by Ian Berry
“Lily in our office says you’ve arranged a hotel for us for tonight?”
“Oh yes. We have a very good relationship with our local nice hotel,” said Saskia. “We have to go that way home so we’ll show you the way and make sure they put out the red carpet.”
With the mini brought round to the side of the ‘visitor’ bays in the car park, we made sure they were ready then set off with the other car in line behind us.
I’m not sure they expected us to come in with them and I’m also fairly sure they weren’t expecting how well known we were to the staff on duty. Anna on Reception, Cesca who happened to be passing, even George the porter, all greeted us by name.
“Do you want to book a table?” asked Saskia. ‘Who’s on in the kitchen tonight Anna? Andre as usual? Ah-ha. Andre does a wicked Boeuf Wellington. That’s to be recommended.”
“Saskia and Saskia, will you join us for dinner tonight?” asked Caro. “At our expense, naturally.”
“Yes, Twin?
“Yes, of course.”
“We’d love to. By the way, the collective term is Saskias. Then it doesn’t matter too much if you mix us up.”
Anna had been listening - while appearing not to, of course. “That would be for six of you? What time would you like?”
“Eight o’clock suit you Saskias?” asked Ben.
“Seven thirty in the bar?” said Saskia. So that was decided upon.
On the way home in the mini, Saskia said, “Quick, ring Dad. Tell him we won’t need tea. Hope he hasn’t started cooking yet.”
My phone was buried in my bag behind my seat. I couldn’t be bothered taking the time to rummage for it, so I just made another copy of it appear.
“Hello, Rob. It’s Saskia. You haven’t started doing tea yet have you? Oh, good. Saskia and I are invited out to dinner at Government expense. On our way home now to guild the Lilly a bit. Why, it’s very kind of you to say that, sir, even if it’s not strictly true. We’ll see you shortly. Bye.”
“What did Dad say? I wasn’t listening.”
“Not doing tea yet. Also says we don’t need to guild the Lilly, perfect as we are. Think he needs a cuddle when we get home.”
“Damn right! First job, ok?”
“Ok. I’m with you.”
Rob got his cuddle - first job as we’d agreed - and also a bonus of a kiss from each of us. With hurried explanation about the Government expense bit, we dashed upstairs to get ready. As soon as the bedroom door had closed behind us, we came to a slow halt. Getting ready would take only a few seconds, no rush at all.
Predictably, the longest time was taken up discussing what to wear. We’d made no concession to the visitors during the day, wearing our usual shirts and pants, tonight would naturally be different. We needed to make a little effort.
It didn’t take long. “Dresses?”
“Yes. The blue and the red?”
“Yes.” Sorted.
“Saskia,” I said. “Can you actually read my mind? Serious question. When the discussion began and you said ‘dresses’, where you already thinking the red and blue ones?”
“Mm. Yes, as a matter of fact, I was. Scary.”
“Not scary. We just think so much alike. Twins - real twins, not you and me or even Kyra and Katya - do that sometimes. I’m not surprised we call each other ‘Twin’.”
“Since we have a few minutes and the topic of discussion is already clothes, what do you want to wear on Thursday. Your valuable opinion is hereby sought.”
“Since you ask,” I said, “I assume you want us to do something other than this?” I indicated what I was still wearing.
“Mm. Come on. Opinion please.”
“Ok. I think still black and white.”
“Continue.”
“I don’t like those tight skirts - what d’you call ‘em - pencil, is it? Anyway, don’t like them. So, what about this?”
I changed to be wearing a plain white blouse with long sleeves, and a quite plain black knee-length skirt with a built-in belt. The skirt wasn’t what you’d call ‘full’ but the hem was definitely wider than my hips.
“Mm. I like that,” said Saskia. “Makes you look efficient. All the decoration is in your face and your long hair. You look really nice.”
“Thank you M’lady.” I did a small curtsy. “And will M’lady wear the same thing?”
“M’lady will. Kind of a uniform. Very well done you.”
“Time to get ready for this evening? Want to be red or blue.”
“I think you can choose, you seem to be in charge of our sartorial arrangements at the moment.”
“Thank you,” I said gently. “That makes me feel really pleased with myself.”
“And so you should be.”
“I choose red.” I changed to be wearing the red dress with hair and face already done. Saskia changed to be wearing the blue version.
“I’ve just had a thought,” she said with a grin.
“Not lonely is it,” I said, “this thought?”
“It’s actually quite serious, despite me grinning,” she said, ignoring my jibe.
“And this thought is?” I prompted.
“You know we don’t have what you’d call a physical relationship, despite loving one another intensely?”
“Go on.”
“Well it’s just occurred to me. Despite spending all our time in each other’s company, we very rarely see one another undressed. We change from one outfit to another with no in-between, if you see what I mean. We even get ready for bed by changing directly to our jimjams. One in the eye for people who think we’re really gay, eh?”
“See what you mean. Not going to change the way I do things - unless you want me to, of course,” I said in a low voice.
“Oh, haven’t we painted ourselves into a corner,” said Saskia. “Let me ask you a question. Think carefully before answering. Do you now or have you ever had the desire to take me to bed - in that way?”
