Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend

by Ann, Becca

  She’s right. I may puke, but I puked all mornin’, so I couldn’t give a damn right now.

  “Did something happen with Gabe?”

  I shake my head, but it gives me a headache so I stop.

  “Quynn?”

  “Ma, I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “So it is about Quynn.”

  I grab the back of my head and try to force my face farther into the bed. It’s not doin’ anythin’ though. Just makin’ my temples ache. Doesn’t hurt as much as what’s goin’ on in my chest though.

  “She’ll come around. She’s always liked you.”

  “It’s not that, Mom. Please, just leave it alone.”

  “You know I won’t do that.”

  Why is it so hard? Why is it hard to talk about Hayley in a ‘more than friends’ way?

  I know why. I just don’t want to admit it even to myself. Because it would make me a dumbass. A hypocritical dumbass.

  I don’t want to see the look on people’s faces when I tell them I’m in love with the… FFF.

  But this is Mom. She’ll keep pushin’ and pushin’ till I’ve leaked out all my insides.

  “It’s not Quynn.” I turn around so I’m talkin’ to the ceiling. “It’s Hayley.”

  “Oh!”

  Her shock whenever I say Hayley’s name is gettin’ old. And I won’t look at her. I don’t want to see her expression.

  “Come on, Mom. You had to have figured out I liked her.”

  “Actually, honey, I didn’t. You never talked about her really. Just referred to her as a friend, a signing partner. I haven’t even officially met her yet. Only saw her from a distance, and she didn’t seem like your type of girl.”

  My forehead crinkles, and I look at her. “What do you mean by that?” I’m snappin’. This is why I didn’t want to say anythin’.

  She shrugs and waves her hand through the air. “Ah, nothing. Just first impression.”

  After watchin’ her for a few seconds, tryin’ to figure out if she’s lyin’ to me, I give up and put my head back down on the pillows.

  “She’s amazin’. Been through a bunch of crap, but still manages to be just so… awesome. She’s fun, funny, it’s never awkward around her. All the crap with Gabe, with my grades, all the other stuff goin’ on that sucks, just goes away when I’m around her. I’m a better person when I’m with her. Less angry.”

  It’s quiet, except for Mom’s breathin’ and me tryin’ to push back the tears I thought I had cried out already.

  “I messed up. I was too afraid to tell Quynn about her. Too scared to tell anyone about her. I don’t know why.”

  I sit up, leaning my elbows on my knees. “I love her, Mom. How do I fix it?”

  She gives me a big grin. One of those, ‘silly boy, the answer is starin’ you in the face’ smiles. A Mom smile.

  “That’s easy, hun.”

  “It is?”

  She nods. “You’ve already done what she needs from you.”

  “I have?”

  “You told me about her.” She comes to the side of my bed and rubs my arm. I don’t shrug her off. “All she wants is to know you’re in this one-hundred percent before she lets go completely. Girls are very protective of their hearts. They need to know their guy won’t be ashamed to show them off, kiss them in public, and of course, she needs to know you’re over any… old flames.”

  She pinches my elbow. I pull it back and give her a glare.

  “If you can’t tell Quynn about Hayley, then maybe you don’t love her as much as you think you do.”

  Ouch, Mom. But, crap, she’s right.

  I nod and scrape off the pizza stuck to my sheets and throw it in an empty box on the floor. Mom makes a face before grabbing the garbage and gettin’ to the doorway.

  “Oh, and honey?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I didn’t peg you for a Katy Perry fan.” She ducks out the door as my pillow goes flyin’ across the room at her.

  Reason 26: I want to shout it to the world that I’m in love with you

  “Game night again, dude?” Tanner shoves the rest of his pizza in his mouth and wipes his hands on his jeans before letting me inside. It’s been a whole week since I slept with Hayles, and then tore her heart up the next day. School’s been weird. Quynn’s been distant, but givin’ me the ‘are you okay?’ look every time she glances in my direction. And Hayles has gone back to bein’ my ‘homie’. Like nothin’ happened. It’s worse than her ignorin’ me. It’s like I didn’t put a dent in her at all. But she’s a good actress. So she’s probably hurtin’ more than she’s sayin’.

