by Ian Berry
“In that case you can have your seat back, I have a date with a lettuce leaf.”
Back in the office, Saskia cut the message sheets into two piles like a card dealer. She chucked over one pile. Before I could touch it, the phone rang again and we were off!
Saskia had an idea part way through the afternoon. The next call Petra put through had to wait a while as Saskia spoke to Petra.
“Limit time is four o’clock. After that, no more incoming calls. Take messages or they can ring back tomorrow. That’ll give us an hour or so to clear today’s messages.”
“Ok, Saskia. Good idea. Four o’clock.”
Pretty much the last call, Saskia got Ben from the PM’s office. I had nobody to talk to right at that moment so I listened in.
“Hi Ben.”
“Hi Saskia. How’s it going?”
“Worn out three phones, two ears and one dialling finger. Otherwise ok.”
“Heat might be off a bit tomorrow. We’re going to release the detailed itinerary first thing tomorrow.”
“Thank the Lord Harry for that! Nearly half our calls today have been people wanting just that information.”
“Sorry about that but that’s as quick as we could do it. Er, we have a request in the notes for Media Accreditation for somebody called Rio Ashworth? Fastest way to do that is to put her on the Royal Rota. Does she work for you?”
“She’s freelance but in this case we will be employing her services.”
“Ok, that’ll work. She’s been cleared, not as high as you two but not bad. We’ll bring her card and badge with us on Wednesday. Got a favour to ask.”
“Nature of this favour?”
“Can you book us into the hotel again on Wednesday night?”
“Don’t know about that. You lot don’t have enough money.”
“I promise my card will be ok this time, it’s all been paid off.”
“Seeing as it’s you asking - and incidentally us asking the hotel - I suppose we can do it. Saskia and I can’t come to dinner. Need an early night. We expect to be at the plant before five in the morning.”
“Thanks Saskia. We’ll see you sometime on Wednesday.”
“I’ll do it, Twin,” I said.
“Ah. You listened?”
“Yeah. I’ll speak to Anna.”
“Hey, Twin. Before you do that, what’s this Royal Rota?”
“I noticed you just agreed with Ben. Basically it’s a list of Media people cleared to follow the Royal Family around. They call it a Rota because normally only one of them does it and shares the footage. A rota, see?”
“Blimey. So Rio is cleared to go and photograph the Queen when she opens something or what have you?”
“Yep. Basically, if you can do the Queen, the PM is quite a few steps down from that so it’s ok.”
With all that done, and messages dealt with, we did actually manage to go home not long after five o’clock.
Tuesday. There weren’t nearly as many phone calls. After we’d caught up on messages left over from Monday, the day was far more relaxed. The electrician wanted words.
“Two sixty three amp three phase. Where exactly d’you want ‘em”
We said Boardroom please. See you in there in two minutes.
I described where the staging would go and the flats. “Basically anywhere at that end of the room. In the middle is probably favourite. Going to be on wall sockets or couplers?”
“You can choose. Probably enough room in the dry riser in the corner to fit permanent sockets. That’s where the cables’ll come up anyway. That way we can leave ‘em in.”
“Good thinking that man. Make it so.”
“Couplers Twin?”
I shrugged. “For some reason that’s what they call trailing sockets that go on the end of a cable.”
The electrician grinned, “Is there nothing you two don’t know? If one doesn’t know, the other will.”
‘Ok Mr. Electrician,’ I thought, ‘try this’. “Switched interlocks please,” I said. “There’s much fun to be had watching people who don’t know trying to get the plug out without switching off first.”
“How do you know about that trick? No - don’t answer. Probably magic or something.” He walked off grinning and shaking his head.
“How do you - no, I’m being silly. Change the question - why? What’s this interlock thing?”
“Socket has a switch on it. Plug will only go in or out if the switch is off. Interlock - see? If you don’t know to turn it off first, and just treat it like a thirteen amp socket, you get a surprise.”
“That’s not very nice - can’t wait to see somebody try it.” She grinned, slightly wickedly I thought.
After a pit stop at the cafeteria, we spent the rest of the morning arranging the press positions in the bits of the plant we wanted to take the PM into. We used Rio’s notes and just laid the law down - and the red and white marking tape.
A certain amount of noise from the boardroom after lunch heralded the arrival of the power cables and the BT circuits - those that were supposed to be up there anyway. There were some muffled swearwords drifting up the dry riser. I almost said, “Language!” before I realised I’d not have heard them but for my super hearing. Thankfully I kept quiet.
The noise attracted James. “Ok. What are you doing to my nice boardroom?”
“Getting power put in,” said Saskia. “Two sixty three amp three phase switched interlock sockets, one for lighting and one for tech.” She grinned as James almost shook his head at the deluge of what probably sounded like gobbledegook.
“Translation please - in English!”
“Don’t worry about it, James. Just a power supply for stuff. Ignore madam. She’s just showing off.”