I did think carefully. “No Saskia, I haven’t,” I thought I knew where this was going. “Does that make you feel any different towards me?”
“No. It doesn’t. Turn it on its head. If I tell you that I don’t want a physical relationship with you, does that make you feel any differently towards me?”
“No, no It doesn’t. I love you just as much.”
“In that case, let us walk toward each other over the suddenly-dry paint and show each other we love each other in our usual way.”
I took a step towards her and she took one towards me. That put us toe to toe. My arms went round her and hers around me. I managed to tell her I loved her before she kissed me, she contented herself to wait until after the kiss to tell me the same thing.
Nine
We didn’t worry about coats, it’d be nice and warm in the hotel. We’d not feel the cold anyway in-between the mini and the front entrance.
“Hi Anna,” said Saskia quietly. “Happen to see those four we booked in this afternoon come down yet?”
“In the bar Saskia. Julian’s on red alert. He’s keeping an eye open for you.”
“Tell him to go easy,” I said. “We’re the guests tonight, of the Prime Minister’s Office no less.”
“Do you know everybody Saskia?” laughed Anna as we turned away to go to the bar.
Our four new friends were already in the bar, sitting at a table with a couple of extra places at it, obviously for us. The two men stood up as we approached, score one for them!
“What would you like to drink?” asked Ben.
“Got to be coke please,” said Saskia.
“Nothing stronger?” asked Ben, indicating Evie and Caro drinking sherry or something similar.
“Hang on, Ben,” said Jack. “Saskia said ‘got to be’. Ju
st go get two cokes, ok?”
While Ben went to the bar, Jack continued. “Sorry Saskias, Ben didn’t think. I think we all thought you were older than that.”
Saskia grinned. “We’re working on it. Trouble is, here in the hotel, they know how old we are but if we asked they’d break the law for us. Not fair, don’t you think?”
Ben was back with our drinks. “Sorry girls. I didn’t think. By the way, the barman asked if the drinks were for you. When I said ‘yes’ he said ‘ah’ and then said he’d made them the way you like them. You’re beginning to amaze me just a bit.”
“Hoo, Twin,” whispered Saskia. “Just wait ‘til Thursday. Are this lot in for a shock.”
“What you mean when everybody knows who we are?
“Yep. That’s the one.”
She took a sip of the coke, then raised the glass slightly towards the barman who nodded back. This gesture was not lost on Ben and co.
Shortly thereafter, Julian appeared. He spoke to Ben. “If you are quite ready, I have a table waiting for you.” Anna had obviously managed to collar him and stop him from assuming the others were our guests.
The way from the bar to the restaurant passes within sight of the Reception desk. I sneakily put a thumb up to Anna and got a smile and a nod in return.
The meal was quite pleasant. I did notice the other four didn’t talk about themselves much, understandable really. Saskia and I had had enough adventures as ourselves to fill a book or two without touching on other escapades as the SuperTwins. Caro wanted to know why we felt we could call Sir James ‘Boss’ or just ‘James’ despite being employees. That led us to tell of being kidnapped with James and Lydia and ‘rescued’ by the SuperTwins.
Ben wanted to check something. “If your Head of PR isn’t here, do you have authority to speak on his behalf and on behalf of the company? Just checking, you understand.”
“We don’t really work for the PR department” I said. “We’re our own department. SPD. Stands for Special Projects Department. Our actual job is as troubleshooters, we do the stuff the other departments can’t, won’t, or don’t want to do. That can be anything from school visits at one end, to going to Chicago and sorting out a stalled building project at the other. I’m sorry to say that we think organising the PMs visit falls somewhere in the middle. You are quite at liberty to check, but we have Sir James’ full backing in anything we do. In terms of line management, we report to him directly. What that means is that we have his ear at all times and think nothing of referring to him for a quick decision if we think we might get it wrong.”
“That was the long answer,” said Saskia. “I suppose the short answer should just have been ‘yes’.”
After the meal, we retired to the bar to partake of the usual coffee and hot chocolate. We were nicely beginning to enjoy this when Julian appeared once again.
“Saskia, Do you mind if we have a word in private please.”
In the usual fashion of the hotel employees, Julian hadn’t specified which Saskia, knowing it didn’t really matter which of us he spoke to. I was nearest so I went with him.
“There is a small problem.”
“The nature of this small problem, Julian?” I smiled at him.
“Your guest’s - I’m so sorry, I understand you are their guests. Nevertheless it is better to resolve this quietly. Can you speak to the gentleman who gave Anna the credit card? The card has been declined. Anna tried the required twice.”
“Julian,” I said. “I’m sorry this has happened. If it can’t be resolved for whatever reason, I authorise you to use the Robinson account and I’ll sort it out afterwards? Let me speak to them first. Which one was it?”
“Thank you, Saskia. It was the gentleman to your left.”
I hurried back to the table and sat down.
“Small problem,” I said softly. “Ben, your credit card has been declined. This is just Julian’s way of dealing with it quietly with as little fuss as possible.”
