Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend

by Ann, Becca

  Then I remember. Shit. I was supposed to text her before I picked her up. This is not goin’ my way.

  I jog up the walk, and she doesn’t look at me. Still pickin’ at that bush.

  “Are you mad?”

  That’s the dumbest question in the history of questions. I’m really makin’ this a memorable date for her.

  Her eyes flick to my face, and what looked like anger flashes to confusion. Forehead puckers in that cute way of hers, and her mouth pops open. “I was a little peeved.” She stands. “But now I’m more worried about that look on your face. Are you okay?”

  No. Quynn’s at my house, and I just beat my brother’s face in. And I spent who knows how long in the car tryin’ to calm down. But right now I’m with Hayles, and I don’t want to think about all that crap.

  “I’m fine.”

  I scratch my nose, what I always do when I lie my face off… which is why I don’t lie to my parents ‘cause they know this.

  “Gracious little fairies, Brody!” She grabs my hand. “You’re bleeding!”

  Yeah, bloody and swollen knuckles. My hands are shakin’ too. Don’t know how I missed it. It’s pouring rivers down the back of my wrist.

  “Would you look at that.” Smooth, Brody. On top of bein’ a jackass, you’re now an idiot.

  She tugs me inside, not lettin’ go of my arm and nearly sprinting to her kitchen sink. Can’t even process that I’m in her house. Only thing going through my brain is her touchin’ my skin, running water over my knuckles and washing my arm. The blood doesn’t bug her or nothin’. Her face isn’t calm, worried as hell, but I like that.

  She’s worried about me.

  I know I’m testing my boundaries, and I have no right to be this close to her after showin’ up late with bloody knuckles, but I trap her between me and the sink, leaning over her head. She still has that mint chocolately scent, but it’s mixed with some sort of fruity lotion or something. Things are movin’ down south just off her smell.

  Yeah. Hayles is definitely the girl I want. I can’t even remember why I was so confused before.

  I almost whip her around and kiss her, but she lets go of my hand and ducks under my arm, going for the freezer.

  “I don’t need that,” I say as she pulls out the ice pack. “I’ll be fine.”

  “You sure?” She tosses it between her hands, face going a little pink.

  I shut off the water. “Yeah. It feels better already.” ‘Cause it does.

  She grabs a towel from the counter. “Heads up.” She tosses it over her shoulder as she puts the ice pack back in the freezer.

  I wonder if she even realizes I’m in her house. The one place she doesn’t let anyone near. It’s not a craphole, which is what I expected since she treats it like the plague. It’s clean, and there’s a buttload of expensive stuff. Stainless steel appliances and place settings at the table even though it doesn’t look like anyone’s going to be eating soon. There’s framed flowers and other crap like that hangin’ on the walls. Looks like I’ve walked into one of those showcase houses.

  But she’s giving me one of those ‘are you really okay?’ smiles, so pretty sure my hand is all she’s concerned about right now.

  Again… I like that.

  I’m losin’ control over my body. Don’t know how I end up where I do—inches away from her—but she doesn’t shy away. She grabs my hand from under the towel and pokes the skin around the cuts.

  “You going to tell me what happened? Or will I have to guess?”

  I smile. “You like guessin’ games.”

  She shakes her head and tries not to smile back, but fails. “All right. I’ll try to guess on our way to… wherever it is we’re going.” She pauses. “I mean, if we’re still going out.”

  “He… heck yeah. It’s your birthday.” Crap. That should’ve been the first thing I said to her. “Uh… Happy Birthday.” It’s a little late now, Brody.

  Her smile fills her face. “Thanks.” Then she tugs me outside like the place is going to blow.

  “Okay, be honest,” she says just as we get to the car. “Is what I’m wearing date appropriate? I tried to go comfortable like you said, but still… girls dress up for stuff like this, right?”

  She’s givin’ me permission to check her out, which I’ve been doin’ since she walked me to the gas station in the rain, but now I don’t have to be discreet or anythin’. Sweet.