  I probably should’ve called before comin’ over to Tanner’s but not so good at the phone thing. Pretty sure Hayles is the only exception I make to call someone.

  “Nah,” I say, marchin’ straight to the fridge. “I got somethin’ to do tonight. Just killin’ time before.”

  Truth is, I’m nervous as hell and I need a distraction. And Tanner has more junk food than Mom keeps stocked in our house.

  “Quynn? You finally goin’ for it, man?”

  I take a swig of Pepsi, clear my throat and avoid his eyes. “Uh, no. Hayley. I’m goin’ to swing by, see if she’s home.”

  I hold my breath, waitin’ for his reaction, but I really should give Tanner more credit, ‘cause he punches my shoulder and says, “Hell yeah, man. You guys should hang out here again.” He winks and goes to plop on his couch. I grab a slice of pizza from the box on the counter and join him.

  “So…” Dude, talking chicks, even with the best friend gets a little awkward, but I’m nervous and I’ve already talked the crap out of it with my family. “What do you think about her?”

  “She’s cool. Any girl who can kick my ass at Ghost Recon is okay in my book.” He turns on the TV and tosses his legs up on the coffee table. “You guys a thing now?”

  I wish. “Nah, but… maybe soon.”

  “You like her?”

  He’s not lookin’ at me, or showin’ much interest, but it makes answering easier. “Yeah.”

  “Cool.” He flips through the channels, one hand tucked behind his head. “Then a rematch is definitely in the cards. Don’t screw up tonight, Bro.”

  Quynn.

  Her name used to send a different kind of wave through my body, but right now, it makes me sick. No matter what I do, I’m hurtin’ someone. But that’s my fault, not theirs. If only I had manned up and told Quynn right away. Told her I was fallin’ hard and fast for Hayles. Stopped draggin’ her around, makin’ her feel like I still felt the same way.

  And I’m not like Gabe. I’m not like my dad. Which is why I’m tellin’ her now. Not ‘cause I’m tryin’ to make things better with Hayles, but because it’s the right thing to do.

  I gotta let her go… all the way.

  “Hey, Bro.”

  She sits down on the grass next to me, starin’ out at the sprinklers goin’ off in the soccer field at the park.

  “Hey, Quynn.”

  Her arm loops through mine, and she leans her head on my shoulder. “Are you finally going to tell me what’s been bothering you all week?”

  I turn my head toward her. She’s beautiful, always has been, and I don’t know if I’m ready to see the hurt in her face. The same hurt when she caught my brother cheatin’ on her. But then I remind myself… I’m stoppin’ this before it gets to that. We weren’t ever together. Haven’t been on a date. Haven’t kissed. Never told each other how we feel. As much as I liked her in the past, when I look at her now, all I see is my friend.

  And that’s when it gets easy. The words are easy now. I don’t know why they weren’t before. Why I held them back from her. Why I held them from anyone. I do wanna do that cheesy junk. Shout it out from the rooftops and crap like that.

  “I’m in love with Hayley.”

  Her eyes get real big as she takes her head off my shoulder. “Really?”

  I nod. “I-I’ve got it bad.”

  Her lips part, and she mout
hs, ‘Wow’, but I don’t hear anythin’.

  “I’m sorry if… I don’t know if you thought we… I mean, I used to… I really wanted to…”

  Bumbling idiot. These words aren’t easy.

  She saves me by putting a hand to my lips. “It’s okay, Brody. I knew something was up. I thought you were mad at me, but you were just trying to protect me, weren’t you?”

  I take her hand and pull it from my mouth. “Yeah. I didn’t want you thinking I was the same as G—”

  “You are not your brother.” She pats my leg, just like she used to do when we were closer friends. “You are much better than him.” Her lips pull up in a smile, and she rubs my buzzed head noogie-style. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I wouldn’t have pushed you into hanging out with me so much. Probably didn’t make things easier.”