“Damn. Probably maxed out again. It’s a company card - if you can call the Government a company. I’m sorry about this, Saskia, it’s making you and your Corporation look like idiots.”
I put my hand on his arm. “I’m sorry to say this, Ben, but it’s the Government who’ll look like idiots. We’ll be fine. I’ve just authorised the bill to go on the Robinson account if you can’t resolve it.”
“And I asked you if you had the authority to speak for your corporation. Now I do feel an idiot!”
“Can you use a different card?” asked Saskia.
“I’m the only one with an official card, they don’t give them out like sweets. I suspect the bill will be too large for any of our personal cards.”
“I’m sorry, Ben. Is it our fault for booking you into too expensive a hotel?” I asked.
“No, no. This is normally what we like to use. It’s normally fine. Can you hang on a minute while I check, I can do it on my mobile phone.”
Ben fiddled with his mobile phone for a little while. “Ok. It’s not at the limit but what’s left won’t cover the bill. That’s why it’s gone tilt. Saskias, I’m really, really sorry ...”
“It really is no problem,” I said “Saskia, can you take details of where to send the bill while I go and sort it all out with the hotel?”
While Saskia took details, I went to Reception. “Hi Anna. Who’s Duty Manager?”
“Cesca tonight, Saskia. You’ll be wanting a word?”
“Yes, please. Just going to bail out the government.”
Anna and I were both laughing quietly when Cesca appeared.
“Heard about our little problem?” I asked her.
“Yes. Julian told me. What are they going to do?”
“Them? Nothing. Me? Everything. Will you accept my authorisation to transfer the bill to the Robinson account?”
“Certainly, Saskia. Would you like a separate bill sent on Monday?”
“Good idea. Let’s see, we’ll cover bed and breakfast, tonight’s meal and any bar bill up ‘till now. Further extras are down to them, ok?”
“Agreed. Thanks, Saskia. Tell Julian you can have another round of coffee and your hot chocolate on the house.”
“Thanks, Cesca.”
I went to find Julian. “All sorted. Details from Cesca please. She says we can have a round of coffee and hot choccy on you, then they pay for anything else themselves.”
“Very well. Thank you, Saskia.”
“Our pleasure.” I returned to my seat.
“Right, all fixed. We get another coffee if you want one but all other extras tonight and tomorrow, except breakfast of course, will be down to you. Is that ok?”
“I don’t know about the others but I’m bloody glad we invited you tonight,” said Caro.
“Here here,” said Jack.
“I said we had a good relationship with the hotel,” said Saskia. “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”
In the mini on the way home Saskia said, “Government with egg on its face. Dad and James will wet themselves when we tell them. We should tell Archie Spencer as well.”
“But we won’t do that, will we?”
“No, we won’t. Be a brilliant story for him though.”
Rob was still up when we got home. He laughed so much when we told him, he nearly did wet himself. In common with James, and with us Saskias, Rob thought the PM was a twit.
Saturday. Saturday was car photographing day. We called to pick Rio up as usual. Instead of just coming out to the car, she waved at us to come into the house.
“Problem, Rio?” asked Saskia.
“No problem. It’s just that I don’t think Mum quite believes me when I say I’m going to meet the Prime Minister on Thursday instead of going to school.”
“Oh I believe, I bel
ieve. I just can’t quite believe it,” said Rio’s mum. Which made us all smile - including her.
“Ok. While we’re all here, details, such as we have,” I said. “Can you arrange Rio to make her own way to the plant on Thursday? As early as you like, on your way to work would do fine. We’ll be there from very early. Don’t want to be picked up before five AM do you?”
“Not unless you need me and my camera that early,” said Rio.
“No, no. Need you from about nine o’clock or so. What you do is take pictures of anything that interests you to do with the setting up, then you join the press pack as the PM arrives. It’s not him we want you to photograph, but the fact that he’s at the Robinson plant. There’ll be enough pictures of his ugly mush about as it is. It’s more a case of here’s the PM going into the Robinson Building. Here he is in the boardroom about to give a speech. Here are lots of people listening to him. See what I mean?”
“Mm. You want a record of his visit, not a record of him. I can get my head round that.”
I pretended to speak only to Saskia.
“See? I said she’d know what to do.”
“Ok, ok. So ditch the backup plan?”
“Think so. David Bailey was going to cost a fortune anyway.”
“I thought we were just going to get away with giving him a burger during the visit?”
“That wasn’t him, that was the Prime Minister.”
“I didn’t know the Prime Minister took photographs? Have to photograph himself. What’s he do? Use a mirror?”
“How d’you take photographs with a mirror? Most people use a camera.”
“Maybe he gives the camera to somebody else to take pictures for him. You know, like you do on holiday.”
“Is the Prime Minister on holiday then? I thought he was coming to visit us?”
“Maybe he’s coming back specially. Look to see if he’s wearing shorts. That’ll be a clue.”
“Ah, but what if he wears a suit on holiday? That won’t work.”
“Picky, picky. Let’s just wait and see, shall we?”
“Might be best.”
I turned back to Rio and said, “Right. That’s that settled.” Then waited for Rio and her mum to catch up.