  And yeah, she looks sexy as hell. Now that I’m closer, I can see how soft her hair looks draped over her rack, and she’s got on one of those big belt girls wear around their stomachs and it hugs her curved body makin’ her look thinner than she is.

  “Brody?”

  “Yeah, sorry.” I open the car door and try to get the calm cool guy to come out, instead of this nervous pervert who keeps lookin’ at her cleavage. “You look hot, Hayles. And it’s definitely appropriate for what we’re going to be doin’.”

  Something in my stomach goes wa-bam! She’s going to love what I got planned for her tonight.

  She plops in the seat and puts her feet on the dash. I’m smilin’ like a fool, but everything… I mean all of that stuff I was dealin’ with before I headed over here, it’s just… gone.

  “Okay, home fry,” she says as I get in the car, “where are we going?” Her voice is calm and all gangster-like, but by the look of her face and the sexy spark in her green eyes, she’s excited.

  And I get excited off her gettin’ excited.

  “Surprise.”

  “No, no, no.” Her lip juts out. “Please tell me.”

  It’s hard not to give into that look, but at the same time, I like the effect I’m havin’ on her.

  “Nope.”

  Instead of beggin’ and whinin’ like most girls would, her mouth turns up into the hugest of evil grins, and she turns the station on the radio, lands on Katy Perry, then cranks it up to burst your eardrums level.

  She’s good.

  But I’m not cavin’.

  And I shock the crap out of her by bursting out in song with her. By the end of the song we’re both laughin’ our faces off, and that’s the first time in the history of ever I’ve liked listening to pop.

  “Okay,” she says as she turns the music down and wipes her eyes, “well played, Mr. Grant. Well played.”

  I laugh and try to be smooth about grabbin’ her hand. Pretend to go for the radio, but she sees right through it and yanks her hand away like I’m about to taze her.

  Damn it.

  “Uh…” She looks out the window. “Are we going downtown?”

  “That okay?”

  Her smile swallows her face when she looks back at me. “Oh, heck yes!”

  She’s too cute. Can’t believe I’m on a date with her. And I don’t care she’s not wanting to, I offer my hand, stickin’ it out in an obvious, ‘hold my hand or I may die’ kind of way. She looks at it, looks at me, then giggles and tucks her fingers between mine.

  No suave Faberge—or whatever that butter commercial guy’s name is—but hey, it works.

  We talk, and she tries to get me to tell her about my hand, but I won’t. I don’t want to ruin this night by talkin’ about Gabe. And I also don’t have the brain power either since I’m focusing on tryin’ not to sweat a waterfall into her palm. Trip takes about twenty minutes—doesn’t seem that long—then I’m pullin’ in the parking lot.

  “Mother of a pearl necklace.”

  Just the reaction I wanted. I grin, let go of her hand—I’ll get it back in a second—and get out of the car to open the door for her.

  “This okay?”

  “Are you for real?” she asks as she steps out.

  “Only if you still want to.”

  She eyes the sign out front, the bright neon flashing INFINITY TATTOO. When she turns to me, she leaps into my arms so fast I lose balance and crash into the hood of the car.

  “Whoops! Sorry.” Her face goes bright red as she climbs off me, but I pull her back, keeping her hand strapped
to my swollen one.

  “I take that as a ‘yes’?”

  She nods, draggin’ me inside.

  “I know exactly what I want to get!”

  Darn girl can’t stand still. She’s bouncin’ around with a huge smile, and even though she just said she knows what she wants, she’s lookin’ at all the options.

  And I can’t keep my hands off her. But she’s lettin’ me, so I lean over her like I did in her kitchen, breathing in her scent as she flips through the laminated pages.

  There’s a flush in the back and a few seconds later, London comes walkin’ out from the crapper, drying his hands off on some paper towels before chuckin’ them in the garbage.

  “Hey, Brody,” he says as he makes his way behind the counter and we clasp hands and bump shoulders. I accidentally smack Hayles in the back of the head with my chin and she ducks out from underneath me. I was pushing my limits anyway.

  “How’s it goin’?”