  I didn’t say anythin’ ‘cause apparently, I don’t give people enough credit. No one is reacting the way I thought they would. I expected to get a crap lecture about how Quynn is better for me from Mom, a wiseass comment and some razzin’ from Tanner, and heartache and a punch in the face from Quynn. Now that I think about it, I screwed up the one thing I wanted most ‘cause I didn’t think people would see what I see in Hayles. They’d be like her judgemental mom.

  I should’ve known better. After all, I’m the one who kept tellin’ her to shut up ‘cause she’s beautiful, and fun, funny, and… awesomesauce.

  A smile breaks through, and I’m suddenly laughin’ at myself. Laughin’ so hard I think I’m scaring Quynn.

  “What is so funny?”

  I shake my head as more chuckles come out. “I’m an idiot.”

  She laughs with me now. “Well, that’s what love does to you.”

  In the words of Hayles… cheeseball. But a cheeseball who’s right.

  I tuck her into a big hug, smotherin’ her face in my chest like I used to and wiggle her hair back and forth. “Thanks for bein’ so cool.”

  “Thanks for being honest, Bro.” She ducks out from underneath me. “Now will you please go get your girl before I beat you to it.”

  I give her a pervy cock of the head. “Really? I’d like to see that.”

  She punches me in the arm. “I mean it. Go!” Then she pushes me. I stumble to my feet.

  “Thanks, Quynn. And I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. Really… I didn’t ever want to hurt you. And I’m sorry if I did.”

  Half her mouth pulls up. “You couldn’t hurt me even if you tried.” She waves me off. “Please don’t let me get in the way of what I can tell, is head over heels lovey dovey stuff.”

  I chuckle, study her face once more before takin’ off down the road, finally feelin’ guilt free about leavin’ Quynn behind me.

  Reason 27: You are THE girl

  I knock on the door quick, then shove my hands in my jeans. She makes me nervous. Real nervous. The good kind of nervous. The kind that makes me want to jump and not care about what happens.

  That was real sappy. I’ve become a love-crazed sonnet spewin’ sucker. Just like everyone else who figures out what they want.

  The handle turns and I’m about to do a one-knee-er ‘cause I’m that big of a sap now, but it’s judgmental mom.

  “May I help you?”

  She acts as if she doesn’t know who I am. I know she does. She’s given me those pissy stares since I first locked eyes with her.

  “Is Hayley home?”

  Her hand moves to the back of the door. The ready position to slam it in my face. I tuck my foot in the doorway. “She’s busy. You can see her at school.”

  “Please, I need to talk to her. It’s important.”

  She lets out a dismissive laugh that sounds like a grunt in her Cruella voice. “What is so important you have to distract her from her exercises?”

  I lied. Quynn wasn’t the hardest one to tell. It’s Hayles’ mother. I scratch the back of my neck and gulp.

  “I love her.”

  If she had been drinking anythin’, it would’ve been sprayed all over my face. I get a little spit anyway when her mouth pops open, and she ‘gah’s’ at me.

  “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”

  “My name’s Brody Grant.”

  “I know who you are. But are you blind? Maybe a little slow in the head? Or just looking for someone to roll around with till you leave for college?”

  Whoa, whoa, whoa. What kind of parent talks like this?

  “Why would you ask that?” I say through my teeth.

  “You’re taking advantage of my daughter. I don’t know what you’re using her for, but I won’t allow it. No one with your…” She gestures to my body and lets the thought drop. I cross my arms. “Would spend time with my Hayley without an agenda.”

  Heat is crawlin’ through my chest, beggin’ to be unleashed. I choke back the insult I’ve got for her, and try to come up with somethin’ that doesn’t have the word ‘bitch’ in it.

  “You must not know me that well, then.” Bitch. “I’m in love with your daughter because she’s the best thing that’s happened to me. She’s smart, funny, and has a kickass body. And I’m not goin’ to hide her till I find her ‘acceptable’. She’s already perfect. And I don’t care what you think. I’m tellin’ her that.”

  I shove past her, ignorin’ the protests and the threats to call the cops if I’m not outta there in five minutes. I go straight to Hayles’ room. She’s lying on the floor, headphones in her ears, eyes closed and tears goin’ down the sides of her face and landin’ in her hair. She’s singin’. Soft and beautiful, and I’m amazed I know the song. It’s from a musical. Judge me all you want, but I know Les Miserables.