Saskia grinned, put one fingertip up to the underneath of her chin and did a little curtsy.
James went away shaking his head.
Towards the end of the day there was a call from Petra. Some nice men were in Reception from the BBC and ITN. Could we come and collect them please? They were making the place look untidy.
By the time we got there Petra already had them logged in a visitors. The two of them were chatting happily together.
“I thought they’d be fighting each other,” whispered Saskia.
“That’s not how it works at all. If we didn’t have enough room they’d just use one camera and share the pictures. As it is, when you see the stuff on the news and it looks like there’s two cameras covering it, it’s usually one of each.”
That speech seemed as if it took a long time, but we can whisper at super speed as well.
“Hello,” I said. “I’m Saskia Chandler and this here is Saskia Hunt. We’re your point of contact for Thursday. Doesn’t matter which of us you talk to.”
“Just as well, I think we’ll mix you up anyway, I’m ITN by the way.”
“Which means you must be the BBC, laughed Saskia as she stuck her hand out for it to be shaken. “Sixpenny tour? Boardroom first I think.”
Our two new friends dutifully followed us up the stairs. I described what the room would look like when the PM’s people had given it a makeover. I let Saskia try out all her new knowledge about sat. trucks and links.
“Out of the window here, down to that corner of the loading bay yard. Faces nicely south-ish so links should be fine. You get from here to there by using the fire doors. Can’t do that at the moment, it’ll wake the troll that guards it but it’ll be ok from Thursday morning.”
“Now, I know the PM thinks his speech is the important bit but we have different priorities,” I said. “He’ll do a plant tour, which I assume you’ll want to cover?”
“Mm, but not live, said ITN.”
“If you want to share footage, we can assign your cameramen native
guides so you can duck round the back and leapfrog each other. I assume you’ll shoot that bit ENG?”
I could see Saskia wanting to ask questions but I could also see her storing them up for later. “Would you like to see the areas, and see if that’s feasible?”
“If we could. Sounds like you’ve got it all sorted already.”
“Sorry, but you need hard hats - only today. On Thursday you’ll be in the media areas and won’t need them. The twit - sorry - the PM will need to wear one. Hopefully, he won’t look too much like an idiot.”
“Easy way to do that with a hard hat,” said the BBC. “Adjust it ‘til it’s either too large or too small. It’ll either fall down over his ears or perch on his head like a football. Either way he’ll look an idiot.”
“Anybody’d think you wanted him to look like an idiot,” said Saskia.
“If the cap - or hard hat - fits ...” I said laughing.
Of course we could never do that - but just for one moment ...
With the two men in white visitor hats and Saskia and I in our nice pale blue ones, we set out to cover the route to be taken by the PM. It seemed Rio had done a brilliant job, our two new friends agreed with every position she’d allocated. They also agreed our cunning plan of two cameramen leapfrogging. We’d have to find a couple of minders, I thought Melanie, and let her nominate somebody else who knew the plant as well as she did.
Out through the back doors, we walked round to the loading yard. “That’s your door into the boardroom, up the fire stairs and into the back. We thought the trucks could park here and fly cables up to the window there,” said Saskia. She pointed to a coil of wire with plastic bags taped to the ends. “Far as I know, your ISDN stuff will be in there somewhere.”
“Sorry we can’t provide power, at least not on any great scale,” I said. “Might find the odd socket, first come first served I’m afraid.”
The BBC and ITN nodded their understanding.
“Think we’ll get visits from anybody else?” asked Saskia.
“Shouldn’t think so. Those plans you sent out were pretty good. The other links guys’ll work off them. We’re the only people to take it live and it’ll only go to network if himself is going to make a policy speech, which I’m told he isn’t,”
“Happy then?” asked Saskia.
“Very. What time can we start on Thursday?”
“We Saskias will be here just after five in the morning, the cafeteria should be open - if it isn’t heads will roll,” I laughed.
To save them coming back into the plant, we collected badges and hats and let the two men walk round the side of the building. They were chatting animatedly as they went, hopefully singing our praises.
Saskia’s questions finally spilled over. I had to explain several things, such as the fact that ENG stood for Electronic News Gathering, basically one man with a camera recording onto a built-in machine.
Badges were handed back to Petra. She had a question. “How are you two managing with all this stuff?”
“It’s just organisation,” said Saskia. “Just like the school visit, but a tiny bit higher profile.”
“Doesn’t it frighten you? You’ll probably get to meet the Prime Minister.”
“Come on Petra. He’s only a man. Puts his trousers on one leg at a time like everybody else.”
We left her chuckling at that. “What would Petra say if we told her we’d already met the PM - several times?” asked Saskia.
“Ah. But try to remember that we’ve met the PM but we haven’t.”
To anybody listening, that sentence must have sounded quite strange but Saskia knew what I meant at once.