  “Same shit.”

  I take a glance at Hayles’ face, but I must’ve missed the cringe, or she’s too distracted to notice London’s cursing.

  “So, you here to get some more ink?”

  “Actually—”

  “I’m getting one!” Hayley’s still bouncing as she looks at London, big smile on her face. “It’s my first one! Yay!”

  London barks out laughin’, and I want to sock him if he’s makin’ fun of her, but he leans forward, lookin’ at the book she’s got and says, “Do you have anything in mind?”

  She flips through more pages, and her lips turn into an incredibly sexy pout. “I can’t find it.”

  London waves his hand in the air, leaning closer to her.

  Wait a second. Is he hittin’ on her?

  “I really want something that’ll represent like, passion or love or something. Nothing too girly and frilly and stuff, but something that’s like, sexy.”

  “Hmm…” He moves from the counter, and I take a step closer to Hayles. I know it’s possessive, but I don’t care. She’s my date.

  “How about the lotus?” He grabs a couple pieces of art work from the back counter and sets them in front of her. “It’s a flower, which is girly, I know, but… if you want, I can make it smoky. You see this one here?”

  He points to the one in the top right of the page, red smoke curling around a dark purple, near black lotus flower. It looks like it was the only thing remaining from a fire. It’s pretty badass for a chick tatt.

  “Oh my gosh, yes! That’s the one I want. It’s freaking beautiful!”

  “Thanks. I designed this last week. Haven’t been able to use it yet.”

  Hayles starts to bounce up and down again and I slide my arm around her waist. She recoils, and I drop my arm and go for a ‘I was just tryin’ to put my hand in my back pocket the long way’ kind of thing. I look like an idiot.

  And London’s eyes are locked on her boobs. Because I have a complex or somethin’, I blurt out, “Hey, I was hopin’ to add on to mine while we’re here.”

  That’s a big lie. But no way is he getting his hands on her. I’ll make him work on me instead.

  “Really? You’re going to do it with me?” Hayley’s eyes brighten and dude, she looks so happy, I’m glad I came up with the BS even if it means I gotta get stabbed in the wrist again.

  “Yeah.”

  “Sa-weet!” She grabs my wrist and yanks off the leather band I keep around it. “What are you going to do?”

  “Yeah, Bro…” London smiles, leaning against the counter again… towards Hayles. “What kind of add on are you looking to get?”

  Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m a douche, but I feel like punchin’ him in the mouth. But my already sore knuckles tell me it’s not worth it. The flirting may be my imagination anyways.

  “I dunno. Like a chain or something to wrap the two symbols together?”

  “Oh! That’ll look supa awesome.” Hayles traces around the ink on my wrist, making swirly patterns between the marks already there. “That reminds me…” She drops my hand. “You never told me what they mean.”

  London cocks an eyebrow as he tongues his lip ring. He pushes off the counter and goes into the back, leavin’ us alone.

  “Later?”

  She huffs, but smiles. “Okay, but you owe me that story.”

  “I know, I know.”

  We’re quiet while she flips through more designs… well, I’m quiet. She’s humming a song under her breath and tapping her foot.

  “You know…” Voice-box shuts down. I was goin’ to tell her how amazin’ her voice is, but I’ve lost my nerve. And I can’t think of anything else to say.

  “Was there an end to that sentence?” She giggles, shuts the book and leans on it.

  Yes. “I guess not.”

  She laughs again.

  “All right!”

  London comes out with Marisa, the other artist in the shop. She’s got next to nothing on top, and her gauged ears have pen caps in them. She gives us both a wide smile and says, “Okay, I call that hot piece of ass.”

  Reason 15: You rock some sexy ink

  I must be really arrogant, ‘cause I swear Marisa was referring to my ‘hot piece of ass’, but she links elbows with Hayles and brings her into the back room, London protestin’ the whole way.

  “No you don’t. I designed the lotus she wants. I get to put it on her.”

  And Hayley thinks she’s not hot? She better after this display of two older tattoo artists fightin’ over who gets to put ink on her. Man, I wish I had the talent to do it, so I could get a vote thrown my way.