  I close the door behind me. Judgmental mom gave me five minutes. I’m goin’ to make them count. Lying on the floor, heads together and feet facin’ opposite directions, I wipe a tear from her eye as she sings the last note.

  She jumps, sittin’ straight up and holdin’ her chest.

  “Holy friggin’ fruitbats. You scared the snot out of me.”

  “Sorry.” I smile. I’m not sorry at all.

  She punches me in the shoulder, doin’ that friend act she’s been keepin’ up all week. “Whatcha doing here, Mr. Grant?” Her eyes go to her door like she’s finally realizing I’m in her room. “Oh my gosh, how did you get up here?”

  “I dodged past your mom.”

  She laughs. A Hayley laugh. “You are crazy. What is so important you couldn’t just text me?”

  I jump to my feet and reach for her hands, which suddenly need to be in her pockets. I smirk at her, take her wrists and pull them from her pants, trapping them in mine.

  She’s not gettin’ away this time.

  “I told her.”

  “What?”

  “I told Quynn that I’m in love with you.”

  Her face gets real red. That damn cute red that drives me crazy. “Um, why would you do that?”

  I shake my head, smilin’ at her. “‘Cause it’s the truth, you dork.”

  “And… you’re okay with that? You’re… happy?”

  She sounds like it’s a hard concept to grasp. That I’m happy to be in love with the most amazin’ girl I’ve ever met.

  I let go of one of her hands to jam mine in my back pocket. I pull out the worn piece of paper. The one that’s been read and re-read so many times so I’ve got them all memorized. The one I keep addin’ things to because there are just so many reasons why I want her. Why she’s the girl.

  “Hayles,” I say, tuckin’ the paper into her palm, “this is the first list of many I plan on writin’ for you. Whatever it takes to let you know how incredible you are, I’ll do it. You don’t have to be with me if that’s not what you want, but you should know how much you mean to someone. How important you are.”

  Her mouth splits open into her Hayley smile. The one that goes right up to her dark green eyes. “My list?” She tugs me to the bed, plops us down, her hands shakin’ as she opens it.

  “You’re goin’ to read it n
ow?”

  “Duh!” She giggles. “I’ve been waiting for it. I didn’t think I’d get it after… you know.” She waves it off like our argument was nothin’ more than just a tiny spat. I laugh, putting my arm behind her and readin’ over her shoulder even though I know them all.

  She’s laughin’, and the smile on her face doesn’t leave. She gasps at number twenty-three and slaps me in the arm. But by the end of the list, she’s practically in my lap, hand on my leg and tears in her eyes, but not like the ones she had a few minutes ago.

  “Brody?”

  “Yeah?”

  She takes a deep breath and turns to face me, her leg separating us from bein’ as close as I want to be.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

  Another deep breath. “You were right. It was me who was keeping us apart. I… I didn’t want to love you because I was afraid you’d wake up and realize what a cow you’ve chosen for a girlfriend.”

  “Hayles—”

  “Sorry, I won’t do that anymore. After reading this, I get it.”

  Something in my chest tightens. And I want to pull her into me, but I wait for her to finish.

  “I guess I am pretty awesome.”

  I laugh, and that’s it for my self control. Cuppin’ her face in my hands, I pull her mouth to mine, lettin’ her smile and kiss me at the same time. I like that. She’s happy to be kissin’ me.

  And I’m smilin’ too. Even when judgmental mom comes in, I wave her off, givin’ her a ‘one more minute’ finger. But yeah, that woman is a lot stronger than I thought she would be. She pulls me from the room and tosses me down the stairs and out the front door.

  I’m about to drive away when Hayles comes runnin’ down the driveway, ignorin’ the Cruella Devil screams behind her and plops in the seat next to me.

  “I want another one.” She smiles, and I give her what she wants. She can have everything she wants.

  She pulls back, then buckles her seatbelt and tosses her feet on the dash. Her hand goes right for the stereo. “Where to, Mr. Grant?”

  “How long do you have?”

  “As long as you want.”