner?”
“Yes, they will. Please see what Milly can come up with.”
Jeeves nodded and disappeared to put Milly and her kitchen on red alert, the three of us went in search of Lydia.
“Hello, Saskias, you look nice.”
“Thank you, Lydia,” said Saskia. She kissed Lydia then moved out of the way so I could do the same. “James needs a bit of TLC tonight. Difficult day at the office.”
“What isn’t being mentioned is that the difficult day was mostly down to them,” laughed James. “It did all get sorted out so I forgive them.”
We had to tell Lydia what we’d been up to during the day, with interruptions to allow Jeeves to serve refreshments. Lydia particularly liked the description of Saskia putting Mark the pilot in his place. She actually clapped her hands.
“So you actually got to speak to this Voice character the girls bang on about?” Lydia asked James.
“Mm. Yes. Scared the pants off me. Don’t know how these two cope.”
“Just used to it I suppose,” laughed Saskia. “Did you hear about Sunday? The pair of us playing sheepdog to a whirlwind.”
“Not only heard about it, read about it in the paper - with pictures. Haven’t you seen it? I’m surprised you didn’t get on the TV.”
“We decided to give poor old Archie Spencer a scoop. He did a little interview and his photographer took about three hundred photographs. Since it happened on his doorstep, he got there first. We pushed off before the telly managed to appear.”
The paper was produced. The story was mostly pictures, not terribly good of the actual whirlwind although there were a couple of good shots of Kyra and Katya afterwards.
“At least he didn’t use the pictures Dan took as we left,” I said.
James gave me a look of enquiry. “We left vertically,” I explained. “Dan and Archie were more or less underneath us. Come on James, keep up. Do I have to spell it out?”
Lydia was laughing out loud. James still looked a bit lost. “James! Really! The girls were Kyra and Katya - you know - super girls - little costumes - pelmets for skirts?”
James suddenly went red. “Oh. Ah. Yes. I see.”
“Incidentally girls,” laughed Lydia. “Why do you wear such little costumes? I know neither of you likes to wear anything particularly revealing.”
“It’s actually interesting,” I said. “We were talking about it just the other day. When all this began, two or so years ago, the very first girl I changed to be was Supergirl, with the costume everybody recognises. That saved my life and started this whole thing off. I realised I couldn’t appear as Supergirl, everybody knows she doesn’t actually exist. I made up the little costume on the spur of the moment. Saskia saw it and we copied it.”
Saskia took up the story. “Then we appeared in public with no time to think about it. It made sense to stay as we were, we were at least recognisable. Voice arranged for the little costumes to be indestructible, useful if you think about it. We’re not exactly stuck with them but at least everybody knows who the SuperTwins are.”
“Now the bit we’ve been discussing,” I said. “We’ve discovered that Kyra and Katya are quite happy to appear wearing next to nothing - showing underwear left, right and vertically and all that. Saskia and Saskia, on the other hand, are far more demure and refined. They wouldn’t be seen wearing that little for a pension. Frankly we don’t know why - it just is.”
“Saskia says Sigmund Freud would have a field day with us,
” laughed Saskia.
Jeeves appeared while we were all chuckling at that to announce that Milly had managed to find something for us all to eat. Steak and chips a-la-Milly went down quite well. Sounds plain - but wasn’t, not when Milly does it. More like what you’d get in a posh restaurant. Very acceptable.
Food disposed of and hot chocolate suitably to hand, I asked James, “Are you ok now? Can we leave Lydia to look after you? Got others to tend to as well you know.”
“Yes,” agreed Saskia. “Can’t leave Dad alone altogether. He might get the idea he can cope without us. Can’t have that.”
James laughed. “Yes. Go on. I’m all right. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’d tell you to appear when you like but I know you two, you’ll probably just turn up at the usual time as if nothing’s happened.”
With a grin, we each gave James and Lydia a kiss and went to get in the mini and go home to Rob.
Three
Wednesday. Melanie had heard rumours. “Did you two duff up a helicopter pilot yesterday? I hear one of you did some sort of kung fu on him? Come on - tell all.”
“Not much to tell,” laughed Saskia. “He got a bit - familiar - so I’m afraid I put him in his place.”
“That place happened to be on his face on the ground with his arm twisted up his back,” I laughed. “Serve him right. Girls are people as well.”
“Wish I’d seen that,” Melanie laughed with us. “I didn’t know you were handy in the self-defence department, although I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Regular 007s the pair of you.”
“Not really,” I said. “Saskia is 006¾, licensed to save lives. I’m only 006½ but I’m working hard for promotion.”
“That’s priceless. The pair of you are priceless. I’m glad you work here.”
I turned to Saskia, “We work here?”
“News to me. What’s this work stuff then?”
“Dunnow. Should make enquiries.”
“Then again not. Might not like what we find out.”
“True. I like lazing about all day.”
“Me too. On the other hand - could get boring.”
“Hang on, been thinking.”
“Obviously painful. You might need to oil the brain cells.”
“No, we do do stuff here. Does that count as this ‘work’ then?”
“Might do, I suppose. Yes it must. James gives us money to do it.”
“That explains it then.”
“Explains what?”
“Why we come here every day - well, most days anyway.”
“You’re right. Never thought of that. Well I never.”
Melanie couldn’t contain herself. She burst out laughing. “See what I mean?” she said.
“Speaking of oiling brain cells,” I grinned, “I wonder if hot chocolate will do just as well?”
“Ok,” said Saskia. “Time for an experiment methinks. Cafeteria?”
“Cafeteria. Want anything, Melanie?”
“Not for me. You two will spend the rest of the day in the Ladies if you don’t watch out.”