  “Yo, London.” Better make it easy for them. “I’d like you to do the chain on mine if you don’t mind.” Think of a good reason, Brody. “You know, since you did this one.” I point to my wrist like a damn fool.

  “Fine.” He looks at Marisa who’s sticking her tongue out. “But I get to do the next lotus.”

  “Deal.”

  Hayley’s face is bright red, lookin’ a little awkward. She catches my eye, throws me a grin and inches toward my hand. I grasp hers before she has a chance to change her mind.

  “Okay, first thing’s first.” Marisa squirts a glob of hand sanitizer in her palm and rubs it around. “You got ID?”

  Hayles nods, pulling her license from her back pocket. Marisa takes a quick look, then a double take, then squeals. “Nice. Birthday tatt?”

  “Yep. Isn’t Brody an awesome buddy?”

  Does she still not get that this is. A. Date? How can I be more obvious?

  “Sure is.” Marisa hands back the ID, then gives us all the paperwork we gotta fill out. After twenty minutes of answerin’ all the questions, Marisa says, “Now, tell me where you want it.”

  “Hmm…” Hayles pats her body, talkin’ under her breath. I don’t know if I’m meant to hear it, but I do.

  Her fingers prod her hip bone. “No… too chubby for that one.” Darn girl. She moves to her butt. “Maybe, but not sure if I want a flower next to the hole I use for waste, though it would make sense to put one there.”

  I have to force back the laughter barreling from my mouth. Gotta turn it into one of those lame coughs. Hayles is still talkin’ to herself as she runs her hands over her body. The boobs are out because ‘they’re not done growing’. If that’s true, I’m in trouble. The stomach and sides are also a no because of the ‘chubby’ thing. Girl is crazy. And the feet and ankles were a ‘frickin’ NOT happening’ because that would hurt more than a ‘bunch of lobsters in a hot tub’.

  She looks up at Marisa, a slight frown on her face and her eyebrows creased right there in the middle that drives me insane.

  “How about here?” I know it’s an excuse to touch her, but I don’t care. I gently press her left shoulder blade. Goose bumps crawl up her neck, and she shivers. Blush fills her checks as she looks at me with a big smile.

  “Yep. That’s where I want it.” She shrugs off my hand. Okay, point taken. She’s still not into the touching. “Thanks, Brody.”


  I nod and tuck my hands in my pockets to keep from movin’ them all over her. Won’t push my luck anymore tonight.

  “‘Kay, come have a seat right here…” Marisa pats the chair in the right corner. “And Brody you can have the station next to her if you want to watch.”

  “Yeah, please sit next to me,” says as she takes her place in the seat Marisa pointed to. “I need someone to blabber to, ‘cause I’m a little nervous.”

  For a second I get real stupid and think she’s talkin’ about being nervous about me. That I make her nervous. But duh… not me, the needle that’ll be stabbin’ her makes her more nervous than I ever will.

  And I should not be jealous of a tatt gun.

  I plop down at the station next to Hayles, waiting for London to bring me a design to look over. Marisa says she’ll be right back, and then it’s silent.

  I should say somethin’, but nothing is going through my brain. Hayley does look nervous, which is cute because I’ve never really seen her like this.

  “You all right there, jumpy?”

  She purses her lips together and nods like her head is going to fall off if she moves it too much.

  “Liar.”

  She throws me a sort of smile then starts tapping her knees.

  “It’s not so bad. Yours is small. It’ll take maybe forty-five minutes. Hour tops.”

  “Yeah.”

  Silence.

  “Hayles?”

  “Huh?”

  “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I just thought… you said you really wanted to, and I should’ve… you know, maybe should’ve asked you before—”

  “Knock it off, Brody. I totally want to do this! Weren’t you a little nervous your first time?”

  I shrug. Not really. I was more pissed off, and the pain didn’t outweigh the other crap I was dealin’ with.

  “That and I guess…” She shakes her head. “Nevermind.”