“See what you mean. Play it by ear. Might not actually get to speak to him.”
“We could change our clothes in front of him and see if he wets himself this time.”
“Think he’s used to that by now.”
“Be a hoot if he rings the SuperTwins while he’s here and you or I fish out the MI5 phone ringing away.”
“No it won’t. Don’t even think about it.”
Later that night, after tea, Saskia and I were alone in the house. Rob had gone to a lodge meeting, something important he said. Saskia wanted to talk to me.
“The last couple of weeks have been a bit heavy in the relationship department. It’s reminded me of something I worked out while you and I still only saw each other at weekends.”
“Sounds intriguing. What is it?”
“It’s a song. D’you know the one called ‘I Know Him So Well’?”
“Mm. Think so. It’s the one from ‘Chess’ isn’t it? I remember, it’s two girls called - oh er - yes, Florence and Svetlana. Singing about some bloke as I recall.”
“You probably know more than I do. Anyway, I rewrote it a bit. Want a go at singing it? I sing the sort of verse bits, you sing some in-between bits.”
“Don’t know the words. Don’t suppose that’ll matter as long as you do. You start and I’ll pick it up instantly as usual.”
Saskia began singing.
“There are things so good they last eternally
A perfect situation can’t go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much for far too long.
Looking back I’d not have done it differently
Won a few more moments who can tell
But it took no time to understand the girl
Now at least I know I know her well”
Then there was an intertwining of our two voices. I found we were facing each other, holding hands looking into each other’s eyes.
“Isn’t it good? Isn’t she fine? Isn’t it madness, she’s really mine?
Oh so good, oh so fine, she’s really mine?
But in the end she needs
Nothing more than just me --
I’m security
She needs no fantasy or freedom
I know her so well.”
Then Saskia on her own again.
“Someone in your life is with you constantly
I’m the one completely on your side
And though I moved my world to be with you
I know the gap between us isn’t wide.”
Both of us again.
“Looking back I couldn’t have played things any other way
Looking back I couldn’t have played it differently
Learned about the girl before I fell
I was just a little impulsive maybe
But I was ever so much younger then
Now at least-
Now at least I know her well
I know I know her well
Isn’t it good? Isn’t she fine? Isn’t it madness
Oh so good, oh so fine”
Both us singing the words as a duet.
“She’ll always be mine?
Didn’t I know
How it would go?
If I knew from the start
I knew we’ll not be apart.
Isn’t it good?
Isn’t she fine?
Isn’t it madness
She’ll always be mine?
She’ll always be mine?
But in the end she needs
Nothing more than just me --
I’m security
She needs no fantasy and freedom
I know her so well
It took no time to understand her
I know her so well.”
We sang the last line in complete harmony. I looked at Saskia for a long moment then burst into tears. I buried my face in her chest for several long minutes. Looking up into her eyes with my face streaked with tears, I found that words wouldn’t come out easily.
> “Saskia ... Saskia ... that’s ...so, so wonderful! The words - they fit perfectly! The whole thing was so beautiful. Thank you, thank you so much. It says everything - all of it - all in one go.”
I wasn’t surprised to find that she was crying as well as me. “Woo! I didn’t think it’d have that much effect. On me as well as poor old you. I did it as something to do while I was missing you during the week.”
“The second verse bit, where you say ‘Although I moved my world to be with you’ is particularly wonderful, should be me singing that, not you.”
“Don’t think it matters which of us sings which bit really. The whole thing is so much more - appropriate - than I ever thought it would be.”
I made a tissue appear and used it to dry Saskia’s tears, she did the same for me. We’d have to change to repair the damage in a while but for now we just clung to each other with silly grins on our faces, at least I could see Saskia’s silly grin and I doubted I was any different.
Wednesday. Busy day. We didn’t spend much of it at our desks. The PM’s Office contingent appeared during the morning with a big truck full of stuff. There was much to arrange, such as what furniture they wanted us to make vanish or appear and the fire door to block open. I think the Security Department drew straws to see who’d have to man it. The guy who eventually appeared lugging a chair to sit on didn’t look pleased.
It didn’t take long to set up the staging and the flats. It didn’t take much longer to convert the small area behind them into a minefield of equipment and wires. The electrician put in an appearance to check everything was ok and left with a smile when the technical people thanked him warmly.
About lunchtime, Jeff rang from Russia. Just to check we were doing all right. I couldn’t blame him really. We reassured him and he went away happy. It was about the same time that Ben and co. turned up.
“Hi Saskias. Everything going to plan?”
“Hello, you lot. Plan is proceeding on schedule, although I notice you didn’t specify whose plan.”
Ben laughed. “Touché. Anyway, got a slight problem. His Nibs has changed his speech. That means all the advance copies are out of date. I might need to use a copier. We’ll hand ‘em out as the press appear. It’s not much of a change.”