“He-he. Little does she know, eh, Twin?” whispered Saskia.
“Not even sure if I know what the inside of the Ladies looks like.”
“Yes you do. You’re just saying that.
“Whispering it actually but ok, point taken.”
Saskia and I checked up on James during the course of the day. He seemed back to his normal self, more or less anyway. Melanie asked us to help her with some stuff she had to do for Jeff. For lack of any better entertainment, we assisted as directed. If we skipped out perhaps a little early, nobody commented.
At home first as usual, we set about the house cleaning and cooking. By the time Rob arrived home we were ready to serve tea and then curl up for the rest of the evening. Saskia wanted to talk to her dad.
“Dad?”
“Mm?”
“It’s time we had another holiday. How’d you like to go to America again?”
“Haven’t you two more or less only just come back from there?”
“Well, yes, Dad. That’s what’s made us think of it. We asked Ethan, Dakota’s boyfriend, if we could go and see Niagara Falls. Turns out it was a bit far, so we didn’t go. We’ve heard it’s really nice.”
I supposed I’d better add my own powers of persuasion. “I’ve always wanted to visit the states that were originally settled hundreds of years ago, like Maine and Vermont. They’re quite near Niagara Falls. Could do it all at once.”
“We can go across the Peace Bridge to Canada. Might be fun. We could hire a car and travel round the Lakes and visit the Mangers.”
“We’d probably have to go and check up on the project, that might defray a bit of the cost. I know that’s probably not a major consideration, but still...”
“Well, Dad? What do you think?”
“Yes.”
“Yes? Is that all?”
“What more would you like? Peals of bells and a choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus?”
“So that’s a yes then, Dad?”
“Believe I said that didn’t I?”
“Yes, sir, you did. Don’t mind Saskia, I think she was a bit wound up ready to have to persuade you. She’ll unwind again in a minute.” I turned to her, “You know what this requires, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she said gently. “Will you help me?”
“It will be my pleasure and also my duty.”
We approached Rob one from each side. We both put our arms round him and hugged him tight. Saskia kissed one cheek and I kissed the other.
He sighed. “For a moment like this I think I’d agree to anything - within reason naturally - before you get any ideas. Ok. Details. When d’you want to go?”
We gave Rob a last squeeze and went and curled up again. “Don’t really suppose it matters,” said Saskia. “just so long as there’s not actually snow on the ground.”
“We might find that James has an idea or two along those lines,” I said. “Although it won’t be this week or next, if you see what I mean. Got to let the project get off the ground a bit.”
“So probably in the Spring, then?” asked Rob.
“Might take us until then to organise it,” said Saskia. Then she laughed, “Unless we get Ellie to fix it for us. Want to go next week, Dad?”
Rob laughed. “Ellie could probably fix for us to go tomorrow, but the Spring sounds great.”
Conversation lapsed as we all three thought about what we’d just decided. The TV sound, quiet and ignored until then, became audible.
“-rates are holding the ship off the Somali coast. It’s thought that there are twenty or so passengers as well as the crew of about fifteen on board. No ransom details have been received as yet but Government sources have indicated that they think this is only a matter of time. It seems clear that the pirates want something, they are apparently heavily armed according to the radio message received before the radio equipment was shut down. British warships are sailing towards the area but are not expected to arrive for several days.”
The news went on to other things. Saskia and I looked at each other.
“It’s those Somalis again,” She whispered. “I thought we gave them a good hiding?”
“We did. But it was a couple of years ago. They must be at it again. Let’s keep an eye on the news.”
“Yeah. We can always go and bash them up again.”
Thursday. The day had barely begun before it began to go downhill - or perhaps uphill - depends on your point of view - especially if, like Saskia, you enjoy being shot at. We’d just secured fresh supplies of hot chocolate and were turning away from the cafeteria counter when the phone rang, the one nobody can hear but us.
“Oops. Let’s find a table and see what they
want.”
“Bet I know,” I said.
“No bet. I know as well. Me answer it or you?”
“Not bothered, you can do it.”
Saskia made the MI5 phone appear under the table. As soon as it appeared, it began to ring. You can’t tell it from a normal phone - it is a normal phone - so nobody thought anything of it.
“Hello? Yes, this is she, what can we do for you?”
I turned up my super hearing to listen to both sides of the conversation.
“You might have heard on the news about the Somali pirates and the ship off their coast?”
“Yes. We thought this might involve that. What do you need us to do? How should we intervene?”
“What we need to tell you is far too sensitive for the telephone. Could you come to the Ops room?”
Saskia laughed grimly, “This phone line is just about the only completely secure one in the world (it was - thanks to Voice, who routed all calls via Alpha Centauri or somewhere) but we’ll come and talk to you. Within the hour?”
“That will be fine. I’ll see you then.”
Saskia ended the call. “You listened?”
“Mm. Let’s go get Melanie to put her fingers in her ears and go see what they want.”
In the office, we collared Melanie. “Got to go and be agents 006-and-a-bit. Can you let people know, Amanda and so on? We’ll be back as soon as we can.”
“Yep. No problem. See you later. Don’t get shot.”
As we left the building I said to Saskia, “I wonder what Melanie would say if we told her that getting shot was probably exactly what is going to happen?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to find out either. Be sure to smile or grin when you talk about today to her.”
By now we were round the side of the building. I let myself lift into the air, accelerating upwards as fast as possible without causing a sonic boom. I’d changed to be Kyra in the little super costume while still only a few feet off the ground. Saskia had done likewise.
It seems odd to fly to London by starting off going straight up, but we needed enough height so that exceeding the speed of sound didn’t take out half the windows in the town. Doing it that way meant we could push the hurry-up button, which got us to London in only about fifteen minutes.